turn around bright eyes: the rituals of love & karaoke. rob sheffield. (180)

i have read rob sheffield's two previous works love is a mix tape and talking to girls about duran duran.  love is a mix tape was the story of how he lost his wife at a young age to a brain aneurysm, a sad yet great tribute to her via the music they loved.  so i kind of have a soft spot for him.  however, to be completely honest i don't remember what talking to girls about duran duran was about, i do own a copy, but i am sure it was entertaining.  anyway, i like sheffield, he is a music geek and i love a good music geek.  so when i saw that he had written a book about karaoke, i immediately put in a request.  

for those of you who know me, i am pretty good at karaoke, please note i said karaoke not singing.  i agree with sheffield that karaoke is not about singing ability.  i always tell people that i can't sing but i can put on a good performance.  my training ground for karaoke was high school.  when i was in high school, mtv's say what karaoke (which i was shocked sheffield failed to mention in this book) was popular and i took the idea of their idea of random shuffle karaoke and turned it a noontime rally game (i was an asb geek).  i may have forced my high school peers to play that game too many times, oh well, my friends and i loved it. 

my first memory of doing a crazy wild karaoke performance was at an end of the year work "party" (i use the term "party" loosely because there were only like 12 of us there) from my first year at the front desk at ucla's covel commons.  we had a karaoke party and i performed a song by my vocal doppelganger, gwen stefani.  sheffield explained that everyone has a vocal doppelganger, "when you start singing you find out whose voice suits yours and who doesn't, and you don't always get to make the decision."  he goes on to share that "the voice gets into your soul and this guy means more to you than he ever did before.  your doppelganger becomes your spiritual mentor."  and it's true, gwen stefani has always been my go to girl when karaoking; i do no doubt songs ("just a girl", "sunday morning"),  i her solo stuff ("what you waiting for?" and "wind it up"----quick digression, i used to have the dj at westwood brew co, play my ipod but so that i could do those two songs because they weren't available as karaoke songs.)  but back to my first karaoke "performance", i performed "just a girl" and was so into it that i jumped off of the speakers like i was some pop princess.  i may have even done a push-up (i like to incorporate moves from music videos into my performances) but yes, i went all out, and set the standard by which i karaoked.

i have had some pretty memorable performances.  "like a virgin" at brass monkey, the first time i did it and i did it in the style of madonna's vma's peformance aka i rolled around on the ground.  i even added a little introduction to it when i would perform it at westwood brew co, i would ask all my fellow v-card holders to hold up their vs for me (my friend richard once thanked me for letting him know which girls were virgins.) in vegas, at this one karoake place my friend rolly took us to, i did a crazy rendition of system of a down's "sugar" and had some guys off the street come in to watch me perform.  there was the time i did "don't speak" and my friends tiffany, jaye and i discovered the power that is "miss cleo karaoke" (my friend and i were going through a rough patch and this song expressed exactly what i felt.)  i have also been known to do amy winehouse's verison of "valerie", and some selena (faking spanish of course).  these two i perfected in my friend cody's apt.  i don't know how it started but we would host karaoke nights at his apt.  and not like filipino machines karaoke, but literally a mike and a CD player.  you had to really know your songs.  it was a little rundown but made for some amazing karaoke nights.   i have also started to add "part of your world" from the little mermaid, i have perfected my singing of it at my friend's danny's dinner party.  

as you can see i love karaoke, and when i heard about this book, i imagined it to be filled with fun stories of random adventures in karaoke bars, similar to the ones that i have shared.  i saw each chapter as a song that pertain to some crazy night.  however, the subtitle "the rituals of love & karaoke" hinted that there would be more.  after reading the first chapter, i saw that it would also be about how karaoke brought sheffield and his new wife together.  sounds sweet, i would enjoy that, but in reality this book was not limited to just that storyline too.  in fact, it was more of a hodgepodge of stories that shared the theme of karaoke (and at times very loosely).

to be perfectly honest, turn around bright eyes felt thrown together.  i imagined his agent calling him one day, telling him "ummm, remember that three book deal you signed?  well they want that third book." and sheffield was like "hmmm i like karaoke, i can write about that!"  so he started writing this book but realized he only had so many stories about his nights out karaoking and so he decided to add in the element of his wife for length.  however, this topic only gave him a handful of more chapters.  as a last resort, sheffield started to add in anything that remotely resembled karaoke, for example, the essay on rock'n'roll fantasy camp.  seriously, i am pretty sure his logic about using this piece "hey, i have that rejected rolling stone piece, and i did sing at camp, so yeah lets add that in too for filler".  some chapters would be some music related story and then sheffield would add in a concluding paragraph with the word karaoke in it somewhere to make it fit into the theme of the book. 

i know i sound harsh, i am normally okay with a hodgepodge of essays (see:  the fact that i have read everything by chuck klosterman), but sheffield narrowed his scope with his subtitle (though i guess ritual is pretty general) and didn't deliver on it.  even with the lack of cohesion among the stories, there were some great chapters.   

i enjoyed reading about how sheffield and his new wife met.  it was adorable how he heard her voice on the radio and then stopped by to meet her.  it was sweet to see how he was so unsure how to court her and how thoughtful he was in their relationship.  

the chapters about 9/11 and post 9/11 were interesting.  sheffield lived in the financial district near the twin towers which allowed me to see that situation in a different light.  for example, i never knew that the financial district was a wasteland nor did i know there was a mall in the twin towers.  i really enjoyed the chapter 99 luftballoons, seeing how the city and people started to piece themselves back together after 9/11. what an incredible scene and how therapeutic to sing a song about bombs after a tragedy like that.

i also enjoyed the beatles chapter, though again what did it really have to do with karaoke.  

the parts about karaoke that i did enjoy;  it's history, the story about the guy that is paid to perform at karaoke bars to get the crowd going (possible side job, once karaoking in k-town in a private room with my friends, i was instructed to sing so everyone could get over those initial fear), and of course the tales of sheffield actually performing karaoke.

this book was seriously all over the place, and it's lack of cohesion, left me bored. this is the kind of book you leave in your bathroom and read occasionally like a magazine.  good but not great enough to devote a serious reading off.

i wear the black hat: grappling with villans (real and imagined).chuckklosterman. (139)

as you may have seen in a previous klosterman post, i used to love him.  i use the word "used" because his last novel was horrible.  i thought he would redeem himself with this new book but sadly this new collection of stories added more to my dislike then my love.  

in his first book "sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs", he discussed a theory on growing up and mtv's "the real world".  if you watched "the real world" there was always a season in which the cast was horrible and you stopped watching.  klosterman's theory was that the cast wasn't bad (mtv had the same stereotypes in every season) but the viewer matured and outgrew the show.  when i read that back in the day, i had a total oh! moment, because i realized that i had in fact outgrown "the real world".  the season for me was "new york", i couldn't handle loudmouth coral, who in the past would have been one of my favorites. i did love melissa from miami. and then when vegas happened i was like what the hell is wrong with these people?  but lets be honest, 16 year old me, would have loved trishelle.  

i really hate to admit this, but i disliked this book. i guess dislike is the wrong book, i didn't offend me, and it wasn't horrible.  there were many moments where i secretly laughed or admired klosterman for his random pop culture references, but i didn't love it like i normally love his works.  his articles normally leave me with ah-ha moments were i ponder my life with a new perspesctive thanks to his article but this time i found myself disagreeing with him.  his arguments were weak and i felt like he kept on stating his opinions as fact.  for example, he wrote about kareem abdul-jabbar, being hated.  i grew up in a family where they loved him so i kept on wondering what public hated him? i mean he was on an episode of "full house", would those producers have on a hated basketball star? i mean dennis rodman was never asked to be on.  i felt klosterman constructed things to fit the scenario he needed, which i guess essayists do, but his felt far-fetch.  i can admit this change of opinion can be that i this was the first time i disagreed with him whereas with his previous books i agreed with him so saw his perspective.

another thing that rubbed me the wrong way was his hatred of the yeah yeah yeahs.  i love karen o!  he wrote:

the yyys aren't faking anything, they are that brilliant!!! (this also could have put me in the mindset to hate this book out of loyalty to the yyys.)

but anyway; this book was about evil and pretty much klosterman's attempt to show that evil people can be good and good people can be evil and that he is neither evil or good just a person.  it wasn't interesting the whole time just during parts of it.  i enjoyed his articles on clinton and his sex scandal, o.j. simpson (i didn't know he wrote a book about how he couldn't have murdered nicole only to theoretically include how he would have killed her), n.w.a., and a vigilantes.  but nothing completely enthralling, probably because there were a lot of sport references, i didn't get.  

i will add i am sad my love him is fading, i am going to go back and read "sex, drugs and coco puffs" to remind myself why i love him.  hmm, i should prolly take him off of my likes on my okcupid profile.

the visible man. chuck klosterman. (90)

i love chuck klosterman. i have loved him ever since he nailed my john cusack crush in "sex, drugs, and coco puffs". i, like many women, had a celebrity crush on john cusack, but as klosterman pointed out this was due to "the lloyd dobler effect". his theory was that women were really in love with that character from "say anything" than john cusack himself. sadly this is true, i have followed cusack on twitter and not sure if i truly love him. so my crush was no exception well except that it was more "the rob gordon effect" cos it was the result of the film "high fidelity". seriously, i read that book in cusack's voice, i love him as that character so much!

after reading that first book of klosterman, i became a fan and read all of his books. the man has some great essays, one of my favorites is his explanation of an archenemy versus a nemesis in "IV". also he is seriously the best writer when it comes to pop culture. so you could imagine my excitement when i discovered he had a new novel. btw, he's more of an essayist than a novelist. i read his first novel "downtown owl", it didn't change my life but read it cos i love him.

and i guess i should have known better and had not expected much because "the visible man" was not good. it was a fast read and thank goodness for that. i read it quickly just cos i wanted to get it over with. kinda like a band-aid. i mean i recommended it to my friend danny cos he studies psychology. but other that that i wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

the novel is written from the perspective of a psychiatrist, victoia vick, and it's about her patient Y______, who was crazy and had a suit that made him "invisible" though Y_______ hated the use of that word because no one can truly be invisible. and even worse its written as a manuscript for a potential book which was just too cheesy for me. its like commit to it being a book instead of being the idea of a book. the character Y_____ was horrible which i guess was be point but his personality did not make "the visible man" an enjoyable read. also the narrator, victoria vick was annoying and way too gullible.

and i know from his other works that klosterman loves sci-fi. he has a whole essay on time machines and time travel. so him h.g. well-ing it up doesn't surprise me but it was just boring. there were some twists and turns but victoria and Y____'s relationship was just too predictable and that made it a bland read. the clever and wit of his essays can be found can be found in some parts of the novel. but it wasn't everywhere like it normally is.

so will share some of what did show a glimmer of why i enjoy his works:

Y______ was intelligent yet condescending and one of his insults toward victoria was "i'm not surprised you're a fan of cliff notes." i just had to mention this because i am ashamed of my cliff notes past.

Y______ spies on people. he targeted drunks and shared how he sometimes knocked them down when trying to get into their cars. he explained "sometimes they lie on he ground and laugh at themselves, because drunkards love bring drunkards. it feels great to be drunk, right?". we drunkards do love being drunkards!

for all you crossfit fanatics: "burpies are what convicts do. burpies are designed for people in prison cells."

the best description of north americans:

"north america has more crazy people than every other industrialized continent combined, except for maybe australia. i'd say 25 percent of our populace has craziness in their blood. it's genetic. it's historical. i mean what kind of person immigrated to the new world? not counting slaves, there were only four types really: people who didn't think europe was religious enough, people who thought they could make a lot of money, antisocial failures with no other option, and fruitcakes who thought risking their lived on an alien shore might make for interesting adventure. those see the four components of the american gene pool, and those are the four explanation behind everything good and bad that's ever happened here." lol. brilliant. i never realized how crazy it is that pilgrims settled our country. i mean bible humpers scare me. and here i am in a country that wouldn't exist if it wasn't for them.

klosterman discussed our current narcissism problem and clarified our obsession with facebook: "we're self-conditioned to require an audience, even if we're not doing anything valuable or interesting. i'm sure this started in the 1970s, i know it did. i think americans started raising offspring with this implicit notion that they had to tell their children, "you're amazing, you can do anything you want, you're a special person.". they thought they'd be bad parents if they didn't. they felt a responsibility to give unlimited emotional support. but---when you really thinks about it---that emotional support only applies to the experience of living in public. we don't have ways to quantify ideas like "amazing" or "successful" or "lovable" without the feedback of audience."

i am always discussing the negative effects of our all kids are winners mentality with others. and klosterman sums up the effects perfectly. i know that his explanation sums up my narcissism. i always tell people that even though i grew up in a single parent home, but grandparents and aunt filled the void of my father which resulted in me getting too much attention. being told you are axing by 2 parents is harmful try 5. i'm oddly overconfident yet can be extremely insecure at the same time. it's quite odd. and sad. and i do think the world
revolves around me. i mean let's be honest i spend more time on fb lookin at my pictures than anyone else's.

and some food for thought.

Y_______ is obsessed with observing people when they were alone because that is when he thinks they are their true self. which made me question how differently i act when i am alone and i must admit i am a lot more quiet than normal. this might shock those of you that know me.

okay so those were the best part of the novels. oh also the mention of the beatles. Y______'s story often involved them which seems fishy but he says it's cos everyone loves the Beatles. which is kinda true. everyone does well except grandma bea.

but as a klosterman fan, i recommend to skip his novels but read everything else of his.