amy falls down. jincy willet. (294)

i saw amy falls down on lena dunham's instagram.  i figured since she was reading it, i should check it out.

i have to admit that after the premise, an author, amy, has an falls down in her backyard which then started a series of events that resulted in her career getting its second wind.  in all honesty, i was kind of iffy once i actually read the premise, and figured i would not enjoy it. it seemed like something that an actual writer (which lena is) would love, but the layman like me, would be bored.

however, i was surprised by how much i enjoyed this book.  it didn't change my life, but it was enjoyable.  

as the title explained, amy gallup, fell down one day in her backyard and hit her head on her birdbath.  instead of calling for help or going to the hospital, she decided to instead stay home and be interviewed by a local paper since she had it scheduled.

quick digression, there was a delightful explanation about how amy once didn't call for help while drowning as a child because she was so concern about her word choice.  i appreciated her need to best express herself even during an emergency.  

another time word choice was brought up was about how reviews are written and words like compelling are meaningless.  she also mentioned how difficult it is to review a book that you like, which i totally agree with, books i hate are always easier to write about.  

so the interview, amy remembered nothing about it but she came off as eccentric and had bunch of great quotes.  my favorite was "feelings are not news" which spun by the other reporter was true.  i always had an issue with oprah because i once watched when she had a family with a schizophrenic daughter that had been diagnosed at a young age, "how does it feel to deal with the disease?" i always saw it as insensitive of her and this book made me realized that its because it demonstrated how she was unable to empathize with them.  when we read the news, we need just facts, anyone should be able to understand how that person felt during the crisis or disaster.

i have to add that this book is filled with little gems like this about the book industry, writing, even why we read.  as demonstrated in amy's first panel, amy demonstrated the silliness in people wanting to know the writing rituals of. authors.  i attend a lot of author readings and this question always comes up and always bores me, i mean because it's usually the same kind of answer or super specific to the author.  also i loved how she addressed the whole, "how do authors' ideas come to them" at the convention.  i recently attended a judy blume talk and she had this question asked in various forms and each time, she was like i don't know, they just come to me.  

back to the interview, so it created a lot of buzz about amy going out which thankfully got her living and writing again.  as we learn throughout the novel, she married her best friend, max, who was gay, to stop him from being drafted.  they were happy, but he died from AIDS.  after a bad and rushed second marriage and divorce, amy became a recluse and stopped writing.  so this accident was a blessing because it got her to live again.regrettably, she wasted a lot of years but thankfully found herself again. 

an enjoyable novel, and if you are an avid reader or a writer, a work you should definitely check out.  i have to add that    i also loved reading about her stories and wish i could really read them. 

how to build a girl. caitlin moran. (247)

i thought i picked up caitlin moran's how to build a girl based on flavorpill recommendation but i couldn't find the article.  even though i can't remember where i saw it, i am glad that i decided to check it out.  and i mean the lena dunham blurb on the cover is totally unnecessary, helpful but this book is amazing it can sell itself. 

i hate to be so late to the game on moran but i knew nothing about her before i read this novel.  apparently, moran is a famous british journalist and wrote this feminist book called how to be a woman back in 2012 (i have since put in a request for this book).  i hate to admit this but i remember her book being on sale on amazon but judged a book by a cover, and didn't give it a thought.  it was her skunk hair.  i didn't take her seriously but i really wish i did!!

how to build a girl is loosely based on moran's life.  at least that is what the disclaimer at the beginning said.  she was a music journalist, had a large family, and grew up in wolverhampton.  but the lead character, johanna is not moran.

when we first meet johanna, you can't help but feel bad for the poor girl.  she was fat, friendless, awkward, and a chronic masturbator.  she masturbated a lot!  and with her older brother in the room and her younger brother in the bed next to her.  when i read that i was certain that is why lena dunham has so much love for moran as her blurb claimed.  seriously, what is with people masturbating with siblings in their bed, in high school, i felt bad if anyone else was in the house at the same time that i did it!

johanna's family was also poor, due to her father's dreams of being a rock star which resulted in him really just being an alcoholic.  he also did have an accident but still he just drank and lived off of his benefits.  however, when johanna spills the beans about her father being on benefits to a neighbor, which would

result in them losing them; she decided to get a job to help out.

her first attempts to time a job, a paper route and a starring in a production of "annie" are unsuccessful.  however, when johanna's luck changed when she  won a poetry contest (though her luck didn't change completely because she embarassed herself on tv.  however, it did help johanna realize that she wanted to be a writer and that writing would be the key to her helping her family and getting out of wolverhampton.

since johanna did not know anything about indie rock, she had to start completely from scratch.  she listened to a lot of music, but nothing that would be considered "cool".  her rock education started via the radio and the library, where she checked our CDs.  since she was starting from scratch, johanna needed a rock persona which results in her building a girl.  johanna created dolly wilde, named after oscar wilde's alcoholic lesbian niece.  i loved the nod to oscar wilde and dolly was totally the best choice for johanna, but i loved the name laurel canyon.  i have always wanted an amazing band-aid name, like "almost famous", and was always sad that penny lane was used because it is perfect. and laurel canyon is so good! i wish i thought of it.  oh, well.

so dolly wilde wore all black and a top hat like slash.  and after johanna sent in reviews to the magazine, "D&ME", she became a music journalist.  she also quite school to have more time to write.  one of her first assignments was attending a smashing pumpkins show, which her dad took her too cos she is so young.  initially, she tries to take notes, but in the end, realized that she just needed to enjoy the moment instead of being an observer.  dolly, even managed to get backstage to talk to the band!  

after the pumpkins, she was sent to ireland to interview john kite.  he was described as a jeff buckley type, but due to his fur coat and dandyish ways, i thought of him as oscar wilde. i also expected him to turn out gay.  however, dolly and kite had a wonderful time together, (they sounded like soulmates to me.) and she fell in love with him.  

oh and my favorite quote from them hanging out was this:

"you gonna norwegian wood it, love?", he said as i crawled off to sleep in the bath." 

so freakin' cute and clever!!!

however, after she sent in her interview, the calls stopped coming, because the piece was too fan-ish.  and with this realization dolly wilde went wild.

first it started with booze, she started drinking to created this wild child persona. then, she started writing these cruel reviews with created this bitch persona.  and last, she started having sex which resulted in this sex adventurerer persona.  and though it was hilarious and fun to read all of this, it was not good for dolly.  she started sleeping with the wrong men and making a compete mess of her life.  (i could totally relate.) 

in the end, after throwing herself at john kite, she realized she needed to

stop being dolly wilde and start being johanna again.

as a result, chapter 24 is wonderful advice for any girl, particularly teenage girls, but any female trying to find herself. we all make mistakes but as moran advises via johanna:

you'll find the tiny, right piece of grit you can pearl around, until nature kicks in, and your shell will just quietly fill with magic? even while you're busy doing other things.  what your nurture began, nature will take over, and start completing, until you stop having to think about who you'll be entirely--as you're too busy doing, now.

what a great little pearl of wisdom!

in the end johanna, begins her journey towards her new self.  she decided to move to london and continue her writing but as a fan and as herself!

this book was great and i highly recommend it.  johanna is hilarious and i would totally be her friend if she was a real person.  

just look at this quote:

when bill murray says shit like this, people completely lost it.  i wish used bill murray.  i hope everything i've read about evolution is wrong, and i eventually evolve into him.

bloody brilliant!  this book is filled with gems like this.

if you are a girl, women, riot grrl and lived or loved the nineties you need to read this book.  so good and i look forward to reading moran's other works.

and the heart says whatever. emily gould. (232)

while looking up the blurb flavorpill had written about emily gould's friendship, i came across another article titled "could emily gould be the voice of our generation"? i didn't read the article, because i wanted to read the book first, but i would have to say yes, gould could be the voice of our generation.  (i have yet to read the article, i want to write this post first.)

as i read this collection of essays, i couldn't help but think of how it reminded me of hbo's "girls" and i am shocked that flavorpill did not put it on their list of books to read to fill the the girls' void in your life.  

this work was published in 2010 and the series started in 2012 and they do feel a lot a like.  so i wonder why it was excluded.  (actually i just googled thinking that maybe gould and dunham were friends, turns out they are not.  a feud started between them during the time gould's book came out.  how sad.)

and the heart says whatever covers gould's early twentysomething life.  it is just as curtis sittenfeld's (not sure who he is) words on the front cover share:  "these smart, poignant essays about being young and literary in new york city are like a twenty-first century version of the bell jar but with more pot, sex, technology, and (thanks goodness) a different ending."  gould shared with us her shitty jobs, bad break-ups, even worse rebound relationships, depression and bad discussions in life.  as i read about her time working at a publishing house, gawker, i can see how she gleaned from her life for friendship.  the same can be said for the relationships she had.

this collection felt like life, i mean it was, but it wasn't a forced life.  in the introduction, gould shared a story about how after a work thing she went to see her boyfriend's band play.  it turned into a late night when his band became the headliners.  her boyfriend was elated but she was tried so went home.  she realized that this was the moment their relationship shifted and they eventually broke up.  she has looked back at the moment wondering if she would do it different.  she goes on to question all the mistakes she has made. however she admits that "i would be lying if i said i was a different person now.  i am the same person.  i would do it all again."  it sad but its true.  i mean we did end up where we are now because of these mistakes and we would probably make them all over again.  i'd like to think i would do things differently but that is not how it ever is.

my favorite essays were "and the heart says" and "the lens".  "and the heart says" captured the difficulty and confusion of break-ups.  how one looks back on the period when it was good and realize that those feelings were not fake but only temporary as gould described.  it is also scary to think how someone we are so intimate with can suddenly be a stranger.  it also made my heart sad to know that that recording of joseph singing to her is lost forever, but at least she has the memory.  i enjoyed the ending to "the lens", the story of nan goldin's photo of cookie mueller and her husband at their wedding and sadly his funeral.  gould explained that "but [cookie] looks into the coffin with the same expression she'd worn at the wedding:  love and sadness, twined together so tightly they are indistinguishable.

gould's collection was just her life, but it felt more real then other similar works i have read, how to be a person or taipei, which attempt to do the same thing.  due to this, i would have to put a vote in the column for voice of a generation, but definitely need to see what else is out there.

heartburn. nora ephron. (217)

i requested heartburn because i was under the impression that when harry met sally was originally a book.  the library didn't have it, so i requested heartburn instead.  i later discovered that when harry met sally is simply a screenplay, thanks alot goodreads for getting a girl's hopes up!

anyway, i felt it was about time that i finally read some nora ephron.  i, unfortunately, was not aware of her until she passed away.  i mean i loved the films she wrote and directed, sleepless in seattle, michael, you've got mail, i just didn't know she wrote them.  i also discovered that the female celebrities i adore, adored her, mindy kaling and lena dunham for example.  when she passed away, i remember looking her books up at the library but didn't commit to anything because i wasn't sure where to start.  well two years, later, i finally sorted it out, i started with her first and only novel.

heartburn, was the story of rachel samstat, a cookbook writer and tv personality, which in my head closely resembled rachel ray (including the critiques of not being a real cook).  we meet her at a very low point in her life.  she just discovered that her husband mark, a syndicated columnist, was cheating on her.  rachel was pregnant with their second child and discovered the affair via an inscription her husband's lover, thelma, left in a baby book!  how disgusting right!?!?! the message was horrible and mentioned mark and thelma as a couple singing to rachel and mark's children!!!! seriously some people are disgusting, i would have gone apeshit, if i read that.

the novel then covers rachel struggle with what to do.  does she take mark back and work through it?  or does she leave him.  it sounds heavy, which it is, but the story is actually funny.  as ephron writes via rachel, 

of course i'm writing this later, much much later, and it worries me that i've done what i usually do--hidden the anger, covered the pain, pretended it want there for the sale of the story.

she goes in to explain:

because if i tell the story, i control the version.

because if i tell the storyif i can make you laugh, and i would rather have you laugh at me than feel sorry for me.

because if i tell the story, it doesn't hurt as much.

because if i tell the story, i can get on with it.

this then confirmed my suspensions that heartburn was one of those memoir-ish novel (the second trend of this year of reading).  and sure enough, wikipedia informed me that heartburn was based on ephron's second marriage to carl bernstein.  the cheating bastard!

how horrible that ephron really went through all of this but kudos to her for turning her misfortune into a funny little novel and a movie!!

and can i just add, what a bunch of sluts in washigton d.c. though i am not surprised.  i don't trust politicians.

in the end, rachel made the right choice and leaves mark but not without throwing a pie in his face.  she took her two sons, the second child nathaniel was premature after she fell spying on mark and his lover, to new york to embark on next chapter of life.

this was an enjoyable little read and was even filled with recipes!  i want to try the cheesecake, linguine alla cecca, and potatoes anna.  so look for that happening too!

of course their are hilarous bits, rachel's jewish prince routine, her therapy group being robbed and of course, her starting the thelma has an STD rumor.  

and i loved that rachel's obstetrician helped her realized that she did believe in love.  as her thoughts to herself share:

sometimes i believe that love dies but hope springs eternal.  sometimes i believe that hope died but love springs eternal.  sometimes i believe that send plus guilt equals love, and sometimes i believe that sex plus guilt equals good sex.  sometimes i believe that love is as natural as the tides and sometimes i believe that love is an act of will.  sometimes i beige that some people are better at love than others, and sometimes i believe that everyone is faking it.  sometimes i believe that love is essential, and sometimes i believe that the only reason love is essential is that otherwise you spend all your time looking for it.

this is why ephron's romcoms are the best.  a sweet little book, short and worth a read.  i look forward to reading more of her works and course watching everything she made as well.

how should a person be? sheila heti. (187)

i can't recall how i came across how should a person be? by sheila heti.  i thought it was via lena dunham's instagram but when i went to look for it, i did not see it there.  however, i know that i read this because of lena just not sure where i read her endorsement.  i did google "lena dunham how should a person be?" and articles about lena and sheila being friends came up, so i didn't make up this connection. (correction made 5.7.14:  ha!  just saw that i found out about this book because it was on flavorpill's 10 books that will fill

the girls-shaped hole in your life article for season 1.  so yeah this is now i discovered this novel.)

i will admit that i was also excited because of the miranda july blurb on the front.  i had high expectations for this book, especially with its description as "a novel from life".  life is one of my favorite nouns, i'm always "sorting out life", "figuring out life", "getting life" together, so "a novel from life" had to be interesting.

and interesting it was, amazing, not so much.  i am not familiar with heti or her life, but this book read just as though it was her life.  i mean from the viewpoint of the writer, it is quite daring, to just record your life via a tape player and then let the world read about the personal lives of you and your friends. as an expression of the self, i find it quite beautiful and artistic.  however, from the viewpoint of the reader, i can't help but feel cheated.  its quite narcissistic and lazy of heti to just use your life so blatantly.  i know, i know, author's use their lives as the basis for their works, which makes sense, however, this was too direct.  i like to be able to read between the lines instead of having it all put out in the open like this.  but again i have to say kudos to heti for her honesty.

the novel as the title suggest is about how should a person be? though specifically it's about how heti should be.  its hard to apply this work to yourself, unless you are a) a writer or another form of artist or b) hang out with a bunch of artists.  this is why miranda july's blurb is true for her, but random person on goodreads who bitched about july's blurb couldn't relate.  i am neither though i do appreciate art and go to museums and galleries, i never have to question who am i and what am i trying to project into the world via my art.  i mean as general question of life, yes i do ask myself (minus via my art), but in the specific way that heti was addressing these questions in her book, i became bored.  i am sure that i could have taken the discussion between margaux and heti about their expressions of their selves in their art and applied it to my life but that required too much thinking.  i mean i am sure the struggle is real for artist, but i felt like just create your art and who gives a damn about how it is perceived.  i am not an artist so this might just sound mean but i was tired of the bitching especially when heti did all she could to avoid writing her play.  then she created this novel based on margaux's encouragement and allowance to use her words in a work, which kind of felt like a cop-out.  really heti couldn't put a play together?

heti is a great writer, i just wasn't interested in her life so directly.  i mean there were some hilarious parts.  for example, "we live in an age of some really great blow-job artists.  every era has its arts form." i also enjoyed the eavesdropping of the girls as at the deli, "what is american cheese anyway? i heard of them say.  her friend replied, 'i think it means there is a chemical in it." and "he was in the tech industry, and she once told me that the had asperger's syndrome.  then she reassured me that silicon valley boys aren't so bad to sleep with because they've read all the manuals." i am now tempted to sleep with some silicon valley boys. and "we tried not to smile, for smiling only encourages men to bore you and waste your time." we have all been there when at bars.

and i must admit there was some beauty:

in their quest for a life without failure, suffering, or doubt, that is what they achieve:  a life empty of all those things that make a human life meaningful.

but for the most part, it was just about heti's insecurities.  to a certain extend it was just girls season 3.  heti and hannah are pretty much on in the same.  in girls, adam plays the part of margaux.  they are both writers struggling with their art from while in a relationship with an successful artist which results in issues in their relationship.  but whereas i could enjoyed this season of girls because there were other characters distract me from hannah's narcissism, there wasn't anyone interesting in heti's novel.  the friend suffering from depression after the ugly painting contest (really?), the hair salon (seriously she felt that deep of a calling there?!?!),  and the asshole she hooked up with (i know sex can be amazing but was his really worth the verbal abuse?!?!?!).  okay i can admit i was a bit intrigued by the asshole, not because of the sex, but because i was in disbelief of the way he talked to her.  i will also add the dinner party discussion about the men going to africa was great.  that is how i feel about bono being in africa and all of his projects.  it's like really bono you have millions and millions of dollars and you are asking me to donate money for a cause so you can feel better about yourself?

maybe i just wasn't in the right head space for this, though i am just as lost as heti is about how a person should be.  in the end though i feel like the she did watching the handball match.  here i though this novel was going to stand for something like the match, but in the end, just like they didn't know what they were playing, heti didn't really know what she was writing.   (that sounds so harsh but really, this book should have just been a blog, one more time, the honesty of it was beautiful, but in the end, i really wasn't that interested in her life.)

tiny furniture.

if you know anything about me or have been around me, you know that i've been on a "girls" kick.  and so in desire to be up-to-date on all things lena dunham, i decided to check out "tiny furniture". also will be attending a "girls" party and don't want to be embarrassed by the fact that i haven't seen it.

"tiny furniture" is a look at the life of aura, who just graduated from college, broke up with her bf and moved back home. btw aura's mom and sister are played by lena's actual mom and sister! her sister has some crazy long legs(i wonder if she has the same complex as me about a skinner younger sister?). also found out that her mom is an artist just like her "character".

due to this art imitating real life element, and of course the similarities of this film to "girls", i wonder how much of lena's productions are really just her life.

things that are for sure her life:
-bathing with company. she is always having deep talks about life with someone while she is bathing
-a fear of aids though not necessarily but probably due to "forrest gump"
-she really does have a tattoo on her bum that jemima kirke gave her
-she's a big fan of woody allen
-she's a masochist when it comes to sex and relationships.

i also came to realize that not only is lena just hannah but jemima kirke is really just jessa because her character charlotte was just jessa. i saw in an interview that lena has to beg jemima to be in the tv series and after watching this i have to assume that she didn't want to turn her actual personality into a tv persona. i also now kinda hate her because who could be that fabulous in life. yes jessa is a bit of a mess but she is the bohemian i could never be. if i get a second chance at life i want to come back with her spirit.

[ps just found this article online at vanityfair.com with jemima kirke. looks like i was wrong:

Did you have a hand in shaping your characters in Girls and Tiny Furniture?

Yes, I think there’s a reason why she gave me these roles. Not necessarily because our behaviors are the same, but because perhaps there was a similarity historically between the characters and me. I definitely don’t act like those characters, but there is a lot that I can understand. I think there is also a reason why she gave me such a similar character in the show to the movie. And that reason is that I don’t know that my range in acting is that big. I think that I can do just a few different things. I’m not trained.]

also alex karpovsky also finally grew on me. not that i didn't appreciate his doucheness in "girls", his mickey d's rant, genius! but finally found him attractive. or maybe it was just the fact that he dressed up like a cowboy on a toy horse with these really cool cactus balloons in the background. (i am going to look for said cactus balloons for a future photo session and maybe coachella).

so "tiny furniture" is a very honest look at how it is to be back from home after college. it sucks cos you don't really fit into your home life anymore because though it is your home, it really isn't. i thought aura's freakout was great because that is how you feel sometimes that your family doesn't get you anymore.

the film also shows how much it sucks having to get some random job because let's face college does not give you any real work experience. ability to write last minute paper or takes detailed notes can never be listed on a resume. and the pay is never what you need to survive aura works as a daytime hostess at a restaurant and meets the man of my dreams though he turns out to be a dick! which sadly still makes him the man of dreams but a sous chef that reads! why can't i find that on okcupid. but he turns out to be a male slut and they end up hooking up in a pipe which sounds gross but is also kind of amazing.

also realized just like i have on the series that as much as i love lena's characters they are also so damn selfish. aura screwed over her college friend who moved out to new york. aura was supposed to her roommate but bailed on her the day before she heads out to nyc. which is really messed up. but i get the selfishness, as a gemini it's in my zodiac coding.

there is a lot of praise for it and it won a lot of rewards. but i wasn't mad for it like i am mad for "girls" but still worth a watch.

i has the criterion copy but sadly didn't watch special features because our DVD remote is broken. but may watch them on the criterion's youtube channel.

last but not least do not like lena with long hair. and actually love it super super short. so cute!