brown girl dreaming. jacqueline woodson. (260)

i checked out jacqueline woodson's brown girl dreaming after i read that it won the national book award for young people's literature.  i remember seeing articles about someone making an offensive joke at the awards ceremony but regardless was still excited for

it's win and couldn't wait to read it.

this book was truly amazing.  it is a collection of poems which made me weary, because i am not good with poetry. however, it was free verse and read more like prose then poetry.  as a whole, the poems are a memoir, sharing woodson's life growing up in both the north and south during the civil rights era.  the poems also share woodson's childhood dream of becomig a writer.

i initially considered getting this book as a gift for my friend tiffany but figured i should read a book first before i gift it.  i really wish i had just given it to her.  the beginning of the book reminded me of her parents.  her father grew up in the south and her mother in california and just like jacqueline's parents, their experiences with discrimation and racism in america differed.  papa gibson is always telling us stories about how it was in the south and mama gibson shares how she never experienced any of that.  woodson's father's family in the north lived in a very different america then her mother's family in the south. it was inspiring to see how woodson's family from the north had a long string of professionals in their family which fueled a desire for success for the younger generations.  yet at the same time it was frustrating to see her mother's family still suffering from discrimination due to jim crow laws. 

brown girl dreaming is more then just a memoir because through her poems woodson tells a part of america's history that normally goes untold or unstudied.  her poems covered the meetings held by marchers, the training necessary for lunch counter sit-ins, the rise of the black panther movement, choosing to wear one's hair natural, there was even a poem about angela davis.  woodson gave voice to the black experience in america. 

her poems also shared woodson's personal history, her time as a baby in ohio, then in the south when her parents divorce and finally in new york.  due to this i connected to the poems personally. since woodson was raised by her grandparents in the south, i related to the poems about them.  some of her poems reminded me of my grandma bea and grandpa jimmy.  "the blanket" woodson shared how when her mom first left for new york, they were not sad because:

. . . the weight 

of our grandparents' love like a blanket

with us beneath it

safe and warm.

though my mother was a single mom, i never felt at a disadvantage because my grandparents' love was greater than i would have had from my father.

"two gods, two worlds" reminded me of my grandpa jimmy.  he was a muslim and i was raised mormon.  as i have shared before, i didn't understand why we would be separated in heaven simply because of our faiths shouldn't our love for each other be more important?  in this poem, woodson who is jehovah wondered what will happen to her grandfather based in lessons she learned about armageddon.  the poem ended with

but i want the world where my daddy is

and don't know why

anybody's God would make me

have to choose.

"bubble-gum cigarettes"

this is exactly how i felt when i realized that my grandfather and i could never be sealed together as the lds church believes is the way for families to stay together in heaven.  i couldn't believe god could be so heartless in dividing up families when we have no choice in who we are sent to and then develop love for each other only to be split up in heaven based on faith.

and since jill was technically my grandpa's favorite all of the poems woodson shared about her grandpa reminded me of my sister and my grandpa.  

the other poems i enjoyed were:

"south carolina at war" in which her grandfather explained to woodson and her siblings why the protesting was going on in the south.  it closes with 

Because you're colored, my grandfather says.

And just as good and bright and beautiful and free as anybody.

and nobody colored in the South is stopping,

my grandfather says,

until everybody knows what's true.

"ghosts" which shared how "whites only" signs were painted over in greenvills except for the bathrooms when a lot of paint wasn't used so the words were "like a ghost standing in front still keeping you out."

"lessons" about how woodson's mom never learned to cook because instead of learning, she wanted to play outside like the boys.  mama realized it wasn't fair that the boys played while the girls were inside, a step forward for feminism though a step back for mom (because know she doesn't know how to cook.)

"stevie and me" in which at the library, woodson discovered stevie which featured characters that looked like her.  she shared:

I'd never believed 

that someone who looked like me

could be in the pages of the book

that someone who looked like me

had a story.

"learning from langston" in which woodson demonstrated how she mimicked hughes' poems to learn how to write.

"music" which shared how woodson's mom didn't let them listen to songs that had the word funk, so they listened to white radio stations.

how too listen #8 

do you remember . . .?

someone's always asking

and someone else, always does.

"the revolution" which likens the revolution to a merry-go-round.

"every wish, one dream" in which woodson wishes on everything to be a writer. (which we all know comes true!)

reading this book was a wonderful experience and i learned so much from it, i can only imagine what young adults will gain.  i highly recommend this book and hope you enjoy it as i much as i did.

cora cooks pancit. dorina k. loza gilmore. (226)

i came across cora cooks pancit, while looking for books to read with my little friends.  i initially checked it out for myself, i was excited to see a book that featured a filipino character!  i was hoping to make pancit with them but we didn't get a chance to do this.

before i go on, for those non-filipino friends, pancit is a noodle dish kind of like chow mein but in my opinion, way more tasty.  my mom actually makes a really good pancit and after reading this i am hungry and hope i can convince her to make it for dinner!  i should also admit that pancit is a recent love for me.  i was a picky eater as a kid so avoided it as an adult but now i will eat it anytime i see it!! 

cora cooks pancit is the story of a little girl cora that dreams of helping out in the kitchen with grown-up tasks!  i, for one, thought she was lucky that she had the kid task of licking the spoon.

one day, her mom asked her want she wanted to make.  she had a vision of filipino food dancing in her head:  

yum!! and she decided on pancit.

the recipe she learned, is her lolo's or grandfather. he used to cook for the filipino field workers when he came to california.  

this reminded me of my grandpa jimmy.  he did the same, but he cooked food from singapore.  also, it doesn't say so but i am going to picture cora's lolo in delano, since the field workers picked grapes.

cora helps her mom.  she makes some errors but that is fine because it is bounded to happen and she makes a delicious dish for her family.

this was a sweet story and i recommend it for a funny family night.  there is a pancit recipe in the back so you can read the book then make some!

also is you are filipino you should definitely check it out!!  nice to see a children's book celebrating our culture 

lupita mañana. patricia beatty. (183)

after reading esperanza rising, i was inspired to read lupita mañana, the story of a girl who also immigrated illegally to the united states and works in the fields.  i read it in jr. high and figured, it would be a nice reread. i do have to admit that prior to my rereading, i did not recall any details from the story.  the only memory i had was how "lupita mañana" became a slang word for my high school friends and i, a new term we used instead of "wetbacks".  i know its so horribly racist but you have to give us credit for being so clever and for our literary slang.  and in our defense, i am sure the girls we called "lupita mañana" probably called us horrible names behind our backs as well, it was high school.

oh and before i go on, there was some debate as to when our teachers assigned this book.  i thought i had read it in jr. high, but when i posted it as a #literarythrowback on my instagram, some people said it was high school.  i am going to claim jr. high because from what i can recall, it was jr. high because we had to explain who lupita mañana was to our friend mona, who did not go to jr. high with us.  also i can't imagine being assigned lupita mañana and great expectations, in the same year, which would have happened if i did read it in high school.

but back to the story.  lupita mañana opened the same as esperanza rising, with the death of a father.  however, unlike esperanza, lupita's family was poor.  despite the class difference, both girls had hearts of gold, throughout the novel i was impressed by lupita's devotion to providing for her family.  i could not imagine myself being that selfless (probably because i am not).  since luptia's family was poor, the mother decided to send lupita and her older brother, salvador, to indio (all of my treks out to coachella helped me visualize the setting for the book.  also i must add my grandfather also worked in the fields in indio as well) to live with her rich sister in america.  due to their poverty, the family was unprepared to send lupita and salvador to america, they could not afford a coyote or the forged paper to help them across.  they didn't even have a car to drive them to tijuana (where they would cross the border into united states) instead they walked from ensenada (which after googling, i discovered is 89.3 miles!!!).  they travelled with only a few pesos, eggs, tortillas and bottles of water . . . and they actually made it to america.  i didn't think it would happen because it seemed impossible, especially since they were so young and inexperienced but they both were clever and by the grace of god (lupita did pray alot) they made it across the border.  it was even more of a miracle that they actually found their aunt.  today was are so reliant upon gps that i could not imagine just being pointed in a direction and told to find someone., it would be like finding a needle in a haystack, impossible, partially because it is.  

reading this as an adult, i had a lot more anxiety about lupita and salvador's traveling than i did when i was in jr. high.  the violence that did occur was appalling, the men trying to rob them in mexico, and the gringos shooting at them on their way to indio, but i was constantly worried something worse was going to happen.  even though this book is a children's book, i was scared of lupita and salvador becoming victims of sexual violence.  there were so many situations in which that could have occurred.  lupita mañana was written in 1981, when tj was still "safe" (i have family in chula vista and we would go all the time to tj when i was a kid), but today there are so many stories of violence in that city since it is a border town.  i saw every man lupita and salvador encountered as a predator.  if this book was rewritten for today, i am sure that this would have been an issue.  though i know it was not occured, i was worried lupita would be attacked at the park when she waited for salvador.  even when they arrived in colton and the man befriended them, i was sure it was to have them as part of a sex slave ring i know it could never occur in a kid's book, but still i worried.  

i even got a weird vibe from lucky.  i got the impression he wanted to be salvador's novio.  my gaydar went off with him but again that could never happen in a kid's book.

this is really horrible but i also worried about lupita falling victim to her aunt's husband.  with his alcoholism and resentment towards lupita as another person in the home, i was scared of him abusing her.  i kept on waiting for him to come into the room when she was sleeping and being inappropriate.  i know it sounds weird for me to be that paranoid but i am sure sexual abuse is an untold experience of immigration especially, illegal immigration to america.

back to the story.  i could not believe how salvador abandoned his sister and family like he did.  beatty did foreshadow his immaturity, incompetence, and disoloyalty but i hoped his behavior in mexico was to be a foil to how he rose to the occasion in america.  this did not happen.  though i guess salvador's irresponsibility acted as a foil lupita's hard work and dedication to her family.  i was impressed how she even supplemented salvador's contribution to her mother.  it was horrible how salvador wasted his money on his novia and clothes instead of helping out his family.  i know this may sound harsh but i was happy that salvador got caught by la migra and deported.  instant karma for his poor behavior.  (i must add this book also added la migra to my vocabulary.)  i also enjoyed lupita telling off lucky! 

i loved the ending, lupita understanding the importance of learning english despite the others telling her it was unnecessary.  it melted my heart that irela decided to teach her.  it was a very sweet ending to the book and demonstrated how lupita mañana's optimism helped her survive in america.  on the topic of optimism, i find it interesting how both girls esperanza and lupita mañana both had hopeful names.  esperanza meaning hope and mañana was lupita's nickname because she always believed that tomorrow, mañana, things would be better.  mañana also reminded me of the quote from on the road, 

sure baby, mañana.  it was always mañana.  for the next few weeks that was all i heard--mañana a lovely word and one that probably means heaven.

before i go on, i have to add that learning english is very important for immigrants to the united states.  i don't understand why americans are viewed as racist for expecting immigrants to learn our language.  if i immigrated to paris, i would need to learn french, or japanese, if i moved to tokyo.  learning the language of my new home is not an intrusion upon my ethnic identity but a necessity so that i can function in my new country.  people should learn the language so that they may have the best quality of life, which is why i admired lupita for her desire to learn.  living in delano, i deal with people that make no attempt to learn english and then hold me in contempt for not understanding spanish.  last time i checked, i lived in america was english was the primary language.  majority of these times, these people that expect me to speak in spanish for them, speak english and/or at least understand it.  i understand that english is a difficult language to learn, i have worked with early readers, teaching them phonetic sounds and rules and grammar rules are confusing for so many, but there is not a single good excuse for not learning the language of the country you live in.  how do you speak to 911 when you have an emergency if you don't know the language?  how do you help your child's education if you don't understand the language they are being taught in?  working in the school system, i think this should be the number one reason that an immigrant learns a language.  before i go on, i have to clarify that i am am not advocating english as the only language.  i think children should learn english while maintaining their parents' language.  i hate how my family lost my grandfather's language and my grandma lost her parents' language.  however, i do think that if you are in america, you need to speak english, and i think we need to stop catering to the needs of those who can't.  it is one thing to help them with learning the language, its a completely different thing to have a society in which knowing the english language is not a requirement.  

like esperanza rising, this book is loosely based on real people.  beatty heard the story of the real lupita and salvador from their older brother, victorio and then wrote this story as to what could have happened to them.  in the author's note at the end, does explain the immigration situation to make it digestable for kids.  again i am torn on the issues that beatty addressed.  on the one hand, being the grandchild of an illegal immigrant, i see illegal immigration as a means for a better life.  i mean i would not be here today if my grandfather did not come to america.  however, i see in delano, how illegal immigrants abuse the welfare programs that are put into place to help citizens.  i hear stories of illegals using fake social security cards to collect welfare or to collect welfare using multiple names, or qualifying for food stamps for their kids.   in the novel, we see lupita's aunt worried about losing her welfare check and not being honest in her reporting so that she does not jeopardize her check.  my frustration with this abuse of welfare programs is that these people on these programs do not contribute to the pot from which they take.  most illegals are paid in cash since they are illegal which means their money does not get taxed like the rest of us, so they do not contribute to the programs that they benefit from.  it all may seem contradictory but my grandfather though illegal never went on welfare, he slaved away in the fields to provide for his family.    i know that this might sound contradictory, but i am okay with illegal immigrants who come and do the menial work that most americans would not do, but i do have issue with illegal immigrants who come to america and abuse the welfare programs that we have.  i understand there would be no america without immigration but everyone should contribute to the country versus taking away from it.  i am sorry if this little rant offended anyone and if i come across as a racist or an insensitive bigot, but i also come from a community where i see immigrants draining our society instead of helping to lift it up.

back to the novel, i am glad i reread lupita mañana, it was an interesting contrast to the experience i had read about in esperanza rising.  hopefully schools will have students read both books to allow for two different perspectives of the immigrant experience.

esperanza rising. pam muñoz ryan.

i had seen esperanza rising while skimming the book racks in the kids section of the library but never thought of checking it out.  one day, mary, a teacher i sub for, recommended that i read it.  the next week while on campus subbing, the whole third grade team was shocked i hadn't read it, so gina lent me her class copy.

and what can i say other than, i am so happy they got me to read it because it is a great book.  it reminded me of one of my favorite books as a kid, a little princess (which i know plan on rereading.) it was also great to see the region that i grew up in featured.  it reminded me of grapes of wrath as well.

the book is about a young girl named, esperanza.  she is the only daughter of a wealthy ranchero in mexico.  she lived a life of luxury and privilege and was fully aware of class distinction.  she told her playmate and son of workers on her parents ranch, miguel, that they could never marry because they were on two sides of a river.  she could not marry someone beneath her.

one day, all of this changed, when her father was murdered by bandits. my theory is that her uncle's were behind it because they showed up with his belt buckle before miguel and his father appeared with his body.  in her father's will, esperanza's mother was left the house but since a woman can not land, the land was given to her tio.  this tio's planned to run for governor and proposed to esperanza's mother, because he needed a respectable wife.  esperanza's mother was insulted by the offer and refused, as a result, the tio burned down their home!  furthermore, the tio owned the bank, and esperanza's mother was unable to access her money. to avoid marriage, esperanza's mother decided to immigrate to america with miguel's parents (her servants but also friends).  since abuelita was injured in the fire, they leave her with her sisters in a nunnery until she recovered.

they immigrated to america, luckily with papers from the nuns.  esperanza experienced a culture shock, having to adjust to life as a peasant.  she looked down upon those traveling on the train not realizing that she was now their equal.  i have to admit that i was just as judgmental as esperanza was about the peasant girl wanting to play with her doll. i would have reacted the same way now as an adult.  it was the last gift her father gave her, she should preserve it.  i was even sad when she gave it away at the end of the story, though it was framed as a nobel action.

life in america was hard since they are farm workers, though it was harder for esperanza because she was not used to working, being part of the gentry.  thanks to miguel's father's brother they had work and a camp to live in (as i learned in grapes of wrath that they had the best living conditions.) esperanza helped out at the camp, but had to learn simple things likes how to sweep.  she also took care of the babies at home.  everything was going well until one day her mom got valley fever (which i swear i had gotten two years ago because i was bed ridden for a week) due to a dust storm.  to help pay for her mother's hospital bills, esperanza began to work in the fields.  

in the fields, esperanza encountered the socioeconomic issues of the field work, which was also demonstrated in grapes of wrath and which i also encountered first hand growing up in delano.  though they help feed america, farmer worker do have the worse working conditions.  they are paid almost nothing and the living conditions (outside of camps) were often inhabitable.  esperanza encountered a girl, marta, who had first mocked esperanza for her previous wealth and was at the forefront of the protestors' movement.  she wanted the workers to strike for better living conditions and pay.  marta is a complex character, on the one hand she is a foil to esperanza, the rebellious, illegal lower class immigrant that attempts to stir up trouble for her own people, but from a humane point-of-view, you can't help but sympathize with her, she simply wanted a better life for the workers.  though they are working for betterment, protestors often put the collective group at risk of job lost and deportation, so it some ways the protestors have a positive effect and/or a negative effect.  this paradox is something that esperanza faced.  she decided that it is better for her to work, she needs to provide for her mother, but towards the end of the story she is overwhelmed by the racism and discrimination she and those close to her encounter.  it's interesting because i recently had a discussion with my cousin erin about our grandfather encountering this in real life.  my grandfather was a foreman during the times of cesar chavez, but he was not active in the movement.  i assume because he saw that it was better that he worked and provide for his family.  when i interviewed him about it once for school, he did mention that they did ask him to join the movement but left him alone because he had a large family (he had 8 kids to support in addition to my grandma's brother's being in the household as well.)  though my grandfather knew it was unfair, he worked because his main priority was providing for his family.  my mother told me that though he was not active in the movement, he was grateful for the changes that was brought about by cesar chavez.  

as mentioned before, esperanza became overwhelmed by the discrimination that she and others encountered.  this combined with her mother not getting better and her abuelita's absence, esperanza gave up hope.  however, miguel saved the day!  he took esperanza's money she had saved (she at first thought he stole it) and went to bring her abuelita to america!  i was so happy reading this part that i started crying, imaging what relieve and comfort her abuelita brought to esperanza  (i also still miss my grandma bea terribly).  from that point on, things began to improve for her mother and for eserpanza.

and let's go back to miguel for a minute.  what a sweet sweet boy!  i had a total book crush on him.  he was so cute with his addressing esperanza as his reina.  he was also brave and courageous, i didn't mention it but earlier, he saved abuelita in the fire too!  he was caring and patient, he taught esperanza how to sweep!  seriously the sweetest character in this book! i really hope that he and espernza marry one day and live happily ever after!

in the author's note, ryan shared with us that esperanza was based on her grandmother, esperanza ortega.  her grandmother told her about her wealthy life in mexico and then her struggle in america.  some of the points in the story parallel her grandmother's real life, but she decided to create a fictional story of why her grandmother immigrated and what occurred to her here in america.  i thought it was great how she based this novel on her family history.  i also appreciated the setting of the story for it took place in the region that i grew up (as mentioned before) and the story is not one that i know first hand but is a story that many in this area can identify with.  and if you are from delano, please take the time to pick up this book!

my brother's book. maurice sendak. (117)

after seeing maurice sendak discuss his love for his older brother jack and his  desire to create a simple but definitive book in the documentary, "tell them anything you want", i couldn't help but be emotional when i read this book.  i was just happy that sendak was able to create a book to honor his brother.

i have never read shakespeare's "winter's tale" so did get any of the allusions, but luckily the forward explained it to me.

the book is the story of two brothers who are separated when a star collides with earth.  one brother, jack (the name of maurice's brother) is sent to a world of ice and is frozen.  the other brother guy tumbles into the middle of the earth where he is captured by a bear.  he tells the bear a riddle which can not be solved and is released.  he then finds his brother, jack who has become a tree.  they embrace and are together again.  

the story is short and sweet but the true story behind it is which is what makes it great.  i do not believe in an afterlife but i do believe in it for my family.  i think heaven is too complicated to truly exist. i mean what age will you be? who will you be with? what will you do? and what about all the gray areas in life, i know religious people who don't deserve to be in heaven and sinners who do not deserve hell.  life is too complex for heaven to exist.  the only reason i would want an afterlife to exist was if i could be my family.  

i was raised mormon and one of their central beliefs is that families should be sealed in the temple so they can be together in heaven. growing up i never questioned this but as an adult, i saw how illogical it was.  we do not chose the family we are born into and they are the ones that install in us morals and help us become who we are.  due to this, i could not understand why god would separate families when we die.  it seems cruel, god sticks us with people on earth, we love them unconditionally and purposely separates us when we die unless we are sealed in a mormon temple.  i could and can not believe in a god that is so demanding and unreasonably cruel.  my loss of faith in this mormon doctrine came when my grandfather passed away.  my grandfather was muslim and very stubborn so though a baptism for the dead was probably performed for him, i doubt he would agree to convert in the spiritual world.  as a result i could not believe in a doctrine that would not allow me to be with my grandfather based on faith and not love.  i would rather be with my grandfather in heaven than with god.  at the risk of sounding blasphemous, i know what my grandfather did for me in my life versus what god theoretically did for me.  i know no one should be before god, but if i had to choose between a family member and god, i would go with the family member.  i would not follow the example of abraham and would have never put issac on the alter.  

due to this, i appreciate how it is guy's love for his brother that reunites them.  love can overcome all and like captain and tennille sang "will keep us together".

also the artwork is lovely:

have you seen marie? sandra cisneros. (75)

i discovered that cisneros had written a new book at her talk but was waiting to finish "war & peace" before i put in a request. the other day while picking up tickets to see barry manilow at the rabobank arena. i convinced my mom, that we should check out the beale library. and since i stumbled upon "have you seen marie?", i decided to check it out.

i didn't know much about it. but it was not as i expected. it is short book and has illustrations. (i would find out later that cisneros intended on the book being an children's book for adults, which explains the illustrations). the book opened with marie running away. this scared me because i imagined marie as a young girl, but it turned out marie was a cat. if you know me and pets, i would not worry about a missing cat.

in fact, i didn't enjoy this book at all. it read like a bad parody of the p.d. eastman classic, "are you my mother?". i understood what cisneros was trying to do, her story was about loss and how everyone suffers from some sort of loss. the narrator's mother had just passed away and the story demonstrated how even though she is suffering from it, others are suffering too from loss of family members or sight or memories. however, the book did not remind me of the children books of my youth nor did it arouse in me a sentiment of love or sadness. it felt too forced, the book was trying too hard to be something it was not.

i wasn't a fan of the illustrations either, there were only two drawings i enjoyed.

in this part of the story, the river explained to the narrator how it would take her tears and carry them along all the rivers in the world and that everything mix together.

i also loved his drawing.

in this passage, her mother's spirit whispers to the narrator via the wind, the clouds and that stars her mother is with her.

these examples are the best part of the actual story. the heart and soul of this book and what makes it great is the afterword.

in the afterword, cisneros shares with the reader the backstory for this book and after reading that i had a deeper respect for the book. it should be a foreword instead of an afterward because it helps contextualize the story. the story, the reader discovers, is a true story. the cat did go missing and the story is about their search. the neighbors are really her neighbors, which i found cool, imagine being immortalized in a cisneros book. and knowing that it was based on life made the story more interesting.

in the afterward, the reader also learns that cisneros lost her mother and wrote this to deal with the grieving.

she wrote:

"in the spring after my mother died, a doctor wanted to prescribe pills for depression. "but if i don't feel," i said, "how will i be able to write?" i need to be able to feel things deeply, good or bad, and wade through an emotion to the other shore, toward my rebirth. i knew if i put off moving through the grief, the wandering between worlds would only take longer. even sadness has its place in the universe.

i wish someone has told me that death allows you the chance to experience the world soulfully, that the heart is open like the aperture of a camera, taking in everything, painful as well as joyous, sensitive as the skin of water.

[ . . . ]

i wish somebody had told me love does not die, that we can continue to receive and give love after death. this news is so astonishing to me even now, i wonder why it isn't flashed across the bottom of the television screen on CNN."

i appreciated how cisneros discussed how it is okay to be sad. i enjoy being sad because it makes me feel human. i think it's healthy to be sad, we should not feel this constant pressure to be happy. sadness is as valid an emotion as any of them.

i also loved the last paragraph i quoted. it is true, we do need to talk more about how love does not die and that it continues on. and it's true, when i talk about my grandma jimmy, my heart does fill with joy because his love still exist in the world even though he may not.

so how with that passage can i say that story was bad. because cisneros was unable to capture the beauty of her afterword in the story. i would almost recommend to those that pic up to not even bother with the story and just read the afterword. or make the afterword a foreword.

i believe that the way cisneros discusses death in the afterword is what makes a worthy book. it is sweet and thoughtful and i can imagine it providing comfort to anyone who has lost a parent or loved one.