the unbearable lightness of being. milan kundera. (292)

i picked up the unbearable lightness of being to reread it before i read kundera's latest book.  he hasn't written a book in about 15 years, so it's a bit of a big deal. i put in a request for his latest work, but felt like i should revisit this first.

i read the unbearable lightness of being about 13 years or so ago.  at the time i was obsessed with nick hornby's high fidelty and in the movie version (i don't recall if it's in the book), rob says:

i’m not the smartest guy in the world, but i’m certainly not the dumbest. i mean, i’ve read books like "the unbearable lightness of being" and "love in the time of cholera", and i think i’ve understood them. they’re about girls, right? just kidding. but i have to say my all-time favorite book is johnny cash’s autobiography "cash" by johnny cash.

since rob namechecked it, i decided i'd read it.  so young late teens/early twenties me read it.  i remember having the feeling that i had read something profound.  i also recalled the bowler hat (mainly because of the cover.) but as i reread it, i doubt younger me truly got it, especially all the parts about sex and also because even now some of this went over my head.

before i sound dumb, all the communist stuff went over my head.  i mean i get  communism, what went over my head (like a true american) was the geography and the link to communism.  like all the czech stuff. i know, i know, how ignorant can me? apparently, very.

also nietzsche was mentioned but in relationship to mental illness and an apology to animal for humans (specifically, descartes) not acknowledging their souls, but this book is about nihilism, right? (i just opened the novel to get a quote and it looks like nietzsche opens the novel, so this is nihilistic.) i mean, we read about these people's lives, but in the end they all die and all that we read, doesn't really matter.  i mean i have nihilistic tendencies, so i am all for this being the point of the novel.  it felt like every time, someone found "enlightenment" about life, when they finally got it all figured out, they died, proving that life is ironic, if you use alanis morrisette's definition.

franz realized that what really brought him happiness was his student-mistress. tomas explained to tereza that she did not ruin his life (i will have more on this in a second) because he was happy just to be with her.  i mean it's a beautiful idea, but maybe this what we humans do to justify the unbearable lightness of being. (i feel like i am being deep but this might be the whole point of this work, so just let me go with it. you might be reading this and thinking, duh, krisha).  we take any situation we are in and justify it by using the all encompassing adjective "happy" to help us cope with the decisions we have made in life. we are lying to ourselves to stop ourselves from spending our entire lives regretting.  who can truly say whether or not tomas would not have been happy if he didn't follow tereza? he would still be a surgeon, and would be able to sleep with anyone without guilt, and without tereza probably would have justified his life by saying he was happy to live with the regret of not chasing her.  we would probably be "happy" in whatever path our lives take, because we can never know the way the other options would have played out.  as explained in the beginning, we only have one life.  there is no way for us to truly know if we made the best decisions in life:

we can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can not compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come.

we can not undo the past and so to deal with the decisions we have made, good or bad, we say that we are "happy" so that we can live with ourselves.  i mean i have made some poor decisions in life, but am happy on a day to day basis when i am not regretting the would have, could have, should haves, but in the end i think when i die there is nothing, so i am not that stressed out about my choices.  we just have to accept what we have done and this acceptance is the unbearable lightness of being.

the definition of the unbearable lightness of being came via sabine.  when she moved to paris, there was no drama to explain her move.  instead of a heavy burden to bear, she had the unbearable lightness of being, existence without a struggle.  its easier to explain life decisions by having trigger versus just doing or being. to exist is not enough, we have to explain all action.  our need to do so has resulted in the creation of religions, psychology, sociology, biology, any ology or field of study in fact, even art. it's our ability to reason that results in the need for this justification of our being.  life is tough cos we constantly have to justify it, as i explained above.

sorry i feel like i am talking in circles.  but this book is deep.  i should read it every 5 years to get perspective on life.  and should also do some czech history research to really get it.

i mean i could go into storylines but it's all pointless and i mean that is the point right?  we can see the detailed background of individuals and can see this reasoning behind their actions, but in the end, we all die so what does it matter?  it just one life, we don't get an do over.

with that being said, i do need to discuss tereza, cos i thought she was one crazy bitch and that she did ruin tomas' life! first of all, really? with the showing up and just moving in?  girl showed up casually, but had her suitcase at the station, ready to move in.  and i thought she was manipulative from the beginning (see: how she moved it).  also the whole hand holding in her sleep was crazy too! i would be frightened if my partner did that.  i would not see it as love.  i mean she admitted how manipulative she was in the end, but it was too late.

and yes, i know tomas was not faithful to her, and i didn't agree with his whole sex doesn't equate love theory, but she forced him into a relationship!  i am not saying that if he was truly in love, he would be faithful, but he was kind of coerced into allowing tereza to move in which then lead to marriage.  he was an idiot, the guy forgot to wash his hair after his affairs, but i doubt he would have settled down if given the choice.  and before you say he loved her in the end, go back to the part about the justifying our actions because we only have one life.

so i feel like this blog is just a bunch of rambling (i wish i was part of a book club so that i could share my ideas with someone), so here is a list of random thoughts i had as i read:

-i liked the definitions of words the demonstrated the differences between sabine and franz.

-that one artist on bravo's "work of art" totally confused unbearable and pride and prejudice why else was their a bowler hat on her book cover.

-there is a lot of sex in this book.

-the whole section on shit was interesting.

-this is the second book this summer that has mentioned plato's theory of people being split in two and finding their other half. (reminded me also of "hedwig and the angry inch".)

-what a whole section for the dog and about animals. also i have soul though i don't like animals. also i like karenin as a name for a dog.

all in all, a great and enlightening read.  if you have any comments please post.  if i an complete off base let me know.  

  

i'll give you the sun. jandy nelson. (291)

my friend chris, first told me about this book, but when my best friend's sister, michelle posted it on facebook, i decided to check it out.

*spoilers in this entry*

i knew nothing of the premise, except that it was about twins.  the novel was told from the perspective of two twins, noah and jude.  i enjoyed the chapters from noah's perspective because they were filled with beautiful imagery.  since noah was artistic, he painted in his head. here are some examples of the images in his head:

when jude is upset about the idea of going to art school, "jude barfs bright blue fluorescent bard all over the table, but i'm the only one who notices."

or when jude is jealous and he paints portrait of her:  green with envy, "skin: lime. hair: chartreuse. eyes:  forest. allof her: green, green, green."

so colorful right?

i also love how he paints moments, here are a couple of them:

(self-portrait:  a window flies open in my chest)

(self-portrait: the boy hiding inside the boy hiding inside the boy)

(portrait:  mom sleepwalking into another life)

(family portrait:  assume the crash position)

(self-portrait:  boy hitches ride on passing comet)

i really wish this book was illustrated so that we could see the paintings in noah's mind.

jude's chapters were filled with the colorful wives tales of her grandmother's bible.

some samples of entries:

to avoid serious illness, keep an onion in your pocket

if a boy gives a girl an orange, her love for him will multiply

i enjoyed these superstitions as well.

so back to the novel, in the beginning, we are introduced to the twins, noah, the artsy, gay, oddball, and jude, the hot, popular, surfer chick.  their mother had presented the idea of them attending high school at an arts academy.  noah was elated especially since his mother was so excited about his talent, which made jude jealous.

cut to a couple years later and the family had done a 180.  jude was now the artsy loner attending art school while noah was athletic, popular and "normal" attending regular school.  also, their parents had separated and sadly their mother died in a car accident.

jude convinced her mother's ghost is destroying her art because as we later learned she never sent in her brother's application with her,  jude went to a famous sculptor, guillermo garcia, to learn to sculpt using something her mother's ghost couldn't break, rock.

her work with guillermo, ultimately resulted in the world getting straightened out for the two twins.  it was discovered that her mother and guillermo were lovers during their parents separation.  demonstrating that some people should be in your life.

there were also a handful of other subplots including noah's homosexuality.  he became friends with their neighbor, brian, and thought brian liked him back. however, an incident with jude and brian and 7 minutes in heaven, resulted in awkwardness between the twins. brian turned out to be gay too, but then in a fit of anger, noah outed him.  but luckily, brian was able to come out and find acceptance at his high school and he and noah became boyfriends! yay!

jude also had a love interest, who sounded hot, but i was concern about the age difference.  i mean i got swept up in their attraction by then it lost it appealed when one realized jude was like 16.  but i mean they were destined, his mom did predict their meeting.

i have to add that i loved the inclusion of plato's theory of split-aparts, it reminded me of hedwig.

also there was an incident of date rape with jude that was heartbreaking to read, but didn't get resolved other than jude going on a boy strike and confronting her abuser and telling him to never do what he did to another girl.

all in all, an enjoyable read.  it was predicable at times, but interesting and nice to see high schoolers tolerant of homosexuality.

ps i just discovered this gallery of the artwork mentioned in the novel: http://jandynelson.com/gallery/