modern romance. aziz ansari. (290)

before i start about the book, i have to begin with my love for aziz ansari.  so it all started with the movie, funny people, randy had be dying, he was like the highlight of the movie.  then, i started watching parks and recreation, and when tom created a tent that looked like something out of harry potter, and made sure to keep up with top chef, i was like, we could so be bffs.  and then, he was on lcd soundsystem's last concert dvd, and i was like we really need to be friends.  so now i am like his biggest fan, because, he is hilarious, eats well, and his friends with james murphy!  when i heard that he had a book deal, i was super excited, though i wish it were a memoir, a sociology book on love impressed me.  i have to add that i did see his modern romance tour with my sister and glad i did, because it goes hand and hand with this book.

and before i start on the book, i have to add that i saw aziz at bookcon and he was the best panel of the day.  even better than the much anticipated mindy kaling and bj novak panel (sorry guys).  the stories behind and in his book were hilarious, but the best was the q&a.  so i just googled and it's online and i am going to post it here.  please watch:

so i was dying, absolutely dying during his q&a, when he told the first girl that he didn't care where she was from.  and he called out that other fan for the stupid swagalicous question and last but not least the last question.  so enjoyable and we also got conversation hearts that were printed with quotes from the book.  so freakin' cool.

so the book was hilarious and being a single lady, surprisingly very helpful.  the book offers a lot of helpful advice finding love in this modern world.  here is what i learned:

-i need to start having friends set me up on dates.  back in the day, people married people that lived in their neighborhood since that is what their life was restricted to.  now people move away for school, work, etc. and just like aziz shared, i wouldn't want to marry a bozo from delano (no offense, people from delano), but i guess to get that quality neighborhood kind vibe, being set up by friends would be my best bet.  so friend start setting me up!

-how to do online dating right!  so i have been on okcupid and pretty much i just check out people, i don't really contact anyone, but i will start.  and start going on actual dates.  they share that people spend too much time getting to know each other online versus going on actual dates and face time (actual face time and not facetime) is what helps us determine if we are a match with someone or not.  also there was a hilarious segment on optimal profile photos.

-it was interesting to read about all the subtext there is to texting now.  how like pauses cause us to stress out when sometimes, people are just busy.  i will say that i am glad i was part of the generation that actually used to talk to people on the phone (though i rarely do that now), but i mean these kids today only text.  i was shocked to read how many were comfortable breaking up with someone via text.

-also texting and emails does allow us to have a paper trail of our love lives, which is sweet if we are together.  i have to admit to spending nights reading old emails from people i thought i loved and being heartbroken about how happy we once were and angry about how shitty things became.

-speaking of breaking up, honesty is the best policy.  i loved the experiment he did while on tour, having people raise their hand if they ever lied about the reason they wanted to break up with someone and then asking if they would want honesty or to be lied to if someone broke up with them.  i was one of those contradicting audience members!

-it was also interesting to read about how what we want in a partner has changed.  i mean we are all looking for this elusive soulmate, but it seemed like back in the day people got married and grew to love each other.  we need to lower our standards! lol jk

- also we do have an infinite number of options so that makes choosing a partner, difficult as well.

-tokyo is freaking amazing.  i really want to stay at the jurassic park hotel, see ladies sitting on large robots and of course get good ramen. it was also interesting to learn about the herbivore men phenomena, it reminded me of fight club, this idea of generation of emasculated men raised by their mothers.  also that whole weird thing lubing up and rubbing yourself on someone sounded fun if you were in a relationship but sad if you do it cos you are single.

-the whole argentine part was crazy to read but i got it.  when i was in buenos aires, my friends and i were always shocked by the number of being making out at dinner.  also sadly i never got catcalled there.  

-i loved the girl who photoshopped beyonce into her photos with her ex.  reminded me of that satc quote to destroy all pictures where he looks good and you look happy.

-i also loved how aziz shared about his actual gf now. i knew she was a chef, i missed her pop-up in la at son of gun.  i had no idea that she worked for momofuku milkbar and loved that they bonded over cookies.

-i laughed outloud every time aziz made fun of alfredo, the doughnut lover.

of course, i also saw why aziz and i should be friends.  as i posted on insta this: 

why aziz ansari and i should be friends:  a mutual love of taxidermy, a strong desire to always eat the best tacos life has to offer, and of course, a need for delicious ramen in our lives

seriously, how are we not friends yet?

anyway, if you are single or love aziz, pick up this book.  it will make you laugh out loud and hopefully help you find modern love.  

your voice in my head. emma forrest. (282)

after reading namedropper, i googled about emma forrest to discover if she really dated a famous uk rockstar when she was younger (i didn't discover anything).  i did discover that emma watson was set to portray her in her memoir, your voice inside my head.  so i decided to check it out.  and i have to say that i am glad i did.

to start, i have noticed that i have started to read a lot of female narratives that fall into this like hbo girls kind of vein of life, white privilege with some kind of trauma that results in messy life, oh and they are writers which is why i am reading them.  i don't know what this genre would be called but it includes emma forrest, lena dunham, sloane crosley, sheila heti, emily gould, and caitlin moran.  i enjoy the works, though they started to resemble each other, for example, when forrest talked about her mother's previous marriage, i confused it with crosley's story about discovering her mom's previous marriage.  they are all great works, but they all seem to be a similar type of girl that wrote this; white, privileged, well-educated, artistic, and some kind of sexual trauma.  i have no issues with their white privilege, just something i observed, and though i am of color, i can still identify with them.

your voice in my head discussed forrest's depression along with her lost of her psychiatrist, he passed away, and also her lover, GH (short for gypsy husband), he ran away from commitment.  though at times it reads like a gossip column since GH was famous,  the work is more of a tribute to her psychiatrist, dr. r.

several chapters close with a testimonal from his patients or friends of patients, about how he saved their lives or the loved ones' lives.  he sounded like an amazing person, caring, non-judgmental and truly worked towards his patients improving.  reading forrest's descriptions of him, made me wish, he was my psychiatrist. forrest went to dr. r during a very dark period in her life, she was depressed and damaging her body through sex and cutting. before, i go on, i have to say i admire forrest for her honesty in this work.  she shared very intimate and painful details.  though, forrest had started seeing him, she attempted suicide.  we then see her road to better mental health and a long a way a lot is revealed.  she was raped as a teen, something she denied for a while.  we also see what a great and caring (and musical loving) dr. r was.

forrest's live seemed to up on the up, when she got involved with GH.  while googling to see if the author that dr. r hated was salman rushdie, i discovered that GH was colin farrell! which kind of ruined the book because i kept on picturing him which i guess was the case.  i also felt bad cos i was like really? her which is what forrest had to constantly read about on gossip blogs. but yeah colin farrell, and can i just add i want to be wooed by someone with money! i mean random trips around the world! must be nice!  so farrell is a we-man (remember in satc when samantha falls for that guy who is always saying we this, we that), talking about the future and even going so far has saying he wants a child and naming her pearl and buying pearl a rabbit fur coat!  but like the we-man of satc, they constantly use we because they are trying to convince themselves that they are not afraid of commitment, but they are.  farrell broke up with her and cold-heartedly moved on with his life.

forrest again at rock bottom, but this time had no one to turn to because dr. r had passed away from lung cancer, something he didn't share with his parents.  forrest became depressed and tried to find closure with his death and with GH leaving her.  in the end, she starts to listen to dr. r's voice in her head and moved on.

quick sidenote, forrest met with dr. r's wife in an attempt to come to turns with his death. it seemed horrible and selfish to be considering that yes she lost her doctor but his wife lost her husband.  but i guess the wife knew her husband's line of practice and was surprisingly as kind and sweet as her husband for helping forrest though she had the larger burden to bear.

this was a great work, kind of like a modern day the bell jar.  again, i admire forrest for her honesty and doctors like dr. r for helping those in need.  this book easily could have annoyed me like eat,

pray, love, gilbert did have a blurb in the back, but forrest wasn't self-righteous in her need to share her story.

speaking of blurbs, i loved that florence from florence and the machine had a blurb on the back about the book!

last but not least, if you read this, which i recommend before the film comes out, i would go for the book with the ophelia cover.  i love the anecdote that opened the book, though it was sad.  i have to add i see viv from namedropper salt and vinegar crisps eating came from forrest herself.

the little prince. antoine de saint-expuéry. (165)

i decided to finally buckle down and read the little prince after debating on whether or not to purchase a the little prince sweatshirt from out of print clothing. the sweatshirt was cute but i couldn't buy it because i had never read it (though i know people absolutely love it.) in order to get the sweatshirt, i had to cross it off my to-read list.

since this is a beloved children's classic and on flavorpill's 50 books every parent should read to their child, i decided to read it with brother bear, well more like to him.  so we read a little at night and in the morning.

so i hate to admit this especially since people love the little prince, but i did not fall in love with this book.  i felt the author was trying too hard to be profound.  it lacked the simplicity of a children's book.  what makes a great children's book (and also pixar movies) is its ability to work on two levels; it is an interesting story for kids while being entertaining to an adult in a completely different way.  for example, the reason i love where the wild things are or the giving tree has changed with my age, the former i loved initially because of its illustrations but now because of its lesson on the idea of home.

for me, the little prince lacked an interesting story for kids.  i was bored by the men the little prince encountered on other planets so their lessons did not have a deep impact on me.  they were just men on a planet doing a boring adult activity literally while conversing with the prince metaphorically.  plus their metaphors though important seemed too deep for your average kid to get, and gave such a bleak view of adulthood.  i get that we are supposed to understand the important of living life in this book but it metaphors just weren't interesting enough to keep the reader listening.

i also had issues with the flower and the fox.  first, as a woman, i was offended by the flower.  was this vain creature supposed to represent wives?!?! i mean was the little prince's relationship with the flower a metaphor for making marriages work?  if so, was the fox a marriage counselor?  as an adult it was awkward to read about the little prince loving flower even though her personality wad repulsive then leaving her only to return to her, because a fox taught him the importance of belonging to something. i can't imagine how kids intrepeted that story plot.  furthermore, do we want kids learning that you have to tame someone to be with you?!?! i mean my favorite carrie bradshaw quote is:  

maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

love is about finding someone to settling down for you, love is about being with the person who makes you the best version of yourself.   

i was worried the little prince did not truly love the flower but since he was away from her, the idea of the flower.

before you think i am completely heartless for not loving the book, i will add that i was sadden by the ending.  i was sad that the little prince decided to return home via he snake bite.  i also saw how his explanation that the laughter of the stars can be comfort when we have lost someone we love.  it did find the ending to he sweet, though it did drag on a bit.

and there were others things i enjoyed.

i did appreciate the little prince's lesson that "the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart."  i was charmed by the introduction with the drawing of an elephant swallowed by a boa constrictor.  (i really wish the whimsy of the beginning lasted throughout the whole book.) and of course the illustrations were lovely and sweet.  but all of this could not counterbalance the fact that the story was too symbolic and as a result lacked any true value to me.  i am sorry little

prince, i really wanted to love your story but looks like i won't be purchasing your sweatshirt.  

eyes wide shut.

i was 16 when "eyes wide shut" came out in theaters and i remember all of the controversy about it due to the sex.  back then i had no desire to see it, it wasn't the type of film i would see. i probably would have never saw it but since the lacma has their kubrick exhibit so i finally watched it.

and i know it was critically acclaim and all but i wasn't impressed by it.  i wouldn't even place it in kubrick's top 5.  its called a erotic thriller but there was nothing too suspenseful about it, not like "the shining" suspenseful.  other than maybe expecting nicole kidman to be revealed as the masked woman.  the orgy didn't shocking for me.  maybe it's because i knew what to expect or maybe our media is so sex driven that what was controversial in 1999 is kid's play in 2013.  also i am not surprised that the super rich engage in things like orgy, i mean with all the money, time and power they have, of course they would have some weird sex fetishes.

"eyes wide shut" was based on (just like all of kubrick's work) a literay work, arthur schnitzler's novella "dream story" which was written in 1926.  it did raise an interesting discussion of gender roles and sex and of course the repression and denial of female sexuality.  but again being in 2013 versus 1999 and a woman raised by "sex and the city" and catchy commercials about birth control, i feel i am free to have sex as i want and on my own terms.  i am not saying that prejudices do not exist but i am not affected by them; i do not need to conform to society's views of female sexuality.  it's like being samantha from sex and the city.

the film did not have any wonderful shots or scenes like kubrick's other films.  though all the naked ladies did remind me of "a clockwork orange".  the lighting especially with the christmas lights did remind me of "barry lyndon".  but other than that nothing really stood out.  i did appreciate the inclusion of the prostitute with HIV, with all of the sex in that film, there did need to be a cautionary tale of AIDS/HIV.  and i also wonder if tom cruise being called gay in the film was kubrick poking fun at rumors about cruise's sexuality.  and alan cummings was great as the hotel clerk, the perfect element of weirdness, reminiscent of peter sellers. i will add, i could have done without cruise and kidman, cruise was fine but i do not find kidman attractive and so seeing her naked and during sex scenes was more gross than sensual.

though the film was ho-hum, i will say i loved all the conspiracy theories about the illumanti killing kubrick. i mean would the world really pay attention if kubrick revealed their secret.  also kubrick is one man, it seems impossible for him to actually topple the illumanti.  but while looking up articles about kubrick's death and all of the illumanti signs in his films, I came across gawker's comprehensive guide to the illumanti, enjoy!  lol

cover girl.

in sandra cisneros' "caramelo", i learned that rita hayworth was mexican!?!?! thanks to madonna, all i knew of hayworth was that she "gave good face". so i wikipedia-ed it and sadly discovered she isn't mexican, her father was spanish and her mother was irish-english. the mexican rumors started because she worked in mexico, according to this website . so sad that her mexicanness was a bust, however, while reading her wikipedia article, discovered she starred in a number of movies with fred astaire and one with gene kelly. this inspired me to check out "you were never lovelier" and "cover girl" from the library.

growing up, i watched a lot of musicals with grandma bea, especially gene kelly and fred astaire movies, however i don't recall rita hayworth being in any of them. i know grandma bea had me watch "cover girl" when i was little but i didn't remember hayworth or even the movie. as i watched "cover girl", bits and pieces started to come back to me. i remembered gene kelly's "alter ego" dance (though it could have been featured in one of those "that's entertainment" specials). and as much as this makes me sound like a lush, i remember her drunken part . . . i also remembered the oysters tradition. but other than that it was a "new" movie to me.

rita hayworth was lovely and entertaining. i had no idea she could sing and dance! she also had the most amazing costume and outfits. that is one thing that i hate/love about old movies, the fashion! i love it all but am sad that i can't find it at the mall or in a boutique. though i will be on the lookout for a coat like this at my local goodwill:

it was also great to see how things have come back around. in the broadway number, cover girls are featured on different magazines and i was surprised there were so many flower headpieces that would have been right at home at coachella. there was also a huge brimmed hat (think samantha in "sex and the city: the movie") that i would give my left kidney for.

but back to the movie. so a quick synopsis, hayworth played a dancer named rusty that worked a club owned by (she was also his girlfriend). she entered a magazine contest to be a cover girl and won because she looked like the long-lost lover of the magazine owner (turned out he was in love with rusty's grandmother). so after the contest, rusty gets bigger and better opportunity and sadly leaves gene kelly. i would tell you what happens but you should check it out for yourself. the ending is very cute.

i will say that i for one would never leave gene kelly. maybe it's because i have grown up watching him as a leading man but he is like the ideal man (he might be the reason why i have a thing for boys with brown hair over blondes). he can sing, he can dance, and when his character is in love, gets a look on his face like there is no other girl in the world for him but her! swoon!!! he is so dreamy and i fall in love with him every time i watch one of his movies. and of course the same goes for "cover girl", i would love to spend my nights with him, shucking oysters for pearls!

the whole time i was watching, i was bothered because rita hayworth reminded me of someone. in the end i decided it was geena davis in "a league of their own."

also the whole time i was watching i couldn't help thinking to myself how much phil silvers looked like
stephen colbert:

am i right or am i right?

but all in all, a very sweet film and if you have't seen it, you should!

ps this DVD was available thanks to measure b!

you were never lovelier.

as i discussed in my "cover girl" post, i checked out rita hayworth movies after i discovered that she was mexican in sandra cisneros' "caramelo". though it turns out she is not, i did discover that rita hayworth is an amazing actress.

before i discuss the movie, i have to express my thoughts on fred astaire as a leading man. maybe because i was so young when i started watching his movies but in my eyes he is really elderly looking. like way-too-old-to-pursue-the-women-in-his-movies-old (don't get me started on "daddy long legs" that one always kinda grossed me out.) even in my favorite movie "funny face", i'm always like really audrey?!?! sadly "you were never lovelier" was not an exception. hayworth is so beautiful and all i can think of is why is astaire so old? and i googled it. he was about 42 and she was 26 when they made this film. and no offense, but he wasn't a hot 40 like brad pitt or george clooney or even colin firth. maybe he's not my type but never drooled over him like i did/do over gene kelly. there is no denying it the man can dance but even that doesn't help his case or should i say face.

so "you were never lovelier" is set in buenos aires and astaire has travelled there looking for work. (which is very similar to his first film with ginger rogers' "flying down to rio"). in his quest for work, he ended up landing a job when he pretends to be the secret admirer of a club owner's daughter who is played by hayworth. the club owner wanted his daughters to marry in order and hayworth was next. her younger sisters also wanted her to marry because they couldn't until she did kinda like "the taming of the shrew" (or "10 things i hate about you" for generation x-ers). but of course, with all of this secretiveness, confusion and drama ensued.

hopefully without ruining it for you, astaire and hayworth do end up together. and the ending was very pretty woman-esque or "pretty woman" has a very you were never lovelier-eque ending. hayworth is upset that she was lied to so astaire had to woo her again. as a last resort, he donned a suit of armor and rode into hayworth's home to sweep her off her feet like a poem she loved. and yes it did work. it was what gere should have done in pretty woman. also i would like to add that i love musicals because before they kissed at the end, astaire and hayworth did a dance! so cute! if only life was like that!

and of course the fashion was amazing!!! just look at these dresses!!!

that sequin ones is to die right?!?!?

after watching two of her films, i am now a fan of hayworth. though i am sad she is not mexican. but ethnicity aside, she really is beautiful. i foundjust lovelier in this film versus "cover girl" (could be the black and white). i do want to see more of films so will start checking them out from the library. (also thanks to measure b for this one too! for my LA readers, not measure b the porn one but measure b in fresno that was to give libraries funding!)

p.s. the dad used an anthology of love letters to help him write love letters as the secret admirer and this reminded me of big from "sex and the city: the movie". also because the receptionist brought the dad love letters from napoleon as well, didn't carrie read one of his in the movies? anyway, right now i am at the end of "war and peace" and reading about napoleon's war "genius". but i plan on checking out a book of napoleon's love letters so i can see his softer side!

the artist is present. marina abramović.

while searching the library catalogue online for art books, i discovered that there was not only one copy but two copies of marina abramović documentary, "the artist is present"! no offense but with its limited release, i figured "the artist is present" was not on the san joaquin valley librarians' radar. but i was wrong. so in hopes of doing my part to help the continuation of the library investing in future art documentaries, i checked it out, even though i saw it in theaters. (if you are reading this and saw it in theaters, check out the DVD, there were a handful of interesting segments that ended up on the editing floor.)

a bit of a backstory. so in 2010, i went to new york because my friend mona was doing a residency. my trip just so happened to coincide with the tim burton exhibit at the moma, and thanks to my amazing friend ivan and his membership card and it being a raining day (so the museum was extra packed), i was able to sneak in. i also have to give a quick shout out to juliana, she was in nyc at the time too and she was the reason i went that day. so yes tim button was amazing (though i would go on to see it about 4 more times when it came to the lacma.), but the absolute highlight for me was participating in marina abramović's "the artist is present."

prior to my visit, i had never heard of marina abramović. to be even more honest, i was so focused on getting into burton that i may have missed her piece on my way in. however, on our way, juliana and i came across abramović's atrium and her piece "the artist is present". the piece consisted of an area being marked off by tape on the ground and surrounded by lights. there were two chairs, one with marina in it and the other empty for museum visitors to sit in and a table. from what i read in the wall description of the piece and from what was going on in front of me, marina was to sit there during museum hours and not speak or eat or get up and people were invited to participate, by sitting across from her.

for those of you who know me, you know that for me life is about experiences and after discovering i could be apart of an art installation at the moma, i had to do it. (there is a special features called "the audience completes the work" and at the end a young boy expressed this sentiment of being a part of work of art, perfectly.)

so i got in line and waited for my turn. i was surprised because it actually took a while. i sat there for a couple of hours. there was no time restriction for an individual's sitting and some people would sit for hours. i found out from others that people sat for a couple of hours or tried to outlast her, which in my opinion is silly. marina is sitting for how many days, you won't win.

as i was sitting, i realized i was going to sit with her but i knew nothing about her. but, i was lucky and the woman behind me in line, held my place so i could walk through her retrospective. since i was unfamiliar with her and her work, i gave myself a quick tutorial and went through her life's work all in one walk through. and her life's work was amazing and what was even better was that there were reproductions of her pieces with actors (nude actors). one reproduction, "imponderabilia" consisted of two nude individuals in a doorway and you had to walk in a narrow space between them. i remember thinking to myself, which sex will i face, the male or female, i think i faced the male as i went through. another reproduction that i thought was beautiful was "relation in time" in which two individuals sat back to back with their hair tied together.

there were so many pieces that amazed me. "rhythm 0" in which marina laid 72 objects on a table and allowed the audience to use her as they pleased. one item was a gun, and someone had her hold it and point it at herself but another spectator had her take it down. "rhythm 2" in which marina took medication that is used for treatment of acute catatonic and schizophrenia to see the effects. there was one with ulay in which he held one part a bow and she the string with the arrow pointed at her heart! i could go on and on, but you should watch the doc to learn more. i will add, i was also amazed just by her physical and mental strength to perform and complete her pieces.

after my quick tutorial, i got back in line. i remember being worried because the museum was closing soon and i would not get my turn. i discussed with the woman behind me that if i got in, i would only take 15 minutes so that she could get a turn as well. by the grace of the museum gods, within the last hour of the moma being opened, i got my turn.

i remember being very nervous as i went in. its is overwhelming at first because of the lights and you are aware that others are watching (you have just finished being a spectator). but i began to focus on marina's face and then had an internal dialogue with her. well she didn't speak in person or in my mind, but in my head i thanked her for everything. i thanked her for her art and for the opportunity to be apart of her piece. i also gushed about her art and shared with her what my favorite pieces were from her retrospective. it was odd too, because i forgot about everyone else in the room and sitting with her was like this spirit cleansing, she calmed and centered me. i was just overwhelmed with joy when i was done. i wanted to sit there longer but didn't want to be greedy so left for others to have a turn. (also the lady was even nicer and took pictures of me as i sat). (also james franco gives a great description of how it is to be aware of everything but connected in the doc.)

(sorry that was a long backstory). so when i heard a documentary was made about her piece i had to go. danny and i made a lovely evening of it and saw it at the nuart. it was amazing to learn more about marina as an artist and a person. in addition, it was great to get a behind the scenes look at the piece too. it was even more amazing because in a small way since i participated in it, i felt connected to it. on my first viewing, i remember being in awe of her youthfulness, she is a very young looking sixty something. and second, being surprised that she allowed her reunion with ulay to be recorded. they had a very intense relationship and to allow the cameras in on that segment was very brave. however, i do think it was easier for her than him, she had developed into this great woman and artist and perhaps she would have never reached this, if their relationship did not end. it is interesting to think of her restricted to the female realm; especially since now she is so strong and independent. to hear marina explain what she had to learn to do, when their relationship ended, demonstrated how much she was restricted by their relationship. so as much as their art together was great, to be who she is today, they had to end. i still can not get over the beauty of marina and ulay's last piece together; walking from the ends of the great wall of china and meeting in the middle only to depart forever. if i ever marry and then get divorce, i want to do the same thing.

[random pop culture tidbit: gaga being the great thief that she is, was supposed to walk from new york to nebraska ala marina and ulay, but she didn't. but that is why there is that random walking at the beginning of "yoü and i" music video.]

with checking it out from the library and viewing it again, i was able to get more insight. i was also able to share my experience with grandma bea.

the special features were great to watch. there were many great things that klaus biedenbach shared that completed the documentary for me. (the film as is is brilliant, but these additions are just as they are named "special features"). one thing they should have kept was his description of marina as an urban legend. this is very true, when i explain who she is to others, i always mention the great wall of china, the aborigines, and the sex and the city episode. he also discussed the original concept for her retrospective with seven platforms which would have gone through her works via props and she would walk down from each. just the scale of it would have been daring. i would have loved to have seen that but still believe the piece she did is far superior. lastly, it is interesting how they had thought that the chair would be empty most of the time, that the occasional person would sit versus a line. but what a line there was. i had gone in the earlier months so there was no running like in the doc.

i think the part that should have been kept in was marina's belgrade homecoming. i think it completed marina as a person and as an artist and gave new depth to her piece. in this doc, it is discussed via sound bites, how marina filled the void from her childhood with love from her audience. but in the interview with her aunt, this notion is more obvious. the stories from her childhood as told by her aunt demonstrates the absent of love better. biedenbach explained how marina is in love with the world, and how she made everyone in the atrium believe she was in love with them. and it's true, for that moment i felt that she loved me. i was also happy to give my love to her.

also there was a great story shared by her aunt about when marina was a child. marina's grandmother would leave marina sitting at the table with a glass of water while she went to get food. the grandmother would be gone for 2-3 hours and when she came back noted that marina had not moved! her sittings go back further than night sea crossing.

one last story of my experience. i was confused when they moved the table in the documentary because in my head there wasn't one. i felt so close to her that i didn't remember the table, but since i went in march, it had to be there. i had to reference pictures and as you can see, yes it was there. but that is how intense it was that i didn't remember it.

and to the guy in the doc that said what is going to happen next that someone will be shot in the face and it will be called art. well someone in fact has, google "chris burden, shot", though it was his arm.

*quick PSA on supporting your local library. this DVD had a sticker on it stating that it was "paid for by measure b". it is the second item i have checked out that was funded by that measure. so please continue to vote for measures like that because it does purchase great materials for libraries.

[a special treat for reading this entire entry: link to my portrait from
sitting with marina. my hair was frizzy cos it was raining. http://www.flickr.com/photos/themuseumofmodernart/4479857644/in/set-72157623741486824]

paris, i love you but you're bringing me down. rosecrans baldwin (66)

i normally hate oprah but i have to admit i owe her one. auntie tracey has a subscription to her magazine and while reading the june issue in the water closet, i came across a recommendation for rosecrans baldwin's "paris, i love you but you're bringing me down." i normally would not trust oprah but my love for lcd soundsystem is stronger than my hatred of oprah, so i decided to judge a book by a title and give it a go.

and yes the title is an lcd soundsystem reference. how could it not be? for you purists, it was confirmed when baldwin mentioned running to "north american scum" and thanked the band in the acknowledgements. also here's the video for the inspiration for the title "new york, i love you but your bringing me down":
 

so i was a little hesitant about the book. though i have never been to paris, i am in love with it. thanks to "midnight in paris" (and of course cole porter, hemingway, the fitzgeralds, and gertrude stein), "an american in paris" (the gershwin definitely helped), "funny face" (i want to do a fashion shoot with balloons), "amelie" (and maybe bring a gnome with me), "je'taime paris" (i want to visit oscar wilde's grave) and of course "sex and the city" (though carrie did realize paris was not all it was cracked up to be), i am nostalgic for a paris that i have never experienced. so when i saw the title i was worried it might crush my love. but it didn't. i mean an lcd reference and sloan crosley (love her book "i was told there'd be cake") gave an endorsement quote for the back. it couldn't bring me down.

though baldwin did not have the easiest time in paris, it still filled me with a desire to go. for every shitty experience he had, there was an amazing one.  and even he admitted that, a bad day in paris is still kinda great because you are in paris.  it seemed like the worse part about his life there was the langauge barrier.  but i think i could deal with that, i mean the french would hate my bad accent and my inability to speak french but everything else would make up for it.

his book actually made me wish i was married.  well more like married to someone who would have an opportunity to find work in paris, so i could move with them.  or maybe just to married to a french.  oh and before i go on, i'm glad that baldwin discussed how his friend charlie's gaydar was thrown off by the french.  i have the same issue.  i always wonder, is he gay or is he french?!?!?  lol  glad to see that i'm not the only one with that issue.  but back to marrying a french, in a perfect world, he would be a french chef, i mean  reading about the food baldwin ate was driving me insane.  every italicized macaron mention made me sad that i was not eating one.  i mean i was jealous of his description of french air economy food!  but back to this imaginary french chef, he would also have to be childless.  the book discussed that every french man has a child, so i must magically find one that is childless.  so aside from dreams of going to paris, it also gave me this lofty goal in life.  lol

random sidenote.  not really because marriage would be the link.  but i enjoyed how baldwin included stories of sarkozy and carla bruni.  it reminded me about a discussion i had with a friend's cousin from france one night.  i alluded to bruni, who i had just discovered on the "(500) days of summer" soundtrack.  he told me the french hated her, but i didn't understand because i liked her music (kinda like baldwin's co-worker) but after reading this book i got it.

actually, marrying a parisian or living there would not be enough.  after reading this novel, i kinda wish i had been born a parisian.  i always tell people that i'm extremely grateful to have been born in california.  i believe that we do have a sunnier look out on life.  i mean imagine growing up in the midwest.  gag me with a spoon. (that reference was intended).  but to have been parisian would have been exciting.  i want to to be a coquette by blood like little adele from jane eyre (who was described as "coquetry runs in her blood, blends with her brains and seasons the marrow of her bones.") to have a french look on love, to be have wild love affairs, and be crazy.  it all seems so romantic and a little neurotic.  and at the risk of sounding insane, i would also be french since it is apparently acceptable to make black jokes, jew jokes and comments about penis size.  i hate how americans are so pc.  i like dave chapelle, am a equal opportunist when it comes to make fun of people.  also i would want to be french for the work day. i mean how often did baldwin's day end in a random potluck with drinks? though that could be an advertising thing.

but enough of my odd dreams and back to the book.  i thorougly enjoyed this book.  i had to interrupt my reading of "war and peace" because i was unable to renew it, so started after reading part 1 of "war and peace." i found it interesting how both works have a french theme.  but baldwin's work was a nice break.  it was a great read and i couldn't put it down.  i finished it in a weekend.  baldwin is a great story and i would totally be friends with him in real life.  i share stories here but you should really read it for yourself.  my only regret is reading this after "eat pray love" cos now i want to add paris to my list of places to travel.  i also plan on putting in a request for a "how to speak french" book. and last but not least, seriously, when is picard coming stateside?



   

the emperor's children. claire messud. (59)

have you seen girls?

if yes, omg! don't you love it?!?!

if no, it's a show on hbo. kinda like the urban outfitters generation version of sex and the city, but twentysomethings with a lot less money.

i'm new to girls and haven't seen the complete first season. my cousin apollo told me about it a while back but who has premium cable nowadays? well actually my cousin erin does, so i watched three girls episodes when i stayed with her. i will say that the first episode was kinda ehhh but by the third i was hooked, i even tweeted "all adventurous woman do. #girls". (though the best quote from that episode is one my friend markley always quotes: "what happens to the stuff around the condom?!?")

anyway since the series ended, flavorpill listed books to help fans fill the girls' void in their life. and yes i decided to add those to my reading list.

http://www.flavorwire.com/302791/10-books-to-fill-the-girls-shaped-hole-in-your-life

it was kinda kismet that i found claire messud's "the emperor's children". i was browsing the classic section trying to sort out what to read and was like why is this contemporary book in this section? fastfoward like a day or two and its on the list for girls so picked it up. (spoiler alert: if you have not read this, i do kinda spoil it for you. so stop here. well you can read this next paragraph but stop after that.)

"the emperor's children" follows the lives of three friends (danielle, marina, and julius) "on the cusp of their thirties" (the back of the book says this) who are trying to sort out life in nyc. it was comforting to see my fellow age group-ers with their shit not entirely together. marina was back at home with her parents (granted she did have a book deal) and julian wasn't settled career-wise and worked for a temp agency. though they still managed to live glamourous nyc lives on someone else's dime (marina on her parents and julian had a sugar daddy or a rice queen, julius was asian-who i pictured as my friend keith.)

the book has about six different story lines that intertwine and overlap. and they all involve marina's famous journalist/activist father, murray thwaite except julius, he was in this odd relationship in which he was domesticated like a chinese wife minus the bound feet. he also experienced this crazy gruesome fight in a gay club (which i visualizes as bablyon from "queer as folk.")

so marina's storyline involved her odd relationship with her father, the book she needed to write and her way too quick marriage to a horrible aussie that wanted to destroy her father via his new magazine. danielle has an affair with said father. which i found kinda hot but only cos i want an affair with an old man (though single and not my friend's dad.) then there is bootie ("like shake your?" as julius would say), marina's fat cousin who at first i cared for like one would a lost puppy. he had given up on traditional education and was going to educate himself by reading books from the library and writing essays. anyway in the end he ends up just going slightly crazy screwing over his uncle.

it was a good read, not great. the issue i had, was the use of 9/11 to resolve all of the issues in the book. i was left with too many questions. we never find out if the aussie was evil or was going to publish bootie's article. it also got murray off the hook with his affair. and i get that life paused for new yorkers but for me it felt like a cop out. maybe if i read it in 2006, i would be of a different opinion. also at the risk of sounding unamerican, it could also be because i was not deeply affected by 9/11. in my defense i was on the west coast. the distance can account for something. while reading bradbury's "the martian chronicles" i came across a passage that paralleled my indiffference to 9/11. father peregrine explains:

we heard about the wars in asia. but we never believed them. it was too far away. and there were too many people dying. it was impossible. even when we saw the motion pictures we didn't believe it.

i was unable to relate due to the distance. here all this was going on in nyc but life in delano, ca went on pretty much the same. furthermore, i was also young and at a very exciting period in my life. two weeks after 9/11, i was to start my first year of college so my life was full of hope not bleakness.

so did this fill my girls void? not really, it's kinda like hannah and the gang in 5 years. i could see hannah as danielle for some odd reason. it was a good read but i didn't fall in love with any of the characters except for julius (apparently i am a literary fag hag too). also julius
inspired me to read "war and peace" because he was always trying to sort out if he was a natasha or a pierre.

quotations:

"but he was already thirty, and the question was how?"