love me back. merritt tierce. (237)

i saw merritt tierce's love me back on a book riot post and due to its cover, i decided to check it out.  you have to admit that the cover is quite intriguing, the neon lights, the sad yet hopefully sentiment.  i must admit that i am pretty good about judging a book by its cover, because i enjoyed this work.

i had no idea what love me back was about, when i picked it up.  i must have read a blurb about it on book riot but it didn't stick with me.  upon skimming the inside sleeve, i discovered that it was about a single mother and her work at restaurants.  i also learned that tierce was a "5 under 35" honoree and since i enjoyed molly antopol's the unamericans, i had high expectations for this work.  unjustly so, i know, but i did.

i have to say that love me back was beautifully written, i could not put it down, even though at times i was disgusted by what i read.  i guess that would be a testament to how well written it was. love me back is the story of marie, a young woman and her life working in restaurants.  marie, a single mother, though her daughter did not live with her, worked in a handful of restaurants, and spent her free time (the little time that she had, since she worked all the time) drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping with everyone she met at work.  marie's back story, which is revealed to us throughout the novel, and some details not until to the very end, was that marie's life was not so tragic, in fact, it was once filled with promise.  she was yale bound, but a church trip to mexico when she was seventeen, resulted in her being pregnant.  she ended up marrying the baby's father, and they lived together, but she ended up cheating on him, with everyone she worked with.  he learned of her cheating, after marie gave him chlamydia, which she contracted from one of the three men she was sleeping with at the time.  they separated, and he ended up with custody of the child.

throughout the novel, there are sections in which marie's stories are directed to her daughter, in which we learn of how her daughter came to be.  in her narrative, marie constantly spoke of wanting to do better for her daughter, or loving her daughter so much but it's just words.  in the end, one of marie's co-workers call her out on it, explaining that if they really wanted to be with their daughters, then they would be.  marie does love her daughter, but she does lie to herself about wanting to be there for her.  i am sure she loves her daughter, but as she admitted once she did not have that motherly instinct.

instead, the priorities in marie's life are drugs, alcohol, and sex.  i was disgusted and appalled by marie's actions.  i am all for one feeding their sexual appetite, but marie abused her body.  she was on self-destruction mode, she did drugs and had sex to distract herself from the pain she felt.  the pain that marie felt was never explicitly described, there didn't seem to be a specific source, other than life itself.  sure, her parents were overbearing, but they were initially helpful with the child, and she ran away from them.  her husband also seemed to be a good man, he was a responsible father and loved marie.  yet, it wasn't enough for marie.  i understand that yes, she lost her future, though never directly addressed, being unable to attend yale had to have had a negative effect on her.  however, instead of making her daughter the focus of her life, she instead sought ways to destroy herself.  and boy did she.  and i can understand the substance abuse to a certain extend, even the cutting and burning makes sense given her dealing with pain, however i could not believe what she allowed herself and others to do to her body sexually.  marie described situations in which she would do drugs and then let guys take turns with her in one night.  her last escapade before the novel closed, she had sex with brothers, in a moving truck?!?!?  it was disgusting to read about, and i couldn't imagine how someone can allow that to happen to themselves.  and i guess the frustrating part was that marie was better than that.  she was smart, but made bad decisions.   there was a handful of times in which she got herself clean, normally motivated by a man, but still she could clean.  she could have escaped the life she had but continue to life it. it was a very dark place that marie was in and i am grateful that i did not understand her.  

and in all honesty, i am not sure what to take away from this other then life is suffering.  and sometimes life deals you a shitty hand and instead of trying to make the best of it, you can just say fuck it and do what you want.  

regardless, of my approval of marie's life,  i do approve of tierce.  she is an amazing writer and i love forward to reading more from her.

oh and before i close i just have to add.  there was a part in which marie discussed how sometimes she will judge customers.  how they will come in, in jeans and order soft drinks and she thinks that there are going to waste her night and tip her poorly.  however, they end up asking for a bottle of champagne and wine and the next thing she knows they are leaving her a big tip.  this made me laugh because i feel like this happens to my friend larry and i when we go out to dinner.  he is a gm and is limited on his days off and sometimes we will go out to lunch or dinner and he will wear a sweatshirt and i look like i'm twelve.  and i'm pretty sure people are like why are these kids wasting my time.  and then we start ordering and it's majority of the menu and the servers realizes that we are going to get a good tip and that server's demeanor towards us totally changes.  lol

adam. ariel schrag. (236)

i requested adam after seeing it on flavorpill's must reads for june.  the premise sounded interesting, adam, a teen visiting his sister for the summer in new york became immersed in the lgbt community and mistaken for a trans person.  i imagined a book in which a sheltered young man learned an important life lesson of tolerance and acceptance.  this did occur but not in the way that i had expected it.

as i read and definitely once i was done, i wandered how the trans community felt about this work.  as an individual outside of the community, adam was very informative, i learned about how trans people identify themselves, the various procedures and methods they use tontransition and during transition and the political issues they support.  but at the same time, this teenager lied to an entire community and no one seemed to notice.  i mean that can speak to how truly accepting the community is that one can define themselves as they please and no one questions it.  however, it can also be framed as adam exploiting the community which is extremely intolerant.

i felt very uncomfortable reading about adam lying, to the point where i had to put the book down.  i know that in the end, gillian knew the truth all along, but that does not make adam's lying acceptable.  i was completely shocked that adam had sex with gillian without him telling gillian that he was not trans. i felt that adam violated gillian by not telling her the truth about his identity.  and i know people lie all the time about other factors ie wealth, relationship status, love, etc. to have sex with others, but i think one should be aware of their partner's gender prior to their having sex.  even though adam used a dildo, i still felt that he took advantage of gillian.  call me old-fashioned, but i do believe that you should be honest with the people you have sex with.

and i guess this is what schrag wanted to bring into question.  after i read adam. i googled to see how the trans community felt about this book and came across and article on book slut.  in it, the interviewer brought up the fact that he (i hope i am using the proper pronoun) does not feel the need to disclose that he was trans before having sex with someone, however, after reading adam, the interviewer needed to rethink this.  i personally believe that a trans person should reveal that they are trans.  i know that it's insensitive to request it since they are the gender that they identify with, but i think the other individual should know.  i know there is the risk of rejection due to this knowledge, but ideally we should have sex with people who accept us for who we are.  and i mean this for everyone, trans, cis, straight, gay, call me old-fashioned (again), but sex should be with people that appreciate you for being yourself.  (sorry that got really preachy).  i have never dated or had sex with a trans person so i can not say how i would react if i met a guy that i really liked, only to go home and found out he was born a girl.  if i really liked the guy, i would hope that i would be okay with it, but to be honest, i probably would be weirded out by it.  i don't know how i would react, but i would be glad that they were honest with me, instead of penetrating me with a dildo.  the dildo penetration, which i thought of as penis, i would view as a violation of my body.  i am not sure where it would fall on the spectrum of sexual violence, but to an extend, it would need to be frame so because i was consenting to having sex with a man and not a woman with a dildo.  i mean if it as a cis man that penetrated me with a dildo without my consent, i would definitely frame that as rape.  and this is essentially what adam did.  i don't know.  i hope i am not being insensitive, i just don't know what i would do if i was in gillian's position.  i guess to certain extent, your intuition would tell you, but still.  i know i would not be as cool about it as gillian.  i think i would be insulted more about being lied to then anything else in terms of identity.

and i have to add, adam was annoying at times.  i felt bad for the guy, i mean he was a teenager and they are that horrible, but sometimes i was like some trying so hard kid and be yourself.  in the end, he did learn to be himself.  i did think it was great that he became interested in gender identity.  all in all, an interesting read and a look into a subculture that the mainstream is not familiar with.  i also highly recommend reading the book slut interview after reading the book.

this is where i leave you. jonathan tropper.

my friend nina loaned me her copy of this is where i leave you handful of years ago (i should really return it), but i didn't read it.  i bought it on amazon because it was a daily deal, but still did not read it. i considered reading it when my grandma passed away, but wasn't sure if i was ready for it.  but what finally got me to read it was the fact that adam driver was in the movie version of it, along with jason bateman and tina fey.  my love for all three, especially driver, i decided to read so i could watch the film.

before i go on, i have to say based on what i read, i am sure driver was an excellent philip.  as i read, i totally driver was philip in mind (thanks to "girls" it was quite easy to do), even down to the random singing that he did.  i actually saw the movie cast as the characters in the book, because i imbd-ed the cast to see if adam was philip.  i think bateman was the perfect choice for jude.  and though i love her, i did not see tina fey as wendy.  i hate to be mean because i was a nerd in high school but i can't imagine tina fey being the girl everyone fell for in high school.  i know its so mean to say, i still love her, but really?  also, i can't imagine her having a romance with a ex-bad boy like horry.  i am happy with timothy olyphant's casting, mostly so i can drool! overall, i am looking forward to watching the movie, primarily because i think driver is going to be amazing.  i love love love loved the book and normally i don't like watching movies based on books, i love, because movies normally ruin it.  however, i think bateman and fey will be hilarious and if all else fails i'll just drool over driver. oh and of ben schwartz too!  love him as jean-ralphio on "parks and rec" and excited to watch him on the big screen too!

the novel was not at all what i expected, but in a good way.  i thought it would be some deep, meaningful, reflection on life and family since the foxmans were sitting shiva for their father.  however, it turns out that they were not practicing jews, so the novel turned out to be a lot funnier than i had anticipated.  

jude, the central character, and the perspective that we read from, in addition to dealing with his father's death is going through a rough patch right now, actually a more accurate adjective would be shitty patch.  he and his wife, jen, his college sweetheart, are currently separated because he found her in bed fucking (for lack of a better word) his boss.  this scene was shared in the story and was just as dramatizing for the reader as jude, but also extremely hilarious.  i think the reason this book is so great is that every single thought that crosses jude's mind was shared, there was no filter, the-horrible-i-could- never-share-it-but-i-definitely-thought-it-thoughts were shared.  due to this jude, became your best friend, you got frustrated with his actions, sympathized with things went wrong, and overall wanted the best for him.  and in my opinion the best would be for him to leave his wife, even though she was pregnant with his child (seriously, i swear, talk about a shitty patch, oh he found this out later, initially they thought it was his boss' child).  i understand that the lost of jude and jen's first child, had some serious repercussions and as jen explained she felt that jude had moved on and didn't provide any comfort to jen.  and i can understand that jen felt alone and depressed about this situation, however, the solution is not to have sex with your husband's boss, go to therapy, maybe try communicating to your husband but not an affair!  and from the scene that jude shared with us, it wasn't just sex, it was some serious fucking with jen making some crazy sounds.  so yeah, i didn't like jen.  i hope that jude ends up with his high school crush, penny, with whom jude has one of those pacts to marry if they aren't married by a certain age.  penny, though she was a total tease in high school, but i can see a good relationship blossoming between the two of them.  penny and jude went on a couple of dates, okay more like made out a lot and had sex, but she is a better option then jen.

in addition to all of this, jude also has to deal with his family because they are sitting shiva for their father.  and the foxmans, like every family, are screwed up but hilarious and always ready with a smartass remark (very much like my own family if i do say so).  to start, their mother, who flaunted her fake  breast was a shrink and a celebrity expert of parenting, and it will later will be revealed is bisexual and is dating their neighbor who was like a second mom to them.  paul, the eldest, was in charge of the family business, and he has his wife are trying for kids.  his wife is so desperate that she pretty much rapes jude though the term rape does not come up.  wendy and her husband barry have three kids but barry was more dedicated to his work than his family.  and wendy ended up sleeping with horry, their neighbor/best friend and son of their mom's new girlfriend.  philip, the baby and their parents had him later in life.  philip was the official fuck-up of the family, ie he showed up late to their father's service.  and though he was an asshole, the things he said were normally true and needed to be said.  but as you can see a lot of family drama, but that is a given with families.

 jude gets along with his sister wendy and littler brother philip for the most part, but his relationship with his older brother paul was a little estranged   it was later shared that paul lost his promising baseball career after a freak accident in which a dog attacked him after he and jude went to beat up this guy that kneed jude.  jude thought that paul resented him for this, but in fact it was revealed that paul resented the fact that jude never visited him or cared about his recovery, which was true.  jude turned out to be the ass.  and isn't that how it is, we go around blaming our family for all the wrongs in our life, but what we need to do take responsibility for our own actions.  we shouldn't keep a list of who did what for who, because at the end of the day, it's your family, you should have wanted to help.  whenever my little sister and i would fight, my grandma would always remind us that we might think we hate each other and can do without the another but we were family and that in the end, we were all we had.  when my grandma was ill in the hospital, right before she passed, my family came together, and there was reassurance to her that we would all take care of each other.  we haven't encountered anything (thankfully) that has required us to work as a support unit for one another, but i can see that there is some division among my mom's brothers and sisters. i don't know what the solution is for my family to have the togetherness that my grandmother wanted, i almost wish we had sat shiva, so that my aunts and uncles could have worked out all of their issues.  but i do have faith, i know they will come together, when they need to. 

back to the novel.  as i said, i was surprised by how funny the novel was, given its serious premise.  tropper is a wonderful writer and made me laugh with the most random comments throughout his work.  here are some of clever parts i enjoyed:

his description of linda callen, their neighbor and mom's closest friend turned lover, "like a wise mother rate from a disney cartoon, the sort that will sit in a tiny rocking chair and wear little rat glasses and be voiced by judi dench or hellen mirren."  

the description of wendy's son, cole, "cole is in what wendy refers to as his e.t. stage, wherein he waddles around the house like e.t., exploring and trashing everything within reach, making strange little noises as he goes."

i also loved how he described cole's two-year-old speech as "his immigrant english."   lol what a perfect metaphor for kids learning english.

talking about falling in love, "and even if you didn't fall in love in the eighties, in your mind it will all feel like the eighties, all innocent and airbrushed, with bright colors and shoulder pads and pat benatar or the cure on soundtrack."

this simile, "flashing him a look sharp enough for a circumcision."

"jen starts to silently cry, like those statues of the virgin mary that are always turning up in south american villages."  what a beautiful yet funny description of silent cry!

as you can see tropper has a way with words and the novel was very entertaining.

oh but i have to admit i did have one complaint.  there was a lot of ass looking in this book.  and i get it, guys check out girls' asses, but it seemed like every women under 40 had a perfect ass and that just seemed impossible.  i'm going to give jude the benefit of the doubt and think he just saw every ass as perfect because he was so fucked up.

but all in all, a wonderful book that i very much enjoyed.  and i can't wait for the movie!!! oh and hopefully i marry a jew but if i don't, my family will totally sit shiva.  though at my rate, i might only have one kid.

2 a.m. at the cat's pajamas. marie-helene bertino. (235)

i saw ads for 2 a.m. at the cat's pajamas on goodreads, but didn't give it much consideration. 

i also saw it on flavorpill's list of must-reads for august and still did not think of checking it out.  however, after reading mira jacob recommend 2 a.m. at the cat's pajamas on a book riot post on authors' summer readings (i loved her book), i decided to check it out.

oh and before i go on, i have to say that i impressed myself.  i had read 4 of the 5 authors (maggie shipstead, emma straub, kevin wilson, eleanor henderson) with blurbs on the back of novel.   (just wanted to brag about how well read i am.)

what a delightful book!!! (i should warn you now that this has spoilers, so go pick up the book first. also i have decided, i'm going to stop adding this into post, one should just know that there will always be spoilers.  you have been warned.)

the book takes place within a day (kind of like an season of  24), each chapter noted by the time, with the climax being at 2 a.m. at the cat's pajamas, a jazz club in philadelphia.  at the center of  2 a.m. at the cat's pajamas is madeline, a 9-year-old girl with the need/dream/goal to sing.  i fell in love with madeline, though she was not your typical 9-year-old, she was a diamond in the rough.  she smoked cigarettes, cursed like a sailor and didn't put up with any bullshit.  the reason for madeline's tough exterior was because she lost her mother and father.  her mother to cancer, her father to the inability to cope to his wife's death.  madeline's father was home but did not take care of madeline, instead he laid around the house in a drunken stupor, listening to jazz records.  with both parents absent, mrs. santiago, the owner of cafe near her home, was madeline's primary caretaker.  as madeline's story unfolded, we saw that friends and people that knew her mother, helped take care of her as well.

though madeline's mother was physically gone, her spirit wasn't, for she still gave her daughter advice via "how to" cards left in a recipe box.  i love the idea of these cards (maybe i will steal it for when i get married, have my guest write how to cards.)  the cards range in topics from "how to sew a button, to how to make wrapping ribbons into curlicues, how to check car oil, how to talk about a book you haven't read."  the one that madeline was looking for "how to get over poetic horrors", which  listed "ice cream, chocolate, whiskey, nina simone "live at the village gate" dance, national geographic, get your hair and nails done, sing."  cute idea, huh!  the last one sing, madeline could actually due.  in a sweet memory shared via her father, we learn that madeline could sing before she could talk, thus starting a life long love of jazz.  this love of jazz and need to sing resulted in madeline heading toward the cat's pajamas.

with madeline as lead, there is an assortment of characters as her supporting cast.  another central character was miss sarina greene, madeline's teacher.  sarina moved back to philadelphia when her mother became ill.  divorced, she was haunted by ben, a boy that broke her heart at prom, many years ago.  due to a chance encounter with a women she knew from high school, sarina and ben cross paths again.  their love story was great but i did become frustrated by it.  people just need to be honest, love would be so much easier, if everyone was truthful about their feelings.  i must add i did enjoy reading about sarina and ben's walking adventure around philadelphia, though i do not understand how they could stand jumping into fountains with it being so cold.

another important character was lorca, the owner of the cat's pajamas.  i must admit that i did become confused by all the characters that were introduced via him.  his subplots include the possible losing of the cat's pajamas due to too many violations and coming to terms with his son's talent as a jazz guitarist.  though lorca loved jazz, he did not want his son to lead the life of a jazz musician.

the thing that i enjoyed about this novel was that every character was given a background in which we were allowed to contextualize them.  even the minor players that seemed to hold no real significance.  i appreciated this because as humans we only see our story, and never really get to know all the random people that cross our path.  it was nice in this universe to know what everyone was dealing with and who they were, it made the world seem less big and scary.

so what exactly happened at 2 a.m. at the cat's pajamas?!?!!  magic.  madeline made it up on stage and changed people, freed them filled them with hope.  she didn't save the cat's pajamas, but she filled hope for whatever lays ahead.  as ben told the man while waiting for the train, "everything is going to be fine." even philadelphia with its "sorry shit" couldn't hold anyone down.

a truly delightful book, with memorable characters.  bertino is an excellent writer, very witty, and had a rhythm to her writing.  i also appreciated how there were so many mini cliffhangers in the book, having to quickly turn the page and start the next chapter to discover how the story would unfold.  a great read, it was definitely the cat's pajamas.