i can't recall how i came across how should a person be? by sheila heti. i thought it was via lena dunham's instagram but when i went to look for it, i did not see it there. however, i know that i read this because of lena just not sure where i read her endorsement. i did google "lena dunham how should a person be?" and articles about lena and sheila being friends came up, so i didn't make up this connection. (correction made 5.7.14: ha! just saw that i found out about this book because it was on flavorpill's 10 books that will fill
the girls-shaped hole in your life article for season 1. so yeah this is now i discovered this novel.)
i will admit that i was also excited because of the miranda july blurb on the front. i had high expectations for this book, especially with its description as "a novel from life". life is one of my favorite nouns, i'm always "sorting out life", "figuring out life", "getting life" together, so "a novel from life" had to be interesting.
and interesting it was, amazing, not so much. i am not familiar with heti or her life, but this book read just as though it was her life. i mean from the viewpoint of the writer, it is quite daring, to just record your life via a tape player and then let the world read about the personal lives of you and your friends. as an expression of the self, i find it quite beautiful and artistic. however, from the viewpoint of the reader, i can't help but feel cheated. its quite narcissistic and lazy of heti to just use your life so blatantly. i know, i know, author's use their lives as the basis for their works, which makes sense, however, this was too direct. i like to be able to read between the lines instead of having it all put out in the open like this. but again i have to say kudos to heti for her honesty.
the novel as the title suggest is about how should a person be? though specifically it's about how heti should be. its hard to apply this work to yourself, unless you are a) a writer or another form of artist or b) hang out with a bunch of artists. this is why miranda july's blurb is true for her, but random person on goodreads who bitched about july's blurb couldn't relate. i am neither though i do appreciate art and go to museums and galleries, i never have to question who am i and what am i trying to project into the world via my art. i mean as general question of life, yes i do ask myself (minus via my art), but in the specific way that heti was addressing these questions in her book, i became bored. i am sure that i could have taken the discussion between margaux and heti about their expressions of their selves in their art and applied it to my life but that required too much thinking. i mean i am sure the struggle is real for artist, but i felt like just create your art and who gives a damn about how it is perceived. i am not an artist so this might just sound mean but i was tired of the bitching especially when heti did all she could to avoid writing her play. then she created this novel based on margaux's encouragement and allowance to use her words in a work, which kind of felt like a cop-out. really heti couldn't put a play together?
heti is a great writer, i just wasn't interested in her life so directly. i mean there were some hilarious parts. for example, "we live in an age of some really great blow-job artists. every era has its arts form." i also enjoyed the eavesdropping of the girls as at the deli, "what is american cheese anyway? i heard of them say. her friend replied, 'i think it means there is a chemical in it." and "he was in the tech industry, and she once told me that the had asperger's syndrome. then she reassured me that silicon valley boys aren't so bad to sleep with because they've read all the manuals." i am now tempted to sleep with some silicon valley boys. and "we tried not to smile, for smiling only encourages men to bore you and waste your time." we have all been there when at bars.
and i must admit there was some beauty:
in their quest for a life without failure, suffering, or doubt, that is what they achieve: a life empty of all those things that make a human life meaningful.
but for the most part, it was just about heti's insecurities. to a certain extend it was just girls season 3. heti and hannah are pretty much on in the same. in girls, adam plays the part of margaux. they are both writers struggling with their art from while in a relationship with an successful artist which results in issues in their relationship. but whereas i could enjoyed this season of girls because there were other characters distract me from hannah's narcissism, there wasn't anyone interesting in heti's novel. the friend suffering from depression after the ugly painting contest (really?), the hair salon (seriously she felt that deep of a calling there?!?!), and the asshole she hooked up with (i know sex can be amazing but was his really worth the verbal abuse?!?!?!). okay i can admit i was a bit intrigued by the asshole, not because of the sex, but because i was in disbelief of the way he talked to her. i will also add the dinner party discussion about the men going to africa was great. that is how i feel about bono being in africa and all of his projects. it's like really bono you have millions and millions of dollars and you are asking me to donate money for a cause so you can feel better about yourself?
maybe i just wasn't in the right head space for this, though i am just as lost as heti is about how a person should be. in the end though i feel like the she did watching the handball match. here i though this novel was going to stand for something like the match, but in the end, just like they didn't know what they were playing, heti didn't really know what she was writing. (that sounds so harsh but really, this book should have just been a blog, one more time, the honesty of it was beautiful, but in the end, i really wasn't that interested in her life.)
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