self-help. lorrie moore (168)

i picked up self-help by lorrie moore because it was featured in flavorpill's 20 books every woman should read in her 20s article.  i was very disappointed with myself because being 30 years old, i have only read 3.  i decided i needed to change that asap and requested self-help because i liked the cover featured:
 

 it reminded me of damien hirst's medicine cabinets.  unfortunately, i did not get that cover, but as you saw, that bad 80s cover.  and it was even more unfortunate because it was a bit embarrassing to reading in public, i imagined people finding it sad that i was reading out-dated advice.  though i have to admit i was being a little tongue-n-cheek with my reading.  i figured i needed to end the first month of the year with self-help since new years are always about self-improvement.  and flavorpill was right again, saying:

i did love the structure of the titles stories ie "how to be the other woman", "the kid's guide to divorce", and "how to talk to your mother (notes)".  

the story that looked up at the ceiling and commiserated with me was "how to talk to your mother (notes)" for those of you who know me, you know this is something that i do need help with.  my mother and i fight like cats and dogs and her number one complaint is that i don't know how to talk to her properly.  which is true my mom can be passive aggressive times which drives me crazy.  but back to the story, it's the tale of a woman and the life that she has lost.  the story moves backwards in time. we start at the nearest present and move our way back with each paragraph, finding out the cause to the effect we had just read. the narrator starts out/ends up childless and alone without her mother, by moving backwards we discover her mother was sick and moved in with her, she fell out of love, she had three abortions, she lost her father and her grandmother.  we also return to when she excited and still hopeful about life.  ultimately we end up at the beginning of her life when she was able to communicate with her mother without words.  for me, this life made me aware of how things never end up as we had planned.  i look at my life and when i was 18, never thought i would end up where i am but i have.  there is no one to really blame but myself.  am i happy to certain extent yes, but do i want more success? yes.  how does ambition dissolve? i used to have so many goals in life and then i started to settle on just being okay.  when and how does settling happen?  this sorry though sad gave me comfort, letting me know that i am not alone in being disappointed with my life and i am still young enough to change things around.

all the other stories are sad, tragic tales of women trying to sort out life; a woman dealing with being the other woman and the opposite the insecurity of thinking your husband is cheating, a daughter learning the importance of love within a marriage from the mistakes of her mother, a woman with a terminally ill disease planning her own death, and a woman you who appeared to have it all, wanting more and then ending up with nothing.  but all help in the sense that one can see what to avoid or correct their behavior on what they see.  i think the majority of lessons taught is that you must do what is best for yourself versus live in the façades of what society deems appropriate. you also need to be honest with yourself because that is how your life becomes a façade.

aside from these life lessons, i think the true beauty of these stories is moore's prose which reads like poetry.

so many great metaphors:

that is what is wrong with cold people. not that they have ice in their souls - we all have a bit of that - but that they insist every word and deed mirror that ice. they never learn the beauty or value of gesture. the emotional necessity. for them, it is all honesty before kindness, truth before art. love is art, not truth. it's like painting scenery.

love drains you, takes with it much of your blood sugar and water weight. you are like a house slowly losing its electricity, the fans slowing, the lights dimming and flickering; the clocks stop and go and stop.

on on being a mistress:  it is like having a book out from the library.  it's like constantly having a book out from the library.

but perhaps the best advice from these short stories is:  

after four movies, three concerts, and two-and-a-half museums, you sleep with him. It seems the right number of cultural events.

okay i am just being cheeky but this is good advice!

but a great book and a wonderful start to me refocus for 2014.  also this is a great book for a woman to read at any age.