the empathy exams. leslie jamison (270)

i wish i could remember where i heard about this collection of essays.  i feel like it was on some feminist list of must read books, but when i searched online trying to find the post that recommended this to me, i couldn't  i wish i had because then i would know the reason for my reading the empathy exams.

i have mixed feelings about this collection of essays.  on one hand, some of the essays were really interesting and insightful.  and on the other hand some of the essays were #whitegirlproblems.  and not the funny white girl problems, i feel that i can related (see: hbo's girls) but more like the omg enough with the whining already.

but let's start with the good:

the opening essay, "the empathy exams" was really interested.  i enjoyed learning about jamison's time as a medical actor.  a medical actor, i learned, is a person that acts as a patient for medical students.  they are given descriptions, the test is for the med students, they must ask questions and demonstrate empathy so that the patient reveals what is wrong with them. it was interesting to read about her experience as one and the patients that she portrayed.  to be completely honest, i didn't really care about her whole talk on empathy but that could be because i am kind of heartless and therefore am rarely empathetic.  she use the medical actor situations as a means to discuss an abortion and heart surgery, placing herself as a medical actor situation was an interesting way for her to explore what had happened to her.

"devil's bait" which focused on morgellon's disease, which i learned (i learned a lot) is not accepted by the medical world as a disease.  its a skin condition were fibers and bumps appear on the skin.  for the most part, the people who have it seemed crazy and unfortunately, i agree with the medical world as to whether or not it is real.  it was sad to see how people were suffering and it seemed more psychological to me than anything kind of physical condition.  and like jamison, i do feel bad because the suffering of the individuals with the disease is very much real though the disease isn't.  i will say i kind of wanted to call bullshit on jamison for trying to act like she wasn't exploiting these people, gaining their trust by saying she believed them though she had her doubts.  but yeah she did exploit them, the proof is in the fact that she wrote and published this chapter.

"la frontera" about mexico and its drug woes, reminded me of my friend dan as i read.  the only thing i really took from this chapter was the art piece she discussed at the end.  one of the individuals she met, Marco shared about a piece did:

it was designed to resemble his local yellow pages.  it listed all the stores and services named for the gulf:  siderufgica del golfo, el restaurant del golfo, transportes linea del golf.  in the sport wehre el cartel del golfo would have fallen, the line read:  puded anunciarse aqui.  addressed to the cartel, to it's rivals, to it's victims:  you can advertise here. 

demonstrated that all of this violence is unnecessary to advertise their power.

"pain tours" made me uncomfortable because i can not believe that there is a gang tour of los angeles.  but there really is, i googled.  i couldn't believe that people really wanted to go on a tour of hood life.  i live in a community that has been ruined due to gangs, and i can't imagine every wanting to tour and learn about gangs like some disneyland attraction.  its horrible to think that people are that ignorant and revere a type of lifestyle that causes so much violence.  white people really have no idea how scary it is to live in a community in which gangs run the streets.

"the immortal horizon", i enjoyed learning about the barkley marathons.  if you have never heard about it, google it.  it's pretty cool.

"pain tours (II)" because of course my girl, frida Kahlo was discussed.  it just reminded me that i need to read her diaries.  i checked them out once but they felt too chaotic.

"lost boys" it was interesting to learn about that "west memphis three" case.

now for the bad:

"morphology of a hit" this essay kind of ruined my positive outlook of this collection.  and i started to notice that jamison was a bit of a drama queen.  in it, she described an incident using some old author's outline for how to write a story.  the issue i had was what i felt was her intent to have the reader imagined that she was raped verses what actually happened.  she was punched in the face.  and really i mean she was punched in the face.  that is a very scary experience and i am not sure how i would handle it, but i know i wouldn't try to liken it to sexual assault.  i mean i know all violence towards women is wrong but it was awkward that she attempted to frame her punching as a rape.  i felt like it did not demonstrate empathy towards rape victims.

"grand unified theory of female pain". as a feminist, i hate to betray my people but this essay was annoying.  i loved all the women that she mentioned bjork, tori amos, etc. but instead of being an article that created a space in which women can suffer and embrace pain without being a stereotype, she instead reinforced the stereotype with her whining. 

overall, here is the issue that i had with jamison.  at the end of the day, she is a privileged white female and though she may have suffered in life, the empathy she tries to express towards others is insulting instead of comforting.  it's total white woman's burden.  everything she discussed was turned towards how it affected her which i feel really isn't example of empathy but selfishness.  i don't know, maybe i am being too judgey. 

i enjoyed the random little facts that i learned about as mentioned in the good section, but for the most part, this taught me nothing about empathy.

the sellout. paul beatty. (269)

i came across paul beatty's the sellout on flavorpill's list of must read books for march.  the description stated:  

One of the best books of the year so far, and one of the funniest in decades (in a laughing-to-keep-from-crying kind of way — the sharpest, most lasting humor), The Sellout is a major work from the wildly talented Beatty, the author of two books of poetry and three previous novels, including the cult classic The White Boy Shuffle. The biting satire on race in America that we need in these times, it follows a gentleman farmer nicknamed “Bonbon” with the last name of Me as he, well, reinstates slavery (with the help of the last living Little Rascal) and brings back segregation. The result gets him in front of the Supreme Court, in a case called “Me vs. The United States of America.” This is a difficult and dazzling book that, if we’re lucky, we’ll be talking about for a long time to come. 

i could just make this post that blurb and say read the book.  but i will also share my thoughts on it.  however, i really think you should read the book first, and then come back to this post.

the book also had a blurb on it's backcover from sarah silverman that was spot on as well, "the sellout is brilliant.  amazing. like demented angels wrote it."

yes, this novel is something demented angels wrote.  this book speaks honestly and truthfully about race, but in the most absurd way.  as shared in the flavorpill post, the protagonist, bonbon, brings back slavery and segregation.  bonbon was a farmer that sold pot and delicious fruit (i have to admit his watermelon sounded good!) south los angeles, in the tiny town of dickens that had been erased from the maps.   in an attempt to bring dickens back, he also brought slavery and segregation but instead of regress, dickens progressed.

when we are first introduced to bonbon he was in dc for his supreme court trial. he didn't share with us his crimes but the fact that arresting him for getting high at the lincoln memorial was pointless.  bonbon appeared to not give any fucks about what is going on, but as we will see later on, it was because he didn't really do anything wrong.  bonbon's actions were misconstrued and he is a hero instead of criminal.

bonbon had an odd childhood.  his father, though gifted with the art of n*gger whispering (calming down suicidal n*ggers), was cray.  he made bonbon the subject of numerous replications of social science experiments but with a racial twist.  for example, to test out the bystander effect", he decked out bonbon with expensive chains and electronics and then mugged him.  however, instead of people helping bonbon, they helped his father beat him.  bonbon's unorthodox upbringing made him a little off as a person but that ended up helping him change the dickens.  ultimately, bonbon's father was shot by police while trying to help a suicidal person.  this resulted in bonbon becoming the new n*gger whisperer and motivated him to reclaim dickens.

bonbon did not purposely reinstate slavery, it actually just showed up one day on his doorstep, well his front yard, in the form of hominy jenkins.  hominy was a member of the "little rascal", his role was akin to buckwheat but more racist from the description.  he was a celebrity around dickens but when the town went so did his fame, because people couldn't find him.  due to this, hominy attempted suicide but bonbon saved him and as a thank you, hominy became his slave.

however, hominy was only a slave in name.  he didn't really do any work and demanded that he be whipped on wednesday.  not wanting to whip

an old man, bonbon took him to a dominatrix!

through hominy, different race issues are examined.  for one is the tradition minstrelsy, as we all now know and recognize it is racist.  however, it is demonstrated through hominy that he was very serious and proud of his acting. and i felt that actors who played racist roles in history should not be scorn for the roles they played but celebrated for working in such a racist industry like entertainment.  i also related this to current shows like fresh off the boat and blackish, which have both received backlash for being racist.  however, i enjoy both shows and yes they do portray stereotypes but isn't television about generalizations and stereotypes?  plus the actors are asian and black and they don't have an issue with the roles they are portraying so i am not sure how this backlash happen.  also, i think to certain point these characters are relatable regardless of ethnicity.  and for the record i am not saying minstrelsy is okay but i do not think it exist in the modern world or post racial america.

another thing that hominy was the direct cause of was the segregated bus.  for his birthday, hominy wanted to give up his seat to a white person the the bus.  ironically, no white people were on the bus, so bonbon hired an actress.  in addition to that a plaque was put up that read:  

priority seating for seniors, disabled, and whites 

instead of causing an uproar, the sign actually resulted in the bus being one of the safest ones. people became

more respectful because they were reminded of how much progress needs to be made.  i can actually see this working in real life.  i never really considered myself a feminist however after reading literature on how oppressed women really are, i have become

more of a feminist.  and this is the issue with race right now in a post racial

america.  by ignoring race and racism because supposedly things are better now, america will continue to have inqualities among the races.  you can't solve a problem if most of society does not think it exists.

the segregating of the schools stemmed from the bus.  bonbon put up signs for a fake academy that catered toward white students.  this fake academy became motivation for the students of dickens to start working more since they were excluded from the academy.  students were achieving and due to this white students wanted to attend school with the blacks and latinos.  in the end, this need to desegregate the schools resulted in bonbon going on trial in front of the supreme court.

at his trial, bonbon's attorney recoded the question "what is blackness, your honor?" he explained that based on bonbon's father's theory there were different stages of blackness:

neophyte negro:  "here the black lesson exists in a state of preconsciousness. . . the neophyte is scared of his own black was." examples given:  michael jordan, colin powell, and condoleezza rice.

stage II is "capital b black":  "a heightened awareness of race." examples given:  jesse jackson, sojourner truth, and kim kardashian. (lol.  i am serious!)

stage III is "race transcendentalism", "a collective consciousness that fights oppression and seeks serenity".  examples given: rosa parks, harriet Tubman, sitting bull, cesar chavez, and ichiro suzuki

bonbon believed there needsd to be a stage IV called "unmitigated blackness" which would be "simply not giving a fuck".  examples given: clarence cooper, charlie parker, richard pryor, maya deren, sun ra, mizoguchi, frida kahlo, black-and-white godard, celine, gong li, david hammons, björk, and wu-tang clan.  (yes, i loved that my girls frida and björk got an a shout out!!)

as bonbon explained, "unmitigated blackness is coming to the realization that as fucked up and meaningless it all is, sometimes it's the nihilism that makes life worth willing."  that was deep to me.  i have often explained how faith in nothing can be actually cause one to embrace it all.  beatty summed it up perfectly.  i can't say more.  this is the lesson of this amazing work.

i would end it here on this high note, but have to do some gushing.

i have to add that in addition to having great commentary on race, it also raised interesting points about los angeles as a city, ie the trend of neighborhoods labeling themselves and how the city is segregated based on race and class.  he made the excellent point of how "you can  find korean taco trucks only in white neighborhoods." something that slapped me in the face with how true that is. god i am such white hipster trash though i am mixed race! i have to also ass that i did love that one of my favorite la landmarks, tito's tacos!!!, got a shout out.

first of all, i loved beatty's pop references.  bebe's kids, turtle from entourage, coral from the real world all got hilarious mentions.  also it's my theory that adam y____ from the trial is adam yauch from the beastie boys but i can be reading into his free tibet shirt too much.

also there was a character, foy chesire who read like he would be the love child of oprah and al sharpton.  he was rewrote classics and other beloved books for young black readers.  i felt bonbon's regret for not saving them because they were quite clever, as a book lover i loved the puns:

the perjorative-free adventures and intellectual spiritual journeys of african-american jom and his protege,

white brother huckleberry fun as they go in search of the lost black family unit 

the great blacksby

uncle tom's condo

the point guard in the rye

the dopeman cometh

me talk white one day

as you can see this book is hilarious but deep, and a definite must read!!!

  

born standing up: a comic's life. steve martin. (268)

i have to admit that i wasn't a big fan of steve martin the actor.  my love for him started off with steve martin the writer.  i remember watching shopgirl because of jason schwartzman and decided to read the novella by martin.  which then resulted in me reading his books and becoming a fan of steve martin, the author.

what made me fall in love with steve martin the actor was it's complicated with meryl streep and alec baldwin.  as his character, adam, wooed streep's character, martin wooed me!  seriously them getting high was the best!  and due to all of this, i am a fan of martin, also love that he has a band.

due to all of this, born standing up has been on my to-read list but after seeing it listed somewhere as a memoir to read, i added it to my library request.

this memoir is a wonderful read.  and though it was a bit of challenge for me to imagine his stand up routines, thanks to the internet, i was able to watch his groundbreaking performance on johnny carson (it was archived on the smithsonian website!) and some of his other skits!  though i didn't find him laugh out loud hilarious, he was funny, but wonder if its a generational thing.

what i loved most was reading about was how  martin used to work at disneyland as child! he sold maps and then worked in two of the magic shops! disneyland got way more cooler for me!  he also

worked at knott's berry farm at their theater.

i also enjoyed the little tidbits he shared about his art collection as well.  like how once when leaving disneyland he came across diane arbus taking a photo of the sleeping beauty's castle.  which after googling, i was able to see what the photograph looked like.  he also discussed the influence of dalton trumbo was on his collecting of art, (he dated his daughter) and was surprised to find that trumbo wrote one of my favorite books in high school, johnny got his gun.

it was sad to read about the poor relationship martin had with his father and inadvertently with the rest of his family.  he was a bit of a loner which being on the road especially after his success grew detrimental to his mental health.  it was sad to read about how all alone he felt and he went through a very dark period on the road, which i saw as a result of his family life.  however, his relationship with his father and mother improved.  and he stopped touring which helped relief some of the stress in his life.

i have to add it was great to read about his time on snl.  today, snl has a permanent cast but it seemed like back then, he would drop in randomly to do guest appearance on the show, which seemed cool.  i don't know if he was just an exception or if that is how it was then.  and thanks to google also watch the snl skits he mentioned including  "jeopardy 1999" (which included very cute chevy chase, what a hottie when he was younger.)

i wish i was more familiar with martin's stand up routines but after reading this book will look into watching some youtube videos.  this was a wonderful memoir, i was surprised by how dark is family history was but i am now a fun of steve martin, the stand-up comedian.  

the misadventures of awkward black girl. issa rae. (267)

my best friend, tiffany, introduced me to the webseries, the misadventures of awkward black girl.  whenever i stayed at her apt, there was always a mini marathon until we finished this season.  since there was never a follow up to the second season, awkward black girl

feel off my radar until i saw that issa rae came out with a book.  and of course, i had to check it out from the library!!! (i am hoping to purchase a copy to get signed at the festival of books.)

about 8 pages in, i texted tiffany to tell her that if issa rae went to school with us, we would totally have been BFFs with her.  the first chapter, "a/s/l", took me back to our aol days.  tiffany was the first of our friends to have a computer and internet and so she introduced christy may and i to instant messenger.  i remember going over to her house after school and chatting with random people.  there was one program that allowed you to use avatar and i remember we spent one afternoon trying to convince people we were trapped in a penguin's body (we had chosen the penguin avatar.) and like issa rae, i would go out trolling for guys to talk to.  of course, i knew the dangers of online predators and when older guys would ask about my age, i would be honest and then tell them how inappropriate it was for them to talk to

me like how when i was born there in the 5th grade or that when they graduated from high school, i was still in elementary school.  but like rae, i also did my fair share of sexting though it was online and i never masturbated while i did it, just typed back inappropriate.  though i did never catfish (or as rae explained back then we just called it lying) but did fall in love with boy once only to discover that his photo was really damon albarn from blur! i was too young to notice how professional the photos were.  but yeah, i am sure most people our age have similar stories but totally bonded with rae over this chapter.

in "fat", i totally identified with rae's body issues.  i have the same problem with food though i was never vegetarian.  i am also tempted to do that beyoncé cleanse though i know it's not healthy!  

in "leading lady", i realized just how much better we had it i. the 90s.  rae explained how television was so much more diverse with shows like the fresh prince of bel-air, living single, all-american girl, moesha, and family matters (to name a few that she listed, also i wish that netflix will bring back all-american girl.) and how reality tv ruined it all.  and how it's important for everyone to have an authentic reflection of themselves in media.  she also shared this great junot diaz quote to demonstrate her points:

seriously, the realest shit ever.

another chapter i enjoyed was "when you can't dance", in which rae had bragged about how she could dance but actually couldn't.  she studied videos (sean paul was big at the time) and then got crazy freaky at the party which covered the fact that she couldn't dance! lol.  i have good rhythm but would crazy on the dance floor for a good laugh! 

race is the focus of a handful of chapters. the topics include: how to identify different types of blacks, how to connect with blacks, and one on how to deal with hair.  i also loved reading about her decision to go bad.

rae also discussed her family.  her dad not being open and forthcoming as she would like.  she also shared about her parents divorce, how initially she blamed her mother only to discover that her father had cheated.  this caused a rife between her and her father which she and he worked through.  she also discussed family trips back to senegal, which sounded like a blast!

there was also an interesting chapter on black women and asian men dating!!  which totally reminded me of my friend tiffy.

but what makes this book great are all the little funny side comments she adds as she writes.  the same said to self comments that made awkward black girl so funny to watch.  

this book was a hilarious read and i look forward to reading and watching more from issa rae.  she has an HBO show in the works!!

station eleven. emily st. john mandel. (266)

i read about station eleven when it first came out but the title didn't attract me. however, when it started to show up on best of 2014 list, i decided to check it out.  i have to admit that i was pleasantly surprised how much i enjoyed it and it might end up in my top 10 books of 2015.

the title station eleven came from a comic book within the book that links three characters together though the last link isn't revealed until the end though there is enough foreshadowing to let you know it will happen.  i think the publisher should turn station eleven into an actual comic book.  it would have been a cool promotion for the book!  station eleven, the comic book centered around dr. eleven, who is on an artificial planet after aliens took over earth.  however, the people of the station are torn between returning to earth and continuing on as they are.  the comic book paralleled events in some of the character lives of the novel while also acting as a foil to the events that took place.

station eleven, the novel was set in a post-apocalyptic world.  though to call it the apocalypse frames it as a religious cleansing of the earth but only crazy characters, the prophet for example believed it.  a flu that was highly contagious and resulted in death within weeks, killed off most of earth's population.  due to the world as a whole fell.  it was interesting to read how the world would fall apart because we are currently the society that these individuals thought of as pre-apocalypse.  and from what i learned i probably would just kill myself like one of the characters, frank, did. i have no real survival skills, i can't hunt or cook, though i guess i could gather berries, but seriously i would take the easy road out.  

there are several characters that the reader follows, but they all center around one, an actor, arthur leader.  though the novel does center around his death.  the novel covered his life and his last show, king lear, where we were introduced to two other characters, jeevan, another main one kirsten.  it was through jeevan that we learned of the apocalypse.  kirsten, who became part of a traveling symphony after the collapse, was how we learned of the post-apocalyptic world.  she also possessed the comic books which were written by miranda, arthur's first wife.  i liked miranda, a odd art student turned comic book artist turned business exec. but my favorite character, was clark, arthur's best friend and who was a punk that shaved his head after the collapse to feel more like himself.  his flight to new york was redirected and he ended up at an airport.  that turned out to be a good situation and i hope to have luck like he did.  he also started a museum to persevere items from the past ie phones, credit card, etc.  he was a wise and caring person and as a result had the best situation after the collapse.

the novel jumps in sequences, presenting the reader with events and items then giving them the back story.  and maybe it's just the type of person that i am but i loved seeing how everyone was collected and how it all came together in the end.

my only critique was the death of the prophet.  it is scary to think how cult start and how willing people are to label themselves as chosen after a disaster instead of being glad that they survived.  the prophet thankfully ended up being shot by one of his whole followers but i would have liked to have seen a showdown at the airport and clark having to kill him.

i will have to say i also enjoyed how the arts became a means of helping the human spirit survive.  the traveling symphony that kirsten was a part of, went around and performed music and shakespeare plays.  the link between the black plague and the flu plague of the novel.  the arts are a healing and motivating tool and it was nice to see this novel highlight that characteristic.

i was truly surprised by how much i enjoyed this novel and regret not reading it last year.  i also have to share that carrie brownstein instagramed it the week before i got my copy from the library!  i love her so was excited to see i was reading the same thing as her!

cherokee bat and the goat guys. francesca lia block.

i have to admit that after reading witch baby and not enjoying it that much, i was wary of reading cherokee bat and the goat guys, but it restored my faith in the dangerous angels series.  i would even say it's my favorite so far, well second to weetzie bat, of course.

in cherokee bat and the goat guys, the kids, cherokee, witch baby, and raphael are left at home while all the adults are filming a movie in south america.  coyote was in charge of them.

witch baby was acting weird, burying herself in mud and cherokee went to coyote for help.  he suggested that she make witch baby a set of wings.  (quick digression i think i am going to be witch baby for halloween or world book day, though i do need to find cowboy boot rollerskates!) with the wings and the return of angel juan, witch baby acted normal again, well normal for herself.

due to the magic of the wings and the return of angel baby, the kids decided to start a band, the goat guys.  they booked a gig but raphael had stage fright so cherokee went to coyote again and got goat pants for raphael.

the goat pants turned out to be magical, and helped the band become successfully, though things started to get weird. the kids were also weird cos they were going through puberty.  they started drinking, smoking pot, and having sex.  i have to say that the analogy of waves for cherokee and raphael was quite clever and if i was a teen, it probably would have gone over my head (i was do innocent back then.)

then, angel juan was jealous of groupies loving raphael, and witch baby was jealous of the other two having sex so cherokee went to ask coyote for horns for angel juan, but he said no, so witch baby stole them.  they were even more amazing a band, and the one day hoof boots came for cherokee.  then, things started to get really crazy.  angel juan was mutilating himself on stage and getting headaches and cherokee's boots were hurting her.  

one night at a party, raphael did blow and hooked up with this girl and cherokee lost it and put everything on, the wings, the goat pants, the horns and the boots (which i thought would be cool for halloween too but i guess i would end up looking like maleficient.) and has a moment on a roof but coyote came to save her.  and he realized that he needed to help the kids and they return their gifts to the animals and the family comes back and everything is back to normal.  oh and  moral of the story was don't be in a rush to grow up!

a great story and i have to say i am kicking myself for not reading this earlier because i could have ordered one of these goat guy shirts when they were in stock! (i didn't get the reference when i first saw it online.)

so cute, huh? and check out the back:

i messed up! oh well.  hopefully they get more in stock!  but so excited for the next book!!!

after tupac and foster d. jacqueline woodson (265)

after reading brown girl dreaming, i was looking up jacqueline woodson's other works online and came across after tupac and foster d.  since i had seen a tupac exhibit at the grammy museum in february, i decided to check out this book.

the novel centered around the narrator and her best friend neeka's life and their friend d foster that entered their lives for a moment.  the narrator and neeka's parents are protective and do not allow the girls to leave the block so part of d's appeal was that she could travel on our own and around the city.  however, the girls learned that her life is not that idealistic.  due to her mother being unfit to take care of her, d had been in and out of foster care.  her foster mother at the time took good care of her but she shared stories with the girls of starving.  due to her experiences, d identified with tupac.  all the three girls love him but for d, his songs were about her life.  

i hate to admit this but i only recently saw for myself how tupac's work was pretty high brow considering he was a rapper. i mean he had a song about van gogh!  and i know that there are college courses based on his songs and poetry, but i never look into his work like i should.  this novel and the grammy exhibit reminded me that his writing is an important part of sharing the black experience of the nineties.  it is important that the history of others is told and i am glad that woodson lets young adults know that music can be a means of self discovery and expression.  i think about how much music was important for me in high school, how i would listen to songs that seemed to understand me.  it's important for kids to know that they have this outlet.

though i have to admit i am disappointed that tupac did serve time for sexual asault. the novel does address it but played up the fact that tupac only touched some girl's butt and that the judge was bias. i googled to look up what happen but i mean no one will really know. and as a feminist, i believe we can't blame the victim or try to slut shame her.

the thing that i liked most about this work was that one of neeka's brother, tash, was gay. they did call him sissy which i found as tat offensive but perhaps it was trying to be authentic. i mean woodson did use queen which i didn't bat at eye at but which i use.  i think it was great to see a strong gay character in this book.  granted he was incarcerated (though it wasn't his fault and he was released early because it was finally realized that he was not involved with the assault and robbery), his message was about being yourself and not trying to act like a thug and ending up in jail.  also tash was gay and proud and i was happy to read about it.

all in all, a great novel for young adults.  it demonstrated that not everyone and their experiences are the same but what is important are the connections that you make.