self-help. lorrie moore (168)

i picked up self-help by lorrie moore because it was featured in flavorpill's 20 books every woman should read in her 20s article.  i was very disappointed with myself because being 30 years old, i have only read 3.  i decided i needed to change that asap and requested self-help because i liked the cover featured:
 

 it reminded me of damien hirst's medicine cabinets.  unfortunately, i did not get that cover, but as you saw, that bad 80s cover.  and it was even more unfortunate because it was a bit embarrassing to reading in public, i imagined people finding it sad that i was reading out-dated advice.  though i have to admit i was being a little tongue-n-cheek with my reading.  i figured i needed to end the first month of the year with self-help since new years are always about self-improvement.  and flavorpill was right again, saying:

i did love the structure of the titles stories ie "how to be the other woman", "the kid's guide to divorce", and "how to talk to your mother (notes)".  

the story that looked up at the ceiling and commiserated with me was "how to talk to your mother (notes)" for those of you who know me, you know this is something that i do need help with.  my mother and i fight like cats and dogs and her number one complaint is that i don't know how to talk to her properly.  which is true my mom can be passive aggressive times which drives me crazy.  but back to the story, it's the tale of a woman and the life that she has lost.  the story moves backwards in time. we start at the nearest present and move our way back with each paragraph, finding out the cause to the effect we had just read. the narrator starts out/ends up childless and alone without her mother, by moving backwards we discover her mother was sick and moved in with her, she fell out of love, she had three abortions, she lost her father and her grandmother.  we also return to when she excited and still hopeful about life.  ultimately we end up at the beginning of her life when she was able to communicate with her mother without words.  for me, this life made me aware of how things never end up as we had planned.  i look at my life and when i was 18, never thought i would end up where i am but i have.  there is no one to really blame but myself.  am i happy to certain extent yes, but do i want more success? yes.  how does ambition dissolve? i used to have so many goals in life and then i started to settle on just being okay.  when and how does settling happen?  this sorry though sad gave me comfort, letting me know that i am not alone in being disappointed with my life and i am still young enough to change things around.

all the other stories are sad, tragic tales of women trying to sort out life; a woman dealing with being the other woman and the opposite the insecurity of thinking your husband is cheating, a daughter learning the importance of love within a marriage from the mistakes of her mother, a woman with a terminally ill disease planning her own death, and a woman you who appeared to have it all, wanting more and then ending up with nothing.  but all help in the sense that one can see what to avoid or correct their behavior on what they see.  i think the majority of lessons taught is that you must do what is best for yourself versus live in the façades of what society deems appropriate. you also need to be honest with yourself because that is how your life becomes a façade.

aside from these life lessons, i think the true beauty of these stories is moore's prose which reads like poetry.

so many great metaphors:

that is what is wrong with cold people. not that they have ice in their souls - we all have a bit of that - but that they insist every word and deed mirror that ice. they never learn the beauty or value of gesture. the emotional necessity. for them, it is all honesty before kindness, truth before art. love is art, not truth. it's like painting scenery.

love drains you, takes with it much of your blood sugar and water weight. you are like a house slowly losing its electricity, the fans slowing, the lights dimming and flickering; the clocks stop and go and stop.

on on being a mistress:  it is like having a book out from the library.  it's like constantly having a book out from the library.

but perhaps the best advice from these short stories is:  

after four movies, three concerts, and two-and-a-half museums, you sleep with him. It seems the right number of cultural events.

okay i am just being cheeky but this is good advice!

but a great book and a wonderful start to me refocus for 2014.  also this is a great book for a woman to read at any age.

& sons. david gilbert. (167)

*

i checked out david gilbert's & sons, after reading about it on flavorwire's list of 15 best novels of 2013:  

of course, my love for salinger being the reason for my reading.  and i have to say its quite ambition to channel salinger for a character but gilbert's novel was well written and one that i assume salinger would not have hated.  but i can not sing its complete praises, wonderful prose, yes, but the storyline made a disappointing turn at the end.  (yes, there will be spoilers in this post.)

but lets start with some praising.  as i mentioned before expectations are set high when salinger is alluded to for a novel and gilbert did not disappoint.  he was witty and filled with wonderful allusions and imagery.  for example:

just a week earlier, the temperature sulked in the teens, the windchill dragging the brat into newborn territory.

(how clever!)

 

a.n. dyer's eulogy for his dear friend charlie toppings:

what are we in this world without our friends if family is the foundation then friends are its crossbeams it's drywall it's plumbing friends keep us warm and warmhearted friends furnish and with a friend like charlie topping i was never without a home. . . whenever i was need of succor--succor. . . i could count on charlie.  he was an unlocked door with something smelling good in the oven.  he was the fire in the fireplace, the blanket draped over the couch, the dog at my feet.  he was the shelter she. i was the storm.

(so sweet!)

and:

the bubbles in the champagne shimmied up the flutes, a hundred phony smilies breaking the surface, like some esther williams routine . . .

(i always adore an esther williams reference!)

and last but not least

every act of memory is an act of imagination.

(which is true, our minds fill in the gaps and so our memories are more imagination than actual recollection.)

the story is narratored by philip toppings, and his likability was on par with the awkward affection one feels for holden caulfield.  both are at low points in their life they differ in that i was hopeful that holden turns around, whereas with phillip i was just creeped out by him.  he went from pathetic yet insight godson of a.n. dyer to single white female.  i didn't care for his character and though i guess he was important because he revealed that & (a.n. dyer's novel in the book) was about dyer's dominance and abuse in their friendship and also for the letters that started different sections.  but other than that his creepy stalker behavior took away from the story of dyer and his son.  though i guess in the movie adaption of the book, he would make for a good point of view.

random digression, i could see this as a wes anderson movie, quirky family, absent father (weird cloning story), and creep neighbor.  bill murray as a.n. dyer, adrien brody and jason swartzman as richard and jaime, and owen wilson as phillip toppings.  not sure who would play andrew, guess he would have to look like a young bill murray.  (hollywood should make this happen!)

and now that i mentioned it the whole cloning storyline was not my cup of tea if it was true.  it is my cup of tea, if was some crazy story a.n. dyer made up to justify how he had ruined his life.  though towards the end of the novel it felt like it was to be true.  

and in the end, i didn't like andrew dying.  it just seemed so random and out of place.  its intent seemed more like a convienent way to finish up the story.  it was really great up until that point and then it fell apart for me and i started to lose interest. 

but i mean still check it out.  it is a good story and well-written and maybe you will enjoy the ending more than me.

and before i close i have to add.  this novel made me long for new york.  so many locations were mentioned that i could plan a whole tour of the city based on it.  my next trip out i will definitely hit up the frick!  and do central park proper, i mean i haven't even seen the alice in wonderland statues.  oh and i love love loved when andrew went to the met looking for jennie.  what an adorable game!!! i am going to do that someday.  call someone i am dating and tell them what museum, i am at and then say that i am staying in front of my favorite work of art and see of they can find me!  but seriously the whole time i read, i wished that i was in new york!

*forgot to take a picture before i returned the book.

americanah. chimamanda ngozi adichie. (166)

i know its only 13 days into the new year but this might be my favorite read of 2014!

so i came across chimamanda ngozi adichie's americanah on flavorwire's list of best books of 2013

i am not a fan of beyoncé but decided to check it out.  i mean it is interesting that an author was sampled even if the artist sampling was beyoncé.  plus i like to be informed on pop culture matters though i may not always be a fan of who is making the news.   

i have to add i hadn't seen adichie's TED talk prior to reading the novel (i actually just watched it right now in the middle of writing this post.  it is amazing, and you should watch it too.  well after you finish reading my post, i will add a link at the end.)

so i can not stop singing the praises of this book!!!  since i have finished it, i have told at least 5 people to read americanah.  heck 40 pages into it, i was trying to convince people to

pick it up!   and its a pretty thick book, 477 but i fell easily into it and the story moves quickly.  

i enjoyed this book immensely because it worked on so many levels.  on the surface, it is a love story.  ifemelu and obinze fell in love as teens at school.  ifemelu moved to america for school, had a dramatizing incident and stopped all contact with obinze.  meanwhile, obinze moved to england to start his own life.  in the end, they both end up back in lagos, but you have to read to find out what happens.

but on another level is a discussion on race in america.  and flavorpill was on pointe when it explained how race and politics are addressed "without feeling too weighty."  race is addressed via ifemelu's blog called Raceteenth or Various Observations About American Blacks (Those Formerly Known as Negroes) by a Non-American Black.  in her blog ifemelu discussed things she encountered in life while exposing the existence of race and discrimination in america that believes it is colorblind and equal.  her posted discussed topics like natural hair, having a white partner, and classism being a cover for actual racism. the book also addressed obama and his run for presidency, ifemelu not only volunteers to help his campaign but also blogs about the obamas, michelle being a role model for dark-skinned black women and barack's mixed ethnicity. 

through her characters, adichie exposed the gray matter that dwells within all of us when it comes to race.  for example, i don't know how it happen, maybe it's because i am a mutt but i forget that i am not a white american.  there is a quiz that ifemelu posted on her blog that identified

me as a privilege white but i am not.  i recognize that my family is very americanized and maybe that is the cause for my lack of cultural identity.  my grandparents and parents grew up in the era which immigrants wanted to assimilated. they denied their heritage in an attempt to be accepted by american society.  this denial is exemplified by the fact that my mom, aunts and uncles speak only english.  and though i did grow up during the push for multiculturalism, i think it more of an learning of different cultures versus being empowered by your own.  though i can not pinpoint how exactly it has come to be but i do identify more with the white american experience than with that of filipinos or mexicans.

in addition to this, though i may be accepting of all races and cultures, i am still racism.  i do stereotypes individuals based on their race and make racist comments as jokes.  my racism may not be overt but it does exist.  

i don't have the answer to the race problem in america.  i am not sure if anyone does but it is important to at least talk about race.  and that is what i enjoyed most about americanah, adichie wrote a beautiful love story between two individuals while adding a discussion of races that was thought-provoking without being too preachy.

anyway, pick up this book!  seriously a great read!!!  oh and check out adichie's

TED talk too!

ps i have to add i did not like beyoncé's sampling of adichie's talk.  i mean it seemed like a cool concept but then i heard "flawless" and was like really b?  you took adichie's beautiful talk about being a feminist and empowering you girls and juxtaposition with lyrics that contradict what was being said.  the talk addresses the fact that women should not be in competition yet the following part is all about about her posting aroubd being flawless.  also the bow down bitches part seemed too aggressive?  i mean it seemed to reinforce this idea of the angry and aggressive feminist which the talk was trying to dispel as a myth.  i don't know it seemed like a misusing of the talk to me. 

the little prince. antoine de saint-expuéry. (165)

i decided to finally buckle down and read the little prince after debating on whether or not to purchase a the little prince sweatshirt from out of print clothing. the sweatshirt was cute but i couldn't buy it because i had never read it (though i know people absolutely love it.) in order to get the sweatshirt, i had to cross it off my to-read list.

since this is a beloved children's classic and on flavorpill's 50 books every parent should read to their child, i decided to read it with brother bear, well more like to him.  so we read a little at night and in the morning.

so i hate to admit this especially since people love the little prince, but i did not fall in love with this book.  i felt the author was trying too hard to be profound.  it lacked the simplicity of a children's book.  what makes a great children's book (and also pixar movies) is its ability to work on two levels; it is an interesting story for kids while being entertaining to an adult in a completely different way.  for example, the reason i love where the wild things are or the giving tree has changed with my age, the former i loved initially because of its illustrations but now because of its lesson on the idea of home.

for me, the little prince lacked an interesting story for kids.  i was bored by the men the little prince encountered on other planets so their lessons did not have a deep impact on me.  they were just men on a planet doing a boring adult activity literally while conversing with the prince metaphorically.  plus their metaphors though important seemed too deep for your average kid to get, and gave such a bleak view of adulthood.  i get that we are supposed to understand the important of living life in this book but it metaphors just weren't interesting enough to keep the reader listening.

i also had issues with the flower and the fox.  first, as a woman, i was offended by the flower.  was this vain creature supposed to represent wives?!?! i mean was the little prince's relationship with the flower a metaphor for making marriages work?  if so, was the fox a marriage counselor?  as an adult it was awkward to read about the little prince loving flower even though her personality wad repulsive then leaving her only to return to her, because a fox taught him the importance of belonging to something. i can't imagine how kids intrepeted that story plot.  furthermore, do we want kids learning that you have to tame someone to be with you?!?! i mean my favorite carrie bradshaw quote is:  

maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

love is about finding someone to settling down for you, love is about being with the person who makes you the best version of yourself.   

i was worried the little prince did not truly love the flower but since he was away from her, the idea of the flower.

before you think i am completely heartless for not loving the book, i will add that i was sadden by the ending.  i was sad that the little prince decided to return home via he snake bite.  i also saw how his explanation that the laughter of the stars can be comfort when we have lost someone we love.  it did find the ending to he sweet, though it did drag on a bit.

and there were others things i enjoyed.

i did appreciate the little prince's lesson that "the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart."  i was charmed by the introduction with the drawing of an elephant swallowed by a boa constrictor.  (i really wish the whimsy of the beginning lasted throughout the whole book.) and of course the illustrations were lovely and sweet.  but all of this could not counterbalance the fact that the story was too symbolic and as a result lacked any true value to me.  i am sorry little

prince, i really wanted to love your story but looks like i won't be purchasing your sweatshirt.  

bad behavior: stories. mary gaitskill. (164)

bad behavior was originally on my to-read list because flavorpill told me that it would fill the girls-hole in my heart after season 1 was over.  but something else caused me to add it to my library list.  as i read i thought it was the short story, secretary, i loved the movie so thought maybe i had read on flavorpill it was based on it.  but it turns out after googling it was on flavorpill's list of "50 incredibly tough books for extreme readers".  according to flavorpill:

i think i am pretty tough girl and now i have read a book that proves so.

to start this was an excellent fill for my girls void.  i saw adam in a romantic weekend and an affair, edited.  connection could be written by future marnie about hannah, while other factors would be future hannah on marnie.  maybe shosh would become the prostitute in trying to be, now that she is "deflowered but not devalued".  and jessa's free spirit was in both magdalen and lily in heaven.

the story, secretary, which the movie of the same name was based on was disappointing.  i loved the film with maggie gyllenhaal, and james spader, especially since this movie proved my theory that spader is sinister sexy.  spader is capable of giving you the best sex of your life then kill you once he was done!  what i disliked about the story was the ending.  for once in my life i preferred the hollywood ending, how the secretary and her boss found love in a hopeless place.  it was great how the character in the short story found the strength to stop the abuse but i preferred how her film counterpart found strength in being dominated.  she was a better character in the movie versus the book.

the stories as a whole were interesting.  it made me secretly wish that i had been a prostitute at some point in my life (see: diablo cody's book about her year as a stripper.)  i also recognized my life in her characters.  i sadly fell in love with the asshole in an affair, edited, my asshole was an attorney as well.  he also did not recognize my love for him as anything more than puppy love.  all of her characters that looked back on friendships lost reminded me of my life and how many times i was a bad friend.  i i found connection honest and on pointe about how we perceive friendships.  i had one friendship though fun was filled with arguments in which the dialogue in connection reminded me of, accusations of who used who and who was more selfish.  last but not least the final story heaven left me regretful for my future, worried about how my life will turned out and whether my parents will be disappointed in how i turn out.  i also realized what a great teen i was, i didn't do any drugs or stay out like lily and magdalen.

overall, an excellent read especially for women.  it reminds me of girls on its portrayal of the worse parts of her lives.  i will add that i did discover it on a list from flavorpill of the 20 books every woman should read in her twenties, i was late for that list but still was able to identify with bad behavior. (and yes this last list is part of my reading goal for 2014.)

fraud. david rakoff. (163)

it never fails.  my last book of a year ends being the first book of the year.  but hey! it's only the 2nd day of the year and i got my first book in!

after reading love, dishonor, marry, die, cherish, perish, i decided to read the rest of rakoff's work and started with his collection of stories, fraud.  

i will have to say that right off the back, i fell in love with him and his allusions and imagery.  see:  "i tear my medicine cabinet a part like billie holiday and still only uncover one xanax." and this was in the second paragraph, i knew i would have some fun!  and i did! for the most part.  i have to admit that there were times that i got a little bored and rakoff got a little too debbie downer and snarky for me.

but lets share what i loved!

i loved the story of him at the kibbutz.  and i am glad he stuck up for himself at the chicken farm.  my ex-stepdad's uncle used to have chicken farm for eggs and the smell was disgusting!!! rakoff was right!  but that wasn't the point of his story.  i gave him an applause when after hearing the workers refer to him as she in hebrew, rakoff told them back in hebrew, "you're right . . . she doesn't like the chickens."  a great little classy middle finger!

also appreciated his little line, "i'm crazy about the food chain and love being on top of it."  

i found the story, "hidden people" about the hidden people of iceland really interesting.  primarily, because i now believe that björk, jonsi, so of course sigur rós, and of monsters and men are not icelandic people but rather hidden people!  i have seen björk and jónsi in concert and they are like little woodland fairies on stage.  it's almost like they reveal their hidden people selves up on stage. their music is enchanting and sounds otherworldly.  and check out their costumes:

i know hidden people dress like regular people only dated but still i think this is how they actually dress.  and i love all of the music but their something magical about them that i can never describe properly which i guess just adds to this theory.  it makes more sense that they are hidden people but their music is definitely out of this world.

i enjoyed his story, "extrordinary alien", because i do love canadians.  my favorite canadians include michael cera, alanis morissette, and robin scherbasky (though she isn't real).  and i just learned on wikipedia that kim cattrall, frank gehry (!!!), and ellen page are canadian!  way to go canada!

i absolutely loved "christmas freud"!!! what a clever idea for a barney's window.  a little odd but clever!  i also loved how they turned into actual sessions.  i wish christmas freud became a thing because let's face it, therapy sessions would be helpful during the drain of holiday season.  also i googled for an image of rakoff in his window but unfortunately didn't come across anything.

i really enjoyed the article about the teachers for austria, "we call it australia".  it made me consider going to another country to teach english, we'll see.  his story about tokyo also gave me an itch to travel.

the last story, "i used to bank here, but that was long, long ago" almost brought me to tears.  (i would have cried but i was on a greyhound from vegas, i was too tired to be that emotional).  it was a sad story considering rakoff's fate.  the story centers around him finding sperm he had stored because he was starting treatment for hodgkin's.  this hit close to home for me because as i get older and have yet to find someone to reproduce with, i might have to freeze my eggs and i never considered how expensive it will be.  hopefully it will not come to that.     

rakoff also discussed his treatment and the memories he had of his treatment.  he discussed how he glossed over the pain he felt which resulted his in his memories being eschewed.  i thought about that in terms of my grandma, i have been in denial about her being gone and i wonder what my memories will be of this time in the future.  everything now feels so far away but it has been two months since she first went into the hospital.  i worry one day that everything i have hidden away during this time will all come flooding out.  its okay if it does, because it needs to be realized but i am just not ready yet.

i hate to end on such a solemn note but its mirrors fraud so i guess its okay that it does.  but an enjoyable read, not something to digest all at once but to leave near a bed to occasionally pick up.

  

 

books i read in 2013.

this post is a day late.  i like to post it on the last day of the year but britney spears took everything out of me, so inwas too lazy to do it yesterday.

so sadly only read 70 books, 7 less than last year.  and even sadder is last year i read two tolstoy's books and this year alot of children's and ya classics so i am disappointed with my book count for 2013.  boo to me for regressing but next year will read 80!!!  

so here is what i learned in 2013:

-jhumpa lahiri is an amazing short story writer and i am glad mindy kaling posted the intrepeter of maladies on her instagram which inspired me to pick it up.

-celebrities give good book recommendations on instagram.

-i regret not reading great expectations in high school though i have to admit that i was prolly too young to enjoy it as i did.

-it's never too late to read children/ya classics that you missed as a kid.  i read the phantom tollbooth for the first time thanks to my friend juliana and regret that  it took me so long to pick up.  bridge to terabithia was another book that wowed me!

-zelda fitzgerald was the source of the magic behind f. scott fitzgerald's classics.  he literally took the words out of her mouth or journal and into his characters.

-j.k. rowling should have just stopped writing with the harry potter series.

-don't judge a book by a title, middlesex as a title never interested me when i saw it at used book sales, but thanks to flavorpill picked it up and it was absolutely amazing!!!!

-john steinbeck is not an okie those his characters are.  and he writes beautifully.

-james franco does not deserve finding for his books.

-don't knock graphic novels until you have read one.

-it's hard to choose what books everyone should have read by the time they are thirty.

books of 2013

1.  "this is how you lose her" junot diaz

2.  "midnight's children" salman rushdie 

3.  "i just want my pants back" david j. rosen

4. "the secret history" donna tartt

5.  "the visible man" chuck klosterman

6.  "truth in advertising" john kenney

7.  "fairy tales from the brothers grimm" philip pullman*

8.  "the casual vacancy" j.k. rowling

9.  "where'd you go, bernadette" maria semple*

10.  "the love song of johnny valentine" teddy wayne

11.  "flimsy little miracles" ron currie jr.

12.  "1984" george orwell

13. "ender's game" orson scott card

14.  "lolita" vladmir nabokov

15. "maus" art spiegelman*

16. "ghost world" daniel clowes

17. "middlesex" jeffrey eugenides*

18. "the great gatsby" f. scott fitzgerald

19. "beloved"- toni morrison

20.  "life after life" kate atkinson

21.  "z:  a novel of zelda fitzgerald" therese anne fowler

22. "macbeth" william shakespeare

23. "much ado about nothing" william shakespeare

24.  "the catcher in the rye" j.d. salinger**

25.  "catcher, caught" sarah collins honenberger 

26. "glover's mistake" nick laird

27. "are you there god? it's me, margaret" judy blume**

28. "zelda" nancy milford*

29.  "the last tycoon" f. scott fitzgerald

30.  "beautiful fools" r. clifton spargo

31.  "call me zelda" erika robust

32.  "superzelda:  the graphic life of zelda fitzgerald."  tiziana lo porto and danielle marotta.

33.  "office girl" joe meno*

34.  "peter pan" j.m. barrie

35.  "palo alto" james franco

36.  "the impossible lives of greta wells" andrew sean greer

37. "the descendants" kaui hart hemmings

38.  "literacy and longing l.a." jennifer kaufman and karen mack

39. "map of tulsa" benjamin lytal

40.  "the hundred dresses" eleanor estes

41.  "the phantom tollbooth" norton jester*

42.  "interpreter of maladies" jhumpa lahiri*

43.  "i wear the black hat" cluck klosterman

44.  "gone girl" gillian flynn

45.  "fantastic mr. fox" roald dahl

46.  "persepolis" marjane satrapi*

47.  "the bluest eye" toni morrison

48.  "bridge to terabithia" katherine paterson*

49.  "the giver" lois lowry

50.  "of mice and men" john steinbeck**

51.  "grapes of wrath" john steinbeck*

52.  "the love affairs of nathaniel p." adelle waldman

53.  "the namesake" jhumpa lahiri

54.  "unaccustomed earth" jhumpa lahiri

55. "the lowland" jhumpa lahiri 

56.  "love, dishonor, marry, for, cherish, perish" david rakoff

57.  "harriet the spy" louise fitzgerald 

58.  "kiki's memoirs"  alice prin

59.  "kiki de monteparnasse" catel and nora mahony

60.  "the book thief" markus zusak

61.  "anne frank:  diary of a young girl."

62. "night" elie wiesel*

63.  "adé:  a love story" rebecca walker

64.  "matilda" roald dahl**

65.  "the secret garden" frances hodgson burnett

66.  "great expectations" charles dickens*

67.  "milkweed" jerry spinelli

68. "tales of a fourth grade nothing" judy blume

69.  "superfudge" judy blume**

70.  "the immortal life of henrietta lacks" rebecca skloot

*my favorite this year

**my favorite reread/i will love forever