and the heart says whatever. emily gould. (232)

while looking up the blurb flavorpill had written about emily gould's friendship, i came across another article titled "could emily gould be the voice of our generation"? i didn't read the article, because i wanted to read the book first, but i would have to say yes, gould could be the voice of our generation.  (i have yet to read the article, i want to write this post first.)

as i read this collection of essays, i couldn't help but think of how it reminded me of hbo's "girls" and i am shocked that flavorpill did not put it on their list of books to read to fill the the girls' void in your life.  

this work was published in 2010 and the series started in 2012 and they do feel a lot a like.  so i wonder why it was excluded.  (actually i just googled thinking that maybe gould and dunham were friends, turns out they are not.  a feud started between them during the time gould's book came out.  how sad.)

and the heart says whatever covers gould's early twentysomething life.  it is just as curtis sittenfeld's (not sure who he is) words on the front cover share:  "these smart, poignant essays about being young and literary in new york city are like a twenty-first century version of the bell jar but with more pot, sex, technology, and (thanks goodness) a different ending."  gould shared with us her shitty jobs, bad break-ups, even worse rebound relationships, depression and bad discussions in life.  as i read about her time working at a publishing house, gawker, i can see how she gleaned from her life for friendship.  the same can be said for the relationships she had.

this collection felt like life, i mean it was, but it wasn't a forced life.  in the introduction, gould shared a story about how after a work thing she went to see her boyfriend's band play.  it turned into a late night when his band became the headliners.  her boyfriend was elated but she was tried so went home.  she realized that this was the moment their relationship shifted and they eventually broke up.  she has looked back at the moment wondering if she would do it different.  she goes on to question all the mistakes she has made. however she admits that "i would be lying if i said i was a different person now.  i am the same person.  i would do it all again."  it sad but its true.  i mean we did end up where we are now because of these mistakes and we would probably make them all over again.  i'd like to think i would do things differently but that is not how it ever is.

my favorite essays were "and the heart says" and "the lens".  "and the heart says" captured the difficulty and confusion of break-ups.  how one looks back on the period when it was good and realize that those feelings were not fake but only temporary as gould described.  it is also scary to think how someone we are so intimate with can suddenly be a stranger.  it also made my heart sad to know that that recording of joseph singing to her is lost forever, but at least she has the memory.  i enjoyed the ending to "the lens", the story of nan goldin's photo of cookie mueller and her husband at their wedding and sadly his funeral.  gould explained that "but [cookie] looks into the coffin with the same expression she'd worn at the wedding:  love and sadness, twined together so tightly they are indistinguishable.

gould's collection was just her life, but it felt more real then other similar works i have read, how to be a person or taipei, which attempt to do the same thing.  due to this, i would have to put a vote in the column for voice of a generation, but definitely need to see what else is out there.

friendship. emily gould. (224)

emily gould's friendship was listed on flavorpill's must reads for july.  they wrote:

As the title suggests, it’s about friends, sure — but Gould’s debut novel strikes at something deeper by accurately portraying the life, times, and struggles of people that toe the lines between Generation X and Y, complete with David Foster Wallace and Stevie Nicks quotes for an epigraph. With Friendship, Gould has given us something honest, moving, and important.

their description was right on pointe.  it is about friends but it also felt very real and reminded me of my own life.

i actually cringed when i read the first couple of pages because i was unsure if i was ready to read about late twentysomething dealing with unemployment and lack of a career.  but i after reading about how bev's goals in life went from "serve god, marry a good christian and raise children in the ways of the lord" in high school to "read every book, as far away from the midwest as possible and never turn down an opportunity to get shitfaced" in college, i felt like we were kindred spirits.  i went from mormon to alcoholic in the course of 4 years of college. 

as flavorpill mentioned it did capture the struggle of my generation, and i do feel stuck between y and x.  i am old for "girls" but too young for "sex and the city" but oddly identify with both!  but yes, my generation thanks to the recession have all ended up in this weird unemployment funk.  i am happy to report that most of my friends survived it but i ended up like bev, stuck with temp work (i actually substitute teach but same diff.) but enough of that woe, though kudos for gould portraying it right.  oh and before i go on, totally get the whole spending fiasco of amy, i don't buy crazy designer things but i do go out and blow hundreds of dollars on fancy meals but life paycheck to paycheck.  this gen x/y lifestyle cost quite a lot!  it's cost money to be stayin the know!

but back to the novel, friendship is the tale of two friends, bev and amy.  they met via work and became besties. however, when we meet them they are both on the cusp of life disasters, though they don't know, we, the readers don't know it either but alas that is life.

*spoilers from here on out (if you are a female gen x/y-er stop here and check it out.)

when we meet them bev was unemployed and temping.  she pulled a felicity dropping out of grad school to follow her boyfriend to somewhere for him to attend law school.  amy worked for the jewish equivalent to buzzfeed.  she used to be some perez hilton-esque social media celeb but screwed over the wrong celeb and now was at the jewish buzzfeed.

okay i really just wrote that back story to provide some distance for the spoiler, i am about to drop . . . bev gets pregnant from a one-night stand.  and i want to discuss it in the context of the movie, obvious child.  (if you haven't seen it stop here and see it!!!)

i just saw the film because i love jenny slate but it actually turned out to be a wonderful film and must see for all women.  in the film, jenny slate's character, donna, becomes pregnant after a one-night stand.  she, however, chose to have an abortion.  i have never been in that situation but felt the film dealt with it very honestly.  we see donna go to planned parenthood on her own, having no idea what is involved and being unable to afford it.  we also see her tell her mother and she discovering that her mother understood what she was going through instead of being disappointed.  we also saw donna at the clinic.  and it wasn't classic hollywood where she ends up with the guy and he decided to become the father, which i was grateful for though it is implied that they may end up dating.  you just have to see it!  but i really admired it for its being an apolitical portrayal of abortion though i recognize that abortion within in itself is political.  also donna is a comedian which helps lighten up the movie.  it's really great and slate was amazing! go see it!

back to bev, she went to have an anortion but could not follow through with it.  instead she decided to keep the child and try to raise it on her own though with the help of a friend, sally.  there was a brief juno moment where amy wanted to find a rich family to adopt the child which is how sally entered the picture.  though the exchange ala juno never occurred.  i appreciated this storyline because becoming pregnant actually helped bev get her act together.  it was nice to see her grow from the situation (oh and don't worry i won't be taking a getting any ideas.)

while bev grew, amy took a stumble.  she lost her job, her apartment, her boyfriend and had an affair with a married man!  as a result, she and bev end up fighting.  the classic tale of bff projection.  the unhappy friend projects their fears and worries onto the other friend lecturing them on life which results in a fight.  this has happen to me, i have been on both sides.  

and in the end, this is what truly felt real to me.  our friendships are often interrupted by life and sometimes they survive and other times the fall apart.  i have two friends that i loved very dearly but our friendships got complicated by life. it's tough because i think of all the great memories i have with them and realize how much the person i am today is due to them, but sadly we are no longer close.  it's my fault, my pride, i am like amy.  i should be like a bev and reach out to my friends.  i should add i feel like too much time has passed and one friend in particular has moved on well beyond me.  

in the end, i was happy that bev reached out to amy and i hope and assume that all became well between the two of them. you can't have a book called friendship end on a sad note.

this was a great read, and i plan on reading more of gould's work.