the odd woman and the city. (296)

i picked up vivian gornick's the odd woman and the city because it was on flavorpill's list of must read for may.  they wrote:

A wonderful and clear-eyed memoir of Gornick’s time in New York City that doubles as an appreciation of friendship — which more and more avails itself as the most important theme of our time.

i had never read anything else by gornick, but i liked the title and a memoir about nyc sounded interesting.  i must add that now i do want to read her other works, esp the feminist one.  she also inspired me to check out charles reznikoff's poetry after reading his poems in this work.  i might also check out the george gissing novel that inspired the title.

so even with being unfamiliar with her work, i found this work to be a delight.  it's a memoir but more like a journal.  we get tidbits about her life, friendships, and what i loved most vignettes from her life in new york city.

i must admit that it made me wish i loved in nyc.  as i read about the streets of new york, i regretted that my images were from memories from visits and not from living there.  none the less, the little scenes i read made me fall in love with nyc.

i loved the story of the man and the woman on the subway discussing the christian's hatred of jews.  the woman sharing, "after all, it the romans who killed him.  why don't they blame the italians."  the story of the boy and his father signing on the subway made me smile.  the boy deformed and as gornick at first surprised by his look later saw his beauty.  i also felt her frustration about the man on the bus talking too loudly on his phone.  i think good bus ettiquette is a lost art and am always silently angry at people who play music or talk loudly on a bus.  and the end, i loved the evasdropping she shared with us, esp these two conversations:

"when i was young, men were the main course, now they're the condiment."

and 

"i didn't realize you were such good friends.  what did she give you, that you miss her so?" "it wasn't what she gave me . . . it was what she didn't take away."

so many delightful and insightful things one hears.  i also learned that i shouldn't judge my friend markley, for all the evasdropping he does in nyc.

the work also focused on friendship.  she shared different friendships of hers, especially her friend leonard.  she examined why she was friends with particular people. n she also shared a handful of stories of authors and their friendships, looking at what draws people to each other. but in the end, the work is really about loneliness, as flavorpill noted.  it's actually more about finding solitude versus loneliness.

as she discussed, she discovered whole reading edmund gosse's memoir, father and son, that "one is lonely for the absent idealized other self, but in useful solitude i am there, keeping myself imaginative company, breaking life into silence,

filling the room with proof of my own sentient being."  

and this i feel is the heart of the memoir.  in solitude and keeping herself company, gornick wandered around and enjoyed new york city.

the work also had some beautiful life lessons that i didn't pay attention too because it became too wordy for me.  however, one day when i am older, i will revisit this work but for not will take the lessons that i saw best for me.