i just want my pants back. david j. rosen. (88)

"i just want my pants back" has been on my to re-read list ever since MTV turned it into a series. granted the the series first aired in 2011, it took me a while to re-read it. i first read it when my friend saba lent me her copy cos she thought i would enjoy it. i then stole her copy because i really enjoyed it. the delay in the re-read was that i was hoping to find the copy i stole. i didn't so i checked it out.

and yes the MTV series was kind of a my so called hipster life. so before we go any further i want to clarify something. just like i told that 6th grader that judged me based on my frames and blazer i wore to sub: i am not a hipster. i just recently had a whole talk with my friend tiffany on my non-hipsterness. and though i will admit i do have hipster tendencies (my friend jerry and my theory on our partial hipster-ness will appear later), i may be hip but i'm not a hipster.

and let the records show that my friends and i were wearing fake moustaches back in 2007. i bought a pair of fake ones at party city as a joke cos my friend cody could not grow one and then we wore them out to beauty bar. also that same year we started carrying around a toy pony before all this unicorn and bronies shit got started. and yes i trek out to hipster mecca aka coachella every year but i've been doing that since 2003. when it was only one weekend and you could buy one day tickets and rich parents from la didn't use it as teenage daycare. and i know it's so hipster cliche to claim to have done something before it was cool but i really did!

and i'll admit, i shop at urban outfitters (but only their sales racks), drink pbr, (but i'm cheap and my alcohol palate is nothing close to sophisticated), listen to indie rock, and do some things ironically; it's not because i want to be part of the hipster subculture. it just how i am. and yes i get there is this large subculture that i am apart of but hipster imples effort and my hipness is effortless.

but back to the show and the book. i did not see the whole season but the episode that inspired me to re-read was seriously a page out of my life. i forgot all that happens in it but it ends up with the lead dude (do they have same name as the book?) ends up marching with a marching band! this actually happened to me one night in hipsterville, ca aka echo park. in 2008, tiffany, cody and i were out celebrating obama's win and while drinking next to a liquor store ran into a marching band member. i harassed him for his hat and took some pictures but this was only a taste of what was to come! cos when we got to short stop there was a full on band on the dance floor. sadly not performing or with instruments but still exciting. oddly i never found out who the band was or ever saw them again. it was magical and that episode reminded me of it. in that episode there was also a penis piñata but my guy friends (straight ones) one-uped that with their penis bong (they paper-mâchéd a penis, complete with balls, around a beer bong, they also made a big ass piñata like literally an ass after watching that "family guy" episode.)

so to start off, the lead character who lost his pants, started off as the man of my dreams. total book crush! jason was a english major from cornell (that abused cliffnotes) who used to deejay in college and loved country, folk and indie rock. he was from the mid-west, which i always find endearing. he wore thick frame, was sarcastic, funny, and referenced karen o. and jeff koons. but here's the kicker a pork eating jew! (he ordered a bacon cheeseburger.) i do dream of marrying a jew but for cultural not religious reasons and as jason said judaism for his family was "more woody allen, less abraham and esther". and let me clarify, i'm not prejudice, any religion would do, it's just that judaism has the best holidays and they celebrate all of them!

but then jason went on a downward spiral and lost his dreaminess. i was okay with his whatever job or what douglas coupland referred to as "mcjob". but when he lost his job and then proceed to do nothing, it was quite sad. and before you get all judgy on me because yes i did spend two years on unemployment and yes the lectures jason's friends gave him did remind me of the lectures my friends gave me! there was a difference. i like all the other welfare moms and anyone else getting government handouts found life more comfortable on unemployment than with a 9 to 5. even you with the worker bee gene would become depended on a life of leisure thanks to uncle sam versus slaving away for a check. plus jason spent all his time getting high and drunk. i was out getting cultured and stimulating the economy with my government issued checks. also unemployment is not bad it's just when you become a mess due to it, i mean jason wasn't showering. when i was funemployed a handful of my friends were too and we'd go to museums and have other random and free adventures around down. but back to jason, yes i was once a slob like him, i mean no one truly has life figured out but it's like do something other than get drunk and high all the time. to quote cher from "clueless": "it is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day." and drop e in the proper settings, raves, music festivals, light installations exhibits, not just a friday night at the bar. what a waste! and again i am not contradicting myself. i may do drugs occassionally but when it's appropriate.

oh and another issue i had with jason or the book but lack of condom use. there was no mention of him using condoms in this book. i mean we are the safe sex generation, we have been told countless times to use protection. and yet this book lacked it. i am disgusted if it was because the character didn't use them. i'm even more disgusted if the author didn't include it because it would have ruined the flow of the story. sorry but i'd rather have the heat of the moment interrupted with condom talk or putting one on versus waking up with some nasty std.

also he nicknamed his penis. gross.

but i do have to give him props for taking care of his neighbor patty. that was sweet. that gave me faith that he would get his shit together that maybe in a couple of years he'll be the man he needs to be.

so the book is a look at jason's life and honestly depicts how it is to be a twentysomething, the going out, the hooking up, the lack of real employment, and the friends at different stages of life. and how at times it sucks but it can also be a lot of fun. and i have to admit i saw a lot of myself in him, even the crying at commercials when life gets alittle overwhelming. this book did speak a lot of truths not only for twentysomethings but also new yorkers (i never lived in new york but from what tv tells me).

for example, the take-out place knowing your order because you call so often. this happens to jason and his favorite place, hunan. this never happened to me bit it reminded me of the "sex and the city" episode when miranda feels like the chinese take out girl is judging her.

i was reminded of another show, "how i met your mother" (also set in new york), the episode when robin, ted, and barney go out a club while lily and marshall try to do more grown up things and have a wine tasting and play board games with their married friends. there is the exact same critique in "i just want my pants back", jason commented on how his engaged friends stacey and eric have grown up parties with wine sipping not swigging and pictionary and talk of investing and buying apartments which all turns to charlie brown grown up talk to him. it was so like the HIMYM bit that i checked to see if the author wrote for him. he didn't, it's just a part of growing up. and it's so true my college friends that coupled, have started doing their own thing together and excluded the single ones, which is really just me. though i will add the gays are so much better about including everyone. my gay friends that couple never go into nesting mode like the straights.

and last but not least, patty had a little talk with jason about age, which describes my current state to a t. patty is jason's older neighbor but forgets her age when she hangs out with jason, she feels younger going out and hanging out. one night, she reflected back on her life and thought of all the silly things she has done and realized that she still does do silly things. and granted i am only turning 30, i got what she said. she told him:  

i'm still silly about so many things. maybe it's because i never settled down or had kids, but i think my brain is in arrested development or something like that.

i worry about the same thing, i do have 

peter pan syndrome, i have never been forced to grow up. and it's not bad, i have fun in life but i need something to start me on adulthood. and it needs to happen soon cos i'm 6 months away from 30! but i am so caught up in the now, i can't plan for the future.

i know such deep thoughts for a "hipster" book.

ironically, as much as the series was called a hipster series and therefore the book was probably labelled hipster. the characters did not identify themselves as hipsters. jason and tina are out at some dive bar and jason observed,

"it was full of twentysomething downtowners in assorted stylish smocks. it was a little like looking into a mirror, but someone we believed we were far more genuine than the others. you couldn't trust the others. they looked like us and they talked us, but at night, they went home and slept in pods. we slept in beds."

this the same theory my friend jerry and i have. we realized that we look like hipsters when we go out. plus we are asian so we have that asian hipster look. but though we look like them we are not a part of them. we are more genuine! as jerry phrases it, "we are partners in our hip-non-hipster-ness". i know it all seems like a farce like the ones we are judging us back. but we really are hip and it's genuine and we are not hipsters! i swear. (going to end here before i start sounding crazy.)

tiny furniture.

if you know anything about me or have been around me, you know that i've been on a "girls" kick.  and so in desire to be up-to-date on all things lena dunham, i decided to check out "tiny furniture". also will be attending a "girls" party and don't want to be embarrassed by the fact that i haven't seen it.

"tiny furniture" is a look at the life of aura, who just graduated from college, broke up with her bf and moved back home. btw aura's mom and sister are played by lena's actual mom and sister! her sister has some crazy long legs(i wonder if she has the same complex as me about a skinner younger sister?). also found out that her mom is an artist just like her "character".

due to this art imitating real life element, and of course the similarities of this film to "girls", i wonder how much of lena's productions are really just her life.

things that are for sure her life:
-bathing with company. she is always having deep talks about life with someone while she is bathing
-a fear of aids though not necessarily but probably due to "forrest gump"
-she really does have a tattoo on her bum that jemima kirke gave her
-she's a big fan of woody allen
-she's a masochist when it comes to sex and relationships.

i also came to realize that not only is lena just hannah but jemima kirke is really just jessa because her character charlotte was just jessa. i saw in an interview that lena has to beg jemima to be in the tv series and after watching this i have to assume that she didn't want to turn her actual personality into a tv persona. i also now kinda hate her because who could be that fabulous in life. yes jessa is a bit of a mess but she is the bohemian i could never be. if i get a second chance at life i want to come back with her spirit.

[ps just found this article online at vanityfair.com with jemima kirke. looks like i was wrong:

Did you have a hand in shaping your characters in Girls and Tiny Furniture?

Yes, I think there’s a reason why she gave me these roles. Not necessarily because our behaviors are the same, but because perhaps there was a similarity historically between the characters and me. I definitely don’t act like those characters, but there is a lot that I can understand. I think there is also a reason why she gave me such a similar character in the show to the movie. And that reason is that I don’t know that my range in acting is that big. I think that I can do just a few different things. I’m not trained.]

also alex karpovsky also finally grew on me. not that i didn't appreciate his doucheness in "girls", his mickey d's rant, genius! but finally found him attractive. or maybe it was just the fact that he dressed up like a cowboy on a toy horse with these really cool cactus balloons in the background. (i am going to look for said cactus balloons for a future photo session and maybe coachella).

so "tiny furniture" is a very honest look at how it is to be back from home after college. it sucks cos you don't really fit into your home life anymore because though it is your home, it really isn't. i thought aura's freakout was great because that is how you feel sometimes that your family doesn't get you anymore.

the film also shows how much it sucks having to get some random job because let's face college does not give you any real work experience. ability to write last minute paper or takes detailed notes can never be listed on a resume. and the pay is never what you need to survive aura works as a daytime hostess at a restaurant and meets the man of my dreams though he turns out to be a dick! which sadly still makes him the man of dreams but a sous chef that reads! why can't i find that on okcupid. but he turns out to be a male slut and they end up hooking up in a pipe which sounds gross but is also kind of amazing.

also realized just like i have on the series that as much as i love lena's characters they are also so damn selfish. aura screwed over her college friend who moved out to new york. aura was supposed to her roommate but bailed on her the day before she heads out to nyc. which is really messed up. but i get the selfishness, as a gemini it's in my zodiac coding.

there is a lot of praise for it and it won a lot of rewards. but i wasn't mad for it like i am mad for "girls" but still worth a watch.

i has the criterion copy but sadly didn't watch special features because our DVD remote is broken. but may watch them on the criterion's youtube channel.

last but not least do not like lena with long hair. and actually love it super super short. so cute!

harold and maude.

"harold and maude" has been on my to watch list for at least 10 years. i first heard about it from my friend leslie, it is her favorite movie. so when bill had charlie watch it in "the perks of being a wallflower", i decided i should finally watch it.

"harold and maude" is a love story but what makes it unique is that harold is in his early twenties and maude is a seventy-nine year old woman. the idea of them together grossed me out but it's only because i think of the sex involved. oddly the priest in the film shared my opinion. though i hope to be in my seventies and still getting my kicks, the idea of being a twentysomething and sleeping with some that old is gross. but i mean people love this film so i needed to get my mind out of the gutter.

due to its status as a cult classic, i wasn't sure what to expect and then seeing the drawing of harold hanging himself on the cover, i was all sorts of confused.

quick endorsement for the criterion collection edition. it comes with a booklet with interviews and the illustrations for it and the disc menu are adorable.

so harold hanging himself is actually how the movie opens. turns out harold is obsessed with suicide. he fakes his own suicides throughout the film. i find most offbeat protagonist quirks attractive however did not find this endearing at all. it was just creepy especially since his mom turned a blind eye to it. it is eventually revealed why he does it and within that context it makes sense so
he becomes less weird. but initially i was like what is wrong with this kid?

and i guess that is why i didn't enjoy this film. i didn't get the appeal of the characters, i wasn't attracted to harold or maude. if a love story is good, you will fall in love with both characters: tom/summer, celeste/jess (though both of these couples do not end up together). think of "sleepless in seattle" you love both hank and ryan's characters so you want them to be together, you root for their love. sadly, this did not happen for me, i did not fall completely in love with harold or maude.

i did think harold was cute, especially in his little 70's outfits, though the suits he wore for dates were horrid. also i dug the sound of voice. i actually found the pranks he played on his dates funny and would not have ran out screaming like the girls did. however the dealbreakers were definitely his mommy issues and his immaturity. at the dinner table he seemed more like a 12 year old than a twentysomething. i often couldn't gage his age which made him unattractive because he seemed like jailbait.

maude was a delightful character. i read the first part of the essay written by film critic, matt zoller seitz in dvd booklet and i got what she was supposed to embody, the counterculture ideals of the sixties but within the older generation versus the youth. i found her interesting with her smell machine, vagina sculpture (that was a vagina he sticks his head in right?), desire to free trees and her lust for life. i also appreciated her philosophies in life, understanding that we are a special individual and not all the same flower or part of a larger group of flowers. however, i hated the fact that she stole cars and her reckless driving. there was nothing cute or spunky about those two things. i mean i'm all for damning the man but you should still have respect for private property. i was disgusted by how she just took cars and this kinda ruined her for me. i mean steal government cars as a form of protest but not your neighbors. also cars can kill people so did not like the reckless driving. i could see how harold would fall for her but she was not my cup of tea.

and let me clairfy, i didn't support their love because of the age gap but rather because i didn't fall in love with them myself. in fact, i was disappointed with myself for being judgey earlier. people should be allowed to be with those that make them happy. it reminded me of the may-december romance in "dandelion wine" and how upset i was that others did not understand it, yet here i was being close-minded. and at the risk of like a lolita (cos that was not the case), i feel like i could have had my own "harold and maude" friendship with my high school english teacher, mr. brice. my senior year we bonded over mullets (i had an "i heart mullet" pin on my backpack and he used to have one, he showed me his id as proof), "a clockwork orange" (i tired to get him to have our class read it), and my civil disobedience (he gave me a pep talk about doing what you believe in, when i called into the office for trying to stage a student protest). he also wore vans. he was totally my maude down to the bohemian-counterculture-free spirit though i prolly wasn't his harold. lol

even with all this, i was not crazy about the film. maybe i need to give it another watch. i know it was a black comedy and i got the humor, but still no sparks. i do understand why bill had charlie watch it. maude does share some very valuable gems about life with harold:

"vice, virtue. it's best not to be too moral. you cheat yourself out of too much life. aim above morality. if you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully."

"harold, everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. you just can't let the world judge you too much."

"a lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. they're just backing away from life. reach out. take a chance. get hurt even. but play as well as you can. go team, go! give me an L. give me an I. give me a V. give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room."

i think these are important life lessons for everyone. but i guess i watched this too late in life. these thoughts aren't new to me though they are important. i should have watched it my first year of college when leslie first mentioned it. i mean i understand why it is great and it is, and it deserve all the praise it received and more, it just didn't blow my mind.

ps also without giving any spoilers. i did love the ending in terms of maude. she did live life to the fullest!!!

pss oh and damn you at&t for ruining the cat steven's song that harold and maude sing in the movie! and way to go cat steven's on the soundtrack!

psss the night that i watched this totally dreamt that i was dating an old man, not just older but old. lol

shut up and play the hits.

dear james murphy,

james murphy, i love you but you're bringing me down. my heart is broken because lcd soundsystem no longer exist. i know that i will always have the music but with the ending of lcd, i realized i will never again be able to dance myself clean at an lcd soundsystem concert. and let's be honest, i would not have done those drugs at the hollywood bowl if i knew that was going to be my only lcd soundsystem concert. it was amazing and the drugs made it insanely amazing but i don't have any real memories of show, and i wish i did.

i remember where i was when i found out about your final show. i read it on laist's twitter at the chinatown gold line stop waiting for a friend. i freaked out about the news and was hopeful it was a rumor. but that was not the case. i was tempted to buy a ticket but with coachella in the same month, could not afford both (i was on unemployment at the time.) plus with all those damn scalpers i probably would have ended up ticketless. by the way, very cool how you guys did those terminal 5 shows to make up for those basterd scalpers.

but luckily for me, you made a documentary and concert dvd, which my middle-of-nowhere town had in their library system. so i checked it out (also thanks to my friend justin for posting about on fb which inspired me to look for it in the library's catalog). so not only did i get to try to come to terms (somewhat) with your decision, i was able to experience the concert even though i wasn't there. i also was able to buy some merch from the final show. i noticed your panda tote on your visit to keith and looked online and ordered one for myself!

so let's start with the documentary. first of all, kudos to dylan southen and will lovelace and probably the director of photography, reed morano, visually it was stunning. and wow what a clean apartment you have. and though i am not a pet person would consider getting a french bulldog cos yours is so cute!

i loved that chuck klosterman interviewed you. i love all of his books. but seriously man, reasons for the band ending are bullshit. because your getting old?!?! so your body is falling apart, that is not because of the touring, it's because that what happens with age. it sucks, i'm getting old too and it sad how quickly your body turns on you. i used to not be this fat but it doesn't mean i am going to stop living. and so a few gray hairs shouldn't stop you from being a band. also don't you realize that retirement is never healthy for older people? the healthiest old people are the ones that stay active via work.

and i get wanting to start a family but again no need to end the band. look at gwen stefani she had kids and toured. it is possible to have a family and make music. you can create music in a home studio which would allow you to still play dad. plus who says you have to constantly be on the road, you can find a nice balance between touring and home life. plus i just googled your wife a fashion designer? i've watched rachel zoe and her busy is just as chaotic? is she quitting too? it is possible to find a balance between life and work, people do it everyday, rockstarness is not different, in fact it's probably easier cos your night limited to the such a strict work schedule. i see the amount of leisure time industry people have in la, so your family reason is not legit enough.

i know you want to lead a normal life but you are no longer normal, sorry. and no offense but will lcd really ever reach that level where you will not be able to ride the subway? i'm sure you get recognized in brooklyn but let's be honest, your fans are way to hip to ever bother you. move to la, we ignore or celebrities because we see so many of them.

and just as the doc and klosterman framed it, you are jumping ship because you are afraid of failing. its like barry's sub question in "high fidelity": "is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?" actually it's not cos you are choosing to neither burn out or fade away, you are quitting. you think you're burnt out but you are just scared. and it's okay to be scared but don't be a coward. see what happens next instead of going out when you are on top. this might not even be your peak but we will never know. but just like you tried to avoid saying it in the documentary, it was already written in your face, this quitting will be your biggest failure. this will be what you are known for not the great dance music you created. and i mean this is the nicest way possible but i hope you hit rock bottom so i can attend your reunion set at coachella 2015.

i'll stop being so harsh but my final thought on your quitting is "you fucked up."

okay so now for some praise:

your extra features were great! i loved the story you shared about the reading festival. i love in la, so i know all about that type of horrible crowd but there are those among us who truly love the music so don't short change us. btw i've seen you listed at hard and s.s. coachella for dj sets, how is this different for touring as LCD soundsystem?

also your segment with keith was great! loved you two in the mower.

and the concert. amazing!!! wish i was there. i watched it with my little brother who is 9, and i made him have a dance party with me. i even busted out some light up toys. he had a lot of fun. and it's sad to think, i'll never be able to take him to one of your shows.

i am also going to try to get my friend danny to throw a dinner party/dance party featuring this DVD.

and i hate to be such a poser but only really know "this is happening" and off course "daft punk" and "tribulations". but that little robot rockopera song/set/experience was amazing. thank you. and if you are wondering "home" is my favorite.

so i guess thank you for allowing this moment in your history to be captured. it was nice to be apart of it somewhat. last but not least please reconsider this whole quitting business, you have to be bored by normal life by now. didn't all of those fans crying at the end get to you?!?!?

sincerely,
krisha mendoza

p.s. can you please let aziz ansari, i am a huge fan (read: what to make half indian babies with him)? he's funny, a foodie and has great taste in music!

cover girl.

in sandra cisneros' "caramelo", i learned that rita hayworth was mexican!?!?! thanks to madonna, all i knew of hayworth was that she "gave good face". so i wikipedia-ed it and sadly discovered she isn't mexican, her father was spanish and her mother was irish-english. the mexican rumors started because she worked in mexico, according to this website . so sad that her mexicanness was a bust, however, while reading her wikipedia article, discovered she starred in a number of movies with fred astaire and one with gene kelly. this inspired me to check out "you were never lovelier" and "cover girl" from the library.

growing up, i watched a lot of musicals with grandma bea, especially gene kelly and fred astaire movies, however i don't recall rita hayworth being in any of them. i know grandma bea had me watch "cover girl" when i was little but i didn't remember hayworth or even the movie. as i watched "cover girl", bits and pieces started to come back to me. i remembered gene kelly's "alter ego" dance (though it could have been featured in one of those "that's entertainment" specials). and as much as this makes me sound like a lush, i remember her drunken part . . . i also remembered the oysters tradition. but other than that it was a "new" movie to me.

rita hayworth was lovely and entertaining. i had no idea she could sing and dance! she also had the most amazing costume and outfits. that is one thing that i hate/love about old movies, the fashion! i love it all but am sad that i can't find it at the mall or in a boutique. though i will be on the lookout for a coat like this at my local goodwill:

it was also great to see how things have come back around. in the broadway number, cover girls are featured on different magazines and i was surprised there were so many flower headpieces that would have been right at home at coachella. there was also a huge brimmed hat (think samantha in "sex and the city: the movie") that i would give my left kidney for.

but back to the movie. so a quick synopsis, hayworth played a dancer named rusty that worked a club owned by (she was also his girlfriend). she entered a magazine contest to be a cover girl and won because she looked like the long-lost lover of the magazine owner (turned out he was in love with rusty's grandmother). so after the contest, rusty gets bigger and better opportunity and sadly leaves gene kelly. i would tell you what happens but you should check it out for yourself. the ending is very cute.

i will say that i for one would never leave gene kelly. maybe it's because i have grown up watching him as a leading man but he is like the ideal man (he might be the reason why i have a thing for boys with brown hair over blondes). he can sing, he can dance, and when his character is in love, gets a look on his face like there is no other girl in the world for him but her! swoon!!! he is so dreamy and i fall in love with him every time i watch one of his movies. and of course the same goes for "cover girl", i would love to spend my nights with him, shucking oysters for pearls!

the whole time i was watching, i was bothered because rita hayworth reminded me of someone. in the end i decided it was geena davis in "a league of their own."

also the whole time i was watching i couldn't help thinking to myself how much phil silvers looked like
stephen colbert:

am i right or am i right?

but all in all, a very sweet film and if you have't seen it, you should!

ps this DVD was available thanks to measure b!

the artist is present. marina abramović.

while searching the library catalogue online for art books, i discovered that there was not only one copy but two copies of marina abramović documentary, "the artist is present"! no offense but with its limited release, i figured "the artist is present" was not on the san joaquin valley librarians' radar. but i was wrong. so in hopes of doing my part to help the continuation of the library investing in future art documentaries, i checked it out, even though i saw it in theaters. (if you are reading this and saw it in theaters, check out the DVD, there were a handful of interesting segments that ended up on the editing floor.)

a bit of a backstory. so in 2010, i went to new york because my friend mona was doing a residency. my trip just so happened to coincide with the tim burton exhibit at the moma, and thanks to my amazing friend ivan and his membership card and it being a raining day (so the museum was extra packed), i was able to sneak in. i also have to give a quick shout out to juliana, she was in nyc at the time too and she was the reason i went that day. so yes tim button was amazing (though i would go on to see it about 4 more times when it came to the lacma.), but the absolute highlight for me was participating in marina abramović's "the artist is present."

prior to my visit, i had never heard of marina abramović. to be even more honest, i was so focused on getting into burton that i may have missed her piece on my way in. however, on our way, juliana and i came across abramović's atrium and her piece "the artist is present". the piece consisted of an area being marked off by tape on the ground and surrounded by lights. there were two chairs, one with marina in it and the other empty for museum visitors to sit in and a table. from what i read in the wall description of the piece and from what was going on in front of me, marina was to sit there during museum hours and not speak or eat or get up and people were invited to participate, by sitting across from her.

for those of you who know me, you know that for me life is about experiences and after discovering i could be apart of an art installation at the moma, i had to do it. (there is a special features called "the audience completes the work" and at the end a young boy expressed this sentiment of being a part of work of art, perfectly.)

so i got in line and waited for my turn. i was surprised because it actually took a while. i sat there for a couple of hours. there was no time restriction for an individual's sitting and some people would sit for hours. i found out from others that people sat for a couple of hours or tried to outlast her, which in my opinion is silly. marina is sitting for how many days, you won't win.

as i was sitting, i realized i was going to sit with her but i knew nothing about her. but, i was lucky and the woman behind me in line, held my place so i could walk through her retrospective. since i was unfamiliar with her and her work, i gave myself a quick tutorial and went through her life's work all in one walk through. and her life's work was amazing and what was even better was that there were reproductions of her pieces with actors (nude actors). one reproduction, "imponderabilia" consisted of two nude individuals in a doorway and you had to walk in a narrow space between them. i remember thinking to myself, which sex will i face, the male or female, i think i faced the male as i went through. another reproduction that i thought was beautiful was "relation in time" in which two individuals sat back to back with their hair tied together.

there were so many pieces that amazed me. "rhythm 0" in which marina laid 72 objects on a table and allowed the audience to use her as they pleased. one item was a gun, and someone had her hold it and point it at herself but another spectator had her take it down. "rhythm 2" in which marina took medication that is used for treatment of acute catatonic and schizophrenia to see the effects. there was one with ulay in which he held one part a bow and she the string with the arrow pointed at her heart! i could go on and on, but you should watch the doc to learn more. i will add, i was also amazed just by her physical and mental strength to perform and complete her pieces.

after my quick tutorial, i got back in line. i remember being worried because the museum was closing soon and i would not get my turn. i discussed with the woman behind me that if i got in, i would only take 15 minutes so that she could get a turn as well. by the grace of the museum gods, within the last hour of the moma being opened, i got my turn.

i remember being very nervous as i went in. its is overwhelming at first because of the lights and you are aware that others are watching (you have just finished being a spectator). but i began to focus on marina's face and then had an internal dialogue with her. well she didn't speak in person or in my mind, but in my head i thanked her for everything. i thanked her for her art and for the opportunity to be apart of her piece. i also gushed about her art and shared with her what my favorite pieces were from her retrospective. it was odd too, because i forgot about everyone else in the room and sitting with her was like this spirit cleansing, she calmed and centered me. i was just overwhelmed with joy when i was done. i wanted to sit there longer but didn't want to be greedy so left for others to have a turn. (also the lady was even nicer and took pictures of me as i sat). (also james franco gives a great description of how it is to be aware of everything but connected in the doc.)

(sorry that was a long backstory). so when i heard a documentary was made about her piece i had to go. danny and i made a lovely evening of it and saw it at the nuart. it was amazing to learn more about marina as an artist and a person. in addition, it was great to get a behind the scenes look at the piece too. it was even more amazing because in a small way since i participated in it, i felt connected to it. on my first viewing, i remember being in awe of her youthfulness, she is a very young looking sixty something. and second, being surprised that she allowed her reunion with ulay to be recorded. they had a very intense relationship and to allow the cameras in on that segment was very brave. however, i do think it was easier for her than him, she had developed into this great woman and artist and perhaps she would have never reached this, if their relationship did not end. it is interesting to think of her restricted to the female realm; especially since now she is so strong and independent. to hear marina explain what she had to learn to do, when their relationship ended, demonstrated how much she was restricted by their relationship. so as much as their art together was great, to be who she is today, they had to end. i still can not get over the beauty of marina and ulay's last piece together; walking from the ends of the great wall of china and meeting in the middle only to depart forever. if i ever marry and then get divorce, i want to do the same thing.

[random pop culture tidbit: gaga being the great thief that she is, was supposed to walk from new york to nebraska ala marina and ulay, but she didn't. but that is why there is that random walking at the beginning of "yoü and i" music video.]

with checking it out from the library and viewing it again, i was able to get more insight. i was also able to share my experience with grandma bea.

the special features were great to watch. there were many great things that klaus biedenbach shared that completed the documentary for me. (the film as is is brilliant, but these additions are just as they are named "special features"). one thing they should have kept was his description of marina as an urban legend. this is very true, when i explain who she is to others, i always mention the great wall of china, the aborigines, and the sex and the city episode. he also discussed the original concept for her retrospective with seven platforms which would have gone through her works via props and she would walk down from each. just the scale of it would have been daring. i would have loved to have seen that but still believe the piece she did is far superior. lastly, it is interesting how they had thought that the chair would be empty most of the time, that the occasional person would sit versus a line. but what a line there was. i had gone in the earlier months so there was no running like in the doc.

i think the part that should have been kept in was marina's belgrade homecoming. i think it completed marina as a person and as an artist and gave new depth to her piece. in this doc, it is discussed via sound bites, how marina filled the void from her childhood with love from her audience. but in the interview with her aunt, this notion is more obvious. the stories from her childhood as told by her aunt demonstrates the absent of love better. biedenbach explained how marina is in love with the world, and how she made everyone in the atrium believe she was in love with them. and it's true, for that moment i felt that she loved me. i was also happy to give my love to her.

also there was a great story shared by her aunt about when marina was a child. marina's grandmother would leave marina sitting at the table with a glass of water while she went to get food. the grandmother would be gone for 2-3 hours and when she came back noted that marina had not moved! her sittings go back further than night sea crossing.

one last story of my experience. i was confused when they moved the table in the documentary because in my head there wasn't one. i felt so close to her that i didn't remember the table, but since i went in march, it had to be there. i had to reference pictures and as you can see, yes it was there. but that is how intense it was that i didn't remember it.

and to the guy in the doc that said what is going to happen next that someone will be shot in the face and it will be called art. well someone in fact has, google "chris burden, shot", though it was his arm.

*quick PSA on supporting your local library. this DVD had a sticker on it stating that it was "paid for by measure b". it is the second item i have checked out that was funded by that measure. so please continue to vote for measures like that because it does purchase great materials for libraries.

[a special treat for reading this entire entry: link to my portrait from
sitting with marina. my hair was frizzy cos it was raining. http://www.flickr.com/photos/themuseumofmodernart/4479857644/in/set-72157623741486824]