modern romance. aziz ansari. (290)

before i start about the book, i have to begin with my love for aziz ansari.  so it all started with the movie, funny people, randy had be dying, he was like the highlight of the movie.  then, i started watching parks and recreation, and when tom created a tent that looked like something out of harry potter, and made sure to keep up with top chef, i was like, we could so be bffs.  and then, he was on lcd soundsystem's last concert dvd, and i was like we really need to be friends.  so now i am like his biggest fan, because, he is hilarious, eats well, and his friends with james murphy!  when i heard that he had a book deal, i was super excited, though i wish it were a memoir, a sociology book on love impressed me.  i have to add that i did see his modern romance tour with my sister and glad i did, because it goes hand and hand with this book.

and before i start on the book, i have to add that i saw aziz at bookcon and he was the best panel of the day.  even better than the much anticipated mindy kaling and bj novak panel (sorry guys).  the stories behind and in his book were hilarious, but the best was the q&a.  so i just googled and it's online and i am going to post it here.  please watch:

so i was dying, absolutely dying during his q&a, when he told the first girl that he didn't care where she was from.  and he called out that other fan for the stupid swagalicous question and last but not least the last question.  so enjoyable and we also got conversation hearts that were printed with quotes from the book.  so freakin' cool.

so the book was hilarious and being a single lady, surprisingly very helpful.  the book offers a lot of helpful advice finding love in this modern world.  here is what i learned:

-i need to start having friends set me up on dates.  back in the day, people married people that lived in their neighborhood since that is what their life was restricted to.  now people move away for school, work, etc. and just like aziz shared, i wouldn't want to marry a bozo from delano (no offense, people from delano), but i guess to get that quality neighborhood kind vibe, being set up by friends would be my best bet.  so friend start setting me up!

-how to do online dating right!  so i have been on okcupid and pretty much i just check out people, i don't really contact anyone, but i will start.  and start going on actual dates.  they share that people spend too much time getting to know each other online versus going on actual dates and face time (actual face time and not facetime) is what helps us determine if we are a match with someone or not.  also there was a hilarious segment on optimal profile photos.

-it was interesting to read about all the subtext there is to texting now.  how like pauses cause us to stress out when sometimes, people are just busy.  i will say that i am glad i was part of the generation that actually used to talk to people on the phone (though i rarely do that now), but i mean these kids today only text.  i was shocked to read how many were comfortable breaking up with someone via text.

-also texting and emails does allow us to have a paper trail of our love lives, which is sweet if we are together.  i have to admit to spending nights reading old emails from people i thought i loved and being heartbroken about how happy we once were and angry about how shitty things became.

-speaking of breaking up, honesty is the best policy.  i loved the experiment he did while on tour, having people raise their hand if they ever lied about the reason they wanted to break up with someone and then asking if they would want honesty or to be lied to if someone broke up with them.  i was one of those contradicting audience members!

-it was also interesting to read about how what we want in a partner has changed.  i mean we are all looking for this elusive soulmate, but it seemed like back in the day people got married and grew to love each other.  we need to lower our standards! lol jk

- also we do have an infinite number of options so that makes choosing a partner, difficult as well.

-tokyo is freaking amazing.  i really want to stay at the jurassic park hotel, see ladies sitting on large robots and of course get good ramen. it was also interesting to learn about the herbivore men phenomena, it reminded me of fight club, this idea of generation of emasculated men raised by their mothers.  also that whole weird thing lubing up and rubbing yourself on someone sounded fun if you were in a relationship but sad if you do it cos you are single.

-the whole argentine part was crazy to read but i got it.  when i was in buenos aires, my friends and i were always shocked by the number of being making out at dinner.  also sadly i never got catcalled there.  

-i loved the girl who photoshopped beyonce into her photos with her ex.  reminded me of that satc quote to destroy all pictures where he looks good and you look happy.

-i also loved how aziz shared about his actual gf now. i knew she was a chef, i missed her pop-up in la at son of gun.  i had no idea that she worked for momofuku milkbar and loved that they bonded over cookies.

-i laughed outloud every time aziz made fun of alfredo, the doughnut lover.

of course, i also saw why aziz and i should be friends.  as i posted on insta this: 

why aziz ansari and i should be friends:  a mutual love of taxidermy, a strong desire to always eat the best tacos life has to offer, and of course, a need for delicious ramen in our lives

seriously, how are we not friends yet?

anyway, if you are single or love aziz, pick up this book.  it will make you laugh out loud and hopefully help you find modern love.  

shut up and play the hits.

dear james murphy,

james murphy, i love you but you're bringing me down. my heart is broken because lcd soundsystem no longer exist. i know that i will always have the music but with the ending of lcd, i realized i will never again be able to dance myself clean at an lcd soundsystem concert. and let's be honest, i would not have done those drugs at the hollywood bowl if i knew that was going to be my only lcd soundsystem concert. it was amazing and the drugs made it insanely amazing but i don't have any real memories of show, and i wish i did.

i remember where i was when i found out about your final show. i read it on laist's twitter at the chinatown gold line stop waiting for a friend. i freaked out about the news and was hopeful it was a rumor. but that was not the case. i was tempted to buy a ticket but with coachella in the same month, could not afford both (i was on unemployment at the time.) plus with all those damn scalpers i probably would have ended up ticketless. by the way, very cool how you guys did those terminal 5 shows to make up for those basterd scalpers.

but luckily for me, you made a documentary and concert dvd, which my middle-of-nowhere town had in their library system. so i checked it out (also thanks to my friend justin for posting about on fb which inspired me to look for it in the library's catalog). so not only did i get to try to come to terms (somewhat) with your decision, i was able to experience the concert even though i wasn't there. i also was able to buy some merch from the final show. i noticed your panda tote on your visit to keith and looked online and ordered one for myself!

so let's start with the documentary. first of all, kudos to dylan southen and will lovelace and probably the director of photography, reed morano, visually it was stunning. and wow what a clean apartment you have. and though i am not a pet person would consider getting a french bulldog cos yours is so cute!

i loved that chuck klosterman interviewed you. i love all of his books. but seriously man, reasons for the band ending are bullshit. because your getting old?!?! so your body is falling apart, that is not because of the touring, it's because that what happens with age. it sucks, i'm getting old too and it sad how quickly your body turns on you. i used to not be this fat but it doesn't mean i am going to stop living. and so a few gray hairs shouldn't stop you from being a band. also don't you realize that retirement is never healthy for older people? the healthiest old people are the ones that stay active via work.

and i get wanting to start a family but again no need to end the band. look at gwen stefani she had kids and toured. it is possible to have a family and make music. you can create music in a home studio which would allow you to still play dad. plus who says you have to constantly be on the road, you can find a nice balance between touring and home life. plus i just googled your wife a fashion designer? i've watched rachel zoe and her busy is just as chaotic? is she quitting too? it is possible to find a balance between life and work, people do it everyday, rockstarness is not different, in fact it's probably easier cos your night limited to the such a strict work schedule. i see the amount of leisure time industry people have in la, so your family reason is not legit enough.

i know you want to lead a normal life but you are no longer normal, sorry. and no offense but will lcd really ever reach that level where you will not be able to ride the subway? i'm sure you get recognized in brooklyn but let's be honest, your fans are way to hip to ever bother you. move to la, we ignore or celebrities because we see so many of them.

and just as the doc and klosterman framed it, you are jumping ship because you are afraid of failing. its like barry's sub question in "high fidelity": "is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?" actually it's not cos you are choosing to neither burn out or fade away, you are quitting. you think you're burnt out but you are just scared. and it's okay to be scared but don't be a coward. see what happens next instead of going out when you are on top. this might not even be your peak but we will never know. but just like you tried to avoid saying it in the documentary, it was already written in your face, this quitting will be your biggest failure. this will be what you are known for not the great dance music you created. and i mean this is the nicest way possible but i hope you hit rock bottom so i can attend your reunion set at coachella 2015.

i'll stop being so harsh but my final thought on your quitting is "you fucked up."

okay so now for some praise:

your extra features were great! i loved the story you shared about the reading festival. i love in la, so i know all about that type of horrible crowd but there are those among us who truly love the music so don't short change us. btw i've seen you listed at hard and s.s. coachella for dj sets, how is this different for touring as LCD soundsystem?

also your segment with keith was great! loved you two in the mower.

and the concert. amazing!!! wish i was there. i watched it with my little brother who is 9, and i made him have a dance party with me. i even busted out some light up toys. he had a lot of fun. and it's sad to think, i'll never be able to take him to one of your shows.

i am also going to try to get my friend danny to throw a dinner party/dance party featuring this DVD.

and i hate to be such a poser but only really know "this is happening" and off course "daft punk" and "tribulations". but that little robot rockopera song/set/experience was amazing. thank you. and if you are wondering "home" is my favorite.

so i guess thank you for allowing this moment in your history to be captured. it was nice to be apart of it somewhat. last but not least please reconsider this whole quitting business, you have to be bored by normal life by now. didn't all of those fans crying at the end get to you?!?!?

sincerely,
krisha mendoza

p.s. can you please let aziz ansari, i am a huge fan (read: what to make half indian babies with him)? he's funny, a foodie and has great taste in music!