barbara the slut and other people. lauren holmes. (321)

i decided to read barbara the slut and other people, after seeing it all over instagram. also, i loved that the cover had slut in hot pink sprayed painted across it.  it looked a feminist manifesto!  and since i judge books by a cover, i had high expectations, and sadly this collection of short stories did not meet them.

i hate to be mean because holmes is a published writer and i am just some no name reader, but these stories didn't move me like the blurbs on the books claimed would happen.  i felt as if i was part of some writers workshop (see:  hbo girls season four). in fact, it was as if holmes was hannah, basically just writing her life.  don't get me wrong, i mean i get that all authors use their life as a basis for the life, but at least there seems to be some value other than just the story.  

barbara the slut read like that one co-worker's random life stories, it was interesting to her, but you are wondering as you listen to the recounting, so what is the point of this story?!??  and i know this sounds harsh, but i just felt the stories lacked any real depth.  it really felt like she just took incidents from her life and turned them into stories, which is fine, but just wasn't for me.  i mean i have always thought of doing just that but always figured the stories that no one else would find them interesting. 

i should also say that not all the stories are horrible, i did enjoy two of them.  the title story "barbara the slut" should be required reading for high school girls, though maybe edit out barbara's logic about sleeping with a guy only once to have to not deal with trust issues.  i should add that was a huge issue i had with the story, barbara was intelligent and a compassionate kid (she was helpful with her autistic brother), yet her logic about sex was horrible.  anyway, i did appreciate its lesson on slut shaming, mean girls need to read this and realize they need to stop hating on other girls.  and why can't they get that boys lie?!?! anyway, i felt bad for barbara, but luckily she was heading to college, so wouldn't have to deal with any of the pettiness of high school, though i hope she learned that sex with trust is a real thing.

another story, i was surprised that i really enjoyed was "my humans".  i was surprised, because i do not like dogs, but i loved reading a story from the perspective of a dog.  i thought that was very clever.  way to go, holmes.  i also loved that the dog discovered the cheating first, when jenna came home smelling different.  i have to add once a cheater, always a cheater.

a couple of other thoughts, that kid in "jerks" was a real jerk.  i also hate parents that are in denial about their kids being horrible.  though the mother in that story was a jerk, so its only logical that she was raising one.  i can add another horrible parent was the mom in  "i will crawl to raleigh if i have to", trying to blame her child's stealing on another kid.  really?  i have to add most of these stories had bad mothers, wonder what holmes is trying to say there?

last but not least, i know i should have been all about "desert hearts", a lawyer that gives up the corporate world to work in a sex shop posing as lesbian.  i mean i guess it could have been cool, but really i think the world has revolved enough that straight people can work in LGBT sex shops without it being an issue.  i mean, this would have been a cool story if it was like the early 90s.

i hate to be a hater, but though enjoyable this book wasn't as exciting as it's front cover claimed it would be.

the unbearable lightness of being. milan kundera. (292)

i picked up the unbearable lightness of being to reread it before i read kundera's latest book.  he hasn't written a book in about 15 years, so it's a bit of a big deal. i put in a request for his latest work, but felt like i should revisit this first.

i read the unbearable lightness of being about 13 years or so ago.  at the time i was obsessed with nick hornby's high fidelty and in the movie version (i don't recall if it's in the book), rob says:

i’m not the smartest guy in the world, but i’m certainly not the dumbest. i mean, i’ve read books like "the unbearable lightness of being" and "love in the time of cholera", and i think i’ve understood them. they’re about girls, right? just kidding. but i have to say my all-time favorite book is johnny cash’s autobiography "cash" by johnny cash.

since rob namechecked it, i decided i'd read it.  so young late teens/early twenties me read it.  i remember having the feeling that i had read something profound.  i also recalled the bowler hat (mainly because of the cover.) but as i reread it, i doubt younger me truly got it, especially all the parts about sex and also because even now some of this went over my head.

before i sound dumb, all the communist stuff went over my head.  i mean i get  communism, what went over my head (like a true american) was the geography and the link to communism.  like all the czech stuff. i know, i know, how ignorant can me? apparently, very.

also nietzsche was mentioned but in relationship to mental illness and an apology to animal for humans (specifically, descartes) not acknowledging their souls, but this book is about nihilism, right? (i just opened the novel to get a quote and it looks like nietzsche opens the novel, so this is nihilistic.) i mean, we read about these people's lives, but in the end they all die and all that we read, doesn't really matter.  i mean i have nihilistic tendencies, so i am all for this being the point of the novel.  it felt like every time, someone found "enlightenment" about life, when they finally got it all figured out, they died, proving that life is ironic, if you use alanis morrisette's definition.

franz realized that what really brought him happiness was his student-mistress. tomas explained to tereza that she did not ruin his life (i will have more on this in a second) because he was happy just to be with her.  i mean it's a beautiful idea, but maybe this what we humans do to justify the unbearable lightness of being. (i feel like i am being deep but this might be the whole point of this work, so just let me go with it. you might be reading this and thinking, duh, krisha).  we take any situation we are in and justify it by using the all encompassing adjective "happy" to help us cope with the decisions we have made in life. we are lying to ourselves to stop ourselves from spending our entire lives regretting.  who can truly say whether or not tomas would not have been happy if he didn't follow tereza? he would still be a surgeon, and would be able to sleep with anyone without guilt, and without tereza probably would have justified his life by saying he was happy to live with the regret of not chasing her.  we would probably be "happy" in whatever path our lives take, because we can never know the way the other options would have played out.  as explained in the beginning, we only have one life.  there is no way for us to truly know if we made the best decisions in life:

we can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can not compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come.

we can not undo the past and so to deal with the decisions we have made, good or bad, we say that we are "happy" so that we can live with ourselves.  i mean i have made some poor decisions in life, but am happy on a day to day basis when i am not regretting the would have, could have, should haves, but in the end i think when i die there is nothing, so i am not that stressed out about my choices.  we just have to accept what we have done and this acceptance is the unbearable lightness of being.

the definition of the unbearable lightness of being came via sabine.  when she moved to paris, there was no drama to explain her move.  instead of a heavy burden to bear, she had the unbearable lightness of being, existence without a struggle.  its easier to explain life decisions by having trigger versus just doing or being. to exist is not enough, we have to explain all action.  our need to do so has resulted in the creation of religions, psychology, sociology, biology, any ology or field of study in fact, even art. it's our ability to reason that results in the need for this justification of our being.  life is tough cos we constantly have to justify it, as i explained above.

sorry i feel like i am talking in circles.  but this book is deep.  i should read it every 5 years to get perspective on life.  and should also do some czech history research to really get it.

i mean i could go into storylines but it's all pointless and i mean that is the point right?  we can see the detailed background of individuals and can see this reasoning behind their actions, but in the end, we all die so what does it matter?  it just one life, we don't get an do over.

with that being said, i do need to discuss tereza, cos i thought she was one crazy bitch and that she did ruin tomas' life! first of all, really? with the showing up and just moving in?  girl showed up casually, but had her suitcase at the station, ready to move in.  and i thought she was manipulative from the beginning (see: how she moved it).  also the whole hand holding in her sleep was crazy too! i would be frightened if my partner did that.  i would not see it as love.  i mean she admitted how manipulative she was in the end, but it was too late.

and yes, i know tomas was not faithful to her, and i didn't agree with his whole sex doesn't equate love theory, but she forced him into a relationship!  i am not saying that if he was truly in love, he would be faithful, but he was kind of coerced into allowing tereza to move in which then lead to marriage.  he was an idiot, the guy forgot to wash his hair after his affairs, but i doubt he would have settled down if given the choice.  and before you say he loved her in the end, go back to the part about the justifying our actions because we only have one life.

so i feel like this blog is just a bunch of rambling (i wish i was part of a book club so that i could share my ideas with someone), so here is a list of random thoughts i had as i read:

-i liked the definitions of words the demonstrated the differences between sabine and franz.

-that one artist on bravo's "work of art" totally confused unbearable and pride and prejudice why else was their a bowler hat on her book cover.

-there is a lot of sex in this book.

-the whole section on shit was interesting.

-this is the second book this summer that has mentioned plato's theory of people being split in two and finding their other half. (reminded me also of "hedwig and the angry inch".)

-what a whole section for the dog and about animals. also i have soul though i don't like animals. also i like karenin as a name for a dog.

all in all, a great and enlightening read.  if you have any comments please post.  if i an complete off base let me know.  

  

deenie. judy blume. (286)

i remember my friend chandra telling me to read deenie once on instagram, i told her i never read it, but i was wrong.  i had read deenie, just forgot what it was called.  i remember a story about a girl having to wear a brace, when i reread blubber, i thought the brace happened in that, but wrong again.  and to be completely honest, all i remember other than the brace was the making out in the laundry room with the brace on (what a pervy kid!)

so deenie was the story of a beautiful girl, deenie, that had scoliosis and had to wear a brace.  and i must say she was a better kid then i because she handled it very well.  there were some breakdowns but for the most part, she just dealt with it.  though that whole undershirt thing was weird.  but a great lesson for kids about having to deal with a handicap and also to be accepting of those with one as well.

i have to add that while deenie was a heat kid, her mother was the worse!  poor thing! i can not imagine having a mother like that.  it was horrible how the mom tried to blame the dad's family for her disease.  also all of the crying by the mom was too much, get a grip, lady! it was also sad how much pride she took in deenie's good looks.  i am glad helen stood up to her at the end, a mom should not live vicariously through their kids, but rather support their talents.  luckily, deenie and helen were more sensible then their mother.

okay, so now to the juicy stuff! so you know how people are always trying to ban books because of the sex stuff in them.  and one argument is that that stuff probably goes over the kid's head, well i am proof of that, because all of the talk about masturbation and sexual intercross went right over my head! as kid, i was turned on by the kissing, and had no idea what else was going on.  i probably assumed her special spot was on her stomach. lol. 

quick digression, at her talk, judy blume discussed how someone once thought her special spot was her elbow!

but yeah, deenie masturbating went over my head in elementary school.  though i have to add what wonderful advice for adolescence about masturbation.  it's normal!  i mean i didn't start until i was in high school, but saw nothing wrong with it and never felt guilty about it.  (i have mentioned this before.)

i will have to say that this is a must read for every girl and kudos to blume and deenie on the positive view of female masturbation! 

cherokee bat and the goat guys. francesca lia block.

i have to admit that after reading witch baby and not enjoying it that much, i was wary of reading cherokee bat and the goat guys, but it restored my faith in the dangerous angels series.  i would even say it's my favorite so far, well second to weetzie bat, of course.

in cherokee bat and the goat guys, the kids, cherokee, witch baby, and raphael are left at home while all the adults are filming a movie in south america.  coyote was in charge of them.

witch baby was acting weird, burying herself in mud and cherokee went to coyote for help.  he suggested that she make witch baby a set of wings.  (quick digression i think i am going to be witch baby for halloween or world book day, though i do need to find cowboy boot rollerskates!) with the wings and the return of angel juan, witch baby acted normal again, well normal for herself.

due to the magic of the wings and the return of angel baby, the kids decided to start a band, the goat guys.  they booked a gig but raphael had stage fright so cherokee went to coyote again and got goat pants for raphael.

the goat pants turned out to be magical, and helped the band become successfully, though things started to get weird. the kids were also weird cos they were going through puberty.  they started drinking, smoking pot, and having sex.  i have to say that the analogy of waves for cherokee and raphael was quite clever and if i was a teen, it probably would have gone over my head (i was do innocent back then.)

then, angel juan was jealous of groupies loving raphael, and witch baby was jealous of the other two having sex so cherokee went to ask coyote for horns for angel juan, but he said no, so witch baby stole them.  they were even more amazing a band, and the one day hoof boots came for cherokee.  then, things started to get really crazy.  angel juan was mutilating himself on stage and getting headaches and cherokee's boots were hurting her.  

one night at a party, raphael did blow and hooked up with this girl and cherokee lost it and put everything on, the wings, the goat pants, the horns and the boots (which i thought would be cool for halloween too but i guess i would end up looking like maleficient.) and has a moment on a roof but coyote came to save her.  and he realized that he needed to help the kids and they return their gifts to the animals and the family comes back and everything is back to normal.  oh and  moral of the story was don't be in a rush to grow up!

a great story and i have to say i am kicking myself for not reading this earlier because i could have ordered one of these goat guy shirts when they were in stock! (i didn't get the reference when i first saw it online.)

so cute, huh? and check out the back:

i messed up! oh well.  hopefully they get more in stock!  but so excited for the next book!!!

how to build a girl. caitlin moran. (247)

i thought i picked up caitlin moran's how to build a girl based on flavorpill recommendation but i couldn't find the article.  even though i can't remember where i saw it, i am glad that i decided to check it out.  and i mean the lena dunham blurb on the cover is totally unnecessary, helpful but this book is amazing it can sell itself. 

i hate to be so late to the game on moran but i knew nothing about her before i read this novel.  apparently, moran is a famous british journalist and wrote this feminist book called how to be a woman back in 2012 (i have since put in a request for this book).  i hate to admit this but i remember her book being on sale on amazon but judged a book by a cover, and didn't give it a thought.  it was her skunk hair.  i didn't take her seriously but i really wish i did!!

how to build a girl is loosely based on moran's life.  at least that is what the disclaimer at the beginning said.  she was a music journalist, had a large family, and grew up in wolverhampton.  but the lead character, johanna is not moran.

when we first meet johanna, you can't help but feel bad for the poor girl.  she was fat, friendless, awkward, and a chronic masturbator.  she masturbated a lot!  and with her older brother in the room and her younger brother in the bed next to her.  when i read that i was certain that is why lena dunham has so much love for moran as her blurb claimed.  seriously, what is with people masturbating with siblings in their bed, in high school, i felt bad if anyone else was in the house at the same time that i did it!

johanna's family was also poor, due to her father's dreams of being a rock star which resulted in him really just being an alcoholic.  he also did have an accident but still he just drank and lived off of his benefits.  however, when johanna spills the beans about her father being on benefits to a neighbor, which would

result in them losing them; she decided to get a job to help out.

her first attempts to time a job, a paper route and a starring in a production of "annie" are unsuccessful.  however, when johanna's luck changed when she  won a poetry contest (though her luck didn't change completely because she embarassed herself on tv.  however, it did help johanna realize that she wanted to be a writer and that writing would be the key to her helping her family and getting out of wolverhampton.

since johanna did not know anything about indie rock, she had to start completely from scratch.  she listened to a lot of music, but nothing that would be considered "cool".  her rock education started via the radio and the library, where she checked our CDs.  since she was starting from scratch, johanna needed a rock persona which results in her building a girl.  johanna created dolly wilde, named after oscar wilde's alcoholic lesbian niece.  i loved the nod to oscar wilde and dolly was totally the best choice for johanna, but i loved the name laurel canyon.  i have always wanted an amazing band-aid name, like "almost famous", and was always sad that penny lane was used because it is perfect. and laurel canyon is so good! i wish i thought of it.  oh, well.

so dolly wilde wore all black and a top hat like slash.  and after johanna sent in reviews to the magazine, "D&ME", she became a music journalist.  she also quite school to have more time to write.  one of her first assignments was attending a smashing pumpkins show, which her dad took her too cos she is so young.  initially, she tries to take notes, but in the end, realized that she just needed to enjoy the moment instead of being an observer.  dolly, even managed to get backstage to talk to the band!  

after the pumpkins, she was sent to ireland to interview john kite.  he was described as a jeff buckley type, but due to his fur coat and dandyish ways, i thought of him as oscar wilde. i also expected him to turn out gay.  however, dolly and kite had a wonderful time together, (they sounded like soulmates to me.) and she fell in love with him.  

oh and my favorite quote from them hanging out was this:

"you gonna norwegian wood it, love?", he said as i crawled off to sleep in the bath." 

so freakin' cute and clever!!!

however, after she sent in her interview, the calls stopped coming, because the piece was too fan-ish.  and with this realization dolly wilde went wild.

first it started with booze, she started drinking to created this wild child persona. then, she started writing these cruel reviews with created this bitch persona.  and last, she started having sex which resulted in this sex adventurerer persona.  and though it was hilarious and fun to read all of this, it was not good for dolly.  she started sleeping with the wrong men and making a compete mess of her life.  (i could totally relate.) 

in the end, after throwing herself at john kite, she realized she needed to

stop being dolly wilde and start being johanna again.

as a result, chapter 24 is wonderful advice for any girl, particularly teenage girls, but any female trying to find herself. we all make mistakes but as moran advises via johanna:

you'll find the tiny, right piece of grit you can pearl around, until nature kicks in, and your shell will just quietly fill with magic? even while you're busy doing other things.  what your nurture began, nature will take over, and start completing, until you stop having to think about who you'll be entirely--as you're too busy doing, now.

what a great little pearl of wisdom!

in the end johanna, begins her journey towards her new self.  she decided to move to london and continue her writing but as a fan and as herself!

this book was great and i highly recommend it.  johanna is hilarious and i would totally be her friend if she was a real person.  

just look at this quote:

when bill murray says shit like this, people completely lost it.  i wish used bill murray.  i hope everything i've read about evolution is wrong, and i eventually evolve into him.

bloody brilliant!  this book is filled with gems like this.

if you are a girl, women, riot grrl and lived or loved the nineties you need to read this book.  so good and i look forward to reading moran's other works.

love me back. merritt tierce. (237)

i saw merritt tierce's love me back on a book riot post and due to its cover, i decided to check it out.  you have to admit that the cover is quite intriguing, the neon lights, the sad yet hopefully sentiment.  i must admit that i am pretty good about judging a book by its cover, because i enjoyed this work.

i had no idea what love me back was about, when i picked it up.  i must have read a blurb about it on book riot but it didn't stick with me.  upon skimming the inside sleeve, i discovered that it was about a single mother and her work at restaurants.  i also learned that tierce was a "5 under 35" honoree and since i enjoyed molly antopol's the unamericans, i had high expectations for this work.  unjustly so, i know, but i did.

i have to say that love me back was beautifully written, i could not put it down, even though at times i was disgusted by what i read.  i guess that would be a testament to how well written it was. love me back is the story of marie, a young woman and her life working in restaurants.  marie, a single mother, though her daughter did not live with her, worked in a handful of restaurants, and spent her free time (the little time that she had, since she worked all the time) drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping with everyone she met at work.  marie's back story, which is revealed to us throughout the novel, and some details not until to the very end, was that marie's life was not so tragic, in fact, it was once filled with promise.  she was yale bound, but a church trip to mexico when she was seventeen, resulted in her being pregnant.  she ended up marrying the baby's father, and they lived together, but she ended up cheating on him, with everyone she worked with.  he learned of her cheating, after marie gave him chlamydia, which she contracted from one of the three men she was sleeping with at the time.  they separated, and he ended up with custody of the child.

throughout the novel, there are sections in which marie's stories are directed to her daughter, in which we learn of how her daughter came to be.  in her narrative, marie constantly spoke of wanting to do better for her daughter, or loving her daughter so much but it's just words.  in the end, one of marie's co-workers call her out on it, explaining that if they really wanted to be with their daughters, then they would be.  marie does love her daughter, but she does lie to herself about wanting to be there for her.  i am sure she loves her daughter, but as she admitted once she did not have that motherly instinct.

instead, the priorities in marie's life are drugs, alcohol, and sex.  i was disgusted and appalled by marie's actions.  i am all for one feeding their sexual appetite, but marie abused her body.  she was on self-destruction mode, she did drugs and had sex to distract herself from the pain she felt.  the pain that marie felt was never explicitly described, there didn't seem to be a specific source, other than life itself.  sure, her parents were overbearing, but they were initially helpful with the child, and she ran away from them.  her husband also seemed to be a good man, he was a responsible father and loved marie.  yet, it wasn't enough for marie.  i understand that yes, she lost her future, though never directly addressed, being unable to attend yale had to have had a negative effect on her.  however, instead of making her daughter the focus of her life, she instead sought ways to destroy herself.  and boy did she.  and i can understand the substance abuse to a certain extend, even the cutting and burning makes sense given her dealing with pain, however i could not believe what she allowed herself and others to do to her body sexually.  marie described situations in which she would do drugs and then let guys take turns with her in one night.  her last escapade before the novel closed, she had sex with brothers, in a moving truck?!?!?  it was disgusting to read about, and i couldn't imagine how someone can allow that to happen to themselves.  and i guess the frustrating part was that marie was better than that.  she was smart, but made bad decisions.   there was a handful of times in which she got herself clean, normally motivated by a man, but still she could clean.  she could have escaped the life she had but continue to life it. it was a very dark place that marie was in and i am grateful that i did not understand her.  

and in all honesty, i am not sure what to take away from this other then life is suffering.  and sometimes life deals you a shitty hand and instead of trying to make the best of it, you can just say fuck it and do what you want.  

regardless, of my approval of marie's life,  i do approve of tierce.  she is an amazing writer and i love forward to reading more from her.

oh and before i close i just have to add.  there was a part in which marie discussed how sometimes she will judge customers.  how they will come in, in jeans and order soft drinks and she thinks that there are going to waste her night and tip her poorly.  however, they end up asking for a bottle of champagne and wine and the next thing she knows they are leaving her a big tip.  this made me laugh because i feel like this happens to my friend larry and i when we go out to dinner.  he is a gm and is limited on his days off and sometimes we will go out to lunch or dinner and he will wear a sweatshirt and i look like i'm twelve.  and i'm pretty sure people are like why are these kids wasting my time.  and then we start ordering and it's majority of the menu and the servers realizes that we are going to get a good tip and that server's demeanor towards us totally changes.  lol

adam. ariel schrag. (236)

i requested adam after seeing it on flavorpill's must reads for june.  the premise sounded interesting, adam, a teen visiting his sister for the summer in new york became immersed in the lgbt community and mistaken for a trans person.  i imagined a book in which a sheltered young man learned an important life lesson of tolerance and acceptance.  this did occur but not in the way that i had expected it.

as i read and definitely once i was done, i wandered how the trans community felt about this work.  as an individual outside of the community, adam was very informative, i learned about how trans people identify themselves, the various procedures and methods they use tontransition and during transition and the political issues they support.  but at the same time, this teenager lied to an entire community and no one seemed to notice.  i mean that can speak to how truly accepting the community is that one can define themselves as they please and no one questions it.  however, it can also be framed as adam exploiting the community which is extremely intolerant.

i felt very uncomfortable reading about adam lying, to the point where i had to put the book down.  i know that in the end, gillian knew the truth all along, but that does not make adam's lying acceptable.  i was completely shocked that adam had sex with gillian without him telling gillian that he was not trans. i felt that adam violated gillian by not telling her the truth about his identity.  and i know people lie all the time about other factors ie wealth, relationship status, love, etc. to have sex with others, but i think one should be aware of their partner's gender prior to their having sex.  even though adam used a dildo, i still felt that he took advantage of gillian.  call me old-fashioned, but i do believe that you should be honest with the people you have sex with.

and i guess this is what schrag wanted to bring into question.  after i read adam. i googled to see how the trans community felt about this book and came across and article on book slut.  in it, the interviewer brought up the fact that he (i hope i am using the proper pronoun) does not feel the need to disclose that he was trans before having sex with someone, however, after reading adam, the interviewer needed to rethink this.  i personally believe that a trans person should reveal that they are trans.  i know that it's insensitive to request it since they are the gender that they identify with, but i think the other individual should know.  i know there is the risk of rejection due to this knowledge, but ideally we should have sex with people who accept us for who we are.  and i mean this for everyone, trans, cis, straight, gay, call me old-fashioned (again), but sex should be with people that appreciate you for being yourself.  (sorry that got really preachy).  i have never dated or had sex with a trans person so i can not say how i would react if i met a guy that i really liked, only to go home and found out he was born a girl.  if i really liked the guy, i would hope that i would be okay with it, but to be honest, i probably would be weirded out by it.  i don't know how i would react, but i would be glad that they were honest with me, instead of penetrating me with a dildo.  the dildo penetration, which i thought of as penis, i would view as a violation of my body.  i am not sure where it would fall on the spectrum of sexual violence, but to an extend, it would need to be frame so because i was consenting to having sex with a man and not a woman with a dildo.  i mean if it as a cis man that penetrated me with a dildo without my consent, i would definitely frame that as rape.  and this is essentially what adam did.  i don't know.  i hope i am not being insensitive, i just don't know what i would do if i was in gillian's position.  i guess to certain extent, your intuition would tell you, but still.  i know i would not be as cool about it as gillian.  i think i would be insulted more about being lied to then anything else in terms of identity.

and i have to add, adam was annoying at times.  i felt bad for the guy, i mean he was a teenager and they are that horrible, but sometimes i was like some trying so hard kid and be yourself.  in the end, he did learn to be himself.  i did think it was great that he became interested in gender identity.  all in all, an interesting read and a look into a subculture that the mainstream is not familiar with.  i also highly recommend reading the book slut interview after reading the book.

bad feminist. roxane gay. (234)

i, first came across roxane gay's collection of essays, bad feminist, via flavorpill.  i didn't give it much thought but after she was all over my instagram feed (i follow a lot of bookish accounts), i decided i needed to check it out.  and i am glad i did!  this is a must read for every woman  . . . and man too.

i consider myself a feminist, i believe that women are not the weaker sex and should be treated the same as men.  women should not be restricted by the boundaries that society had deemed appropriate and acceptable for them.  i took a women studies course at ucla and did very well in it (i should have minored in women studies.) i have made it a point to read more women authors this year.  it's not a title, most people associated me with, but feminist is one that i would proud about if labeled it.  (and this is prior to bey making it cool to be a feminist.)

however, i do realize that like gay, i am a bad feminist.  and like gay, i embrace that title.  as gay shared,

i embrace the label of bad feminist because i am human.  i'm messy.  i'm not trying to be an example.  i am not trying to be perfect.  i am not trying to say i have all the answers.  i am not trying to say i'm right.  i am just trying--trying to support what i believe in, trying to do some good in the world, trying to make some noise with my writing while being myself:  a woman who loves pink and likes to get freaky and sometimes dances her ass off to music, she "knows" is terrible for women and who sometimes plays dumb with repairmen because it's easier to let them feel macho than it is to stand on the moral high ground.

this felt spot on.  i do believe in equality between sexes but love it when men open doors for me and if on a date, i do expect them to pay for dinner.  if i am carrying something heavy and with a male, i expected him to carry it for me.  it doesn't make me less of a feminist, just human.

the term bad feminist allows for these inconsistencies not only with us as humans but also feminism as a movement.   feminism, like all movements, covers a variety of concerns and issues, gay's point is that in order to be a feminist you don't need to be true to everything, but simply believe in the progression of women's rights.  she does point out that feminism is flawed with its lack of concern for women of color and homosexuals.  however, though it is flawed, gay is hopefully that her voice along with others will help create room for everyone within feminism.

before i go, i must add that as i read the intro, i felt bad about my judging of beyonce.  my dislike of beyonce came with an anthem that i should have loved, "run the world (girls)."  i felt like she was stealing other artists' thunder, the cool funky part of this song was actually major lazer and then she performed that billboard awards she totally copied another artist.  all this left a bad taste in my mouth.  then, the whole feminist thing seemed more like a marketing ploy than anything else.  i mean it was great that she sampled chimamanda nogzi adichie, because the world needed to hear that ted talk and read her novels.  i read americanah because of "flawless". however, i felt like adichie's words were being bastardized by the context beyonce put them in.  how does "my man made me feel so god damn fine, i'm flawless!" align with the discussion women not fighting for or finding worth in the attention from men.  and as my cousin kristel pointed out, doesn't "bow down bitches" go against adichie's words that women should not be in competition with one a other.  for these reasons, my dislike began to grow.  also the music video for "pretty hurts" was so self-righteous, yes i am sure beyonce struggled with her body and it not finding into the model mold, but lets get serious, she now has designers creating for her, so can she not preach about the world putting pressure on women to be pretty in her couture.  the fashion industry she shows off via her dazzling outfits is the beast that feeds these high standards of beauty.  however, gay made me realize that i was being a bad feminist for critiquing bey like this.  it is ignorant of me to expect her to be perfect, so bey, i am sorry.  also, i should be grateful that she has made it so that girls and women today are not afraid to be labelled a feminist.

just like i don't always agree with beyonce, it was the same with gay.  for the most part, i agreed with points she made however, i did reach some points where i lost interest in what she had to say.  but regardless of how i felt, i was engaged, i loved her writing style and her witty little quips made me feel like we could be friends.

the essays are divided into the following sections:  [me], [gender & sexuality], [race & entertainment], [politics, gender & race].

[me] as expected discussed gay, her work and her hobby, competitive scrabble.  yes, competitive scrabble, that essay was a hoot and gay is good!

the first essay in this section discussed her work as a professor and what she encountered as an advisor for a black students association.  she also explained how a co-workers remark about affirmative action drove her to work hard, ultimately gaining her ph.d but still worried she isn't good enough.  

the second essay, "peculiar beliefs" made the interesting point of everyone neglecting to recognize their privilege and only wanting to focus on their oppression.  though i am a person of color, a female and came from a single parent home and lived in a rural area, i was aware that i was privileged growing up.  this knowledge came via kids pointing out the material goods (aka nike shoes and guess jeans) that i had in elementary school.  we weren't rich but i was privileged for the area.  i also had a family that was very involved and cared about my education.  now i am not saying that i life the high life, but just demonstrating the fact that i never saw myself as disadvantaged.  as gay called out her readers at the end, "if you are reading this essay, you have some kind of privilege . . . if you cannot recognize your privilege, you have a lot of work to do; get started."

[gender & sexuality] cover just that.  the first essay, "how to be friends with a another woman" is a definite must read!  i wanted to copy it and share it with all of my friends, primarily to thank them for being just great friends!  just great sound advice.  i even instagramed my favorite:

the second essay "girls, girls, girls", as i was anticipating, discussed hbo's "girls" and i understand all of gay's critiques, but still think "girls" is the best,  gay's brings up the color issue which i have discussed before, but just add some food for thought because gay also discussed how women need a television show that shows women with their act together.  to which i say but that is not the point of "girls".  dunham created the show to demonstrate what life is like for twentysomethings now and i think she is spot on.  i am a thirtysomething but see my past messy self in the girls of "girls".  secondly, it's unfortunate because the lack of diversity on show is not due to dunham's racism but probably from the lack of diversity in her action life.  and i don't hate her for it, it's just a reality of life.  i have always had very diverse group of friends, but not everyone is like that.  people tend to stick to their own race, it's unfortunate but it happens.  also growing up, i never new any jewish people so a depiction of my life would exclude jewish people but it shouldn't make that work anti-semitic, it is simply a reflection of the reality that i knew.  gay recognized that it is unfair to expect "girls" to be everything to everyone and that we have put an unjust demand for it to be inclusive.  and that the real issue is that programming as a whole needs to change.  i have to add that gay mentioned "girlfriends" in his article, and how it showed women of color being responsible and having jobs.  i really need to start watching it, i hope netflix or hulu pick it up to show.

in "i was once miss america", gay plays tribute to the girls of "sweet valley high". i read part of that series but was not into like gay was into it.  and though reading the novel as a haitian girl, she was able to identify with the twins of sweet valley.  as she explained, "some experiences are universal.  a girl is a girl whether she lives in omaha or sweet valley."

in "garnish, glorious spectacles", i recognized how bad my television guilty pleasures, bravo's housewives and all of the celebreality vh1 shows, truly were, not due to it being bad television, but the horrible, female stereotypes it upheld.  gay loved these shows too, so i don't feel as bad.  but it is horrible how we watch these shows to feel better about herself and be thankful that we aren't such train wrecks.  and in the end, gay points out that perhaps we watch it because its actual a reflection of ourselves.  

in "the careless language of sexual violence", i was appalled to learn about how the new york times framed the gang-raping of an 11 year old girl as the victim's fault and sympathized with the rapist.  i'm not always up to date on current events, so this was not on my radar when it happened.  however, i did google and read the article and other posts about it.  i still can not believe that the nyt allowed for this story to be ran.  i will add that i am thankful to life in an each in which i can google a story and also see all of the critiques of it as well in a search.

another thing that i did not agree with gay, her love of the hunger games trilogy.  though her love for these works, kind of makes me want to actual finish all three books.  i read the hunger games on the advice of friends before the movies and all the hoopla around it.  i, for one, did not enjoy it.  there was a lot of living going on for something that was suppose to be a fight to the death.  i mean i get it, its a young adult novel, but i was still disappointed that it turned into some kind of weird love story.  so i saw the first movie, and actually enjoyed it more.  then just stopped caring about the hunger games.  however, now i feel like i should read it, because katniss is a good role model for girls, as gay pointed out.  so i feel like i should read them in the name of girls that rock!

i am so thankful that gay wrote "dear young ladies who love chris brown so much that they would let him beat them".  i, for one, do not understand how chris brown is still famous and how women still love him.  this article addresses my confusion.

"blurred lines, indeed" made me feel so bad.  i absolutely loved "blurred lines" when it came out.  it was my jam, i once had a dj play it for me twice in one night.  i loved the beat and it was catchy and the lyrics were funny.  however, i did not realize just how misogynistic it was, okay, maybe i did, but i still loved to dance to it.  i like the music but i i hate the message.  i know i can solve this problem by not listening to it, at the same time its just music.  though gay points out that this "lighten up" mentality does not alleviate these problems.  i guess i can just hope for a future in which misogynistic undertones in pop culture will go away because it has gone away in our culture.

gay discussed the 50 shades of gray trilogy, and all i can say, is how did women read that crap?  i mean i am glad that women were reading, but seriously there was nothing sexy about a controlling man.  controlling in the bedroom, if you are into bdsm life style yes.  but controlling as in buying the company you work for and wanting to know where you are all the time, is just frightening and women should not tolerate it just because the sex is good.  i have never read it, and now i never will.   i will add, this essay discussed how prince charming is just an illusion and that women need to understand that they can not change men and if a man is not treating you as he should be, you need to get out of that relationship.

on last note about this section, in it gay discussed in pieces, how she was a victim of sexual violence as a young girl.  at the risk of sounding insensitive or using the wrong words, just wanted to share that i appreciate her allowing the reader into such a private matter.  her writing on it felt therapeutic though i can't speak for her.  i will add that she did create an environment in which her readers that are victims of sexual violence can feel comfort in knowing that they are not alone. 

[race & entertainment], this collection of essays, is where i disagreed with gay the most.  primarily, because i see movies as entertainment and though it is insensitive of me, just felt like sometimes you have to take movies just as an escape then rather analyze everything.  and i know that movies influence how we frame the world and also reflect how we frame the world, but i felt she was being too critical in this section,

[politics, gender & race].  her article "when twitter does what journalism can't" gay demonstrated the power of twitter.  again i am bad with the current events, but so i learned about senator wendy davis' filibuster the next day.  however, gay learned of it via twitter thanks to one activist that live tweeted the filibuster.  gay also explained that the larger networks did not cover it, but there was a livefeed via youtube, where she was able to watch it.  it is shocking how much of our news gets shared via twitter and facebook.  i have mentioned before in post that i always get my celebrity death news via twitter.  oh and just wanted to add kudos to senator davis for being an amazing woman!!!

"the inalienable rights of women" is another must read for women.  it was one that got my blood boiling because of the little control, we women have over our bodies.  and i think what is even more frustrating that there is so much discussion about birth control, yet men can just walk down to the corner store and pick up condoms whenever they want.  where is the regulation of that?!?!?  it was so upsetting to read about some states requiring women to get ultrasounds before receiving an abortion.  virginia went so far as to require transvaginal ultrasounds.  i have discussed it before, i have never been in a position in which i needed to decide whether or not i wanted an abortion.  however, i can not imagine being in that position and not only having to struggle with my making the right decision for myself but then having the government add in their ignorant two cents.  at the end of the day, it is my body and i need to make the decision that is best for me.  women need to be allowed to chose for themselves without the government interfering.  furthermore, i do agree with gay that if the government does continue to limit women's right in regards to abortions, women will go underground to take care of the situation as they have throughout history.

these are just some highlights from the essays.  gay covered a variety of issues and gave me a lot of food for thought.  this was an excellent read not only for giving voice to issues that are often ignored but for simply encouraging the reader to question the world we live in.  this novel doesn't have all the answers or solve the problems we face as society, instead it adds dialogue to ongoing discussions of gender, race, sexuality, politics, in hopes that the world will improve.     

the awakening. kate chopin.

i decided to reread kate chopin's the awakening for banned book week.  i came across it while sharing a link to the american library association list of banned/challenged classics.  i have a huge tbr pile right now and decided the awakening would be a fast read, so i decided to squeeze it for banned books week.

i read the awakening in college.  i think it was for a women's studies course.  however, i didn't remember much from it other than the protagonist drowned herself in the sea over a lover.

i hate to say this considering the awakening is an example of early feminist writing, but i did not enjoy the story.  the issue i had with edna, was the same issues that i had with anna karenina.  i just can not sympathize with women that abandon their duties as a mother.  i also can not tolerate women who abandon their duties as wife via infidelity.  in the awakening, edna abandoned her husband and children because she fell in love with another man, robert.  also, robert unleashed all of her inner desires which resulted in her having another affair with a different gentleman.  if edna was single, i would be in full support of her multiple lovers but the fact that she was a mother and a wife caused my dislike of her.

i am normally in support of women not being restricted by gender roles, however, when you decide to become a mother or a wife, there are basic duties that you agree to by assuming these roles.  so for the most part you must meet the most basic duties, care for your children and care for your husband.  there is flexibility within these roles ie women should not be restrict to the realm of the home, but if you can't handle that you shouldn't have assumed the role in the first place.  and i know that i am writing this as a 20th/21st century woman, and it is easy for me to critique because i have the freedom to choose when i want to be a mother or a wife, but i can not sympathize with women who abandon their families, past or present.   it is selfish versus feminist.  

before i go on, so i don't sound completely ignorant, i do realize that at the time chopin was writing, women had only one option in life, marriage.  most women married for financial stability versus actual love and most women did not have a choice when it came to marriage, so many women found themselves in the same situation as edna.  so for that reason i do admire this work for addressing an experience that women encountered but could not discuss.  and to be perfectly honest, if i was in her situation in that time and place, i am not sure what i would have done.  but suicide seems extreme, i mean both edna and anna karenina decided to kill themselves then lead a life without love, which sounds brave but is actually cowardly, especially considering that they had children.  i seen no romance in leaving your children motherless.  i guess chopin wanted to demonstrate how women in these situations have no real options, and rather then life a lie, some women wished for death.

it all seems bleak but it is tough being a women, especially due to the expectations that society places on us.  and i guess i should be sympathetic toward edna because she wasn't the mothering type yet became a mother out of society's expectations.  and i can not hate her for that, some people just don't have a mothering instinct.  okay, maybe i was a little two harsh on edna earlier, but in my defense, it's difficult to seperate my modern mind from the historical context, especially considering how women issues are pretty much the same throughout all of history.

for me, personally, it comes down to the fact that i believe women should not be restricted by their gender, we should do what feels natural to us.  yet, at the same time, i am old-fashioned and conservative when it comes to marriage and motherhood.  to me, marriage vows should be upheld, one should keep the promises that they have made.  and i know that people fall out of love, and sometimes the person your married changes, or you change, life happens.  i am fine with divorce, but i think once you start to feel uncertain about your marriage, you should discuss it with your partner versus cheat.  i know edna didn't really have this option but i hope a modern day work like this would have the protagonist going that route.

and though i do not agree with the infidelity, i must praise chopin for writing about female sexuality.  though i wish edna's awakening came before marriage rather than after but it could have never really been the other way.  the sad truth is that women are expected to be the virgin bride, especially back then.  it is also unfortunate that edna's husband did not awaken her.  but this work is important for women to read (then and now), so that they can see that it is fine to be a sexual person, that you are not abnormal for desiring sex. 

i was raised mormon and though i planned on saving myself for marriage as the church instructed, i must admit that i saw nothing wrong with masturbating though i should have according to the church.  i have no idea where i got the notion that masturbation was okay, maybe it was from the novels (the perks of being a wallflower mentioned masturbation) and the teen magazines i read.  one of my friends and i openly discussed masturbation and i remember encouraging other friends to explore, not by in a "let's have a circle jerk" way,  but in a "hey, don't be ashamed to explore your body" way.  sorry, i just got really honest.  but i guess i am demonstrating how i could have been edna in this modern day.  i am not saying that the standards of the church are wrong, teens should not have sex lives, but their sexuality shouldn't be denied.  i mean i didn't grow up to be this sex-crazed slut because i masturbated in high school.  and even if i did, oh well, it is my body.

wow.  this post kind of went all over the place, but there is a lot of layers to the awakening.  it simply as a story was not for me, i did not sympathize with edna.  however, the issues of motherhood, gender roles, and sexuality that arose from it were important for me to contemplate.  i think the later reason is why this book was banned.  it awoken in people the idea that not all women fit into the mold deemed appropriate by society.  for this, and it's feminist significance, the awakening is a must read for every woman . . . and every man too!  

the group. mary mccarthy. (213)

mary mccarthy's the group was listed as one of the books to fill the girls-shaped void in your life.  the cover (different from the one i read) had a blurb from sex and the city author candace bushnell, which i found a little silly since the group was written back in the 1950s.  however, i learned via wikipedia that an editior had suggested that bushnell write an updated version of the group which became sex and the city.

sex and the city is very reminiscent of the group.  unfortunately, with all the progress that women have made, we are still fighting the same battles as the generations before us.  one likes to think that our mothers can not understand what we face today but in fact they faced the exact same issues (this was demonstrated in the novel with dottie and her mother.)

the group is set in the 30's and follows the lives of a group of women, kay, dottie, helena, norine, libby, priss, polly, pokey and lakey, who became friends while at vassar college.  the novel spans 10 years of their lives, opening with their attendance of kay's wedding and sadly ending with her funeral.  throughout the ten years, they encounter all sorts of issues related to love, family, career, and sex, and as mentioned before the issues are not outdated and are still relevant today.

before i go on, i want to clarify that the group is #richwhitepeopleproblems, which is it is clearly aware of.  the characters are aware that they have money which results in very different experiences from most people. there is an attempt to have a poor character, polly, her being on scholarship was always mentioned, but her family used to be wealthy, so she doesn't really count.  she did donate blood for money but the fact that she was able to get a line of credit, demonstrated that she wasn't that badly off.  this critique can also be made of sex and the city and it was made about girls.  however, as i have defended girls in the past, some female issues transcend class and i, as a women, have always been able to identify though i am a women of color and poor.

the first issue that made me laugh due to it's relevance to today was dick's talk with dottie about sex and love.  dottie, a virgin, was warned by dick brown, the man who she lost her virginity to not fall in love with him, because women always do.  it made me laugh to read it because times have not changed because this myth is still around today.  i was virgin when i entered college and it seemed like every guy i ever hooked up and that i considered losing my virginity to, always seemed hesitant because they didn't want me to fall in love with them.  looking back there are two of them i am glad i didn't lose my virginity to either one of them. one of those two i did eventually sleep with and for the record there was nothing he did that would result in my loving him forever.  lol.  and for the record, i did not fall in love with the man that i lose my virginity to.  he is a swell guy (all of a sudden i'm from the 30's too) and interesting, and am glad i lost my virginity to him but i did not fall madly in love with him because of this act.  so there goes that.  we, women need to put an end to this myth!  i mean in the end, dottie did reveal that she loved dick, but she wasn't in love with dick brown but the idea of dick brown and that is something i am guilty of doing.  i spent the greater part of my twenties in love with someone but realizing now that i wasn't in love with the true him but this ideal him i had created in my head.  women turning men into myth is not a myth but we, women, always falling in love with our virginity takers is a bunch of bs.

the other thing that i found interesting from dottie and dick's relationship was how birth control was capable of implying so much about a relationship.  it was shocking to see how kay's husband, harald, explained how dick's requesting and keeping her diaphragm at his home could define their relationship status.  it is ridiculous that dottie was fitted and everything yet she couldn't store her diaphragm in her own home for fear of it being found by a roommate.  it was also crazy to consider how when people were infidel, their lover usually stored the diaphgram at his home.  imagine having a man in control of something so personal.  thank god today women can hold onto their own birth control, i can't imagine living in an era in which a man would be responsible for something that i use to regulate my body, oh wait, i take that back, because birth control is still an issue for women today.  (see:  hobby lobby)  but it is nice that we can keep our birth control in our homes, bathrooms and purses.  and it is progress that we women can hold condoms in our purse, no need relying on the man to ensure safe sex, we can do it ourselves!

another issue that the group covered was breastfeeding. when priss was in the hospital with her son, she had to deal with the her husband who wanted her to breastfeed and the hospital that wanted to give the baby formula.  priss' husband, a pediatrician, explained the reasons for the baby being breastfeed and he was right, the baby was putting weight on at a good rate.  also it would be good for his immune system.  however, the hospital wanted to put the baby on formula because he wasn't sleeping through the night and waking up hungry and thus disrupting the maternity ward.  poor, yet weak, priss feeling pressure from the doctor and nurses ended up giving her son formula.  i found myself frustrated for priss not having a backbone, but i mean hospitals are intimidating.  i'm always lost with hospital jargon and usually just go with what the doctor says because it's less confusing that way.  so i can sympathize with priss there.  however,  i for one plan on breastfeeding my child, i don't know if its the generation i am apart of it but i can't imagine giving my child, formula.  i don't have children so i'm not sure what the world's stance is on breastfeeding, i mean it should be widely accepted right?  though formula companies are still in business.  the current issue we have is people being upset about women breastfeeding in public.  this is the current hot item when it comes to breastfeeding, but i think most people agree it should be done, just in private.  i also want to add that i will allow my child to cry because as my grandma always told us, it's good for their lungs.  grandma bea would have agreed with priss' husband on that one!

last but not least it was great to see a lesbian in the story and of all people, lakey!  the most glamorous of them all.  and kudos to her for finding herself a lover and staying abroad so that she could live the life that she wanted without judgement.  i was not expecting her to be a lesbian but it was a nice surprise.  it was also nice to see the group not being too judgmental and treating lakey and her partner like any other couple.

aside the women issues that were covered, it was a interesting read just in terms of drama.  we, women, like to fill our life with drama, that is not a myth!  though it isn't gender exclusive, my friend peter, is a shining example of a male that loves drama.  lol  (i doubt he reads my blog but if he does, sorry.)  but there was drama in this book.  i for one, could not stand nordine!  i can not believe that she slept with kay's husband?!?!? and her justification for it was ridiculous!  i also couldn't believe the psychiatrist's explanation that her husband's impotency was because he could only get it up for "fallen women".  and as much as i was upset with nordine for sleeping with harald, i can't believe that helen didn't say anything.  what a bad friend!  if someone was cheating on me, i would want my friend to tell me!

also before i go on, i have to address the psychoanalysis mentioned in the novel.  i am all for people seeing a psychologist because mental health is important. however, it was a different beast back then.  it was disgusting to see how nordine used it to justify her affair.  and polly's lover's estranged wife used it to manipulate him back into a relationship.  also it was shocking to read how the girls stopped polly from marrying a boy because his family had a history of mental illness since her father was bipolar and they were worried due to that.  i mean its nice that they were so considerate but it seems odd for that to be an issue.  sex and the city did touch on this when carrie dated her high school sweetheart (played by david duchvony) while he was in a psych ward, but i feel back then you were considered ill for the lost ridiculous reasons (see:  girl, interrupted.)  though i will add i know someone that was dating someone who had an episode with mental illness and i advised against them dating unless he got help.  so yeah i guess i don't know, maybe the girls were right.

back to the novel, the group is timeless and a must read for women of all ages, though probably best to be read in your twenties.  however, it is filled with experience and lessons that are relevant at any age.

and as for filling my girls' void i couldn't imagine hannah in this world because she is too neruotic, maybe she would be nordine. lol  but marnie and shosh would definitely be comfortable in this world.  oh and jessa would definitely be lakey.  

innocent eréndira and other stories. gabriel garcía márquez.

as i have mentioned before in this blog,  gabriel garcía márquez's one hundred years of solitude is one of my all-time favorite books.  when he passed away on may 17, i was sadden, and then next day on a visit to strand bookstore (i was in nyc) i purchased innocent eréndira and other stories in honor of him. it was in a book tote that i purchased and so kind of forgot about it, but i came across it and decided to finally read it.

i have mixed feelings about this collection of short stories.  the first three stories, i absolutely adored, but the rest of the stories bored me a bit.  his writing was not poor in the later, i did not find the topics interesting or compelling.

so lets start with the good.  the first three stories, "innocent eréndira and her heartless grandmother", "the sea of lost time" and "death constant beyond love" were written in 1972, 1961, and 1970 respectively.  they were written around one hundred years and contained that mythical, magical realism that caused me to fall in love with garcía márquez's work.  growing up, i went through a period in which i loved greek mythology, and this is soft spot for myths is why i  love garcía márquez's work.  one hundred years  and these stories remind me of myths, they are filled magical seas and lands, individuals with special talents and gifts, and the crossing between the dreamworld and reality.  i quickly become lost in these stories, caught up in their magic. 

the title story,  innocent eréndira and her heartless grandmother is the story of eréndira, a young girl who was a slave to her grandmother and as the title states, she was heartless.  poor eréndira, worked all day and night taking care of fat grandmother, and one evening, her wind of misfortune, caused their mansion to burn down.  since eréndira caused the fire, she had to pay her grandmother back.  i hate to be such a prude but i was shocked by how eréndira earned her money.  her grandmother turned her into  a whore, she sold her body! i know i was so shocked to read that!  eréndira did fall in love with a magical young man, and he saved her on his second attempt.  but they do not end up together, which i found disappointing but i think in order to escape her misfortune she had to escape everything.

"the sea of lost time", i enjoyed as well, specifically the actual sea, which held a village and the dead, including the most beautiful woman in the world, old jacob's dead wife.  the sex in this story shocked me too, there was a prostitute that slept with 100 at $5 a piece.  but i did enjoy tobias and his wife sex life being described as doing it as earthworms and rabbits.  lol.   i liked "death constant beyond love" for it's ending, though again my inner prude was shocked that a father gave up his daughter like that.  enjoyable tales though my inner prude blushed as i read.

after those three stories, i began to lose interest in the collection.  his stories from the 40's and 50's were not for me.  i didn't enjoy the topic of death.  i understand, as a child, i was always frightened of death because i imagined that i would be conscious of the world around me.  this fear would keep me up at night.  it was though garcía márquez's stories from this time was his confrontation of this fear.  each story is told from a spirit/ghost/energy's perspective that has died.  they were well-written, but the subject matter didn't interest me.  "eva is inside her cat" was just bizarre, why didn't she just return to the cat, reincarnation is better than nothing.  though i must admit that they were not all bad, i did enjoy "eyes of a blue dog", the story of lovers that meet in their dreams but can not remember the next day so they can meet in real life.  i also liked "someone has been disarranging these roses", this spirit was fine with his death and simply wanted to put roses on his grave.  all the other stories were good because they were written by garcía márquez but they did not remind me why i love his work.

check out this collection of stories, and i won't judge you if you only read the first three.

super sad true love story. gary shteyngart. (173)

gary shteyngart's super sad true love story was supposed to be my anti-valentine's day read.  title alone is perfection.  also adore the cover, kate spade should make it a book clutch. back to my reading, i sadly did not finish it on time, even though i had the time  valentine's day weekend thanks to shia labeouf's #iamsorry exhibit.  the plan was also to read it before reading shteyngart's memoir little failure, but since i had return that book to the library first, this was placed on the back burner.

however, reading the memoir, i picked up on some things that i won't have if i hadn't.  as i mentioned in my little failure post, i learned that lenny's parents are essentially shteyngart's parents and that the korean girls from shteyngart's high school was the inspiration for eunice. but as i read more, i discovered that shteyngart's mentor/father figure john was the inspiration for lenny's mentor/father figure joshie, since both are obsessed with youth.  also lenny's mother was named after his grandmother. 

the setting is the distant future, a future i would be alive for and a future i could definitely imagine happening.  shteyngart's future is hilarious and clever but to take two adjectives from the title, super sad.  in the future we are ruled by an äppärät, an iphoneesque device that one wears around their neck.  äppärät just like an iphone is the future's means of staying connected to the world.  in the future, the world communicates via globalteens which i assuming is based on facebook.  facebook start off as a college kids site but now as turned into the most important form of online communication.  given the teens in its name, i imagine globalteens had a similar start. it can also shares and receives the scores and rankings of the individuals around you for the follow criteria:  credit, fuckability, hotness, personality, anal/oral/vaginal preference, sustainability.  as you can see the future is also driven by sex, a fuckability score demonstrates that fact.  more proof, girls wear onionskin jeans which are sheer jeans that show everything, bras that show your nipples and underwear called totallysurrender that are removed with the touch of one button, and there is clothing brand called juicypussy and a store called assluxury.  its all so clever but when you think about it honestly, its the exact direction the world is headed.  based on this sex-driven society, youth is super important in the future.  lenny works for a company that helps high net worth individuals live forever.  his boss, john, that i mentioned before, is a 70 something but looks like he is in early 40's (maybe younger i don't remember exactly) and his also obsessed with youth culture, aka hip on all the lingo (which i will explain later).  everyone stays youthful and healthy by being los angeles on crack.  everyone eats organic, fat-free, antibiotic-free food in order to stay young.   in shteyngart's future, los angeles would be mecca (the setting for this story is new york) or maybe los angeles is the future, but regardless, los angeles would thrive because sex, youth, and health are important.  oh and shopping is super important too, and of course the media, the main jobs everyone wants are in retail and media.  seriously, shteyngart's future is simply an mutant variation of current los angeles.  (btw i absolutely love los angeles, is this not an insult, but an observation.)

and in the future, america is no longer the powerhouse it once was.  (are we still a powerhouse?)  china is the big country in charge.  even korea is more stabled then america, we learn this from eunice's (i will introduce her later) parents who realized it would have safer for them to keep their daughters in korea than coming to america.  since retail and media are such important aspects of american society, america is ruled by big conglomerates like "alliedwastecvscitigroupcredit" (hilarious but so true).  however, america is facing the same problems , it is/was experiencing with occupy wall street.  the lower classes are fed up with the class divide but this time they set up their protest in central park.  in all honesty, this part was bit over my head (aka i was bored) just like politics is in real life for me.  so i didn't pay too much attention to this storyline.   i did find it interesting how the us was invading venezuela and venezuela was in our current news due to the protest about their economy.  and i am sorry, i know it makes me sound like a ignorant american (or like eunice park), but i always feel like even if you know about politics, you don't know exactly what is going on within the political realm.  

but back to the story.  super sad true love story is the story of two unlikely lovers, lenny abramov, the 39 year old son of russian immigrants, an old, and eunice park, the 23 (i think) year old daughter of korean immigrants.  it seems awkward to note their ethnic background but it is an element that adds to their unlikely love.  they love is unlikely because lenny is "old", gross (he looks like a rhesus monkey), fat, and unhip while eunice is the exact opposite, young, hot, thin and hip.  i hate to be so shallow but i couldn't get pass how awkward lenny was and didn't believe in their love for one bit.  (i also rarely believe in love in general.)   they met in rome at a party, for lenny it was true love, for eunice it was a gross random hook up with an old dude.  it seemed as though they would never met again, but when eunice comes back to the states, she doesn't want to stay with her family, so she stays with lenny.  with the world in turmoil,  and of course their love starts to blossom.  the love that i am skeptical of (and rightfully so), i mean the title kind of sets you up for their failure.

and though i was skeptical of their love, i did enjoy the book.  the book was divided between lenny's perspective via his journal and eunice's via her globalteens entires.  the book is also supposed to be a book within a book since lenny's journal and eunice's entries are later published and become a bestseller.  i hate to admit it but i found lenny's portion a bit boring but absolutely loved reading eunice's part.  it's funny because shteyngart realized this as well because he has lenny write how "the stateside critics have unanimously agreed, the gems of the text are eunice park's globalteens entries.  they 'present a welcome relief from lenny's relentness navel-gazing.'"  i couldn't have said it better myself.  eunice's entries were the gems and i could have read a book of just her entries  as i had mentioned before youth have their own lingo, made up primarily of acronyms, which is the way we are headed with our current use of lol, wtf, omg, etc.   since shteyngart's future is so sex driven, the lingo is as well, for example, "JBF" or "just butt fucking" is used alot by eunice.  but eunice's entries are hilarious and entertaining, like reading a friend's email or texts.  to start eunice's username on globalteens "euni-tard abroad", how great is that?  also the dialogue between eunice and her friend is pretty rauchy but i guess if you go on a random person's fb, you would see similar talk now.  and even though it's raunchy, it's still funny.  they seriously write the craziest stuff to each other:  

from eunice:

what up twat?  missing you 'tard?  wanna dump a little sugar on me? JBF 

i can never reveal who i really am to him because we would just vomit.

sup, my bus bee-oitch?

from her friend:

wak-waka, ass-sucka!  whut-a-happenin?

oh, shit. i gotta subtract.  why does alcohol make you go so much? is that a sciene thing?

panda, i'm off to juicy for a vag rejuv . . . 

from eunice's entries, we learn that she is troubled young woman trying to figure out life.  eunice is so messed up that lena dunham could add her to the cast of girls and do away with all those #whitegirlproblems critiques.  she has a trouble past, her father is abusive, beating her mother, her sister and eunice.  she is caught between this desire to protect and provide for her family while also wanting to live her own life.  at the beginning of the novel is a self-centered mess, but she becomes involved with the movement in central park, and begins to think beyond just herself.  though she is no perfect person, she still has her faults.  also her love for lenny still didn't make sense, even as she grew as a person.  

in the end, lenny and eunice do not stay together forever, but then again not all love lasts forever.  their relationship is an example of the kind of love that may not be true or forever but still allows an individual to grow and become a better person.  that relationship that helps one conquer a fear (as lenny overcame his fear of death) or help one see life a new way (as lenny showed eunice that there is more to life than media and retail).  and in reality we have more of these types of relationships than we do have of the true love forever kind, since there is only one of those.  due to this, the title is then perfect for their story, it was super sad and true because not all love stories end happily ever after.  

i really enjoyed this book.  shteyngart was so clever when it came to creating a future.  i recommend reading this novel for the setting alone and of course' eunice's gems.

p.s. i have to add that this library book smelled!  it stunk!!!  not like that sweet book smell but sour like someone puked in it.  i was able to read past it, but i just thought it was funny that in the book, people are grossed out by the books that lenny reads.  one guy on an airport complains that his book smells.  and when eunice moves into lenny's she is grossed out by his books, she even tries to spray them to make them smell better.  so the gross smell of this book only enhanced the story!