the lover's dictionary. david levithan. (259)

i read the lover's dictionary back in 2012, but i never blogged about it.  i meant to play catch up and wanted to post for all those books i had read, but it never happened.  i absolutely loved the lover's dictionary.  after seeing it on strand books' instagram for valentine's day, i decided to reread it for valentine's day.

the lover's dictionary was exactly that a dictionary, each definition shared an incident or a character trait of the protangonist and his partner.  i say partner, because the sex of the partner is never disclosed.  the first time i read it, i had assumed the partner was a woman, however, after reading levithan's work, it could be a man.  i tried to look for an indication of the gender, but other than a mention of a need to buy shoes, everything was gender neutral.  (it is also sexist to think that only women splurge on shoes, see: sneakerheads.)  back to the definitions, they are very clever and there is wonderful wordplay which makes this book even more delightful.

through the definitions, a love story is revealed, the definitions past back and forth through time revealing how love was found, betrayed and in the end, lost.  the definitions about falling in love and realizing one is in love, bring joy.  the ones about fights and losing are sad yet beautiful.  the epiphanies brought on by heartache were my favorite parts, but i am a big fan of sad love songs so this makes sense.

there were a handful of definitions that stopped me and caused me to reflect on my life and love and isn't that the markings of a great book?  i really need to buy a copy for my personal library.  i will keep it next to an actual dictionary.

but here are some of my favorite definitions:

I, n.

Me without anyone else.

only, adj.

That's the dilemma, isn't it?  When you're single, there's the sadness and joy of only me.  And when you're paired, there's the sadness of joy of only you.

punctuate, v.

Cue the imaginary interviewer:

Q: So when all is said and done, what you learned here?

A:  The key to a successful relationship isn't just in the words, it's in the choice of punctuation.  When you're in love with someone, a well-placed questions mark can be the difference between bliss and disaster, and a deeply respected period or a cleverly inserted ellipsis can prevent all kind of exclamations.

oh and i have to add, the definition for meander made me smile.  it discussed how to kill a mockingbird had no follow-up so was essentially a literary one-hit wonder, but that will be changing soon!

lovely right?  oh and i have to add this book is even better because i learned on amazon that valentine's day played a role in the start of this book!

   

kiki's memoirs. alice prin. (153)

as i was reading the graphic novel, kiki de monteparnasse, i began to wonder where the stories told came from.  so i searched the library catalog and came across kiki's memoirs, written by kiki with an introduction by ernest hemingway!  

when i picked kiki's memoirs up, i was surprised by how thin it was, i wanted all the juicy details from her life and wasn't sure if the memoirs would give them all to me.

the first half of the memoirs are kiki or her actual name alice prin's actual memoirs .  she explained how her grandmother raised her along with her five other cousins, all who were bastards (for lack of a better word).   when she was 12, she moved to paris to be with her mother.  she worked odd jobs and longed for love.  then due to an argument with the baker she worked for kiki ended up with her first art job, posing for a sculptor.  she then began modeling for various artists and even painted her own art.  her biggest contribute to the art world was a result of her she meeting american surrealist man ray.  she became his muse and together they created beautiful art specifically photography.  here are some of my favorites and of course their most famous photograph:

kiki's memoirs were a bit confusing to read, it jumped around and she shared odd details but they were interesting since she was quite the character.  

one interesting story kiki discussed was the time that she was in jail for assaulting an officer but luckily man ray came to help her and she was released.

the later half of the memoirs is an interview from a paris newspaper.  i enjoyed this portion more because kiki was older, 50, and wiser.

there was one story, kiki shared about her grandmother that caused my admiration of  her grandmother for raising the grandchildren.  kiki shared how the neighbors told her to turn to public assistance for helping raising the kids to which she responded "i will raise my bastard, its nobody else's business.  it's the jerks their fathers who should be blamed."  everyone likes to blame the woman for bastard children but people forget that they have fathers too.

i loved how kiki was not ashamed of her bastard status.  she shared how she would run into her half sister and the sister would tell her, "i am going to tell my father" to which kiki responded "i don't give a damn, he's my father too."  

however, kiki's father was horrible, she shared a story of him trying to poison to kill her but her grandmother saved her. being abandoned by both parents caused much pain for kiki, as she sadly shared "no one knows what sorrow fills the heart of a child who doesn't have a father, whose mother is far away and whose only tenderness in life comes from a grandmother."

kiki's childhood was filled with sadness and misery.  she shared words of wisdom as she reflected on her sad memories.  she explained "when you meet an ugly and neglected little girl with her head shaved like an egg, don't laugh:  pitiful hair makes grown-ups loath but little ones cry."  from when her grandfather died, "death among poor people is not a catastrophe as it is among the rich, and when you have slaved all your life and barely succeeded in feeding yourself, the final departure is considered a deliverance."  kiki also shared about her mother's cold indifference towards her.  she discussed how she would become embarassed when other kids called their mothers, "mama dear."  she explained that she "would have let all [her] pain and [her] desire to be able say 'mama', since i was never permitted to say papa . . ."  how sad to feel unloved as a child.  however though her childhood was tragic, her life improved because of art.  it wasn't all glamour but when it was it was, it was glam!

the interview was not all sad stories.  kiki shared stories that demonstrated her colorful and vivacious spirit.  one of my favorite stories was how she took lace samples from a catalog and pinned them to her coat so that they looked like a beautiful blouse which people would compliment!  i also delighted in her stories about peré libion, who supported artists by feeding them at his restaurant.  i loved how at the one opening he brought champagne explaining he had provided everything else he might as well provide that (the artist had stolen place settings from his restaurant.  lol)

it was an interesting read and nice to see kiki discuss herself in her own words.  since it was brief, it left me wanting to know more which i will hopefully discover in the graphic novel.

ps i have to add kiki shared how her mother told her "country bumpkin you are and country bumpkin you shall be." i am country bumpkin that loves the city but feel that regardless of how far away i may move away, i am still a little bit country!

have you seen marie? sandra cisneros. (75)

i discovered that cisneros had written a new book at her talk but was waiting to finish "war & peace" before i put in a request. the other day while picking up tickets to see barry manilow at the rabobank arena. i convinced my mom, that we should check out the beale library. and since i stumbled upon "have you seen marie?", i decided to check it out.

i didn't know much about it. but it was not as i expected. it is short book and has illustrations. (i would find out later that cisneros intended on the book being an children's book for adults, which explains the illustrations). the book opened with marie running away. this scared me because i imagined marie as a young girl, but it turned out marie was a cat. if you know me and pets, i would not worry about a missing cat.

in fact, i didn't enjoy this book at all. it read like a bad parody of the p.d. eastman classic, "are you my mother?". i understood what cisneros was trying to do, her story was about loss and how everyone suffers from some sort of loss. the narrator's mother had just passed away and the story demonstrated how even though she is suffering from it, others are suffering too from loss of family members or sight or memories. however, the book did not remind me of the children books of my youth nor did it arouse in me a sentiment of love or sadness. it felt too forced, the book was trying too hard to be something it was not.

i wasn't a fan of the illustrations either, there were only two drawings i enjoyed.

in this part of the story, the river explained to the narrator how it would take her tears and carry them along all the rivers in the world and that everything mix together.

i also loved his drawing.

in this passage, her mother's spirit whispers to the narrator via the wind, the clouds and that stars her mother is with her.

these examples are the best part of the actual story. the heart and soul of this book and what makes it great is the afterword.

in the afterword, cisneros shares with the reader the backstory for this book and after reading that i had a deeper respect for the book. it should be a foreword instead of an afterward because it helps contextualize the story. the story, the reader discovers, is a true story. the cat did go missing and the story is about their search. the neighbors are really her neighbors, which i found cool, imagine being immortalized in a cisneros book. and knowing that it was based on life made the story more interesting.

in the afterward, the reader also learns that cisneros lost her mother and wrote this to deal with the grieving.

she wrote:

"in the spring after my mother died, a doctor wanted to prescribe pills for depression. "but if i don't feel," i said, "how will i be able to write?" i need to be able to feel things deeply, good or bad, and wade through an emotion to the other shore, toward my rebirth. i knew if i put off moving through the grief, the wandering between worlds would only take longer. even sadness has its place in the universe.

i wish someone has told me that death allows you the chance to experience the world soulfully, that the heart is open like the aperture of a camera, taking in everything, painful as well as joyous, sensitive as the skin of water.

[ . . . ]

i wish somebody had told me love does not die, that we can continue to receive and give love after death. this news is so astonishing to me even now, i wonder why it isn't flashed across the bottom of the television screen on CNN."

i appreciated how cisneros discussed how it is okay to be sad. i enjoy being sad because it makes me feel human. i think it's healthy to be sad, we should not feel this constant pressure to be happy. sadness is as valid an emotion as any of them.

i also loved the last paragraph i quoted. it is true, we do need to talk more about how love does not die and that it continues on. and it's true, when i talk about my grandma jimmy, my heart does fill with joy because his love still exist in the world even though he may not.

so how with that passage can i say that story was bad. because cisneros was unable to capture the beauty of her afterword in the story. i would almost recommend to those that pic up to not even bother with the story and just read the afterword. or make the afterword a foreword.

i believe that the way cisneros discusses death in the afterword is what makes a worthy book. it is sweet and thoughtful and i can imagine it providing comfort to anyone who has lost a parent or loved one.