"the perks of being a wallflower" has been on my to reread list ever since i saw the movie. i have been hunting for my copy from high school (well not too seriously, i think it's in storage) so that i could read it for nostalgic reasons. however, i recommended allison (one of my adventure day kids, i take a couple of kids from the dance studio to the library on tuesdays) check it out. and since she is in a middle of a book, i borrowed it so i could reread it. right now i am in the middle of "les miserables" but took a break to read this. it took me 6 hours to read.
like i gushed in the blog post about the movie, i absolutely love love love love love this book. for proof check out that post.
even though i read it a handful of times in high school, i forgot a lot of things. i forgot about charlie's friend michael's suicide, sam's molestation as a child, his sister's pregnancy, and charlie and sam's talk on her last night. furthermore, i realized that the movie really did do the book justice. paul rudd made an excellent bill, i seriously have a huge book crush on bill. i also plan on reading the books and watching the movies bill gave charlie.* (maybe i should look for a nice high school english teacher to date?) i have to add that my rereading was greatly askew by the movie because i saw all the characters as their actor counterparts. sadly i can not remember how i imagined them before. however, all of the actors did fit, so it was fine. overall, i realized that i may have been a little harsh on the movie version, it was not as horrible or disappointing as i said. it was true to the essence of the book. however, i have to reiterate my disappointment in the christmas poem not being recited in the film.
my rereading not only made me realize how harsh i was on the film but also why i didn't love it like i loved the book. the reason being that as a reader you really get to know charlie, as a viewer your relationship is superficial. charlie is a great character and the best way to get to know him is through his letters. the ramblings in his letters paint a better picture of who charlie is versus the tales of his high school years. yes the stories were great but the true beauty is his musing and thoughts on life.
here are some examples:
his thoughts on old photos and how people happier people look in them:
"i just hope i remember to tell my kids TJs they are as happy as i look my old photographs. and i hope that they believe me."
when he discovered his grandfather once beat his mom when she was a child and received bad grades:
"i don't know if that's good or bad. i don't know if it's better to have your kids be happy and not go to college. i don't know if it's better to be close with your daughter or make sure that has a better life than you do."
on mixed tapes:
"i has an amazing feeling when i finally held the tape in my hand. i just thought to myself that in the palm of my hand, there was this one tape that had all these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness. right in the palm of my hand. and i thought about how many people loved those songs. and how many people got through a lot of bad times because of those songs. and how many odious enjoyed good times with those songs. and how much songs really mean. i junk it would be great to have written one of these songs. i bet if i wrote one of them, i would be very proud. i hope the people who wrote those songs are happy. i hope that they feel it's enough. i really do because they've made me happy. and i'm
only one person."
i just realized that i will end up quoting the whole book so will stop. but the point is that what makes charlie so great is his selflessness, his ability to think beyond himself. i try sometimes to think about the lives of strangers, wondering what they have experienced and when i do, it humanizes them and then it easier to understand and then eventually love thy neighbor. charlie was just as described, a wallflower and an observer but what made him different was his empathy. as i read about charlie, i thought of another boy who felt too much, douglas from "dandelion wine". i didn't discuss it in that blog but at the end of "dandelion wine" douglas became ill because he takes on the suffering and feelings of others. it's kinda jesus-y but not in a cheesy way. but both saw the world in a ego-less way which resulted in novels with great life lessons.
the ramblings of charlie get one thinking about their life and that is what make this book so great. charlie's inner thoughts were lost in the movie. it's probably because these thoughts would have been too random in the movie but make sense in the book. like when charlie's mother told his brother to watch his language in front of charlie. his brother used the words "faggot" and "high" and charlie realized that he is the only one in the car that has a gay friend or has done drugs. he also realized that maybe everyone is in family has been high and they just don't say anything. and he's so right. i bet a lot of people who know have toked up but we just don't realize it. its random thoughts like this that make you love charlie.
as i was reading, i wondered what it was that made the younger me fall in love with this book. i know for one it was the music. i actually made a mixed cd version of the tape charlie gave patrick as his secret santa gift (i listened to it as i wrote this blog). and to this day i am hopeful that a boy will gift me a copy of the beatles' "something" because it reminds him of me. i also love the idea that certain moments soundtracked with the right song can makenone feel infinite.
so quick digression. in the movie, the infinte song was "heroes" by bowie. but in the book it's simply a song about a boy. i thought maybe pearl jam's "jeremy" but that song came out in '92 and that moment took place in '91. i tried googling songs about a boy in 91 and no luck. even looked through list of top songs of 91 and found nothing. curious about others theories on what song it is. though i did discover that the love song they heard while searching for music that had the word "baby" had to be amy grant's "baby, baby" that came out in 91.
the poem that charlie gave patrick for christmas had a profound effect on the high school verison of me. i thought it was really deep. i had the same reaction as the rest of the group at the christmas party. i was in awe of it. now as an adult, the poem is sad but less profound, i guess the difference is that i have lost my naiveté about the world. when i read it as a teen, i was starting to question my world as i knew it. i was realizing that not everything is black and white and that though i may have strong morals, it doesn't mean the world does. i always mentioned my religious upbringing but i remember the priest part because i was starting to realize maybe religion wasn't capital t-truth. and that maybe things done in the name of god where not always the right thing. the ending of the poem never seemed a solution to any problems i had as a teen, it wasn't profound because i had thoughts of sucide. though it did make me sad for kids that did. i lived in a bubble, i never suffered any kind of abuse, and lead a straight-edge life. so did not connect with the story because it was a shared experience.
reading the perks was a voyeuristic experience for me. i never did drugs or had sex in high school, i was such a good mormon. so "the perks" was how my high school years could have been if i released my inner party-er at a teen. i would have done everything except the lsd. and no coincidence that one of the first things i did in college was attend a midnight "rocky horror" showing. i loved reading about their performances. (i always say myself playing columbia versus dammit janet. i would get down in those tap shoes!). so maybe i was charliesque in that sense, i didn't "participate" in that crazy lifestyle but enjoyed reading about it.
"the perks of being a wallflower" will always be one of my favorite books. these characters have always felt like my friends and even as i grow older, i won't lose my connection. they are like high school friends, you may outgrow each other but you will always be friends because of the experiences you had together.
last random note: the lowercase-ness of the title is why i stopped using capital letters.
*charlie's reading and watching list:
to kill a mockingbird
this side of paradise
peter pan
the great gatsby
a separate piece
catcher in the rye
walden
on the road
naked lunch
the stranger
halmet
the fountainhead
the graduate
harold and maude
my life as a dog
dead poets' society
the unbelievable truth
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