stanley kubrick retrospective. lacma.

if you are an avid reader of this blog (thank you if you actually exist!) then you know that i have spent the last couple of months checking out as many kubrick films as i could in preparation of this exhibit.  prior to this exhibit, i was a huge fan of "a clockwork orange" (i loved the book as a teen) and "full metal jacket", but after watching his catalogue, i became a fan of his work.  i did not see all of his films but luckily i did see the ones that were featured in this retrospective.

the retrospective covers his early career as a photographer, his films: the killing, paths of glory, spartacus, lolita, dr. strangelove, 2001: space odyssey, a clockwork orange, barry lyndon, the shining, full metal jacket, eyes wide shut, and the never made, aryan papers.  there was also a portion dedicated to the film A.I. which i skipped because i didn't see the film nor have a desire too.

as i watched and researched about kubrick's films, i learned that they were based on literary works.  as a result, there were so many amazing bookish pieces in the retrospective.

letters between vladimir nabokov, author of "lolita" and kubrick about the screenplay.

bookcase filled with books for research for "barry lyndon".  he really wanted it to be true to the era and did an extensive amount of research for it.

kubrick's copy of "the shining" filled with his notes.  these pages demonstrated kubrick's attention to detail, he had notes for the set based on the setting from the book.

the books that "full metal jacket" were based on.

i loved kubrick a little bit more based on his bookwormness.

here are some of my other favorite parts of the exhibit:

mitchell mbc camera.

i was so excited to see this camera.  i had read about it on wikipedia after watching "barry lyndon".  this camera was engineered by kubrick and his team, i am not sure how it works (they had some lenses from NASA) but i do know it resulted in a beautiful film.  all of those beautiful scenes lit by candlelight or daylight, all thanks to this camera.

continuing with the "barry lyndon" room:

a letter from audrey hepburn.  kubrick had asked her to be in "barry lyndon" but sadly she was unable to act in it.  marisa berenson ended up with role and was beautiful as lady lyndon.  my friend shawn pointed out the letter to me and we both decided that the film was better off without a big name like hepburn in it.

"a clockwork orange" was the first kubrick film i saw.  so was excited about all of the props from that film:

love the eyeball cuffs!!!!!

in the clockwork orange room, i attempted to give my friends, shawn and chrissie, a quick tidbit about kubrick's adaption of the novel but forgot how it went.  i googled to refresh my memory.  so here it goes:  kubrick's film omits the ending of the novel.  burgess had this whole theory about cycles and numbers and wrote the novel as three cycles of seven chapters.  however, american publishers did not think americans would buy the ending in which alex reforms of his own will, so they omitted it. the version that kubrick read was the american was so his adaption does not have the compete ending.

"the shining" room was seriously creepy with all of its props.  though i have to admit that i was disappointed that the big wheel was not in there.

if you read my shining post, you know i loved the fashion in it.  so was excited to see this:

dr. strangelove:

this picture is from a pie fight scene that was cut.  even though this photo is amazing, i do agree that the pie fight would have caused the film to lose some of its edge.

full metal jacket:

and last but not least, "eyes wide shut":

i also made some instavideoes which i will post later.

but as you can see the exhibit was amazing and i hope you were able to see it (if you live in la).

are you there god? it's me, margaret. judy blume.

thanks to a flavorpill post, i learned that june 17 is blumesday, a day to honor author judy blume.  it's a play on june 16 which is bloomsday, a day to celebrate author james joyce; his work "ulysses" is set on june 16, 1904.  

since i loved reading judy blume books as a preteen (we didn't have the term "tween" back than), i decided to read "are you there god? it's me, margaret" to celebrate blumesday.  (and the copy in the photo is my original copy that i read when i was a preteen!)

as hopefully you all know from your own reading, "are you there god? it's me, margaret" is about a girl in sixth grade, margaret, and her journey through the tougher parts of being a girl: shopping for a first bra, waiting to get a period because everyone else already has theirs, discovering how catty girlfriends can be, and realizing the cute guy in class is not necessarily the best guy.  though, margaret has one other issue which is where the title comes from, a lack of religious identity.  margaret's father is jewish and his mother is catholic since their parents did not approve of their marriage, they decided to raise margaret without a religion and let her chose when she is older.  regardless of the absence of religion growing up, margaret still turns to god to help cope with the stress of growing up.

i think i read this book when i was in sixth grade, which would be prefect because it was the same age as margaret.  i believe it was sixth because i didn't have my period yet (i started in 7th).  as a result, i had to asked my mom and aunt about the whole sanitary napkin belt that maraget discussed.  they told me about the belts they had to use but thankfully i didn't have to worry about all that because my sanitary napkins would come (and still do) with adhesive so they would stick to my undies.   i mean tampon commercials demonstrate all the things you can do thanks to tampons, imagine all the things you couldn't do thanks to that belt.

and i am glad i read this book pre-period because sixth grader me needed the life lessons blume gave in this book.  blume gives such a honest portrayal of growing up that this should be required preteen girl reading.  i must admit that i when i read this book as a preteen, i dwelled on the parts about making your boobs grow (my breast came in high school, i can admit that i did "i must, i must, i must, increase my bust" a handful of times) and periods but i got that the girls were being catty for no reason and that the hot boy was a jerk, but i didn't take those stories to heart like i should have.  but i mean i was still young, life would see to it that i learned those lessons.  and in retrospect, it's sad because as a preteen you learn these lessons, but people don't really change.  at thirty, i still see women being catty and in all my years of existence, i have only met one hot guy who was actually nice.  i take back my earlier statement about this being required preteen girl reading, it should be required female reading!

a big portion of the book that went over my head was the religious part.  i got why  margaret didn't have a religon but i didn't really get it.  for one thing, judaism was an abstract idea for me then, i didn't met a jewish person until i was in college. i knew catholics so knew how their church went but didn't really get all of the parts about margaret's temple experience.  i did understand the importance of marrying within one's religion, but have never felt the pressure to do so. my family members have married all religons and ethnicities so i never felt the need to marry a specific kind of person.  for example, my grandfather was chinese-arabian and a muslim (he was really strict about the pork eating) and my grandmother is mexian-filipino who was raised catholic but converted to mormonism.  our family is one big melting pot (which i love) so if i married a jew or a catholic, no one would have an issue.  as a result, i probably was able to understand what was going on in but didn't really identify with margaret.

as an adult, looking back i that blume presents important points about spirituality versus organized religions for preteens.  even though margaret does not have a religion, she still has a relationship with god.  this provides two importance lessons.  first that ones relationship with god can and should  be personal and defined by onself.  growing up mormon, i believed that there was only one correct way (as instructed by the church) to worship god but as i grew up i realized that what is important is one's faith in god versus the rituals of organized religion).  the second lesson is one of tolerance, every time margaret goes to experience a new religion she speaks to god as a being that watches over all things and not restricted to one religion.  margaret is right in addressing the same god each time because essentially the jewish, catholic and christian god are the same god.  this is an important point to make so kids will not be prejudices against others due to their religion because at the heart of it all, judeo-christian faiths believe in the same god.

i am glad that i reread "are you there god? it's me, margaret" because it reminded me of what a wonderful author judy blume is.  i will have to reread some of her other books i read as a kid.

new york, i love you.

while walking through central park, last saturday, my cousin apollo and i started talking about the vignette in "new york, i love you" with the boy that takes the girl (the bff in "juno") to prom and she is in a wheelchair.  they have sex thanks to a belt in a tree in central park.  and in the end, it turns out that she isn't in a wheelchair but just a method actress!  we couldn't remember any other ones other than the one with natalie portman and the odd one with shia labeaouf.  i mentioned hoping that netflix had it so you can imagine how happy i was when it was at the library! so of course i checked it out!

i didn't see "new york, i love you" in theaters, i either rented it or caught it on tv.  i love "paris je t'aime" so had high expectations for this, though it wasn't as good as "paris" i still enjoyed it.  i will say i forgot how many good and newish actors were in this:  justin barba, bradley cooper, orlando bloom, christina ricci, rachel bilson, james caan, blake lively, maggie q, and ethan hawke.

i won't discuss all the vignettes, just my favorites.

the prom one is definitely my favorite.  and i forgot james caan was in it! he was the perfect new york dad, i mean he is sonny.  i loved when the kids are rushing back and stressed cos it is way past curfew but all he is concerned with we're the yankees!

i loved the one with natalie portman as the hasidic jew and her hindu business partner and their fantasies of marrying each other.  all of the banter on diets was  funny.  also discovered thanks to wikipedia this this vignette was directed by mira nair who directed "monsoon wedding" which is a favorite of mine!

the shia labeouf, though confusing, there's a yahoo answer about it.  i still think it is beautiful.  my interpretation is this the older woman was going to attempt suicide by jumping out her window but labeouf was her guardian angel, preventing it from happening.

i also adore the one with cloris leachman.  that little old couple is too cute trying to get to coney island to celebrate their anniversay.  i hope i find someone that i can grow old with.  

i enjoyed the orlando bloom one for its references to the dakota.  i made sure to go pay my respects to john lennon by going to the dakota and listening to my favorite beatles songs.  i also loved the literary references.  note to self:  i need to read "crime and punishment" and "the brothers karamazov".  also what is with bloom and falling in love with girls over the phone (see: "elizabethtown").

and last but not least loved how the ethan hawke one was so tongue-in-cheek.

also loved all fillers.  i want a boyfriend like justin barba that will surprise me with a trip.  i laughed every time bradley cooper got in a cab.  also maggie q at the cleaners hilarious.

i will add the ending was cheesy.  i liked the paris ending more.  but a great complication and i will check it out anytime i miss nyc.

catcher, caught. sarah collins honenberger.

i first saw "catcher, caught" on amazon's daily deal and the houseboat which i thought was a trailer, didn't intrigue me (who wants to read about white trash?) so i didn't read the description of it.  then, it reappeared in the kindle store and i read it was the story of a boy with only a year to live that runs away to new york inspired by "catcher in the rye", hence the title.  due to my love of" catcher in the rye", i was disappointed with myself for not buying it when it was a 1.99 on amazon.  but as luck would have it, when my mom took my brother to the san juan capistrano mission, i opt out of paying to see the mission, and went to the library.  where oddly enough i spent more money on books than my mission admission, and one of the books i purchased for $1 was "catcher, caught".

since i just finished "the catcher in the rye" and was going to new york, i decided to read "catcher, caught" since i would be in the right setting.  of course i didn't have any time to read in nyc and fell asleep on my flight there but that was fine because sadly the running away part was at the end and not the whole story.

i was disappointed because i thought "catcher, caught" would pay homage to "catcher" by being the story of a boy trying to find himself by retracing holden's stops in new york.  i mean that is what the back cover claimed, but it wasn't about that.  the setting for majority of the story is virginia, where the main character, daniel who is dying from leukemia, lives with his family in a houseboat.  daniel does read and analyze "the catcher in the rye" throughout the book but i was less interested because i wanted him to be in new york, trying to be holden.

to be honest, i didn't care for this book. one reason being that daniel did not seem like a 16 year old boy to me, but more like an older woman trying to sound like a 16 year old boy.  i have never been a 16 year old boy nor have i ever been faced with dying in a year but there are still some things i expect a teenager to act like regardless.  there were times where his thoughts were too sensitive for an adolescent male.  and the way he talked about meredith's body was way too mature for a 16 year old boy, don't they just want see tits?  also who has sex for the first time and it be this amazing experience?!?!  daniel was a 16 year old boy from the backwoods of virginia, i mean he would have lasted like 3 minutes if he was lucky.  and they did it twice? i mean they went through two condoms, and i am going to assume that one of them was broken because they didn't know how to put it on versus having sex twice. and yes, daniel was dying but meredith gave it up quite quickly.  i mean don't kids experiment with oral sex before they have actual sex?  also who lets their 16 year old twin daughters stay out til 1 am?  other than parents of teen moms.

another issue i had was daniel's relationship with his kid brother nick.  nick was younger and competitive (this adjective was used every time this character was mentioned, we got the point collins honenberger) and obviously having issues with his brother dying but daniel didn't try to help him cope with it.  he just got annoyed with him wanting pizza all the time.  daniel was having deep 40 year old woman thoughts about life but couldn't demonstrate any sent sensitivity towards his brother.  phoebe was so important to holden and daniel recognized that but sadly didn't apply it to his life.  a nice story plot would have been daniel seeing holden's love for phoebe as an example of how he should treat his brother.

another thing i could not handle were the hippie parents.  they made no sense to me as characters. first and foremost, the mom does not send him to school for fear of germs but they live on a houseboat!  how sanitary can a houseboat be? especially one docked on a river, shouldn't she be concerned about malaria carrying mosquitos?  and i am all up for alternative methods of medicine, i mean i take garlic cloves over cough syrup to stop a cough but your kid has a couple of years of life and you don't opt for chemo? i don't know what year this was suppose to take place in, maybe the early 90s (there was a cellphone but no mention of internet) and i know organic food is a recent trend but i would have like to have seen hippie mom with some illegal garden and feeding her kids from that.  also i wish the dad had a backbone, i mean he obviously wanted daniel to have chemo.  

in the end, daniel runs away to new york and discovered that holden's new york is  no longer there.  he also discovered how rich holden probably was.  it's funny co as a kid, i didn't noticed but when i reread as an adult, i got it.  i thought the whole scene in trump tower was kinda bogus.  it was the 90s, era of heroin chic so maybe they saw daniel's luekemia-ridden body and thought dope fiend.  but a kid has a nosebleed don't you help versus kick him out of your building, wouldn't donald be worried about a lawsuit?

the story comes to an abrupt ending in which yay! daniel gets chemo thanks to the state of new york!  and by the way, the person i liked the most was the nurse in the er, she was the only one with common sense.  she was also the only believable character.

in closing, just like i said in my goodreads review, if you are want to read this based on your love for "catcher" don't, just reread catcher instead.

the giving tree. shel silverstein.

as i mentioned in my previous blog from today, brother bear has started a summer reading program.  the first book on his read list was "the giving tree" by shel silverstein.  

i love love love love love love "the giving tree".  it is my favorite book of all time.  ok, so it might be tied with "where the wild things are" but i do get more emotional when i read "the giving tree". it makes me cry every time i read it. it's a wonderful story of the greatest love of all (even greater than whitney's).  the tree gives all she has to the boy simply because she loves him.  i also admired the trees innovative thinking because she might not have what the boy needs but finds a way to help him.

"the giving tree" is beautiful metaphor for parental love.  the tree loves the boy and helps him through all stages of his life.   furthermore, the tree expects nothing in return for her help.  due to this, one may think the boy is selfish but he is a child and as children, we are so focused on our own needs that we tend to neglect our parents and may not always express gratitude.  however, this lack does not mean a lack of love.  we just we get caught up in our lives but will always love our parents in return just like the boy returned to the tree.

this interpretation of "the giving tree" is why i get emotional because it reminds me of my grandma.  grandma bea is my giving tree.  her love is selfless and all she wants is for her kids and grandchildren to be happy.  she may not always have the means to aid her family but she will make do with what she has and provide what she can.  and in the end, regardless just knowing that she loves you is enough to get you through your low points in life.  my grandma has given me so much, just like the tree does for the boy  that i will never be able to repay her but i know she knows how much i love her and that is payment enough.  also as selfish as it may sound, i know the happiness of her kids and grandkids is enough payment for her as well.  and that is why she is so amazing.

delano library's summer reading program.

reading is delicious!!  

before i go on this picture reminded me of book it! i really wish that pizza hut would bring this program back!  when i was a kid, the highlight of my week was eating my personal pan pizza thanks to book it!  pizza is a great motivational tool for reading, i mean maybe it's why i am a bookworm now.  lol

today i took brother bear to join the summer reading program at the delano library.  just like my grandma took me as a kid and my mom when she was a kid.  keeping the tradition alive!  oh and it's a full family tradition, found out today my cousin bria also signed up for summer reading!

the program requires kids to read 10 books and at the end of the summer they get a paperback book at the ice cream social.  however, in addition to this i have challenged my brother to read more books than me!  if he does, he gets a 

lego.  if i read more, he buys me a pizza! (this deal was made before i saw the picture of the summer reading log, lol). but i think he's excited for that challenge because he read two books today! hopefully he keeps it up. i am excited for him because i have great memories of the summer reading program.  i mean this blog is proof of that!

oh and if you are reading this and have kids, so sign them up!!

glover's mistake. nick laird.

i found "glover's mistake" at the san juan capistrano library.  the cover caught my eye, loved the sea foam green and the illustrations.  and of course, the chicago tribune's praise had me excited to read it. the tribune claimed that it was "the kind of book jane austen would've written if she'd been male and hipper---and had internet access."  sounds amazing right?  but it wasn't.

i ran into the same problem that i had with "wuthering heights", i didn't like any of the characters.  perhaps a better comparison would be my dislike of the characters in zadie smith's "nw" because smith and laird are married.

"glover's mistake" is the tale of a love triangle:  david is in love with this old art teacher ruth but she falls in love with his roommate james glover. initially, i felt bad for david because he tried to date ruth but was unsuccessful.  david did not aggressively pursue ruth and as a result their relationship went straight into the friends zone.  ruth then meet james through david and is instantly attracted to him.  i felt bad for david because it is obvious that he was going to suffer.  he lost the woman he loved to his roommate. my sympathies did not last long because it turns out david was a jerk and a little bat shit crazy. david sabotaged their relationship,  going so far as creating a fake email to tell

ruth about james' infidelty (james did have a one night stand but in his defense he was a virgin prior to dating ruth so i think he should be forgiven).  david also made james insecure about ruth's lesbian past and friendship with an old lover.  quick note:  i couldn't decide if glover's mistake was the infidelity or his insecurity about ruth being a lesbian.

but even with david's evilness, i couldn't cheer for james and ruth.  their relationship did move way too quickly.  they got engaged after a couple of months of dating (or was it weeks).    there was an age difference which didn't bother me but i was concern about their difference in terms of life experience. it was her second marriage and his first real relationship.  i mean ruth had a list of lovers of both sexes and james was virgin.  (i would like to add that i think the best kind of guy to fall in love with is the kind like james.  the kind that was dorky or fat in high school who then grow up to be handsome.  all of these good looks and no conceit).  also they didn't seem to have much in common other than sex.  i mean if laird gave david and ruth's relationship some depth i would have wanted to see their love win but since he didn't i couldn't decide if i want david or them to win in the end.  and that is ultimately the problem with the book, i didn't know whose team i was on.  the thing about love triangles is that you should want to choose a side (see: team jacob or team edward) but here both sides sucked so i didn't become invested.

granted i have only read one jane austen book but i totally became invested because i cared about the characters.  at first i was on team wickham and then of course team darcy.  but the point is that i chose a side.  so sorry chicago tribune but this was not like an austen novel.  

i must add i am not giving up on laird, just like i didn't give up on smith, i still plan on reading their other works to see what the hype is about.

and one last thing, i did find ruth's art intriguing.  i wish the "republic of women"  really did exist, it would be an interesting piece.  i like the idea of ruth creating "artefacts" for a lost female

only civilization, i especially would have liked to have seen the menstruation headdress.  as i read, i was reminded of judy chicago's "dinner party".  i should google, maybe laird based is ruth's art on something in real life.

30 books to read before 30 according to me

so here is my list of 30 before 30.

1.  to kill a mockingbird- harper lee

2.  the catcher in the rye- j.d. salinger*

3.  the perks of being a wallflower- stephen chobsky*

4.  dandelion wine- ray bradbury

5.  one hundred years of solitude- gabriel garcia marquez

6.  a tree grows in brooklyn- betty smith*

7.  everything is illuminated- jonathan safran foer

8. on the road- jack kerouac**

9. the picture of dorian gray- oscar wilde

9. lord of the flies- william golding*

10.  middlesex- jeffrey eugenides

11. 1984- george orwell*

12. pride and prejudice- jane austen

13. this side of paradie- f. scott fitzgearld

14. the sun also rises- ernest hemingway** 

15. a clockwork orange- anthony burgess

16. maus- art spiegelman

17. war and peace- leo tolstoy

18. breakfast at tiffany's- truman capote

19. the house on mango street- sandra cisneros

20. jane eyre- charlotte brönte

21. the bell jar- sylvia plath

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

27. something by haruki murakami (i recommend "norwegian wood")

28. something by shakespare

29. brave new world- aldous huxley***

30.  the bible*** (amended 6.6.13)

so i only have 24 books.  i have a lot more classics that i need to read before i can finish this list.  so accept this now and i promise to have an updated list by my 31st birthday.

*read in high school

**read in early twenties

***i haven't read.

flavorpill's 30 books to read before 30.

today is my 30th birthday and if you have been reading my blog, you know that i have been on a mission to read the 30 books that flavorpill recommends one should read before they are 30. you can check out the article here.  i sadly failed and only read 20 books but figure too much won't happen in the first 6 months of my being 30, so giving myself til december to read the 10 i need.  which won't be too small a feat considering "infinite jest" is still on the list.  

but decided to give you a breakdown of their list:

iliad and the odyssey by homer-  didn't read it.  checked it out from the library but it was in novel form and i think i want to read it as a poem.

the secret history by donna tart- though a good novel, it didn't contain any greatness that demanded it needed to be read before 30.  the characters are undergrad but didn't provide any insight for your college experience except maybe watch out for cultish programs.

jesus' son by denis johnson- this wasn't for me, a great writer but was not interested in the narrator's life.   if i read it at 18, i would have thought it amazing.

the complete stories by flannery o'connor-  i had the library copy for about 6 weeks but couldn't get into it.  all of her stories made me uncomfortable.  i read "a good man is hard to find" because i felt i should at least have that read before i turn 30, but it just scared me.  also not sure if southern goth is for me.

much ado about nothing by william shakespeare- i agree that you should have some shakespeare under you belt before you turn 30, but not necessarily this play.  it had too much dialogue and old school word play for me to enjoy. read "macbeth" instead.

the sun also rises by ernest hemingway- the first book of his i ever read and definitely needs to be on this list.  should be read in your 1st/2nd year of college to guarantee that you study abroad and probably in spain.

the road by cormac mccarthy- didn't read it.

maus by art spiegelman- this was a beautiful book and should definitely be read before 30.  also it's a graphic novel (read: comic book) but very powerful.

ender's game by orson scott card- this should actually be part of a 18 books to read before you turn 18.  it's a young adult novel do read it as a young adult.

pride and prejudice by jane austen-  this is 

a timeless classic and needs to be read.  i love now flavorpill says guys too, because i was surprised when my uncle john told me he was a fan of this work!  also it's worth the read just so you can picture colin firth as darcy! literary eye candy!

cat's cradle by kurt vonnegut- didn't read it though it's on my kindle.

lolita by vladmir nabokov- needs to be read because it is always cited as the best novel of all time.  nabokov has a way with words but still the premise makes me uncomfortable.

lord of the rings by j.r.r. tolkien- still on the library wait list for this one.

1984 by george orwell- definitely needs to be read but again as part of the 18 before 18.  

the catcher in the rye- one of my favorite books of all times.  read it young though. i will love holden regardless of my age but i know some people's dislike grows with their age.

the great gatsby by f. scott fitzgerald- this novel has grown on me but i think if i read it in my early twenties i would have thought it great.  though think "this side of paradise" is better.

beloved by toni morrison- a great novel but not sure why it was on the list. though it is important because it gives a voice to slaves.

infinite jest by david foster wallace- picked it up but didn't have the time to

read it.  also need to read hamlet firsts. will try to get it done while on summer break.

lord of the flies by william golding- this should be read in high school.  and important read for both genders but especially for boys.

don quixote by miguel de cervantes- need to read it.

the trial by franz kafka- need to read it.

to the lighthouse by virgina woolf-  this should be read before 40, but not 30.  

fahrenheit 451 by ray bradbury-  another book that should be read in high school. bradbury is a poet.  i loved this book when i read it in high school but feel like "dandelion wine" is the better book.

invisible man by ralph ellison- need to read it.

to kill a mockingbird by harper lee- this book is amazing at any age.  atticus finch is one of the greatest characters ever! and i love scout, jem, boo and dill. read this before 30 but reread it throughout your life.

treasure island by robert louis stevenson- bought if for a dollar but haven't read it.

the catcher in the rye. j. d. salinger.

i first heard of "the catcher in the rye" in the 1997 film "conspiracy theory" starring julia roberts and mel gibson.  in the film, gibson's character shared a conspiracy theory about how assassins are obsessed with the novel.  also gibson's character had an odd impulse to buy "the catcher in the rye" and looked for it in every bookstore he walked by.  i will admit that due to the film, every time i was in a bookstore, i would wander over to the s section to look for "catcher" (i was an odd kid).  but thanks to the film, i read it and fell in love with "the catcher in the rye" and it became one of my favorite books. on my first read, my favorite part was how holden kept on asking where the ducks went in the winter.  i though it was such a quirky thing to ask and couldn't believe no one had an answer for him.  i will also admit that i missed the whole him writing his story from a mental institution thing.

i read "catcher", my junior year on my own and then mr. brice (one of my favorite teachers) assigned it my senior year.  in fact, the copy i reread (for this blog) was from my senior year, though not mine, i somehow ended up with stephen warren's book:

 

i remember we had an assignment in which we had to draw what was in holden's mind.  i drew the ducks at the lagoon, allie's baseball mitt, his red hunting hat (which i drew more of like a three musketeers hat but with less brim because of all the talk of it's peak, i now know what a hunting hat looks like thanks to google), a checker board with all the kings in the back row and a carousel.  what is interesting, the images i drew were still my favorite parts during the reread, especially allie's mitt covered in poetry.  i was relieved that these images stood out to me because i was worried i would not enjoy "catcher", as an  adult.

since i am going to new york this weekend, i decided to reread "catcher" because the protagonist in "truth in advertising" retraced holden's footsteps when he first moved to new york. i want to do the same but decided i should save it for a trip in the winter, it wouldn't be the same to have the ducks there.  also it is on flavorpill's 30 before 30 and figured i should give it another read before i am old.  i was worried about reading it again but as you have seen with other classics, i discovered that i should have read them when i was younger to get their full effect.  i was scared i would be annoyed by holden and all of his talk about phonies but in fact i loved him just the same.  i still

think it is better to meet holden when you are in high school but i had a better understanding of him when i met him again as an adult.

as a teen, his perspectives on life and society left an impression on me, even though i was the anti-holden.  i was a well-adjusted kid, got good grades, involved in a bunch of extra-curricular activities, stayed out of trouble and didn't hate the world or anything.  but i was at the age where i was starting to question authority, not my parents but school administration and church regulations.  i was starting to see that adults didn't have all the answers or necessarily did what was right and so holden's talk of phonies and all of the contradictions within society was eye opening. he demonstrated not to take the world at face value and you should question society.

i am not saying that holden didn't have issues.  he definitely did but he was also misunderstood, i realized that when i caught myself judging him.  it was when he discussed how he hates people with cheap luggage.  at first, i thought he was being pretentious but after he shared the story of his roommate with cheap luggage that tried to pass off holden's luggage as his own, his hatred made sense.  he didn't hate cheap luggage it was a metaphor for his hatred of how expensive things make others feel inferior.  i thought it was nice how he tried to hide his luggage to make his roommate feel comfortable.  holden was actually full of good intentions, just like this.  he was caring which is why he wanted to be a catcher in the rye; to save and protect others. deep down inside, holden had a heart of gold, he just had issues because of his brother allie's death.  

on this reread, i realized for the first time how much allie's death affected holden.  i knew he had a difficult time with allie's death, the breaking widows and even missing the funeral due to being in the hospital.  i thought holden's issues were due to him feeling like an outcast from society but his alienation was the result of his brother's death.  as a teen, death is an abstract concept, those that die around us are usually older and so it makes sense, there is no need to question the universe for its actions. however it is not the same when it's with someone young.  i only had older relatives die when i was young, so i never made the connection as to how a sibling's death at a young age can affect someone.  but now i can imagine how it must have been for holden.  no wondered he hated the world, he was dealt a bad hand. it also explained why holden was so hung up on saying good-bye.  his searching for a sense of farewell during his final days at pencey seemed odd but was understandable in this context.  it also explained why he wanted to make sure to tell phoebe bye instead of just leaving as he did with everyone else.  (and luckily he did because he then got the help that he needed.)

the loss of allie left a void in holden's life which he could not fill with actual friends (with the exception of jane).  i think a lot of people who read "catcher" get caught up on the fact the hired a prostitute or was constantly calling up people to go out drinking.  but it wasn't because he was a sex fiend or an alcoholic but simply he was lonely.  he sadly did not have anyone in his life except his sister.  it made me sad how desperately he tried to make friends at bars, i was genuinely embarrassed for him every time he tried to buy someone a drink.  though i will admit that if i was carl luce, i would have left him too, he was so annoying with his sex talk. but i forgave him in the book because i saw how goddamn lonely he was.

random sidenote:  but i thought it was admirable how holden respected that no meant no even though he talked about sex a lot.

as i said before i am not denying that holden needed to be psychoanalyzed. his talk of killing or injuring people was very disturbing.  another thing i better understood on the reread was his moment of what would appear to be schizophrenia.  living in la, i encountered a lot of homeless schizophrenics talking to themselves, this was not the case in delano.  due to this, as a teen, i didn't think much of holden talking to allie as he walked around but now i get how crazy he must have looked.  i had always thought it as sweet, keeping allie's memory alive but the talking to him was a huge indication of holden's need for help.  also he was a pathological liar too.  though i do forgive him for lying to that one's kid's mother on the train cos no one wants to hear how their kid is actually an asshole.

but i am glad he did get help because holden is one of my favorite characters. i want to be hopeful about his future.  i really do think holden and i would have been good friends.  there were so many random things he said that i totally got.  

like when he talks about good books:

what really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him

io on the phone whenever you felt like it.

i wish some of my favorite authors were my friends.  i also agreed with him that "a farewell to arms" is horrible, i have no idea why people like it when hemingway has written better. also loved how he quoted "old sport" from "gatsby".

i also love his quote "i'm illiterate but i read a lot."

though morbid, i do agree with his "who wants flowers when your dead? nobody!" i don't want flowers right now alive.  

there are a handful of other gems he shares but this blog is already long so i won't continue.

as i mentioned before i read this as part of flavorpill's 30 before 30, i also said that i thought it was best to read in high school but a reread in your late twenties is good, especially during your "return of saturn" or if you having a quarter life crisis.  if you know me, you know i love birthdays but i also have peter pan syndrome.  but i am dreading turning 30 tomorrow, like sylvia plath-ing it sounds like a good alternative to getting old.  and oddly enough this book was the perfect read for me on the eve of my birthday because like me, holden is scared of growing up.

holden and i both share a love of natural history museums.  my favorite part of the museums are the dioramas, i love seeing the taxidermy animals in their habitats.  there is something magical about the darkness of the hall and the bright lights and scenes in the dioramas.  however, as i read holden's description of the natural history museum, i saw why holden and i both love natural history museums.  it is because time is on pause  in natural history museums . holden discussed how he loved how phoebe can experience the museum just as he did because it stays the same.  i never thought of it that way but this makes sense.  if i could pause life like a diorama, i would, there are so many times in life where i am just so content that i wish it could last forever. also life is preserved in natural history museums and i am very nostalgic, my past is filled with so many great memories, that i often revisit it via pictures. it's the same for holden, his past has his brother alive so he would want it that way as well.  

another way we are similar is our attempts to avoid growing up. i never took notice of it on my previous reads but if i was sally hayes, i would jump at the opportunity to runway to vermont or massachusetts.  choose a simple life instead of one complicated with education, class, wealth and social norms. but alas just like holden, i have to grow up and become a mature (read: married and with kids) person.  its odd because i thought i learned this in high school when i had my whole life ahead of me but i guess i needed to read it again.