dept. of speculation. jenny offill. (278)

i requested jenny offill's depart. of speculation after seeing it on bj novak's instagram.  he called the novel, "funny and heartbreaking", and this is the perfect description.

a short novel, it is written like random thoughts but end up giving us a complete story of marriage that has had it ups and down. the story was told from the perspective of the wife (we never learn anyone's name) and she oftenreferred to herself and her husband in simple terms of wife/husband,and woman/man.  she was a writer and like every woman struggled with being a mother, a wife, and also an artist.  it's a honest portrayal of how tough it is for women, everyone assume motherhood comes naturally, it doesn't.  it also addressed the internal agony women face when choosing to put their family first and their work second, demonstrating it is okay to want to put your work first.

there is an affair.  her husband cheated on her.  his affair foreshadowed by an anecdote about carl sagan and his wife, ann druyan and how he asked him to marry her while they working on "the golden record" project for nasa.  however, i like the intern, was confused because carl was married and ann was engaged.  my heart broke when he explained the other girl was easier and of course when he used pronoun.  

i like every situation for cheating, want the woman to leave.  but they went to therapy or what they called "the little theater of hurt feelings."  she confronted the girl which i think she deserved and completely freaked out.  in the end, the moved to the country and the things got better.  however, i felt bad for the daughter being so isolated.

a beautiful and honest tale about marriage.  also, offill is a wonderful writer. some of my favorite instances were:

that one was so beautiful i used to watch him sleep.  if i had to sum up what he did to me, i'd say it was this:  he made me sing along to all the bad songs in the radio.  both when he loved me and when he didn't.

we applied our muzzy intellects to a theory of light. that all are born radiating light but this light diminished slowly (if one was lucky) or abruptly (if one was not.) the most charismatic people--the poets, the mystics, the explorers--were that eat because they had somehow managed to keep a but of this king that was meant to have been dimmed.  but the shocking thing, the unbearable thing it seemed, was that the natural order was for this light to vanish.  it hung on sometimes through the twenties, a glint here or there in the thirties, and the almost always the eyes went dark.

i decided to make my class read creation myths.  the idea is to go back to the beginning.  in some, god is portrayed as a father, in others, as a mother.  when god is a father, he is said to be elsewhere.  when god is a mother, she is said to be everywhere.

(this novel is filled with random facts that shed light on the narrator's life. however, when i related to this to myself, it rings true for those raised by a single mother.)

my very educated mother just served us noodles.  this is the mnemonic they give her to remember the left of the planets.

(i can't recall how i learned this, but i love subtle dig at gender roles!)

researchers looked at magnetic resonance images of the brain of people who described themselves as newly in love.  they were shown a photograph of their beliefs while their brains were scanned for activity.  the scan showed the same reward systems being activated as in the brains of addicts given a drug.

(ke$ha was right, your love is a drug.)

this novel is filled with little facts that have deeper meaning for the story, which i adored.  i really enjoyed this novel and highly recommend it.  it reminded me of one of my favorite novels, the lover's dictionary.

the little prince. antoine de saint-expuéry. (165)

i decided to finally buckle down and read the little prince after debating on whether or not to purchase a the little prince sweatshirt from out of print clothing. the sweatshirt was cute but i couldn't buy it because i had never read it (though i know people absolutely love it.) in order to get the sweatshirt, i had to cross it off my to-read list.

since this is a beloved children's classic and on flavorpill's 50 books every parent should read to their child, i decided to read it with brother bear, well more like to him.  so we read a little at night and in the morning.

so i hate to admit this especially since people love the little prince, but i did not fall in love with this book.  i felt the author was trying too hard to be profound.  it lacked the simplicity of a children's book.  what makes a great children's book (and also pixar movies) is its ability to work on two levels; it is an interesting story for kids while being entertaining to an adult in a completely different way.  for example, the reason i love where the wild things are or the giving tree has changed with my age, the former i loved initially because of its illustrations but now because of its lesson on the idea of home.

for me, the little prince lacked an interesting story for kids.  i was bored by the men the little prince encountered on other planets so their lessons did not have a deep impact on me.  they were just men on a planet doing a boring adult activity literally while conversing with the prince metaphorically.  plus their metaphors though important seemed too deep for your average kid to get, and gave such a bleak view of adulthood.  i get that we are supposed to understand the important of living life in this book but it metaphors just weren't interesting enough to keep the reader listening.

i also had issues with the flower and the fox.  first, as a woman, i was offended by the flower.  was this vain creature supposed to represent wives?!?! i mean was the little prince's relationship with the flower a metaphor for making marriages work?  if so, was the fox a marriage counselor?  as an adult it was awkward to read about the little prince loving flower even though her personality wad repulsive then leaving her only to return to her, because a fox taught him the importance of belonging to something. i can't imagine how kids intrepeted that story plot.  furthermore, do we want kids learning that you have to tame someone to be with you?!?! i mean my favorite carrie bradshaw quote is:  

maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

love is about finding someone to settling down for you, love is about being with the person who makes you the best version of yourself.   

i was worried the little prince did not truly love the flower but since he was away from her, the idea of the flower.

before you think i am completely heartless for not loving the book, i will add that i was sadden by the ending.  i was sad that the little prince decided to return home via he snake bite.  i also saw how his explanation that the laughter of the stars can be comfort when we have lost someone we love.  it did find the ending to he sweet, though it did drag on a bit.

and there were others things i enjoyed.

i did appreciate the little prince's lesson that "the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart."  i was charmed by the introduction with the drawing of an elephant swallowed by a boa constrictor.  (i really wish the whimsy of the beginning lasted throughout the whole book.) and of course the illustrations were lovely and sweet.  but all of this could not counterbalance the fact that the story was too symbolic and as a result lacked any true value to me.  i am sorry little

prince, i really wanted to love your story but looks like i won't be purchasing your sweatshirt.  

quinceañera: a latina's journey to womanhood. mary d. lankford. (86)

while looking for books about hannukah, i came across this gem. it's been sitting on my shelf for about a month now (i renewed it, so it's not overdue) but finally got around to reading it and actually learned a lot about quinceañeras.

sadly and regrettably i did not have a quince. however, i was in my friend sofia samano's court, so i have experienced a quince first hand. i went to mass and of course danced the waltz, but i never got to be the belle of the ball. or should i say la reina de la fiesta. oh well. maybe in another life or my thirty birthday. cos seriously i need a cake like this in my life:

so thanks to the book i learned some new things about quinceañeras and was also reminded of some great traditions. first, i learned that i would have never survived life as an aztec.  this is assuming that i still have my atheist/agnostic tendencies and independent spirit in precolonial mexico.  but as the book explained, "in mexico's native american aztec civilizations, girls of twelve or thirteen attended two types of school, the Calmacac or the Telpucucali.  those who entered the calmacac school prepare for a lifetime of religious service.  girls who enrolled in the telpucucali school prepared for marriage."  seriously god or marriage, the only options in life, isn't great to be a woman?  if this was all i was offered in life, i would have had a serious disney princess moment about keeping with traditions.

anyway, to continue our history lesson, after the spanish conquered the aztecs in 1521, this tradition of aztec rites become catholic-ified because the spanish are catholic.   fifteen became the age for young women to choose between marriage or god.  looks like spanish colonial me would have hated life as well.  and as the book explains "these rites received the name quinceañera from the spanish word for fifteen, quince, and birthday, anos." does this whole choose between god and marriage still exist?  should i be a nun or a wife?  though i guess in both ways you are a wife, of god or some machismo senor with a tendency to get drunk and cry to sad songs.

and maybe it's just the feminist in me or the old maid in me but this whole marriage talk at 15 kinda scares me.  i mean you haven't even lived life yet and your folks are sending you to mass to learn about marriage?  (btw i don't know if this is true so please clarify if i am wrong).  i mean even the book referred to the fact that the girl having the quince looked like a young bride in her dress!  ekkkk!

but there really is nothing to worry about because today's quinces are just an excuse to party. and who doesn't love a party?  one of the traditions that the book mentioned and which i absolutely love was the presenting of heels.  (that is not it's offical name but what i'm going to call it).  so the dad of the girl presents her with her first pair of grown up shoes aka heels and she has her first dance as a "woman".  awwwwww.  how cute, right?

the book was actually a good book for kids to read about quinceañeras.  also for adults that didn't have any latin american friends growing up.  though they should make an updated version cos there were some crazy 80's dresses in in that i loved but might not be everyone's cup of tea.

you lost me there. rosecrans baldwin. (72)

after reading and loving "paris, i love you but your bringing me down", i decided to read baldwin's debut novel. though i did not find it as delightful a read as "paris" (this subject manner was heavier), "you lost me there" was still a good book.

"you lost me there" is the story of a neuroscientist, whose research focus is alzheimer's, and his struggle to remember the details of his now-deceased wife and their marriage. it's ironic because as much as victor studied memory and the brain, he misconstrued the past and created false memories of his wife. his misconstruction also leads the reader to wonder if he has fallen victim to the very disease he is trying to cure/prevent.  the book moved randomly through victor's inner thoughts to present life to memories, which also make a reader weary of his mental health.  and of course, his meltdown episode on the rockerfeller's boat was a red flag  (his dead wife did speak to him from beyond the grave).

random digression while we are discussing memory loss/mental health. but one night victor's goddaughter cornelia brought up a case study H.M. that she studied in school. H.M. was a gentlemen who suffered from epilepsy as a child.  in an attempt to cure him, scientist removed parts of his brain.  though his epileptic seizures did stop, he lost his short term memory.  he could not not remember the present. his memory was restricted to twenty seconds.  something would be taught to him but twenty seconds later it would be gone, his mind unable to create new memories.  a extreme version of "50 first dates".  i was familiar with this case study because i saw a wonderful video installation of this case study at the whitney in nyc.  the piece was by kerry tribe.  tribe created a film, which she ran simultaneously side by side as a duplicate, but with a twenty second delay (the time frame of H.M.'s short term memory).  at inital watching, i did not understand the delay, but once i discovered the biography behind the man feature in it the film, it was quite profound.  it was sad how quickly he lost what had just occured to him, and how he was unable to create new memories.  luckily, his long term memory was not effected so he still had those memories and was not completely alone in his mind.  it makes one realize how much we take our memories for granted because life without it would be sad, lonely, and scary.  (to read more info on H.M. click here.  to learn more about the video installation click here.)

back to the novel.  i think why i lacked a connection to this work (and an indication of baldwin's great writing skill) was because victor was cold and distant.  he was a very difficult character to sympathize with because he was cut off from everyone.  all of his relationships seemed superficial (even his marriage) because he never was 100 percent there for the other person.  i often became frustrated with him because he never seemed completely focused when interacting with others (this could also be a sign of his alhezimer's).  he would balantly ignore others that were having conversations with him.  it was rude and i could not imagine how his wife survived this or why regina put up with it.  and sadly he was often forgiven for it because of his brilliance.

i will add that this book does hold a valuable lesson.  it demonstrates that regardless of how brilliant a mind can be, our minds create biased or flawed memories.  incidents in one's history may not have been accurately recorded by one's mind.  victor thought he knew his wife but in fact he did not know her at all.  and that is because at times we take bits and pieces of stories that better fit the perspective we want. when i think of all the arguments i have ever had, i can always restructure it so that i am the victim, even though i am the one at fault.  every memory we have, which we may want to call capital t truth, is in fact something that has been framed by our perspective.

it's interesting because victor shares how he had an epiphany one day of how he and his best friend may have different perspectives of the world.  this inspires him to study neuroscience, yet he is unable to apply it in his actual life.  he can't understand how his actions effect others or understand others may have a different point of view from him.  and as one becomes frustrated with victor's narrow-mindness, the reader discovers that they should strive to be more open-minded.  

before i close, i will say that as i read this, i casted the movie version in my head (every book is turned into movies now).  as i read about victor, i pictured colin firth especially scenes where he was in his lab.  regina would be played by olivia munn (she kinda played regina in "magic mike").  and his wife would be rachel weisz.

as a special treat for reading this, i included a came victor played with his wife.  they would describe a movie with just three sentence.  i got the first two but can anyone help me with the last?

southern lawyer has a way with kids. can't get an innocent off the hook. boo.

vito shouldn't buy fruit. michael won't talk business. diane keaton?

men embark on spaceship. spaceship disembarks men. sorry, dave.