emma. jane austen. (307)

i decided to read emma, because,  the movie, clueless, was loosely based on it. i i recently read as if, and didn't get any of the emma reference, so figured it was time for me to read austen's classic.

to start, i have to add that the movie did mess with my head as a i read.  i kept on trying to sort out who was who based on the movie.  though i did not see any of the characters as the actors.  i did start watching emma, the mini series, so started to see jonny lee miller as mr. knightly.  also i knew that mr. frank churchill was engaged due to a quote i read in as if, so the big surprise at the end was not a big surprise.  i was also shocked at how blinded emma was to their relationship.  i must add i knew the piano was from frank because really he ran into town for a haircut?!?!

i have to admit that it did take me a while to get into the novel.  it was quite a struggle from to read this novel, especially since all of the good stuff happens in the last fourth of the novel.  other complaints included was mr. woodhouse's neediness, poor miss taylor indeed for having to listen to him whine. how horrible that he could not be happy for her but instead lamented about she was no longer in their service.  i have no idea how anyone put up with that.  and though i might be guilty of miss bates' blabbering on and on, but just reading the descriptions of her talking, bored me.  and maybe it's just because elton was so "so sweet that he gave me a toothache" in clueless (i would listen to the cranberries all day with him), but felt bad that mr. elton married such a dreadful woman!  ps kudos to amy heckerling on the picture fiasco which was a great mirroring of the painting mix up.  also love love loved how heckerling had tai burn her belongings from elton just like harriet did with her mr. elton things.

back to the novel, so though i was bored, i have to admit that just like emma, an darted through my heart when it came to mr. knightley.  austen created the most sensitive, noble, morale, loving men and mr. knightley was rather quite knightly.  she created these moments when her leading men confess their love and her readers sit there wishing it would happen to them! i mean what a dreamboat mr. knightley was when confessing his love for emma.  so sweet was this ending to the novel that i forgave austen for how bored i was in the beginning.

i will close in saying that even though i didn't love it straight off the bat, emma is like the quintessential girl novel, reminding us how naive we were when we were young and when it came to love and life.  how often we fall in love with men we can not have, and at the same time can be blinded to affection of someone else.  or we try to give someone advice and we really should just keep our noses out of their business.  i guess its best to say that, emma reminded me of how when i was younger, i though i knew everything, but really i was just clueless.  

esperanza rising. pam muñoz ryan.

i had seen esperanza rising while skimming the book racks in the kids section of the library but never thought of checking it out.  one day, mary, a teacher i sub for, recommended that i read it.  the next week while on campus subbing, the whole third grade team was shocked i hadn't read it, so gina lent me her class copy.

and what can i say other than, i am so happy they got me to read it because it is a great book.  it reminded me of one of my favorite books as a kid, a little princess (which i know plan on rereading.) it was also great to see the region that i grew up in featured.  it reminded me of grapes of wrath as well.

the book is about a young girl named, esperanza.  she is the only daughter of a wealthy ranchero in mexico.  she lived a life of luxury and privilege and was fully aware of class distinction.  she told her playmate and son of workers on her parents ranch, miguel, that they could never marry because they were on two sides of a river.  she could not marry someone beneath her.

one day, all of this changed, when her father was murdered by bandits. my theory is that her uncle's were behind it because they showed up with his belt buckle before miguel and his father appeared with his body.  in her father's will, esperanza's mother was left the house but since a woman can not land, the land was given to her tio.  this tio's planned to run for governor and proposed to esperanza's mother, because he needed a respectable wife.  esperanza's mother was insulted by the offer and refused, as a result, the tio burned down their home!  furthermore, the tio owned the bank, and esperanza's mother was unable to access her money. to avoid marriage, esperanza's mother decided to immigrate to america with miguel's parents (her servants but also friends).  since abuelita was injured in the fire, they leave her with her sisters in a nunnery until she recovered.

they immigrated to america, luckily with papers from the nuns.  esperanza experienced a culture shock, having to adjust to life as a peasant.  she looked down upon those traveling on the train not realizing that she was now their equal.  i have to admit that i was just as judgmental as esperanza was about the peasant girl wanting to play with her doll. i would have reacted the same way now as an adult.  it was the last gift her father gave her, she should preserve it.  i was even sad when she gave it away at the end of the story, though it was framed as a nobel action.

life in america was hard since they are farm workers, though it was harder for esperanza because she was not used to working, being part of the gentry.  thanks to miguel's father's brother they had work and a camp to live in (as i learned in grapes of wrath that they had the best living conditions.) esperanza helped out at the camp, but had to learn simple things likes how to sweep.  she also took care of the babies at home.  everything was going well until one day her mom got valley fever (which i swear i had gotten two years ago because i was bed ridden for a week) due to a dust storm.  to help pay for her mother's hospital bills, esperanza began to work in the fields.  

in the fields, esperanza encountered the socioeconomic issues of the field work, which was also demonstrated in grapes of wrath and which i also encountered first hand growing up in delano.  though they help feed america, farmer worker do have the worse working conditions.  they are paid almost nothing and the living conditions (outside of camps) were often inhabitable.  esperanza encountered a girl, marta, who had first mocked esperanza for her previous wealth and was at the forefront of the protestors' movement.  she wanted the workers to strike for better living conditions and pay.  marta is a complex character, on the one hand she is a foil to esperanza, the rebellious, illegal lower class immigrant that attempts to stir up trouble for her own people, but from a humane point-of-view, you can't help but sympathize with her, she simply wanted a better life for the workers.  though they are working for betterment, protestors often put the collective group at risk of job lost and deportation, so it some ways the protestors have a positive effect and/or a negative effect.  this paradox is something that esperanza faced.  she decided that it is better for her to work, she needs to provide for her mother, but towards the end of the story she is overwhelmed by the racism and discrimination she and those close to her encounter.  it's interesting because i recently had a discussion with my cousin erin about our grandfather encountering this in real life.  my grandfather was a foreman during the times of cesar chavez, but he was not active in the movement.  i assume because he saw that it was better that he worked and provide for his family.  when i interviewed him about it once for school, he did mention that they did ask him to join the movement but left him alone because he had a large family (he had 8 kids to support in addition to my grandma's brother's being in the household as well.)  though my grandfather knew it was unfair, he worked because his main priority was providing for his family.  my mother told me that though he was not active in the movement, he was grateful for the changes that was brought about by cesar chavez.  

as mentioned before, esperanza became overwhelmed by the discrimination that she and others encountered.  this combined with her mother not getting better and her abuelita's absence, esperanza gave up hope.  however, miguel saved the day!  he took esperanza's money she had saved (she at first thought he stole it) and went to bring her abuelita to america!  i was so happy reading this part that i started crying, imaging what relieve and comfort her abuelita brought to esperanza  (i also still miss my grandma bea terribly).  from that point on, things began to improve for her mother and for eserpanza.

and let's go back to miguel for a minute.  what a sweet sweet boy!  i had a total book crush on him.  he was so cute with his addressing esperanza as his reina.  he was also brave and courageous, i didn't mention it but earlier, he saved abuelita in the fire too!  he was caring and patient, he taught esperanza how to sweep!  seriously the sweetest character in this book! i really hope that he and espernza marry one day and live happily ever after!

in the author's note, ryan shared with us that esperanza was based on her grandmother, esperanza ortega.  her grandmother told her about her wealthy life in mexico and then her struggle in america.  some of the points in the story parallel her grandmother's real life, but she decided to create a fictional story of why her grandmother immigrated and what occurred to her here in america.  i thought it was great how she based this novel on her family history.  i also appreciated the setting of the story for it took place in the region that i grew up (as mentioned before) and the story is not one that i know first hand but is a story that many in this area can identify with.  and if you are from delano, please take the time to pick up this book!

eleanor & park. rainbow rowell (169)

adorable cover, right?  it looks like some cute save-the-date for some portlandia hipsters.  it just so darn cute with its ampersand made with headphones.  with all of this cuteness, i had to pick up with this book.  i had seen it on amazon and it was even a daily deal but i forgot to buy it, so ended up checking it out from the library, which turned out to be the right choice. although i loved the cover, i didn't absolutely love the book.

though in eleanor & park's defense, since it is a young adult novel, 16 year old me would have been all about it.  i think i mean, a clockwork orange was my favorite book at the time, though the notebook left me in tears, so maybe i would have believed in eleanor and park's love.

but i will admit that both 30 year old me and 16 year old me had a total book crush on park.  through he was kind of right about people not finding asians sexy, i do like me the halfbreeds and so i would have definitely found park's half korean/half irishness sexy.  and i love boys in eyeliner so that was really hot.  but my book crush is not based on lust, how sweet he was!  how he let eleanor read his comics over his shoulder on the bus, or how he saved up all his batteries for her to use, even how he found eleanor sexy in her gym clothes (seriously who can pull off sexy in gym clothes?!?). and he made her mixed tapes!!!! especially the one with love will tear us apart on repeat!!! so sweet!!! and while i loved park, i was not so sure about eleanor.

i was just as judgemental about eleanor as park's mom, why was he with that "weird white girl"?!?!?! eleanor didn't make sense to me.  i mean i understand that she was a good kid in a bad situation.  but i just did not get the attraction.  i mean her outfits didn't even seem cute in that alt-80's kind of way, i mean the ties and ribbons yes but not the golf shoes!  eleanor should have been fashioned after molly ringwald in pretty in pink (she was poor too and dressed eccentric).  i also personally could not get passed her personal hygiene,  i mean didn't park notice that she didn't brush her teeth or that her hair smelled like flea and tick soap?!?!? i mean these are things one would notice right?  i was grossed out by eleanor and i am not even that high maintenance.  

random digression but as i was readig was wondering if the author was eleanor and this was like an exteme version ofna high school romance.  when i looked at her pic on the backflap, i could see the resemblence between she and eleanor:

but looks aside, she didn't seem to bring anything to the plate.  i mean park was so sweet and eleanor was always negative nancy.  and i know i know she had a tough life but in my eyes she was not a diamond in the rough, just rough.  i mean the only good about her was what park brought to her, but then i i guess that is true love.  it makes you a better person.

and onto their love, i hate to be negative as always but some of their convos were too much for me.  all of their talk was sweet and romantic but put in the context of high schoolers made me roll my eyes. though i am sure teenage me would have been lapping it up.  and one last grievance, if they were so in love why did it take eleanor forever to write back to park? i mean he saved her life, how could you not find the means to write back?  

all in all, a sweet read.  not a must read but more like i have the time, this cover is cute, let me check it out kind of read.

great expectations. charles dickens. (155)

a couple months ago i purchased a used kate spade great expectations book clutch.  they normally run $328 but lucky me i found it used and in good condition for $62 on poshmark!  and as much as i love it, it isn't worth the $300, i mean its laminated!  but $62, yes it is.  but here it is:  

anyway, i felt like a poser because i never    read all of great expectations yet here i was carrying it around as a purse.  it was an assigned reading my senior year but i totally cliffnoted it. (i had a really bad case of senioritis).  i knew pip and of course remembered miss havisham, but they were all i could recall.  well i did have an scene in my head of someone, running in and tearing down the curtains in miss havisham's room, but i think that was because of the movie because this scene, i would discovered on this reading did not occur in the book.  

this rereading or actual first reading of great expectations epitomizes why i started this lets-read-those-high-school-assigned-readings-now project!  because i regret not reading this the first time i was assigned it.  i will admit that 30

year old me is a better reader than 17 year old me (i remember being lost vocab wise.  those macbeth references definitely would

have been lost on me the first time!) which may be the reason for my enjoying great expectations on this round but i absolutely loved it.  there were so many twists and turns and sadly (or gratefully) i didn't pay any attention in class because i did not recall any of them so i was actually surprised!  i mean even the identity of pip's benefactor caught me off guard.  (in retrospect, i deserved that b+ in ap engish).  modern day soap operas have nothing on this dicken's classic, it was amazing how everyone's secret connections were revealed in the end. i really was not expecting any of it. 

i won't rehash the story since the story is so well known.  or give a deep analysis other than looks can be deceiving.  plus the most important lesson of just because a person is high class doesn't mean they are classy and the vice versa being in the low class doesn't mean you are trashy.

i do want to discuss my love for certain characters.  who doesn't adore joe with his heart of gold and love for pip? society would not have labelled him a man of good manners and pedigree but there was no denying that he was a loyal and reliable friend.  i thought it was amazing that though "poor" he had the means to settle pip's debt in the end.  i was also happy he got a happy ending with biddy and kids of his own!!

i also enjoyed wemmick and his two personas, not mixing business with pleasure.  his home self was the best, how he took care of his aged parent.  and the surprise wedding could not have been more adorable! i had a total book crush on him!

and though she was batty, you can not deny that miss havisham was great.  i mean she would make an excellent halloween costume!  one would need a wedding dress, once white now yellow, one shoe on also once white now yellow, and a watch stopped at twenty to nine.  she was scary but such an excellent villain that you can't help but love her.  and in the end,  like the grinch her heart does turn three times in size and she regretted what she did to estrella.

i love/hated pip.  i hated how he treated joe when he came into his great expectations.  i hated how he was in love with estrella though she was proud, their first day together was a red flag that she would make him miserable.  but he redeemed himself when he accepted and helped his benefactor.  also i loved how he secretly helped herbert and made sure miss havisham did too.  

but i must add that my disapproval of his love for estrella caused me to dislike the ending and i wish the original ending was the standard ending.  the ending i read was all hollywood where pip and estrella randomly meet up at miss havisham.  she recently discovered, he in town for a visit.  they meet and it's hinted that they end up together.  boo!!! because he was not worthy of her love!

in the original ending, estella discovered the spider and fell in love with a poor doctor.  she and pip run into each other on the street.  pip has joe's son with him and she assume it is his and that his life is better without her (which it is) and he sees that she has actually has a heart and is capable of love!  

i like that ending because they both become better people which i doubt would have occurred if they ended up together.  

though i will add if they originally ended up together out of actual true love i could have dealt with it.  how happy would pip's benefactor be to discover that his the wife of his gentleman was his daughter!  so for his sale i would have been okay with it.

i am glad i ended up enjoying great expectations as much as i did because i would have felt lame carrying that clutch around if i didn't.

also if you were in mr. brice's class with me and didn't read this, you really should!

amendment:  so after posting this on fb i thought to myself, maybe we didn't read this in brice, so i consulted my classmates.  we didn't, it was assigned our freshman year!  freshman year!! there was definitely no way 14 year old me could have got this!  but i will add, i did get an a in that class.  lol

i just want my pants back. david j. rosen. (88)

"i just want my pants back" has been on my to re-read list ever since MTV turned it into a series. granted the the series first aired in 2011, it took me a while to re-read it. i first read it when my friend saba lent me her copy cos she thought i would enjoy it. i then stole her copy because i really enjoyed it. the delay in the re-read was that i was hoping to find the copy i stole. i didn't so i checked it out.

and yes the MTV series was kind of a my so called hipster life. so before we go any further i want to clarify something. just like i told that 6th grader that judged me based on my frames and blazer i wore to sub: i am not a hipster. i just recently had a whole talk with my friend tiffany on my non-hipsterness. and though i will admit i do have hipster tendencies (my friend jerry and my theory on our partial hipster-ness will appear later), i may be hip but i'm not a hipster.

and let the records show that my friends and i were wearing fake moustaches back in 2007. i bought a pair of fake ones at party city as a joke cos my friend cody could not grow one and then we wore them out to beauty bar. also that same year we started carrying around a toy pony before all this unicorn and bronies shit got started. and yes i trek out to hipster mecca aka coachella every year but i've been doing that since 2003. when it was only one weekend and you could buy one day tickets and rich parents from la didn't use it as teenage daycare. and i know it's so hipster cliche to claim to have done something before it was cool but i really did!

and i'll admit, i shop at urban outfitters (but only their sales racks), drink pbr, (but i'm cheap and my alcohol palate is nothing close to sophisticated), listen to indie rock, and do some things ironically; it's not because i want to be part of the hipster subculture. it just how i am. and yes i get there is this large subculture that i am apart of but hipster imples effort and my hipness is effortless.

but back to the show and the book. i did not see the whole season but the episode that inspired me to re-read was seriously a page out of my life. i forgot all that happens in it but it ends up with the lead dude (do they have same name as the book?) ends up marching with a marching band! this actually happened to me one night in hipsterville, ca aka echo park. in 2008, tiffany, cody and i were out celebrating obama's win and while drinking next to a liquor store ran into a marching band member. i harassed him for his hat and took some pictures but this was only a taste of what was to come! cos when we got to short stop there was a full on band on the dance floor. sadly not performing or with instruments but still exciting. oddly i never found out who the band was or ever saw them again. it was magical and that episode reminded me of it. in that episode there was also a penis piñata but my guy friends (straight ones) one-uped that with their penis bong (they paper-mâchéd a penis, complete with balls, around a beer bong, they also made a big ass piñata like literally an ass after watching that "family guy" episode.)

so to start off, the lead character who lost his pants, started off as the man of my dreams. total book crush! jason was a english major from cornell (that abused cliffnotes) who used to deejay in college and loved country, folk and indie rock. he was from the mid-west, which i always find endearing. he wore thick frame, was sarcastic, funny, and referenced karen o. and jeff koons. but here's the kicker a pork eating jew! (he ordered a bacon cheeseburger.) i do dream of marrying a jew but for cultural not religious reasons and as jason said judaism for his family was "more woody allen, less abraham and esther". and let me clarify, i'm not prejudice, any religion would do, it's just that judaism has the best holidays and they celebrate all of them!

but then jason went on a downward spiral and lost his dreaminess. i was okay with his whatever job or what douglas coupland referred to as "mcjob". but when he lost his job and then proceed to do nothing, it was quite sad. and before you get all judgy on me because yes i did spend two years on unemployment and yes the lectures jason's friends gave him did remind me of the lectures my friends gave me! there was a difference. i like all the other welfare moms and anyone else getting government handouts found life more comfortable on unemployment than with a 9 to 5. even you with the worker bee gene would become depended on a life of leisure thanks to uncle sam versus slaving away for a check. plus jason spent all his time getting high and drunk. i was out getting cultured and stimulating the economy with my government issued checks. also unemployment is not bad it's just when you become a mess due to it, i mean jason wasn't showering. when i was funemployed a handful of my friends were too and we'd go to museums and have other random and free adventures around down. but back to jason, yes i was once a slob like him, i mean no one truly has life figured out but it's like do something other than get drunk and high all the time. to quote cher from "clueless": "it is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day." and drop e in the proper settings, raves, music festivals, light installations exhibits, not just a friday night at the bar. what a waste! and again i am not contradicting myself. i may do drugs occassionally but when it's appropriate.

oh and another issue i had with jason or the book but lack of condom use. there was no mention of him using condoms in this book. i mean we are the safe sex generation, we have been told countless times to use protection. and yet this book lacked it. i am disgusted if it was because the character didn't use them. i'm even more disgusted if the author didn't include it because it would have ruined the flow of the story. sorry but i'd rather have the heat of the moment interrupted with condom talk or putting one on versus waking up with some nasty std.

also he nicknamed his penis. gross.

but i do have to give him props for taking care of his neighbor patty. that was sweet. that gave me faith that he would get his shit together that maybe in a couple of years he'll be the man he needs to be.

so the book is a look at jason's life and honestly depicts how it is to be a twentysomething, the going out, the hooking up, the lack of real employment, and the friends at different stages of life. and how at times it sucks but it can also be a lot of fun. and i have to admit i saw a lot of myself in him, even the crying at commercials when life gets alittle overwhelming. this book did speak a lot of truths not only for twentysomethings but also new yorkers (i never lived in new york but from what tv tells me).

for example, the take-out place knowing your order because you call so often. this happens to jason and his favorite place, hunan. this never happened to me bit it reminded me of the "sex and the city" episode when miranda feels like the chinese take out girl is judging her.

i was reminded of another show, "how i met your mother" (also set in new york), the episode when robin, ted, and barney go out a club while lily and marshall try to do more grown up things and have a wine tasting and play board games with their married friends. there is the exact same critique in "i just want my pants back", jason commented on how his engaged friends stacey and eric have grown up parties with wine sipping not swigging and pictionary and talk of investing and buying apartments which all turns to charlie brown grown up talk to him. it was so like the HIMYM bit that i checked to see if the author wrote for him. he didn't, it's just a part of growing up. and it's so true my college friends that coupled, have started doing their own thing together and excluded the single ones, which is really just me. though i will add the gays are so much better about including everyone. my gay friends that couple never go into nesting mode like the straights.

and last but not least, patty had a little talk with jason about age, which describes my current state to a t. patty is jason's older neighbor but forgets her age when she hangs out with jason, she feels younger going out and hanging out. one night, she reflected back on her life and thought of all the silly things she has done and realized that she still does do silly things. and granted i am only turning 30, i got what she said. she told him:  

i'm still silly about so many things. maybe it's because i never settled down or had kids, but i think my brain is in arrested development or something like that.

i worry about the same thing, i do have 

peter pan syndrome, i have never been forced to grow up. and it's not bad, i have fun in life but i need something to start me on adulthood. and it needs to happen soon cos i'm 6 months away from 30! but i am so caught up in the now, i can't plan for the future.

i know such deep thoughts for a "hipster" book.

ironically, as much as the series was called a hipster series and therefore the book was probably labelled hipster. the characters did not identify themselves as hipsters. jason and tina are out at some dive bar and jason observed,

"it was full of twentysomething downtowners in assorted stylish smocks. it was a little like looking into a mirror, but someone we believed we were far more genuine than the others. you couldn't trust the others. they looked like us and they talked us, but at night, they went home and slept in pods. we slept in beds."

this the same theory my friend jerry and i have. we realized that we look like hipsters when we go out. plus we are asian so we have that asian hipster look. but though we look like them we are not a part of them. we are more genuine! as jerry phrases it, "we are partners in our hip-non-hipster-ness". i know it all seems like a farce like the ones we are judging us back. but we really are hip and it's genuine and we are not hipsters! i swear. (going to end here before i start sounding crazy.)