self-help. lorrie moore (168)

i picked up self-help by lorrie moore because it was featured in flavorpill's 20 books every woman should read in her 20s article.  i was very disappointed with myself because being 30 years old, i have only read 3.  i decided i needed to change that asap and requested self-help because i liked the cover featured:
 

 it reminded me of damien hirst's medicine cabinets.  unfortunately, i did not get that cover, but as you saw, that bad 80s cover.  and it was even more unfortunate because it was a bit embarrassing to reading in public, i imagined people finding it sad that i was reading out-dated advice.  though i have to admit i was being a little tongue-n-cheek with my reading.  i figured i needed to end the first month of the year with self-help since new years are always about self-improvement.  and flavorpill was right again, saying:

i did love the structure of the titles stories ie "how to be the other woman", "the kid's guide to divorce", and "how to talk to your mother (notes)".  

the story that looked up at the ceiling and commiserated with me was "how to talk to your mother (notes)" for those of you who know me, you know this is something that i do need help with.  my mother and i fight like cats and dogs and her number one complaint is that i don't know how to talk to her properly.  which is true my mom can be passive aggressive times which drives me crazy.  but back to the story, it's the tale of a woman and the life that she has lost.  the story moves backwards in time. we start at the nearest present and move our way back with each paragraph, finding out the cause to the effect we had just read. the narrator starts out/ends up childless and alone without her mother, by moving backwards we discover her mother was sick and moved in with her, she fell out of love, she had three abortions, she lost her father and her grandmother.  we also return to when she excited and still hopeful about life.  ultimately we end up at the beginning of her life when she was able to communicate with her mother without words.  for me, this life made me aware of how things never end up as we had planned.  i look at my life and when i was 18, never thought i would end up where i am but i have.  there is no one to really blame but myself.  am i happy to certain extent yes, but do i want more success? yes.  how does ambition dissolve? i used to have so many goals in life and then i started to settle on just being okay.  when and how does settling happen?  this sorry though sad gave me comfort, letting me know that i am not alone in being disappointed with my life and i am still young enough to change things around.

all the other stories are sad, tragic tales of women trying to sort out life; a woman dealing with being the other woman and the opposite the insecurity of thinking your husband is cheating, a daughter learning the importance of love within a marriage from the mistakes of her mother, a woman with a terminally ill disease planning her own death, and a woman you who appeared to have it all, wanting more and then ending up with nothing.  but all help in the sense that one can see what to avoid or correct their behavior on what they see.  i think the majority of lessons taught is that you must do what is best for yourself versus live in the façades of what society deems appropriate. you also need to be honest with yourself because that is how your life becomes a façade.

aside from these life lessons, i think the true beauty of these stories is moore's prose which reads like poetry.

so many great metaphors:

that is what is wrong with cold people. not that they have ice in their souls - we all have a bit of that - but that they insist every word and deed mirror that ice. they never learn the beauty or value of gesture. the emotional necessity. for them, it is all honesty before kindness, truth before art. love is art, not truth. it's like painting scenery.

love drains you, takes with it much of your blood sugar and water weight. you are like a house slowly losing its electricity, the fans slowing, the lights dimming and flickering; the clocks stop and go and stop.

on on being a mistress:  it is like having a book out from the library.  it's like constantly having a book out from the library.

but perhaps the best advice from these short stories is:  

after four movies, three concerts, and two-and-a-half museums, you sleep with him. It seems the right number of cultural events.

okay i am just being cheeky but this is good advice!

but a great book and a wonderful start to me refocus for 2014.  also this is a great book for a woman to read at any age.

bad behavior: stories. mary gaitskill. (164)

bad behavior was originally on my to-read list because flavorpill told me that it would fill the girls-hole in my heart after season 1 was over.  but something else caused me to add it to my library list.  as i read i thought it was the short story, secretary, i loved the movie so thought maybe i had read on flavorpill it was based on it.  but it turns out after googling it was on flavorpill's list of "50 incredibly tough books for extreme readers".  according to flavorpill:

i think i am pretty tough girl and now i have read a book that proves so.

to start this was an excellent fill for my girls void.  i saw adam in a romantic weekend and an affair, edited.  connection could be written by future marnie about hannah, while other factors would be future hannah on marnie.  maybe shosh would become the prostitute in trying to be, now that she is "deflowered but not devalued".  and jessa's free spirit was in both magdalen and lily in heaven.

the story, secretary, which the movie of the same name was based on was disappointing.  i loved the film with maggie gyllenhaal, and james spader, especially since this movie proved my theory that spader is sinister sexy.  spader is capable of giving you the best sex of your life then kill you once he was done!  what i disliked about the story was the ending.  for once in my life i preferred the hollywood ending, how the secretary and her boss found love in a hopeless place.  it was great how the character in the short story found the strength to stop the abuse but i preferred how her film counterpart found strength in being dominated.  she was a better character in the movie versus the book.

the stories as a whole were interesting.  it made me secretly wish that i had been a prostitute at some point in my life (see: diablo cody's book about her year as a stripper.)  i also recognized my life in her characters.  i sadly fell in love with the asshole in an affair, edited, my asshole was an attorney as well.  he also did not recognize my love for him as anything more than puppy love.  all of her characters that looked back on friendships lost reminded me of my life and how many times i was a bad friend.  i i found connection honest and on pointe about how we perceive friendships.  i had one friendship though fun was filled with arguments in which the dialogue in connection reminded me of, accusations of who used who and who was more selfish.  last but not least the final story heaven left me regretful for my future, worried about how my life will turned out and whether my parents will be disappointed in how i turn out.  i also realized what a great teen i was, i didn't do any drugs or stay out like lily and magdalen.

overall, an excellent read especially for women.  it reminds me of girls on its portrayal of the worse parts of her lives.  i will add that i did discover it on a list from flavorpill of the 20 books every woman should read in her twenties, i was late for that list but still was able to identify with bad behavior. (and yes this last list is part of my reading goal for 2014.)