the empathy exams. leslie jamison (270)

i wish i could remember where i heard about this collection of essays.  i feel like it was on some feminist list of must read books, but when i searched online trying to find the post that recommended this to me, i couldn't  i wish i had because then i would know the reason for my reading the empathy exams.

i have mixed feelings about this collection of essays.  on one hand, some of the essays were really interesting and insightful.  and on the other hand some of the essays were #whitegirlproblems.  and not the funny white girl problems, i feel that i can related (see: hbo's girls) but more like the omg enough with the whining already.

but let's start with the good:

the opening essay, "the empathy exams" was really interested.  i enjoyed learning about jamison's time as a medical actor.  a medical actor, i learned, is a person that acts as a patient for medical students.  they are given descriptions, the test is for the med students, they must ask questions and demonstrate empathy so that the patient reveals what is wrong with them. it was interesting to read about her experience as one and the patients that she portrayed.  to be completely honest, i didn't really care about her whole talk on empathy but that could be because i am kind of heartless and therefore am rarely empathetic.  she use the medical actor situations as a means to discuss an abortion and heart surgery, placing herself as a medical actor situation was an interesting way for her to explore what had happened to her.

"devil's bait" which focused on morgellon's disease, which i learned (i learned a lot) is not accepted by the medical world as a disease.  its a skin condition were fibers and bumps appear on the skin.  for the most part, the people who have it seemed crazy and unfortunately, i agree with the medical world as to whether or not it is real.  it was sad to see how people were suffering and it seemed more psychological to me than anything kind of physical condition.  and like jamison, i do feel bad because the suffering of the individuals with the disease is very much real though the disease isn't.  i will say i kind of wanted to call bullshit on jamison for trying to act like she wasn't exploiting these people, gaining their trust by saying she believed them though she had her doubts.  but yeah she did exploit them, the proof is in the fact that she wrote and published this chapter.

"la frontera" about mexico and its drug woes, reminded me of my friend dan as i read.  the only thing i really took from this chapter was the art piece she discussed at the end.  one of the individuals she met, Marco shared about a piece did:

it was designed to resemble his local yellow pages.  it listed all the stores and services named for the gulf:  siderufgica del golfo, el restaurant del golfo, transportes linea del golf.  in the sport wehre el cartel del golfo would have fallen, the line read:  puded anunciarse aqui.  addressed to the cartel, to it's rivals, to it's victims:  you can advertise here. 

demonstrated that all of this violence is unnecessary to advertise their power.

"pain tours" made me uncomfortable because i can not believe that there is a gang tour of los angeles.  but there really is, i googled.  i couldn't believe that people really wanted to go on a tour of hood life.  i live in a community that has been ruined due to gangs, and i can't imagine every wanting to tour and learn about gangs like some disneyland attraction.  its horrible to think that people are that ignorant and revere a type of lifestyle that causes so much violence.  white people really have no idea how scary it is to live in a community in which gangs run the streets.

"the immortal horizon", i enjoyed learning about the barkley marathons.  if you have never heard about it, google it.  it's pretty cool.

"pain tours (II)" because of course my girl, frida Kahlo was discussed.  it just reminded me that i need to read her diaries.  i checked them out once but they felt too chaotic.

"lost boys" it was interesting to learn about that "west memphis three" case.

now for the bad:

"morphology of a hit" this essay kind of ruined my positive outlook of this collection.  and i started to notice that jamison was a bit of a drama queen.  in it, she described an incident using some old author's outline for how to write a story.  the issue i had was what i felt was her intent to have the reader imagined that she was raped verses what actually happened.  she was punched in the face.  and really i mean she was punched in the face.  that is a very scary experience and i am not sure how i would handle it, but i know i wouldn't try to liken it to sexual assault.  i mean i know all violence towards women is wrong but it was awkward that she attempted to frame her punching as a rape.  i felt like it did not demonstrate empathy towards rape victims.

"grand unified theory of female pain". as a feminist, i hate to betray my people but this essay was annoying.  i loved all the women that she mentioned bjork, tori amos, etc. but instead of being an article that created a space in which women can suffer and embrace pain without being a stereotype, she instead reinforced the stereotype with her whining. 

overall, here is the issue that i had with jamison.  at the end of the day, she is a privileged white female and though she may have suffered in life, the empathy she tries to express towards others is insulting instead of comforting.  it's total white woman's burden.  everything she discussed was turned towards how it affected her which i feel really isn't example of empathy but selfishness.  i don't know, maybe i am being too judgey. 

i enjoyed the random little facts that i learned about as mentioned in the good section, but for the most part, this taught me nothing about empathy.

esperanza rising. pam muñoz ryan.

i had seen esperanza rising while skimming the book racks in the kids section of the library but never thought of checking it out.  one day, mary, a teacher i sub for, recommended that i read it.  the next week while on campus subbing, the whole third grade team was shocked i hadn't read it, so gina lent me her class copy.

and what can i say other than, i am so happy they got me to read it because it is a great book.  it reminded me of one of my favorite books as a kid, a little princess (which i know plan on rereading.) it was also great to see the region that i grew up in featured.  it reminded me of grapes of wrath as well.

the book is about a young girl named, esperanza.  she is the only daughter of a wealthy ranchero in mexico.  she lived a life of luxury and privilege and was fully aware of class distinction.  she told her playmate and son of workers on her parents ranch, miguel, that they could never marry because they were on two sides of a river.  she could not marry someone beneath her.

one day, all of this changed, when her father was murdered by bandits. my theory is that her uncle's were behind it because they showed up with his belt buckle before miguel and his father appeared with his body.  in her father's will, esperanza's mother was left the house but since a woman can not land, the land was given to her tio.  this tio's planned to run for governor and proposed to esperanza's mother, because he needed a respectable wife.  esperanza's mother was insulted by the offer and refused, as a result, the tio burned down their home!  furthermore, the tio owned the bank, and esperanza's mother was unable to access her money. to avoid marriage, esperanza's mother decided to immigrate to america with miguel's parents (her servants but also friends).  since abuelita was injured in the fire, they leave her with her sisters in a nunnery until she recovered.

they immigrated to america, luckily with papers from the nuns.  esperanza experienced a culture shock, having to adjust to life as a peasant.  she looked down upon those traveling on the train not realizing that she was now their equal.  i have to admit that i was just as judgmental as esperanza was about the peasant girl wanting to play with her doll. i would have reacted the same way now as an adult.  it was the last gift her father gave her, she should preserve it.  i was even sad when she gave it away at the end of the story, though it was framed as a nobel action.

life in america was hard since they are farm workers, though it was harder for esperanza because she was not used to working, being part of the gentry.  thanks to miguel's father's brother they had work and a camp to live in (as i learned in grapes of wrath that they had the best living conditions.) esperanza helped out at the camp, but had to learn simple things likes how to sweep.  she also took care of the babies at home.  everything was going well until one day her mom got valley fever (which i swear i had gotten two years ago because i was bed ridden for a week) due to a dust storm.  to help pay for her mother's hospital bills, esperanza began to work in the fields.  

in the fields, esperanza encountered the socioeconomic issues of the field work, which was also demonstrated in grapes of wrath and which i also encountered first hand growing up in delano.  though they help feed america, farmer worker do have the worse working conditions.  they are paid almost nothing and the living conditions (outside of camps) were often inhabitable.  esperanza encountered a girl, marta, who had first mocked esperanza for her previous wealth and was at the forefront of the protestors' movement.  she wanted the workers to strike for better living conditions and pay.  marta is a complex character, on the one hand she is a foil to esperanza, the rebellious, illegal lower class immigrant that attempts to stir up trouble for her own people, but from a humane point-of-view, you can't help but sympathize with her, she simply wanted a better life for the workers.  though they are working for betterment, protestors often put the collective group at risk of job lost and deportation, so it some ways the protestors have a positive effect and/or a negative effect.  this paradox is something that esperanza faced.  she decided that it is better for her to work, she needs to provide for her mother, but towards the end of the story she is overwhelmed by the racism and discrimination she and those close to her encounter.  it's interesting because i recently had a discussion with my cousin erin about our grandfather encountering this in real life.  my grandfather was a foreman during the times of cesar chavez, but he was not active in the movement.  i assume because he saw that it was better that he worked and provide for his family.  when i interviewed him about it once for school, he did mention that they did ask him to join the movement but left him alone because he had a large family (he had 8 kids to support in addition to my grandma's brother's being in the household as well.)  though my grandfather knew it was unfair, he worked because his main priority was providing for his family.  my mother told me that though he was not active in the movement, he was grateful for the changes that was brought about by cesar chavez.  

as mentioned before, esperanza became overwhelmed by the discrimination that she and others encountered.  this combined with her mother not getting better and her abuelita's absence, esperanza gave up hope.  however, miguel saved the day!  he took esperanza's money she had saved (she at first thought he stole it) and went to bring her abuelita to america!  i was so happy reading this part that i started crying, imaging what relieve and comfort her abuelita brought to esperanza  (i also still miss my grandma bea terribly).  from that point on, things began to improve for her mother and for eserpanza.

and let's go back to miguel for a minute.  what a sweet sweet boy!  i had a total book crush on him.  he was so cute with his addressing esperanza as his reina.  he was also brave and courageous, i didn't mention it but earlier, he saved abuelita in the fire too!  he was caring and patient, he taught esperanza how to sweep!  seriously the sweetest character in this book! i really hope that he and espernza marry one day and live happily ever after!

in the author's note, ryan shared with us that esperanza was based on her grandmother, esperanza ortega.  her grandmother told her about her wealthy life in mexico and then her struggle in america.  some of the points in the story parallel her grandmother's real life, but she decided to create a fictional story of why her grandmother immigrated and what occurred to her here in america.  i thought it was great how she based this novel on her family history.  i also appreciated the setting of the story for it took place in the region that i grew up (as mentioned before) and the story is not one that i know first hand but is a story that many in this area can identify with.  and if you are from delano, please take the time to pick up this book!