harold and maude.

"harold and maude" has been on my to watch list for at least 10 years. i first heard about it from my friend leslie, it is her favorite movie. so when bill had charlie watch it in "the perks of being a wallflower", i decided i should finally watch it.

"harold and maude" is a love story but what makes it unique is that harold is in his early twenties and maude is a seventy-nine year old woman. the idea of them together grossed me out but it's only because i think of the sex involved. oddly the priest in the film shared my opinion. though i hope to be in my seventies and still getting my kicks, the idea of being a twentysomething and sleeping with some that old is gross. but i mean people love this film so i needed to get my mind out of the gutter.

due to its status as a cult classic, i wasn't sure what to expect and then seeing the drawing of harold hanging himself on the cover, i was all sorts of confused.

quick endorsement for the criterion collection edition. it comes with a booklet with interviews and the illustrations for it and the disc menu are adorable.

so harold hanging himself is actually how the movie opens. turns out harold is obsessed with suicide. he fakes his own suicides throughout the film. i find most offbeat protagonist quirks attractive however did not find this endearing at all. it was just creepy especially since his mom turned a blind eye to it. it is eventually revealed why he does it and within that context it makes sense so
he becomes less weird. but initially i was like what is wrong with this kid?

and i guess that is why i didn't enjoy this film. i didn't get the appeal of the characters, i wasn't attracted to harold or maude. if a love story is good, you will fall in love with both characters: tom/summer, celeste/jess (though both of these couples do not end up together). think of "sleepless in seattle" you love both hank and ryan's characters so you want them to be together, you root for their love. sadly, this did not happen for me, i did not fall completely in love with harold or maude.

i did think harold was cute, especially in his little 70's outfits, though the suits he wore for dates were horrid. also i dug the sound of voice. i actually found the pranks he played on his dates funny and would not have ran out screaming like the girls did. however the dealbreakers were definitely his mommy issues and his immaturity. at the dinner table he seemed more like a 12 year old than a twentysomething. i often couldn't gage his age which made him unattractive because he seemed like jailbait.

maude was a delightful character. i read the first part of the essay written by film critic, matt zoller seitz in dvd booklet and i got what she was supposed to embody, the counterculture ideals of the sixties but within the older generation versus the youth. i found her interesting with her smell machine, vagina sculpture (that was a vagina he sticks his head in right?), desire to free trees and her lust for life. i also appreciated her philosophies in life, understanding that we are a special individual and not all the same flower or part of a larger group of flowers. however, i hated the fact that she stole cars and her reckless driving. there was nothing cute or spunky about those two things. i mean i'm all for damning the man but you should still have respect for private property. i was disgusted by how she just took cars and this kinda ruined her for me. i mean steal government cars as a form of protest but not your neighbors. also cars can kill people so did not like the reckless driving. i could see how harold would fall for her but she was not my cup of tea.

and let me clairfy, i didn't support their love because of the age gap but rather because i didn't fall in love with them myself. in fact, i was disappointed with myself for being judgey earlier. people should be allowed to be with those that make them happy. it reminded me of the may-december romance in "dandelion wine" and how upset i was that others did not understand it, yet here i was being close-minded. and at the risk of like a lolita (cos that was not the case), i feel like i could have had my own "harold and maude" friendship with my high school english teacher, mr. brice. my senior year we bonded over mullets (i had an "i heart mullet" pin on my backpack and he used to have one, he showed me his id as proof), "a clockwork orange" (i tired to get him to have our class read it), and my civil disobedience (he gave me a pep talk about doing what you believe in, when i called into the office for trying to stage a student protest). he also wore vans. he was totally my maude down to the bohemian-counterculture-free spirit though i prolly wasn't his harold. lol

even with all this, i was not crazy about the film. maybe i need to give it another watch. i know it was a black comedy and i got the humor, but still no sparks. i do understand why bill had charlie watch it. maude does share some very valuable gems about life with harold:

"vice, virtue. it's best not to be too moral. you cheat yourself out of too much life. aim above morality. if you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully."

"harold, everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. you just can't let the world judge you too much."

"a lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. they're just backing away from life. reach out. take a chance. get hurt even. but play as well as you can. go team, go! give me an L. give me an I. give me a V. give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room."

i think these are important life lessons for everyone. but i guess i watched this too late in life. these thoughts aren't new to me though they are important. i should have watched it my first year of college when leslie first mentioned it. i mean i understand why it is great and it is, and it deserve all the praise it received and more, it just didn't blow my mind.

ps also without giving any spoilers. i did love the ending in terms of maude. she did live life to the fullest!!!

pss oh and damn you at&t for ruining the cat steven's song that harold and maude sing in the movie! and way to go cat steven's on the soundtrack!

psss the night that i watched this totally dreamt that i was dating an old man, not just older but old. lol

the perks of being a wallflower. stephen chobsky. (81)

"the perks of being a wallflower" has been on my to reread list ever since i saw the movie. i have been hunting for my copy from high school (well not too seriously, i think it's in storage) so that i could read it for nostalgic reasons. however, i recommended allison (one of my adventure day kids, i take a couple of kids from the dance studio to the library on tuesdays) check it out. and since she is in a middle of a book, i borrowed it so i could reread it. right now i am in the middle of "les miserables" but took a break to read this. it took me 6 hours to read.

like i gushed in the blog post about the movie, i absolutely love love love love love this book. for proof check out that post.

even though i read it a handful of times in high school, i forgot a lot of things. i forgot about charlie's friend michael's suicide, sam's molestation as a child, his sister's pregnancy, and charlie and sam's talk on her last night. furthermore, i realized that the movie really did do the book justice. paul rudd made an excellent bill, i seriously have a huge book crush on bill. i also plan on reading the books and watching the movies bill gave charlie.* (maybe i should look for a nice high school english teacher to date?) i have to add that my rereading was greatly askew by the movie because i saw all the characters as their actor counterparts. sadly i can not remember how i imagined them before. however, all of the actors did fit, so it was fine. overall, i realized that i may have been a little harsh on the movie version, it was not as horrible or disappointing as i said. it was true to the essence of the book. however, i have to reiterate my disappointment in the christmas poem not being recited in the film.

my rereading not only made me realize how harsh i was on the film but also why i didn't love it like i loved the book. the reason being that as a reader you really get to know charlie, as a viewer your relationship is superficial. charlie is a great character and the best way to get to know him is through his letters. the ramblings in his letters paint a better picture of who charlie is versus the tales of his high school years. yes the stories were great but the true beauty is his musing and thoughts on life.

here are some examples:

his thoughts on old photos and how people happier people look in them:

"i just hope i remember to tell my kids TJs they are as happy as i look my old photographs. and i hope that they believe me."

when he discovered his grandfather once beat his mom when she was a child and received bad grades:

"i don't know if that's good or bad. i don't know if it's better to have your kids be happy and not go to college. i don't know if it's better to be close with your daughter or make sure that has a better life than you do."

on mixed tapes:

"i has an amazing feeling when i finally held the tape in my hand. i just thought to myself that in the palm of my hand, there was this one tape that had all these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness. right in the palm of my hand. and i thought about how many people loved those songs. and how many people got through a lot of bad times because of those songs. and how many odious enjoyed good times with those songs. and how much songs really mean. i junk it would be great to have written one of these songs. i bet if i wrote one of them, i would be very proud. i hope the people who wrote those songs are happy. i hope that they feel it's enough. i really do because they've made me happy. and i'm
only one person."

i just realized that i will end up quoting the whole book so will stop. but the point is that what makes charlie so great is his selflessness, his ability to think beyond himself. i try sometimes to think about the lives of strangers, wondering what they have experienced and when i do, it humanizes them and then it easier to understand and then eventually love thy neighbor. charlie was just as described, a wallflower and an observer but what made him different was his empathy. as i read about charlie, i thought of another boy who felt too much, douglas from "dandelion wine". i didn't discuss it in that blog but at the end of "dandelion wine" douglas became ill because he takes on the suffering and feelings of others. it's kinda jesus-y but not in a cheesy way. but both saw the world in a ego-less way which resulted in novels with great life lessons.

the ramblings of charlie get one thinking about their life and that is what make this book so great. charlie's inner thoughts were lost in the movie. it's probably because these thoughts would have been too random in the movie but make sense in the book. like when charlie's mother told his brother to watch his language in front of charlie. his brother used the words "faggot" and "high" and charlie realized that he is the only one in the car that has a gay friend or has done drugs. he also realized that maybe everyone is in family has been high and they just don't say anything. and he's so right. i bet a lot of people who know have toked up but we just don't realize it. its random thoughts like this that make you love charlie.

as i was reading, i wondered what it was that made the younger me fall in love with this book. i know for one it was the music. i actually made a mixed cd version of the tape charlie gave patrick as his secret santa gift (i listened to it as i wrote this blog). and to this day i am hopeful that a boy will gift me a copy of the beatles' "something" because it reminds him of me. i also love the idea that certain moments soundtracked with the right song can makenone feel infinite.

so quick digression. in the movie, the infinte song was "heroes" by bowie. but in the book it's simply a song about a boy. i thought maybe pearl jam's "jeremy" but that song came out in '92 and that moment took place in '91. i tried googling songs about a boy in 91 and no luck. even looked through list of top songs of 91 and found nothing. curious about others theories on what song it is. though i did discover that the love song they heard while searching for music that had the word "baby" had to be amy grant's "baby, baby" that came out in 91.

the poem that charlie gave patrick for christmas had a profound effect on the high school verison of me. i thought it was really deep. i had the same reaction as the rest of the group at the christmas party. i was in awe of it. now as an adult, the poem is sad but less profound, i guess the difference is that i have lost my naiveté about the world. when i read it as a teen, i was starting to question my world as i knew it. i was realizing that not everything is black and white and that though i may have strong morals, it doesn't mean the world does. i always mentioned my religious upbringing but i remember the priest part because i was starting to realize maybe religion wasn't capital t-truth. and that maybe things done in the name of god where not always the right thing. the ending of the poem never seemed a solution to any problems i had as a teen, it wasn't profound because i had thoughts of sucide. though it did make me sad for kids that did. i lived in a bubble, i never suffered any kind of abuse, and lead a straight-edge life. so did not connect with the story because it was a shared experience.

reading the perks was a voyeuristic experience for me. i never did drugs or had sex in high school, i was such a good mormon. so "the perks" was how my high school years could have been if i released my inner party-er at a teen. i would have done everything except the lsd. and no coincidence that one of the first things i did in college was attend a midnight "rocky horror" showing. i loved reading about their performances. (i always say myself playing columbia versus dammit janet. i would get down in those tap shoes!). so maybe i was charliesque in that sense, i didn't "participate" in that crazy lifestyle but enjoyed reading about it.

"the perks of being a wallflower" will always be one of my favorite books. these characters have always felt like my friends and even as i grow older, i won't lose my connection. they are like high school friends, you may outgrow each other but you will always be friends because of the experiences you had together.

last random note: the lowercase-ness of the title is why i stopped using capital letters.

*charlie's reading and watching list:
to kill a mockingbird
this side of paradise
peter pan
the great gatsby
a separate piece
catcher in the rye
walden
on the road
naked lunch
the stranger
halmet
the fountainhead

the graduate
harold and maude
my life as a dog
dead poets' society
the unbelievable truth

something wicked this way come. ray bradbury. (71)

a couple months ago i picked up "something wicked this way come" but after reading its jacket cover and saw that it was about halloween coming early, i decided to save it for october. so when october came, so did my reading.

the first thing that amazed me was that the book was dedicated to gene kelly. my first thought was not the gene kelly, but i googled it and yes that gene kelly (i know there really isn't another). turns out that bradbury wrote a screenplay for kelly to direct but they couldn't find backing for it so it never happened so bradbury turned it into a novel. but it still made my heart happy to know they were friends. my friend cody used to do this thing where he imagined what dinner parties with kay-z, beyonce and chris martin and gwenyth paltrow would be like. so this made me wish i could have attended gene kelly and ray bradbury dinner parties.

the second thing i noticed was that this story takes place in green town, illinois, which is the setting of "dandelion wine" and since i loved that book, i had high hopes.

i hate to admit this but "something wicked this way come" will not be listed as a bradbury favorite for me. it's not that it was bad, it just wasn't for me. well for me now, as i was reading i couldn't help but think of the nickelodeon show "are you afraid of the dark?" and r. l. stine's "goosebumps" and "fear street" series, all of which i was obsessed with as a kid. twelve-year-old me would have been crazy about this book, but twenty-nine year old me enjoyed it but wasn't on the edge of her seat reading.

it was still well written. there were things i enjoyed. it did inspire me to write a whole blog devoted to women as time (see: "time (is never time at all . . .). and it was filled with the poetry that is bradbury's writing:

". . . the air so cold they ate ice cream with each breath"

"oh, what strange wonderful clocks women are."

"her nose breathes in the air of the world that i know, therefore i love that nose."

and since this is a library blog, i loved that bradbury had the library play an important role in the book. it is described as a mystical place that allows the boys to travel over distance lands and times. he describes how one could adventure to tanganyika in '98 and at the time he wrote it, that would be the future but me reading now, it is the past. the library was also a safe haven and where the halloways and jim gain the power and knowledge to fight the wicked that had came. i may even create a list of books (ala flavorpill) of my favorite stories that feature libraries and this would be one.

last but not least, there is a carousel that played a very important role. it symbolizes immortality which i am okay with not having. i am
very happy with going through the stages of life and one day growing old and dying. however the carousel reminded me of a piece i saw at the new museum, new york. charles ray's carrousel. it was an optical illusion, i remember standing by it to listen because you could hear the motors. but the top moved forwards while the bottom moved backwards so it looked like it was standing still. and in the context of this book and time, it's kind of amazing. life can be propelling forward (planning for the future) and backward (dwelling on the past) so quickly in time that sometimes it looks like we are just standing still but life is actually going on.

but still not wild about the book. i will recommend it to others and have my future kid(s) read it. it was creative and interesting and loved the father-son element, but would have rather seen it as a film directed by gene kelly.

dandelion wine. ray bradbury. (52)

believe it or not, my source for the latest news on celebrity death is twitter. it's almost like a game, who can tweet that someone has died first but it also resourceful because i end up being one of the first to know. when ray bradbury passed away, i found out on twitter. i also noticed that majority of the tweets included some type reference to dandelion wine. i racked my brain, did guy montag drink this? but i found my answer when i checked out his books at the library. "dandelion wine" is one of his works.

before i go on, i have to gush. i love love love love love this book. if you haven't read it, please pick up a copy. i have no idea why "dandelion wine" isn't forced upon high schoolers instead of "fahrenheit 451". "dandelion wine" has so many great life lessons. and due to these lessons, it is on my list of 30 to read before you are 30.

to be honest i didn't expect to love this book . i think of bradbury as a sci-fi writer so i wasn't too sure what this novel would be about. would everyone turn out to be aliens? but i was wrong and silly because it turned out to be a whimsical and wonderful story of a boy, douglas, and his adventures one summer in the small town of green town, illinois.

i hate to be judge-y but i always assume that sci-fi novels will be a little dorky and dry. but bradbury is not a sci-fi writer but a poet as i discovered in the foreword to "the martian chronicles". and it's especially true for "dandelion wine" which was based on bradbury's childhood but also makes any reader nostalgic for their own childhood.

there was so much beauty in this book. it is filled with valuable lessons on life, death, growing old, growing up, and of course, how to be happy. there are also many memorable characters, one of my favorites was the time machine, colonel freeleigh. i was delighted when i discovered that the time machine the boys had discovered was the colonel and how he was able to transport him with his memories. i also adored miss helen loomis not only for her unconventional romance with william forrester. but her bravery when it came to death for as she explained:

"i'm not afraid. when you love as long as i've lived you lose that, too. i never liked lobster in my life, and mainly because i'd never tried it. on my eightieth birthday i tried it. i can't say i'm greatly excited over lobster still, but i have no doubt as to it's taste now, and i don't fear it. i dare say death will be a lobster, too, and i can come to terms with it."

it is true nobody likes death but we all have to try it once.

bradbury filled this book with clever little lessons like this, some sad yet true and others happy and promising. and it feels one with joy, nostalgia and whimsy as they read. just writing this i am filled with that warmth, the kind that one would assume that can only be found in a bottle of "dandelion wine." so go pick up a copy and fill your glass!*

ps i feel like i didn't go into too deep analyze on this one especially cos i love it but there is something about it that is indescrible and you just have to read it for yourself.





*sorry that cheesy but i really love this book so please forgive me.