the catcher in the rye. j. d. salinger.

i first heard of "the catcher in the rye" in the 1997 film "conspiracy theory" starring julia roberts and mel gibson.  in the film, gibson's character shared a conspiracy theory about how assassins are obsessed with the novel.  also gibson's character had an odd impulse to buy "the catcher in the rye" and looked for it in every bookstore he walked by.  i will admit that due to the film, every time i was in a bookstore, i would wander over to the s section to look for "catcher" (i was an odd kid).  but thanks to the film, i read it and fell in love with "the catcher in the rye" and it became one of my favorite books. on my first read, my favorite part was how holden kept on asking where the ducks went in the winter.  i though it was such a quirky thing to ask and couldn't believe no one had an answer for him.  i will also admit that i missed the whole him writing his story from a mental institution thing.

i read "catcher", my junior year on my own and then mr. brice (one of my favorite teachers) assigned it my senior year.  in fact, the copy i reread (for this blog) was from my senior year, though not mine, i somehow ended up with stephen warren's book:

 

i remember we had an assignment in which we had to draw what was in holden's mind.  i drew the ducks at the lagoon, allie's baseball mitt, his red hunting hat (which i drew more of like a three musketeers hat but with less brim because of all the talk of it's peak, i now know what a hunting hat looks like thanks to google), a checker board with all the kings in the back row and a carousel.  what is interesting, the images i drew were still my favorite parts during the reread, especially allie's mitt covered in poetry.  i was relieved that these images stood out to me because i was worried i would not enjoy "catcher", as an  adult.

since i am going to new york this weekend, i decided to reread "catcher" because the protagonist in "truth in advertising" retraced holden's footsteps when he first moved to new york. i want to do the same but decided i should save it for a trip in the winter, it wouldn't be the same to have the ducks there.  also it is on flavorpill's 30 before 30 and figured i should give it another read before i am old.  i was worried about reading it again but as you have seen with other classics, i discovered that i should have read them when i was younger to get their full effect.  i was scared i would be annoyed by holden and all of his talk about phonies but in fact i loved him just the same.  i still

think it is better to meet holden when you are in high school but i had a better understanding of him when i met him again as an adult.

as a teen, his perspectives on life and society left an impression on me, even though i was the anti-holden.  i was a well-adjusted kid, got good grades, involved in a bunch of extra-curricular activities, stayed out of trouble and didn't hate the world or anything.  but i was at the age where i was starting to question authority, not my parents but school administration and church regulations.  i was starting to see that adults didn't have all the answers or necessarily did what was right and so holden's talk of phonies and all of the contradictions within society was eye opening. he demonstrated not to take the world at face value and you should question society.

i am not saying that holden didn't have issues.  he definitely did but he was also misunderstood, i realized that when i caught myself judging him.  it was when he discussed how he hates people with cheap luggage.  at first, i thought he was being pretentious but after he shared the story of his roommate with cheap luggage that tried to pass off holden's luggage as his own, his hatred made sense.  he didn't hate cheap luggage it was a metaphor for his hatred of how expensive things make others feel inferior.  i thought it was nice how he tried to hide his luggage to make his roommate feel comfortable.  holden was actually full of good intentions, just like this.  he was caring which is why he wanted to be a catcher in the rye; to save and protect others. deep down inside, holden had a heart of gold, he just had issues because of his brother allie's death.  

on this reread, i realized for the first time how much allie's death affected holden.  i knew he had a difficult time with allie's death, the breaking widows and even missing the funeral due to being in the hospital.  i thought holden's issues were due to him feeling like an outcast from society but his alienation was the result of his brother's death.  as a teen, death is an abstract concept, those that die around us are usually older and so it makes sense, there is no need to question the universe for its actions. however it is not the same when it's with someone young.  i only had older relatives die when i was young, so i never made the connection as to how a sibling's death at a young age can affect someone.  but now i can imagine how it must have been for holden.  no wondered he hated the world, he was dealt a bad hand. it also explained why holden was so hung up on saying good-bye.  his searching for a sense of farewell during his final days at pencey seemed odd but was understandable in this context.  it also explained why he wanted to make sure to tell phoebe bye instead of just leaving as he did with everyone else.  (and luckily he did because he then got the help that he needed.)

the loss of allie left a void in holden's life which he could not fill with actual friends (with the exception of jane).  i think a lot of people who read "catcher" get caught up on the fact the hired a prostitute or was constantly calling up people to go out drinking.  but it wasn't because he was a sex fiend or an alcoholic but simply he was lonely.  he sadly did not have anyone in his life except his sister.  it made me sad how desperately he tried to make friends at bars, i was genuinely embarrassed for him every time he tried to buy someone a drink.  though i will admit that if i was carl luce, i would have left him too, he was so annoying with his sex talk. but i forgave him in the book because i saw how goddamn lonely he was.

random sidenote:  but i thought it was admirable how holden respected that no meant no even though he talked about sex a lot.

as i said before i am not denying that holden needed to be psychoanalyzed. his talk of killing or injuring people was very disturbing.  another thing i better understood on the reread was his moment of what would appear to be schizophrenia.  living in la, i encountered a lot of homeless schizophrenics talking to themselves, this was not the case in delano.  due to this, as a teen, i didn't think much of holden talking to allie as he walked around but now i get how crazy he must have looked.  i had always thought it as sweet, keeping allie's memory alive but the talking to him was a huge indication of holden's need for help.  also he was a pathological liar too.  though i do forgive him for lying to that one's kid's mother on the train cos no one wants to hear how their kid is actually an asshole.

but i am glad he did get help because holden is one of my favorite characters. i want to be hopeful about his future.  i really do think holden and i would have been good friends.  there were so many random things he said that i totally got.  

like when he talks about good books:

what really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him

io on the phone whenever you felt like it.

i wish some of my favorite authors were my friends.  i also agreed with him that "a farewell to arms" is horrible, i have no idea why people like it when hemingway has written better. also loved how he quoted "old sport" from "gatsby".

i also love his quote "i'm illiterate but i read a lot."

though morbid, i do agree with his "who wants flowers when your dead? nobody!" i don't want flowers right now alive.  

there are a handful of other gems he shares but this blog is already long so i won't continue.

as i mentioned before i read this as part of flavorpill's 30 before 30, i also said that i thought it was best to read in high school but a reread in your late twenties is good, especially during your "return of saturn" or if you having a quarter life crisis.  if you know me, you know i love birthdays but i also have peter pan syndrome.  but i am dreading turning 30 tomorrow, like sylvia plath-ing it sounds like a good alternative to getting old.  and oddly enough this book was the perfect read for me on the eve of my birthday because like me, holden is scared of growing up.

holden and i both share a love of natural history museums.  my favorite part of the museums are the dioramas, i love seeing the taxidermy animals in their habitats.  there is something magical about the darkness of the hall and the bright lights and scenes in the dioramas.  however, as i read holden's description of the natural history museum, i saw why holden and i both love natural history museums.  it is because time is on pause  in natural history museums . holden discussed how he loved how phoebe can experience the museum just as he did because it stays the same.  i never thought of it that way but this makes sense.  if i could pause life like a diorama, i would, there are so many times in life where i am just so content that i wish it could last forever. also life is preserved in natural history museums and i am very nostalgic, my past is filled with so many great memories, that i often revisit it via pictures. it's the same for holden, his past has his brother alive so he would want it that way as well.  

another way we are similar is our attempts to avoid growing up. i never took notice of it on my previous reads but if i was sally hayes, i would jump at the opportunity to runway to vermont or massachusetts.  choose a simple life instead of one complicated with education, class, wealth and social norms. but alas just like holden, i have to grow up and become a mature (read: married and with kids) person.  its odd because i thought i learned this in high school when i had my whole life ahead of me but i guess i needed to read it again.