one more time. carol burnett. (315)

i decided to read one more time after reading about carol burnett's life in gumption.  offerman discussed burnett growing up poor and on welfare, something that surprised me.  the bibliography mentioned her memoir and so i put in a request.

as i may have discussed earlier, i spent one summer, home on vacation, watching the carol burnett show.  my grandma said she used to love it and so i started to watch reruns and of course fell in love.  i didn't become a fanatic but did spend that summer loving her show.  my grandma also shared how she would give her ear a tug to say hello to her family.  

with how successful burnett is, i was surprised to learn about her childhood on welfare.  i would have never thought of her as having such humble beginnings but burnett is a true example of the american dream.

burnett's home life growing up reminded me of my own.  we both had absent fathers though hers was an alcoholic, and we were both very close to our grandmothers.  her being her grandma's shadow reminded me of my grandma bea.  i wasn't as clingy as burnett, but i also did everything with my grandma and had anxiety over the idea that she would die when i was little (both of our grandmothers lived into our adulthood).  

burnett was under the care of her grandmother because her mother had moved out to hollywood.  her mother was in and out of work and later on in carol's life suffered from alcoholism as well.  due to her parents lack of employment and disease, her grandma and she were on welfare. though poor, burnett's childhood was exciting.  she and her grandmother moved out to hollywood.  it was interesting to read about her live in hollywood and picturing the streets and corners she talked about.    it was fun to read about her growing up and being a teen in hollywood. 

this memoir covered burnett's life up to her big break into the entertainment industry, but it's was sprinkled with stories from her recent life. sharing how people from her past reappeared.  i like the story of her giving a grandmother and her granddaughter $50 to take a cab after she saw them waiting for a bus and was reminded of waiting with her grandma and how much she hated the bus.  i also liked when one of the popular girls from high school came to carol's table at dinner to say she was a fan and didn't remember carol from high school.

the other tales that stand out where how she was truly lucky when it came to her success.  for example, she had applied to UCLA but could not afford the tuition. however, on the day her fees were due, $50 showed up in her mailbox, with her name on it, but no return address.  thanks to this surprise, she went to UCLA.  also, i had no idea she was a fellow bruin!

another great story was her benefactor. after performing in honor of one of her mentors, she spoke with a man about her future plans.  she explained that she needed to be in new york to make it big, and he asked what was stopping her and she explained money.  he then set up a meeting with her later in the week.  at the meeting, he loaned her $1000 to be paid back in 5 years.  with she moved to new york, struggled a bit, but as we know made it!  her benefactor never was named, but as we learned in a story, was very proud of her success.

it may seem like luck, but burnett wouldn't be as successful if she wasn't such a hard worker.  she was determined to make it and took chances and due to it became the wonderful comedienne genius that she is!  

this memoir was a delight and i look forward to reading her other one.  i have to add this memoir reminded me of the importance of persevering our own stories.  this memoir was written for her kids to know her life story, which is something everyone should do.  

days that i'll remember: spending time with john lennon and yoko ono. jonathan cott. (314)

i picked up jonathan cott's days that i'll remember: spending time with john lennon and yoko ono, after reading nick offerman's yoko ono profile in his work, gumption.  cott's work was listed as a reference and as a further reading on more about yoko, so i decided to check it out.

as i mentioned in the gumption post that i adore yoko ono.  yes, i did hate her for a while due to rumors that she broke up the beatles, and once i discovered her art, my opinion changed.  i'm not sure when i first learned of her art, but remember being amazed by the performance piece, in which she allowed members of the audience to cut away her dress.  if you know me, i am all about participation in art and this piece, i found profound because its interesting to see how people cut, whether they were timid or aggressive, if they cut away a lot or a little.  if her art was this cool, no wonder john fell for her.  the first interaction i ever had with her art was wish tress in pasadena.  i always said when i finally have a home of my own, i will set up a wish tree for my guest to leave wishes on.

back to the work.  i will start by saying that had times, i didn't want to know about what was going on with cott, but what was going on with john and yoko, but then i realized that if i knew them, i course i would write about myself.  and of course, it is about his time hanging out with them, so i shouldn't be so judgmental.  cott also interviewed lennon three days before his death and that is interview is in here as well.  cott explained how after lennon's death, he couldn't bear to listen to the tapes so hit them away. however, when rolling stone was doing an anniversary issue, he looked for the tapes to share.

the reason i picked up this book was to learn about yoko, but of course, john was the primary focus in this case, which is understandable.  he's john lennon.  however, to be completely honest, i didn't enjoy his interviews, because at times he came off as pompous.  but it isn't his fault, we search for answers to life from our celebrities when really they are just people.  i mean he spoke truth when it came to peace and love and life, but other times i was like really john?  what are you talking about?  but i guess the same thing goes on with kanye west for me today.  i love his music, but he doesn't always articulate himself that well, i think the same was for john lennon.  he is only human and not everything he said needed to be certain.  there was one thing that lennon shared that i found very profound.  he shared how there are only two people he has chosen to collaborate with and that paul mccartney and yoko ono.  he brought paul to the quarrymen, paul brought geroge, and george brought ringo, but it was only paul that john initially sought.  that is some food for thought.

and one last thing about the beatles, as john shared, if you listen to the white album, they are no longer the beatles, but in fact, four individuals artist with a back up band.  and this is the reason for the break up.  it was not due to yoko.  there was a story shared about how ringo felt excluded, but when he went to the other beatles, they expressed the same feeling.  this story also went on to share how octopus's garden came to be, when having squid, the captain of a boat shared with ringo about how octopi would take shiny rocks and put them in front of their caves like a garden! cute story huh, though ringo did share how a couple of tokes helped him out as well.

but back to yoko.  i really read this to learn about her.  first off, i have to share with a strong spirit, she had.  when she and john got together, she was had to deal with a very harsh backlash by everyone, her looks, and race were criticized.  for her to have endure that demonstrates what a strong spirit she has.  not to mention the fact that the love her life was murdered and she still continues on and shares his message of peace and love.

though i had read about it in offerman's work, it was nice to read about how they met at an exhibit of yoko's art.  i loved how either one hadn't heard of each other, yet it was great to see how john got yoko's art.  for example, john wanted to hammer a nail in the piece painting to hammer a nail and since the show wasn't open yet, yoko said no.  the art dealer told her to let him because he was a billionaire and could buy the piece.  yoko then offer to sell him an imaginary hammer and nail.  john found that clever!  this section then went on to describe other works by yoko ono, which i had the privilege of seeing at the moma at her recent show.  though sadly i didn't get to touch any of the pieces.  

though i am a big fan of yoko and john as a couple, i will say i was a little upset about their cheating on their spouses.  both were married, the first time they had sex.  granted then ended up divorcing, it was kind of disappointing to see that their love came with infidelity.  (i know i'm so old fashioned!)

(quick john story, i really dug his piece for "you are here".  he tagged balloons and set them free.  the balloons were tagged, so that they would be mailed back to him.  it was inspired by a time he found a tag balloon from australia.)

i thoroughly enjoyed reading about her avant-garde pieces for example whisper piece, which was like a game of telephone in which every member of the audience participated and the last person went on stage just for yoko to say, "don't tell me".  my favorite was her first public solo concert that took place at carneigie rectial hall and it all had to do with silence and darkness.  it focused on what we think we hear when it's quiet and what we see when it's dark.  she did things like put live crickets around the theater.  she had a person stand in the bathroom, to give off that fright of someone else being in the room. i found it very clever and interesting.  i also loved that she shared about her bag piece because i participated in that when i went to the moma.   it was really great to read about her art.  it was also interesting to read about how influenced she is by the sky, especially since the new piece she had for the moma, was a single stairway up to the top of ceiling of the moma, where it was window and you could see the sky.  her art is amazing.  

it was also interested to learn about her background.  she is the descendant of an emperor.  she does have a very privileged background, but also suffered due to the bombings of world war II.  i enjoyed reading about her first memory which was a recurring dream she had.  she was in a cave when a tiger appeared and roared, and then she went through a tunnel and was in a hospital room.  she believes it to be a memory of her birth.  really, how cool is she?!?

i really enjoyed this book because i was able to learn more about yoko ono.  hopefully, she will write a memoir.  i have to check to see if there are biographies on her.  i really would love to learn more about yoko the artist then yoko, john lennon's wife.

just kids. patti smith. (313)

patti smith's just kids has been on my to-read list forever.  i even have a copy of it on my kindle.  however, i never got around to reading it, even thought everyone was raving about it when it first came out.  however, with her new book m train, coming out, i decided it was time for me to finally read just kids.

i hate to admit this, but i'm not familiar with any of her music.  i do know that her first album is horses. and i did hear her once at the santa monica pier for a free concert (we were on the beach, so i didn't see her).  sadly, i can't name one of her songs, nor recognize any.  actually, i can recognize, "because the night", but that is only because my boss played it for me once, when i told her i was reading this memoir.

even with a lack of music knowledge, and i apologize, because i know it makes me a total poser, but i absolutely loved this memoir and adore patti smith.  so much so that i got a ticket to see her talk next month for lapl's aloud series.  her story is amazing and she has such a beautiful spirit, one can not help but love her after reading this work.

oh and i have another faux pas, i didn't know who robert mapplethorpe was prior to reading this as well.  i know i am an terrible soul.   i did enjoy learning about his life and work in this memoir.  though i have to admit i'm not sure i would have the stomach for some of his s&m photography.  though i loved the tie rack that he had made for patti, it was beautiful.  i am sure i would have loved his necklaces, as well.

what i loved most about "just kids" was that patti smith was in new york during a very exciting time.  this memoir is filled with incredible stories.  patti and robert lived at hotel chelsea. prior to this work, i only knew it as the place were sid stabbed nancy, but it has a richer and less graphic history.  the people that she ran into while living in that hotel was incredible.  i loved reading about her interactions with william s. burroughs and salvador dali at the chelsea hotel.  and it's crazy because majority of the people she mentioned in her stories are people that i admire and think of as living in the past, but really it was not that long ago, i mean dali was alive during my lifetime.  granted, 6-year-old me was not a fan of his work when he died, it's odd to think we were on the earth at the same time.  this type of realization is what made patti's adventures in new york, so exciting for me.  the same went with her and robert's visits to max's kansas city and hanging out with people from warhol's factory.  what a cool scene to be apart of, though patti never felt she belonged until she got her keith richard's hair cut.  she was right in the heart of all of the exciting art and music that was being created in new york during that time.

here are some of my favorite stories that patti shared:
-when allen ginsberg mistook her for a boy and hit on her by offering to give her money for a sandwich
-hanging out with janis jopling and telling her that she looked like a pearl
-talking to hendrix outside of an art opening

but it wasn't just the celebrities stories that were incredible, but just being in new york.  it's incredible how patti came to new york with absolutely nothing and made it work.  i wish i had that kind of courage, but now i am too old to know better.  i should have moved to new york when i was young.  though i don't know if i would have had what it takes to survive in new york.  patti shared how her first days in new york were spent living on the street and searching for a food with a man she met.  i don't know if i could have done that. the memoir was also filled with her scraping money together to eat and pay rent.  it wasn't easy, but then again i think that was a part of being new york at the time (and to some extend that holds true today).  quick digression, it was also a very different new york.  a much grittier place than it is now.  it was funny to read about times square as a place for gigolos, considering how commericalized it is now.  i mean on one hand, it's great, but sad to think that CBGB's is now a john varvatos boutique!

i feel like i'm doing a poor job describing why this work is so amazing, but you really have to just read it for yourself.

i guess what makes just kids outstanding is her relationship with robert.  it reminded me of my twenties with my best friend.  he and i would roam around los angeles, looking for open bars, and always finding adventure.  it took me back to a carefree time of just enjoying life.  furthermore, it reminded me how important it is to have a friend that understands you.  it was beautiful to read about how patti and robert inspired each other with their art.  they produced their best work when they had each other in mind.  their relationship was special and i am glad that patti smith decided to share it with all of us.

this memoir really is great and i highly recommend it, even if you aren't familiar with her music or her poetry.  this work will fill your heart and have you smiling to yourself.

again i'm sorry for this bad write up, i feel like i didn't capture what made this memoir great without recounting everything that happen and in that case you just need to read it.  i will close with one spoiler, where the title came from.  one day, patti and robert were in washington square, when a woman told her husband to take a picture of them, thinking they might be artist. and his reply was, "oh, go on . . .they're just kids."

fortune smiles. adam johnson. (312)

i picked up fortune smiles after seeing it on carrie brownstein's instagram and i am glad i did.  it's a wonderful collection of short stories, all heartwrenching yet witty.  i had never heard of johnson prior to this, even though he is a pulitzer winner. however, i now plan on reading his pulitzer-prize winning novel, the orphan master's son. this collection was that good.

johnson is an excellent storyteller, and though each story was enjoyable, my favorites were "interesting facts", "nirvana", and "dark meadows".

"interesting facts" was interesting because i wasn't sure if it was autobiographical. the novel opened with the narrator had a book reading and being obsessed with breast.  initially, you assume he was some pervert, but it turns out she was a woman that had lost her breast to breast cancer.  it is then revealed that the narrator's husband was a pulitzer prize winner for a novel about north korea, just like adam johnson! i had to google to see whether or not his wife battled cancer, it turned out she did.  i also discovered that johnson explained in an interview that this story was a "violation of his family".  and knowing that his wife had cancer made this story a little difficult to read.  the reason being that it's a little sixth sense, in the way that you realize that the narrator was a ghost. if written by johnson's wife, it would be a sad yet beautiful story that demonstrates the stress and worries a mother has when her death comes earlier than expected in the form of a disease like cancer.  however, written by johnson himself, it seems awkward for him to imagine her dead and then as a ghosts however, one can see it as an exercise in which he deals with the possibility of losing his wife and how he would move on yet still remain loyal to her.  a beautifully written story and my favorite of the collection.

in "interesting facts", the wife was angry because her husband stole a character that he helped developed for her novel and turned him into the narrator for his own story, "dark meadows". "dark meadows" was another favorite of mine, disturbing yet intriguing.  "dark meadows" was about mr. roses who reminded me of dexter.  he was filled with knowledge of computers and child pornography. though he didn't out right destroy sexual predators, he did help a cop figure out a way to track down people that downloaded child pornography.  he also helped protected his neighbors, two young girls, from a peeping tom, though he also had to safe them from himself.  though creepy, at his very essence, mr. roses was not a bad guy, he too was a victim, raped as a child by his sea scouts leader.  his child

pornography obsession fueled by the need to find photos that his rapist took of him.  this story was disturbing yet hopeful, kind of like watching an episode of law and order: svu, you are exposed to sick and twisted crimes, yet are hopeful that these people will be stopped.  mr. roses was a tragic character that i hope got help and started using his computer skills to help

stop child pornography.

in "dark meadows", there was this great moment when the girls sing themselves a lullaby, though mr. roses did not recognize it initially, i saw it was nirvana's "where did you sleep last night?"  this was kurt's second appearance, in this collection, his first came in the story, "nirvana".  in this story, a man's wife was suffering from guillain-barré syndrome, which left her bed ridden and immobile.  the only comfort she found was listening to nirvana and smoking pot.  the husband was plagued by a promise he made to help her commit suicide when it all got too much.  to help him cope worn this, he created an app, he reconstructed a recently assassinated president that could converse with him and was a hologram via an iprojector.  the hologram was able to talk via a library of speeches and interviews.  he then decided to create one of kurt cobain for his wife.  this technology seemed like the opening of pandora's box, though comforting, it would do more harm, in the long run. it's seems amazing to think that our love could live forever, but it's not really them, just the shell of the person they once were.  we are currently a society obsessed with recording our lives, but the technology in this story is too extreme for me.

all in all, this collection of stories was great and i highly recommend it.  and i definitely plan on reading more books recommended by carrie brownstein.

the danish girl. david ebershoff. (311)

after i saw the trailer for the movie version of the danish girl, starring eddie redmayne, i decided to read the novel.  the movie looked interesting so decided to read the novel, before i saw the film. before i go on, i have to say redmayne makes a beautiful woman.

based on the trailer, i learned that the movie and the novel are based on a real person, a transgender woman from the 1930s, lilli elbe.  i was hoping to learn more about this person, but unfortunately this novel is a fictionalized record of her life versus one based in some truth.  due to this, i have to add that i did have issues reading this work because i kept on wondering what was true and what was made up.  if i had read the author's note at the end, first, it would have made my reading experience, a little more bearable.

i should give one compliment to this work, i did appreciate that it got right to the action.  the novel opened with the incident in which einar dressed like a woman for his wife, greta's painting, which led to his cross dressing and later transition to a man.  it was great that the novel dove right in and then we learned of the characters' pasts in flashbacks.

i will add that i did enjoy the characters greta and carlisle.  i loved how supportive both were of einar/lilli.  however, this is where my compliments end.

the issue that i had with this novel that though it was about a transgender individual it was insensitive to the transgender experience.  i can't speak for the community, but i doubt they were happy with this work.  the first thing that i disagreed with was the feminizing of einar's body, once he realized he enjoyed  wearing women's clothes.  all of a sudden his lashes were long and his breast plump.  this was an issue because there are no physical attributes that reflect one gender, even genital is not an indication because if that was the case, transgender as a category would not exist.  i thought it was insensitive of the author to describe einar as such, as though to say of course, he was transgender, he looked like a female to begin with, though that is just bad stereotyping.  effeminateness in men and masculinity in women is not an indication of gender or sexuality and for ebershoff to imply that our physical body is a reflection of our gender identity made me think him unqualified to write about a transgender character.

another issue, i had was the duality he created in einar was more akin to dr. jekyll and mr. hyde, then to a person coming into oneself.  again, i thought he did a disservice to the transgender community by presenting einar as two different characters.  it was difficult to believe that einar would have no recollection of his time as lilli nor lilli unable to recall any of einar's memories.  if einar's brain switch on and off like that, he would be a schizophrenic or have multiple personalities.  it was too literal of an example for the conflict that einar had. instead of giving the reader insight on the stress one has in determining their gender indentity, it reinforced the fact that society only finds female and male as definitions of gender.  

last, but not least, though i have no insight on their marriage in real life, it was outrageous to assume that greta would be supportive yet so uncommunicative. it seemed so odd how she and einar would not discuss how he would dress up as lilli.  for her to be so forward thinking and have a "western backbone", it would be assume that she would discuss this with her husband, but they both pretended as though it did not occur.  this aspect of the story made no sense to me, their conversations could have been an excellent discussion on acceptance and tolerance yet it never occurred.

i also do not believe that hendrik's would have been so understanding.  i am not saying that transgender people can not find love, but for it to be the 1930's and for him to be fine with lilli's past, seemed a little too clean cut for me.

i am glad i read this book because i was able to learn about lilli elbe, though this novel does not give an real insight on her life.  i did feel that it was insensitive to the transgender experince and could have been written better.