modern romance. aziz ansari. (290)

before i start about the book, i have to begin with my love for aziz ansari.  so it all started with the movie, funny people, randy had be dying, he was like the highlight of the movie.  then, i started watching parks and recreation, and when tom created a tent that looked like something out of harry potter, and made sure to keep up with top chef, i was like, we could so be bffs.  and then, he was on lcd soundsystem's last concert dvd, and i was like we really need to be friends.  so now i am like his biggest fan, because, he is hilarious, eats well, and his friends with james murphy!  when i heard that he had a book deal, i was super excited, though i wish it were a memoir, a sociology book on love impressed me.  i have to add that i did see his modern romance tour with my sister and glad i did, because it goes hand and hand with this book.

and before i start on the book, i have to add that i saw aziz at bookcon and he was the best panel of the day.  even better than the much anticipated mindy kaling and bj novak panel (sorry guys).  the stories behind and in his book were hilarious, but the best was the q&a.  so i just googled and it's online and i am going to post it here.  please watch:

so i was dying, absolutely dying during his q&a, when he told the first girl that he didn't care where she was from.  and he called out that other fan for the stupid swagalicous question and last but not least the last question.  so enjoyable and we also got conversation hearts that were printed with quotes from the book.  so freakin' cool.

so the book was hilarious and being a single lady, surprisingly very helpful.  the book offers a lot of helpful advice finding love in this modern world.  here is what i learned:

-i need to start having friends set me up on dates.  back in the day, people married people that lived in their neighborhood since that is what their life was restricted to.  now people move away for school, work, etc. and just like aziz shared, i wouldn't want to marry a bozo from delano (no offense, people from delano), but i guess to get that quality neighborhood kind vibe, being set up by friends would be my best bet.  so friend start setting me up!

-how to do online dating right!  so i have been on okcupid and pretty much i just check out people, i don't really contact anyone, but i will start.  and start going on actual dates.  they share that people spend too much time getting to know each other online versus going on actual dates and face time (actual face time and not facetime) is what helps us determine if we are a match with someone or not.  also there was a hilarious segment on optimal profile photos.

-it was interesting to read about all the subtext there is to texting now.  how like pauses cause us to stress out when sometimes, people are just busy.  i will say that i am glad i was part of the generation that actually used to talk to people on the phone (though i rarely do that now), but i mean these kids today only text.  i was shocked to read how many were comfortable breaking up with someone via text.

-also texting and emails does allow us to have a paper trail of our love lives, which is sweet if we are together.  i have to admit to spending nights reading old emails from people i thought i loved and being heartbroken about how happy we once were and angry about how shitty things became.

-speaking of breaking up, honesty is the best policy.  i loved the experiment he did while on tour, having people raise their hand if they ever lied about the reason they wanted to break up with someone and then asking if they would want honesty or to be lied to if someone broke up with them.  i was one of those contradicting audience members!

-it was also interesting to read about how what we want in a partner has changed.  i mean we are all looking for this elusive soulmate, but it seemed like back in the day people got married and grew to love each other.  we need to lower our standards! lol jk

- also we do have an infinite number of options so that makes choosing a partner, difficult as well.

-tokyo is freaking amazing.  i really want to stay at the jurassic park hotel, see ladies sitting on large robots and of course get good ramen. it was also interesting to learn about the herbivore men phenomena, it reminded me of fight club, this idea of generation of emasculated men raised by their mothers.  also that whole weird thing lubing up and rubbing yourself on someone sounded fun if you were in a relationship but sad if you do it cos you are single.

-the whole argentine part was crazy to read but i got it.  when i was in buenos aires, my friends and i were always shocked by the number of being making out at dinner.  also sadly i never got catcalled there.  

-i loved the girl who photoshopped beyonce into her photos with her ex.  reminded me of that satc quote to destroy all pictures where he looks good and you look happy.

-i also loved how aziz shared about his actual gf now. i knew she was a chef, i missed her pop-up in la at son of gun.  i had no idea that she worked for momofuku milkbar and loved that they bonded over cookies.

-i laughed outloud every time aziz made fun of alfredo, the doughnut lover.

of course, i also saw why aziz and i should be friends.  as i posted on insta this: 

why aziz ansari and i should be friends:  a mutual love of taxidermy, a strong desire to always eat the best tacos life has to offer, and of course, a need for delicious ramen in our lives

seriously, how are we not friends yet?

anyway, if you are single or love aziz, pick up this book.  it will make you laugh out loud and hopefully help you find modern love.  

then again, maybe i won't. judy blume. (289)

growing up, i loved judy blume.  my mom for some reason, maybe the cover with the boy with the binoculars made her suspicious, decided to read then again, maybe i won't.  when she was done, i was told i couldn't read it.  i assumed it had something to do with puberty or sex (though i had no idea what was truly involved with the later), but listened to my mom and never read it . . . until now!

then again, maybe i won't told the story of tony, a extremely sensitive little

boy, i mean he got stomach pains when he saw his friend do something morally wrong.  his dad striked it rich when he sold an electronic cartridge and tony and his family moved on up like the jeffersons.  however, tony learned the truth behind mo' money, mo' problems.

the person that makes it difficult was tony's mom.  by the way, reading all of these books, i wonder what kind of relationship blume and with her mother.  all of her mother's are overbearing and worry too much, especially about what others will think of them.  this was the case with tony's mom, she tried to hard to fit in and doesn't realize that just because you have money, it doesn't make your moral.  this was demonstrated by tony's neighbor, joel.  his mother, impressed by the joel's family, thinks joel is an angel, but that kid is a klepto and gets drunk!!  what a bad egg!

but what upset me the most was how her mom gave grandma the boot in the kitchen because of that maid! it broken my heart to see the mom have no backbone and for the grandma to lock herself in the room.  i wish that storyline had a happier ending but it never got resolved.

i have to add, i kept on waiting for the other shoe to drop.  tony's family was spending that dough but luckily it still continued to come in!

so what was my mom all stressed about me reading?  well, tony is going through puberty and so there is talk about masturbation and wet dreams.  however, i am pretty sure all of that would have gone over my head (see:  deenie).  tony is also a total perv and spies on joel's sister, lisa, while she undresses, which also never really got resolved either.  other than he realized he should stop doing it!

i have to add, there was a scene in which tony gets a hard-on while demonstrating a math problem at school and hides it with his book.  as i read that, it sounded familiar but it's kind of a common thing for boys to do.  i feel like the same thing may have happened to a friend in high school and he shared his story with me.

all in all, a good read for boys.  i told my mom maybe she should have my little brother read it.  she said she should read it to know what he is going through. lol

deenie. judy blume. (286)

i remember my friend chandra telling me to read deenie once on instagram, i told her i never read it, but i was wrong.  i had read deenie, just forgot what it was called.  i remember a story about a girl having to wear a brace, when i reread blubber, i thought the brace happened in that, but wrong again.  and to be completely honest, all i remember other than the brace was the making out in the laundry room with the brace on (what a pervy kid!)

so deenie was the story of a beautiful girl, deenie, that had scoliosis and had to wear a brace.  and i must say she was a better kid then i because she handled it very well.  there were some breakdowns but for the most part, she just dealt with it.  though that whole undershirt thing was weird.  but a great lesson for kids about having to deal with a handicap and also to be accepting of those with one as well.

i have to add that while deenie was a heat kid, her mother was the worse!  poor thing! i can not imagine having a mother like that.  it was horrible how the mom tried to blame the dad's family for her disease.  also all of the crying by the mom was too much, get a grip, lady! it was also sad how much pride she took in deenie's good looks.  i am glad helen stood up to her at the end, a mom should not live vicariously through their kids, but rather support their talents.  luckily, deenie and helen were more sensible then their mother.

okay, so now to the juicy stuff! so you know how people are always trying to ban books because of the sex stuff in them.  and one argument is that that stuff probably goes over the kid's head, well i am proof of that, because all of the talk about masturbation and sexual intercross went right over my head! as kid, i was turned on by the kissing, and had no idea what else was going on.  i probably assumed her special spot was on her stomach. lol. 

quick digression, at her talk, judy blume discussed how someone once thought her special spot was her elbow!

but yeah, deenie masturbating went over my head in elementary school.  though i have to add what wonderful advice for adolescence about masturbation.  it's normal!  i mean i didn't start until i was in high school, but saw nothing wrong with it and never felt guilty about it.  (i have mentioned this before.)

i will have to say that this is a must read for every girl and kudos to blume and deenie on the positive view of female masturbation! 

otherwise known as the sheila the great. judy blume. (285)

i remember reading otherwise known as sheila the great as a kid because i was excited that character from the fudge series had her own book!  however, all i remember from the novel is mouse's little sister, betsey, and the box she dragged around as a pet.  i have no idea why that stuck with me, but my love for marcel the shell and his "dog" makes sense.

otherwise known as sheila the great told the story of sheila tubman's summer in tarrytown.  and to be honest, as an adult, sheila is a total brat! i think as an child, i would have been annoyed by her as well.  blume must have written to her as a foil for the reader, so that they could see sheila's flaws and not make the same errors.  i mean those slam book descriptions are pretty on point.

sheila was a liar, she lies to cover up what she was scared of and couldn't do. i mean, mouse, saw through it and was still her friend.  i for one was getting annoyed by it yet, this is how kids are.  

things that annoyed me about sheila:

-how she destroyed bobby's models

-how she wasted all those materials for the camp paper

-how she didn't want to try anything in swim lessons (i would have shot myself if i was her swim coach)

-her lying about everything 

as i write this list, blume had to have written this to show kids how not to act.  sheila is definitely not lovable like margaret!  or peter!  so i guess this is a good book, if your child needs to

stop lying or overcome a fear.

iggie's house. judy blume. (284)

after seeing judy blume last tuesday for her book, in the unlikely event, i decided to reread all of our books.  and since june 17, is blumes day (though i might be the only one keeping it going), i decided to check out whatever was at the library that i didn't recall reading as a kid or needed to reread because i forgot what it was about.  i decided to read them in chronological order based on publishing date.

the first then was iggie's house.  i remember owning a copy of the book as a kid but i never finished it.  i remember the cover had a white girl with a family if black kids sitting on a porch.  on this cover, in front of a home, is the sign stating "go back where you belong! we don't want your kind around here"!this cover, let me know from the beginning that it would be about racism specifically based on housing policies.  

iggie's house was told from the perspective of winnie.  her best friend, iggie just moved to tokyo, and though she was sad about this, she was excited to meet the new family that moved in.  to everyone's surprise, the new family is negro or as winnie points out they call themselves black.  i did appreciate how blume took the time to explain via winnie that people should be defined as seen fit.  when making up her petition, she noted how her teacher used "negro", mrs. landon "colored", but the garbers, called themselves black.  due to their skin tone, one neighbor, mrs. landon, tried to get them to move out.  winnie knows this is not right and as the novel unfolds winne learns that the world is not always black and white when it comes to race.

winnie was a great character in they she doesn't discriminate, and tried to make friends with the gerber regardless of their skin color.  for kids growing up in the seventies, this is an important lesson considering that the decade before blacks and whites were still segregated.  however, it was disheartening to see her parents not stand up out right for the garbers.  her father was a little more forward thinking then her mom, but no one out right said racism was wrong.  the same went for her teacher, though it is true, we shouldn't like a specific race because we pity them it just as bad as  discrimination, but i wish he would have given a less PC answer.  but i guess it just goes to show that that is how it was then, people knew racism was wrong but no one really did anything to truly stop it. so, i shouldn't be that harsh on blume for not writing a more progressive adult character.  she was probably being true to her experience.  these people grew up in segregated america, so it would be hard to teach them new tricks.

furthermore, winnie demonstrated that any social change does come via the new generation.  and had we need to

make sure to teach her children to be accepting and tolerant of everyone.

skippy dies. paul murray. (283)

i picked up skippy dies because it was one flavorpill's 10 great off-kilter love story lists.  and though i love emily temple's list, i have no idea how this book made this list.  yes, there is a love story, somewhat, and yes, it is off-kilter, but it was not a quirky love story like office girl and high fidelity (both which i love) that are on this list.  i had gone in with the wrong mindset because i would not describe this book as a love story.  i mean my initial reaction when i finish this book was, "this book was fucked up."

it is also long.  this book is 661 pages long!  and in all honesty, i regret spending so much time on this novel.  i actually read about 300 pages, or so, stopped to read another novels and then went back to.  and in all honesty, i surprised myself that i picked it up again.  i did and i knocked out the last 250 pages in a day, cos i was like let's just get this over with already.  i will add the story is a lot of background that doesn't come together until the end, so i mean it was easy to get through because everything interesting is at the end.

so as the title tells you, skippy dies, the story opened with his death and then recounted what happened prior to it and the after effects of it.

skippy, or daniel juster, was a young boy attending a prestigious all boys school in ireland, seabrook.  though the school of the rich, seabrook, was not as perfect as the acting principal wanted everyone to believe.  the students and staff are all fucked.  there a handful of characters that we meet and their stories are what makes the novel so long:

ruprecht:  skippy's roommate.  he was having a donut eating contest with skippy, when skippy died.  an intelligent yet socially awkward kid that 

your voice in my head. emma forrest. (282)

after reading namedropper, i googled about emma forrest to discover if she really dated a famous uk rockstar when she was younger (i didn't discover anything).  i did discover that emma watson was set to portray her in her memoir, your voice inside my head.  so i decided to check it out.  and i have to say that i am glad i did.

to start, i have noticed that i have started to read a lot of female narratives that fall into this like hbo girls kind of vein of life, white privilege with some kind of trauma that results in messy life, oh and they are writers which is why i am reading them.  i don't know what this genre would be called but it includes emma forrest, lena dunham, sloane crosley, sheila heti, emily gould, and caitlin moran.  i enjoy the works, though they started to resemble each other, for example, when forrest talked about her mother's previous marriage, i confused it with crosley's story about discovering her mom's previous marriage.  they are all great works, but they all seem to be a similar type of girl that wrote this; white, privileged, well-educated, artistic, and some kind of sexual trauma.  i have no issues with their white privilege, just something i observed, and though i am of color, i can still identify with them.

your voice in my head discussed forrest's depression along with her lost of her psychiatrist, he passed away, and also her lover, GH (short for gypsy husband), he ran away from commitment.  though at times it reads like a gossip column since GH was famous,  the work is more of a tribute to her psychiatrist, dr. r.

several chapters close with a testimonal from his patients or friends of patients, about how he saved their lives or the loved ones' lives.  he sounded like an amazing person, caring, non-judgmental and truly worked towards his patients improving.  reading forrest's descriptions of him, made me wish, he was my psychiatrist. forrest went to dr. r during a very dark period in her life, she was depressed and damaging her body through sex and cutting. before, i go on, i have to say i admire forrest for her honesty in this work.  she shared very intimate and painful details.  though, forrest had started seeing him, she attempted suicide.  we then see her road to better mental health and a long a way a lot is revealed.  she was raped as a teen, something she denied for a while.  we also see what a great and caring (and musical loving) dr. r was.

forrest's live seemed to up on the up, when she got involved with GH.  while googling to see if the author that dr. r hated was salman rushdie, i discovered that GH was colin farrell! which kind of ruined the book because i kept on picturing him which i guess was the case.  i also felt bad cos i was like really? her which is what forrest had to constantly read about on gossip blogs. but yeah colin farrell, and can i just add i want to be wooed by someone with money! i mean random trips around the world! must be nice!  so farrell is a we-man (remember in satc when samantha falls for that guy who is always saying we this, we that), talking about the future and even going so far has saying he wants a child and naming her pearl and buying pearl a rabbit fur coat!  but like the we-man of satc, they constantly use we because they are trying to convince themselves that they are not afraid of commitment, but they are.  farrell broke up with her and cold-heartedly moved on with his life.

forrest again at rock bottom, but this time had no one to turn to because dr. r had passed away from lung cancer, something he didn't share with his parents.  forrest became depressed and tried to find closure with his death and with GH leaving her.  in the end, she starts to listen to dr. r's voice in her head and moved on.

quick sidenote, forrest met with dr. r's wife in an attempt to come to turns with his death. it seemed horrible and selfish to be considering that yes she lost her doctor but his wife lost her husband.  but i guess the wife knew her husband's line of practice and was surprisingly as kind and sweet as her husband for helping forrest though she had the larger burden to bear.

this was a great work, kind of like a modern day the bell jar.  again, i admire forrest for her honesty and doctors like dr. r for helping those in need.  this book easily could have annoyed me like eat,

pray, love, gilbert did have a blurb in the back, but forrest wasn't self-righteous in her need to share her story.

speaking of blurbs, i loved that florence from florence and the machine had a blurb on the back about the book!

last but not least, if you read this, which i recommend before the film comes out, i would go for the book with the ophelia cover.  i love the anecdote that opened the book, though it was sad.  i have to add i see viv from namedropper salt and vinegar crisps eating came from forrest herself.

i was told there'd be cake. sloane crosley. (280)

i decided to reread i was told there'd be cake because sloane crosley was at bookcon.  unfortunately, i didn't see her. i also didn't finish the book before i left.  i had about a chapter left and thought i could download the ebook from the library, however, they didn't have the ebook so i didn't finish before bookcon.  i did when i came back.

to start, i have to say that on my first reading, i absolutely love love loved this collection of essays.  i felt like sloane was writing about my life, so many times, i was like OMG that is me, especially the you ponies! i also had/have a bunch of toy ponies because my best friend and i used to carry one around like the amelie gnome. so right of the back, i was like i love this book.

other than that, i didn't remember too much.

i have to say i enjoyed my rereading.  crosley is hilarious and this book had me laughing.

"the pony problem" was as enjoyable as my first read and i really think she messed up by getting rid of her ponies!

i enjoyed reading about crosley's experince as a jew at christian camp in "christmas in july". and loved that she played mary! i also would have loved to have told off darien.

"the ursula cookie" made cringe when she got caught in her lie by her boss.  it was also interesting to head her day after 9/11 story though then she didn't realized that it would be a day after 9/11 story.

any and every 90's kid has to love the oregon trail essay, "bring-your-machete-to-work day", i did!  i wish someone would make it an iphone app.  like the og version.

having a unique name myself, i didn't get why she was so bent out of shape with her own name in "bastard out of westchester".  however, i did get the how the story behind her name was not true.  the verdict on my name is still out, not sure if steve garvey (of dodgers game) has a daughter named krisha.  just googled and he did!

"the kindness of stranger", which crosley discussed her luck with always getting her wallet back when she lost it, reminded me of me and my phone.  i have lost my phone at least 3 times in my life and it had always been returned to me.  then, one day in nyc, i came across a phone and tried to return it, then bragged about my lost phone luck, only to lose my phone an hour later.  it was not returned to me.  eff my life.

"one-night bounce" proved that me and crosley would totally be friends.  her desire to have a one night stand would be something we would both obsess over.  and yes, i have had a one-night stands, fun from what i can remember.

"sign language for infidels" made me want to volunteer at a natural history museum.  i googled the atlas moth, and it does look like a snake!!

"you on a stick" makes me want to never be a bridesmaid and an amazing not demanding bride. 

"smell this" was gross.  who does that?!?!

"lay like broccoli" reminded me how mean i am to vegan and vegetarians, but obvi not as mean as they are to each other.

"fever faker" was whatever.

all in all, a delightful reread.  i regret not seeing her at bookcon and look forward go her new novel!  i also need to read her other book!

dept. of speculation. jenny offill. (278)

i requested jenny offill's depart. of speculation after seeing it on bj novak's instagram.  he called the novel, "funny and heartbreaking", and this is the perfect description.

a short novel, it is written like random thoughts but end up giving us a complete story of marriage that has had it ups and down. the story was told from the perspective of the wife (we never learn anyone's name) and she oftenreferred to herself and her husband in simple terms of wife/husband,and woman/man.  she was a writer and like every woman struggled with being a mother, a wife, and also an artist.  it's a honest portrayal of how tough it is for women, everyone assume motherhood comes naturally, it doesn't.  it also addressed the internal agony women face when choosing to put their family first and their work second, demonstrating it is okay to want to put your work first.

there is an affair.  her husband cheated on her.  his affair foreshadowed by an anecdote about carl sagan and his wife, ann druyan and how he asked him to marry her while they working on "the golden record" project for nasa.  however, i like the intern, was confused because carl was married and ann was engaged.  my heart broke when he explained the other girl was easier and of course when he used pronoun.  

i like every situation for cheating, want the woman to leave.  but they went to therapy or what they called "the little theater of hurt feelings."  she confronted the girl which i think she deserved and completely freaked out.  in the end, the moved to the country and the things got better.  however, i felt bad for the daughter being so isolated.

a beautiful and honest tale about marriage.  also, offill is a wonderful writer. some of my favorite instances were:

that one was so beautiful i used to watch him sleep.  if i had to sum up what he did to me, i'd say it was this:  he made me sing along to all the bad songs in the radio.  both when he loved me and when he didn't.

we applied our muzzy intellects to a theory of light. that all are born radiating light but this light diminished slowly (if one was lucky) or abruptly (if one was not.) the most charismatic people--the poets, the mystics, the explorers--were that eat because they had somehow managed to keep a but of this king that was meant to have been dimmed.  but the shocking thing, the unbearable thing it seemed, was that the natural order was for this light to vanish.  it hung on sometimes through the twenties, a glint here or there in the thirties, and the almost always the eyes went dark.

i decided to make my class read creation myths.  the idea is to go back to the beginning.  in some, god is portrayed as a father, in others, as a mother.  when god is a father, he is said to be elsewhere.  when god is a mother, she is said to be everywhere.

(this novel is filled with random facts that shed light on the narrator's life. however, when i related to this to myself, it rings true for those raised by a single mother.)

my very educated mother just served us noodles.  this is the mnemonic they give her to remember the left of the planets.

(i can't recall how i learned this, but i love subtle dig at gender roles!)

researchers looked at magnetic resonance images of the brain of people who described themselves as newly in love.  they were shown a photograph of their beliefs while their brains were scanned for activity.  the scan showed the same reward systems being activated as in the brains of addicts given a drug.

(ke$ha was right, your love is a drug.)

this novel is filled with little facts that have deeper meaning for the story, which i adored.  i really enjoyed this novel and highly recommend it.  it reminded me of one of my favorite novels, the lover's dictionary.