one more time. carol burnett. (315)

i decided to read one more time after reading about carol burnett's life in gumption.  offerman discussed burnett growing up poor and on welfare, something that surprised me.  the bibliography mentioned her memoir and so i put in a request.

as i may have discussed earlier, i spent one summer, home on vacation, watching the carol burnett show.  my grandma said she used to love it and so i started to watch reruns and of course fell in love.  i didn't become a fanatic but did spend that summer loving her show.  my grandma also shared how she would give her ear a tug to say hello to her family.  

with how successful burnett is, i was surprised to learn about her childhood on welfare.  i would have never thought of her as having such humble beginnings but burnett is a true example of the american dream.

burnett's home life growing up reminded me of my own.  we both had absent fathers though hers was an alcoholic, and we were both very close to our grandmothers.  her being her grandma's shadow reminded me of my grandma bea.  i wasn't as clingy as burnett, but i also did everything with my grandma and had anxiety over the idea that she would die when i was little (both of our grandmothers lived into our adulthood).  

burnett was under the care of her grandmother because her mother had moved out to hollywood.  her mother was in and out of work and later on in carol's life suffered from alcoholism as well.  due to her parents lack of employment and disease, her grandma and she were on welfare. though poor, burnett's childhood was exciting.  she and her grandmother moved out to hollywood.  it was interesting to read about her live in hollywood and picturing the streets and corners she talked about.    it was fun to read about her growing up and being a teen in hollywood. 

this memoir covered burnett's life up to her big break into the entertainment industry, but it's was sprinkled with stories from her recent life. sharing how people from her past reappeared.  i like the story of her giving a grandmother and her granddaughter $50 to take a cab after she saw them waiting for a bus and was reminded of waiting with her grandma and how much she hated the bus.  i also liked when one of the popular girls from high school came to carol's table at dinner to say she was a fan and didn't remember carol from high school.

the other tales that stand out where how she was truly lucky when it came to her success.  for example, she had applied to UCLA but could not afford the tuition. however, on the day her fees were due, $50 showed up in her mailbox, with her name on it, but no return address.  thanks to this surprise, she went to UCLA.  also, i had no idea she was a fellow bruin!

another great story was her benefactor. after performing in honor of one of her mentors, she spoke with a man about her future plans.  she explained that she needed to be in new york to make it big, and he asked what was stopping her and she explained money.  he then set up a meeting with her later in the week.  at the meeting, he loaned her $1000 to be paid back in 5 years.  with she moved to new york, struggled a bit, but as we know made it!  her benefactor never was named, but as we learned in a story, was very proud of her success.

it may seem like luck, but burnett wouldn't be as successful if she wasn't such a hard worker.  she was determined to make it and took chances and due to it became the wonderful comedienne genius that she is!  

this memoir was a delight and i look forward to reading her other one.  i have to add this memoir reminded me of the importance of persevering our own stories.  this memoir was written for her kids to know her life story, which is something everyone should do.  

namedropper. emma forrest. (273)

for 2015, i decided to do book riot's "read harder" challenge.  one of the challenges is to read a book that someone wrote when they were under the age of 25.  lucky for me, flavorpill had a post about authors who published great books before the age of 25.  this is how i discovered emma forrest and namedropper.  the flavorpill blurb nameddropped tavi gevinson and lena dunham and so of course i had to read this.  furthermore, it mentioned that the book came out when forrest was being called "the teenage 'voice of her generation'".

i have to say that if i read this back in 1998, i would have been obsessed with emma forrest and namedropper.  i really wish i would have found it in high school, like i stumbled upon blake nelson's girl.  i mean the cover would have won me over.  oh well.  adult me read it and loved it, but not as much as teenage me would have.

namedropper follows the life of teenager viv cohen.  viv was obsessed with old hollywood, best friends with a druggy hot girl, treena, and an aging pop star, ray, and was raised by her gay uncle.  (i would have loved to have been raised by a gay uncle!)  the heart of the story is one night, she met the opening act for ray, a boy named drew, his band named "kindness of strangers" (which is cute now that i think about it. lol) viv and i have the same taste in men because i would have been all about drew.  scrawny, pale kid, artsy, bookish, into things from the past and depressed.  i imagined conor oberst as i read. lol.  after a lovely evening, in which viv falls in love.  drew winds up missing and she decided to go on a search for him.

  

viv and ray go on a hunt for drew, but the end result was that viv discovered her night with drew was nothing special for the desk girl at the hotel had a similar night as well. 

but life is not sad for too long, because ray invited her and treena to los angeles with him while he promoted his new album in the states. maybe i was smarter than average bear, but i knew that treena and ray were fucking. i knew the second he left viv on the drew hunt.  anyway, i felt bad for viv cos i have been in that awkwardness before.  but it wasn't that bad, because viv had her adventure with the lead singer of ray's rvial band.  i wish there love affair would have lasted, but it had to end.  he had a girlfriend.  also i like uncle many was pissed about tattoos.

so that is a run down of the story, which was enjoyable.  i, of course, loved the bit about hollywood.  i have to add that it made me sad that i never visited the rocky and bullwinkle gift shop that viv mentioned.  i googled the dudley-do right emporium and it closed in 2005 and i was in la during the time.  i used to always take the  bus down sunset to the greyhound so i know i passed it but it didn't strike a cord in me.  i definitely got drunk on sunset too.  i googled and looked at pics, and it looked vaguely familiar, but i could just want the memory.

so as i said, i would have been obsessed with this book, if i was a teen, because i would have loved reading about her fun adventures with bands.  but what made me love this book now was all of the witty writing.  here is some of my favorite:

from their black miss haversham clothes, i guessed the former.  (i love the description of the goth wear!)

my moods are the equivalent to madonna's dancing:  inappropriate but all-out. 

tears sprung in my eyes, like russian ballet stars.

she looked like a quentin blake illustration in a roald dahl book.  (so cute right?)

all in all, a delightful book, which i recommend if you love tavi and lena.  oh and i have to add, it totally made me crave salt and vinegar crisps, which viv ate and so of course after reading, i had to do!

                                                                                                         

everything leads to you. nina lacour. (215)

i can't remember how i first heard about nina lacour's everything leads to you. i searched flavorpill and the huffington post websites.  i even went over all the facebook pages i like, book riot, penguin paperback, random house, but could not find anything.  i finally decided upon penguin's first to read program. i must have read a blurb and decided to check it out.  i stressed out about how i found it because initially i hated it.  i hated it so much that i stopped about 60 pages in and decided to return it.  i couldn't do it, it was just so horrible.  i even planned writing about how much i did not enjoy it.  but i gave it a second chance and it turned out to be okay.  extremely predictable and cleaned up too nicely but then again it is a young adult novel.

i hate to come across like some book snob like ya novels should not be read about adults, i read ya novels all the time.  the issue that i had with this novel was that characters did not seem their age.  the situations they were in did not seem plausible for high school students.  i mean the main character emi and charlotte are intern for movies which would be more of a college thing.  it is addressed way later in the book that she started off in job via her brother but still it made no sense initially.  it would have made more sense if they were college students (even first years would have made more sense) versus high school seniors.  i felt like they were placed in high school simply so it would qualify for a ya novel.  so this judgement which occurred early on made it difficult for me to get into the book.

secondly, emi being naive and silly when it came to love.  i mean i can barely handle love in adult novels so i having to read about a high school senior being taken advantage of by her older ex didn't feel like my cup of tea.  i also couldn't take emi seriously due to it.  i mean i get that part of the plot is her growth in terms of understanding love but still teeny bopper romance not my thing.  though i will add kudos for lacour having emi be a lesbian.

thirdly, not that i ever been in the movie industry but all of that seemed far fetch too.  their jobs just seemed too perfect.  i mean the occurrence that starts off the story was so unrealistic.  also regardless of how much money their boss spent a record and belt buckle would have never just been given away like that.  i have seen enough of pawn stars to know that that buckle was more valuable esp since if was in a movies.   and also i just felt for being so young they had so much responsibility.  

the first 60 pages all i could think was, this would never happen in real life.  i am not sure what came over me but i decided to finish this book.  and it turned out to not be that bad.  i mean it was pretty predictable but it was sweet.

the story starts off with two friends, emi and charlotte, discover a letter written by deceased hollywood icon, clyde jones, in a record from his estate sale.  they decided to return the letter to the addressee.  they then discover that jones had a secret daughter.  however his daughter died so they go in search of his granddaughter. 

they find her ava, who is beautiful and a struggling actress.  they help her learn more about her past and help her come into her fortune.  emi also became a production designer for a movie which ava gets the lead!  and then emi and ava fall in love!  oh and toby and charlotte admit love for each other.  it all cleans up so nicely in the end just like a hollywood movie!!

i am being sarcastic now but high school senior me would have problem loved this.  i mean i did read nicholas sparks back then.

i should add that part of the reason i wanted to finish it was because  everything leads to you is set in los angeles.  i love reading about la.  and though i loved la as its backdrop, it was obvious the author was not a la native (the back flap said she is a norcal girl.) first of all, she spelled silverlake as silver lake.  and seriously everyone was way too willing to drive around everywhere.  i mean for morgan to just zip up to pasadena like that from what i am is assuming weho (actually where do lesbian brunch) okay maybe echo park seemed like a lot.  though it was work-related.  but la drivers hate actually having to drive outside of their neighborhoods.  also driving out to the deserts means driving out on the 10 to palm springs.  driving up the 405

to leona valley would be driving up the 405 to leona valley.  but the directions to the bev center was correct! 

all in all, an enjoyable read if you are 16.  if you aren't find something else to read.

the last tycoon. f. scott fitzgerald. (115)

i have read all of f. scott's fitzgerald's novels with the exception of "the last tycoon".  i skipped it because it was published posthumously.  novels that are published after an author's death seem incomplete to me.  sure there are notes and outlines that can help complete it but what if while the author was writing a new idea struck him/her than those outlines and notes would be pointless.  a novel should have the author's stamp of approval before it is released to the world.  

however, after reading nancy milford's "zelda", i decided to give in and read "the last tycoon".  while reading "zelda" i realized that all of fitzgerald's novels are pretty much autobiographies so i needed to read "the last tycoon" to get a glimpse into his life when he was in hollywood and zelda was institutionalized.  also milford mentioned that the love interest in "the last tycoon" was not based on zelda but fitzgerald's mistress at the time, sheliah graham.  due to this i felt i had to read fitzgerald take on his affair.  in addition to this it would also help give some background for my next fitzgerald read "beautiful fools" a novel by r. clifton spargo about a trip scott and zelda.  the trip takes place during the time period scott was living in hollywood and graham was his mistress.

though zelda did not know of graham, she knew kathleen was not modeled after her, as all of the previous fitzgerald female characters had been.  milford explained in her book that zelda did not like the heroine of "the last tycoon", kathleen.  and maybe all of my recent zelda reading has made me biased but i also did not like kathleen.  kathleen was unworthy of stahr's love, there was no piazza or wow to her other than her resemblance to his dead wife, minna.  oddly enough, milford explained that graham had a striking resemblance to zelda.  (i will expand on this in a bit).  there seemed to be no real chemistry between stahr and kathleen other than a physical attraction.  also kathleen seemed to have no backbone or heart, she didn't read as mysterious but a coward.   i didn't like how she kept her engagement a secret from stahr. i felt like  she played with stahr's emotions because she liked being in proximity to power.  the narrator explained how kathleen was "un-hollywood" but she still played games like she was part of the hollywood set.  kathleen was also a bit of a bore, she had relationships with interesting men but was not interesting herself.  maybe fitzgerald would have developed her more but as kathleen is, she does not deserve to be the object of stahr's affection.

however, if you read "the last tycoon" as autobiographical than the lack of actual chemistry between stahr and kathleen is a good thing because it demonstrated that fitzgerald's love for graham was superficial.  in the novel, stahr is a widow and his initial attraction to kathleen is because she looked like his dead wife.  as mentioned before, in real life graham looked like zelda, though zelda was not dead, her institutionalization must have felt like her death to fitzgerald.  stahr does not seem to be in love with kathleen but rather with the sentiment that she arose in him based one her likeness to minna.  it must have been the same for fitzgerald and graham.  as shown in milford's book, zelda's institualtionalizations was a burden on fitzgerald but he still loved her.  and though i do not condone fitzgerald's infidelity, i do not think he really loved graham.  i think she was a placeholder for his actual feelings for zelda, just as kathleen was for minna.  fitzgerald like stahr was not content with life and grasped onto a girl to hopefully find fulfillment.  even more odd, fitzgerald died without resolving his novel just like stahr died so we never get a resolution on his affair with kathleen.  however, i am going to say that stahr and kathleen's relationship would have amounted to nothing because like zelda for scott, minna was stahr's true love.  (i can and will admit that my interpretation of stahr's superficial love for kathleen is my need to have scott and zelda be the true love i think of it as, i mean i know they were a mess but there was something magical about them.)

"the last tycoon" also focused on hollywood and it's politics, not only in terms of the country (their is talk anout who is "red") but also within studios.  it was interesting to read about it though i didn't find it completely enthralling.  i also liked the narrator, cecilia, she reminded me of nick from "the great gatsby" both have an endearing naivety to them though cecilia does have a bit of a conniving streak.  

i also enjoyed reading the notes f. scott fitzgerald left for it.  it's amazing to see all the prework that goes into writing a novel.  i was shocked that he gave himself a word limit.  he wanted to keep it short like "the great gatsby".  i also loved how his characters have such depth backgrounds though we might not be shown all of it, fitzgerald at least saw them as a complete person.

i do wish fitzgerald was able to finish it.  i am not sure it would have been on the level of "the great gatsby" but i think not would have made for an excellent film.  one was made in 62, i think, i want to see it but it probably would have been better if it was based on a completed novel,