fun home: a family tragicomic. alison bechdel (298)

so i messed up!  when i went to nyc in may, there was buzz about a new broadway show called fun home.  i didn't research it, but from what i had seen, it seemed like a show about a family, and it didn't seem like something i would be into, so i didn't go.  however, after watching the fun home performance at the tony's, i realized that i made a huge mistake.

i, later, discovered after reading an article about a girl that was trying to get this work plus persepolis banned from her college course (talk about ignorance), that the broadway musical i missed out, was based on a graphic novel/memoir!  double regret.  so i decided to check out the novel, and hopefully catch fun home on my next nyc trip.

so from the tony's performance, i discovered that fun home was about a woman that discovered her father was gay after she came out to her parents.  i have to admit i was very excited when i got to the part of the book that tony's was based on.  it performance stayed trued to the memoir, and really wish i had seen it on broadway.

the story of alison's sexuality was complicated, because after sharing she was a lesbian with her parents, her mother told her the truth about her father.  in addition to this, her father's response was awkward and soon after he died when struck by a car.  alison believed that it may have been a suicide based on what had occurred with her.  i have to add that with no disrespect to alison, i didn't think her father committed suicide.  yes, he was reading that camus work at the time, which made a convincing case.  however, i felt that instead of wanting to commit suicide, he would have sought a new life, as a openly gay man.  kind of like hannah's dad on season 4 of girls.  he had lived so long with his secret, though he did get caught of it a handful of times, and his wife was fully aware that to suddenly end his life didn't make sense.  i feel that if that accident hadn't happened, he would have came out, he did express to alison that now was different for gays and lesbian now, that they were able to experience a freedom, he could not.  i feel he would have been hopeful about being there for his daughter versus wanting to end it all.  he did give her colette, which helped her realized she was a lesbian.  he wanted to help his daughter.  i think the reason why he was so distant initially, was to allow her to understand her sexuality in her own terms versus being forced upon by her dad.  being a gay father, he didn't want people to think that perhaps she made him gay.  again i feel bad for typing this, because alison seemed to think it was a suicide.  but i mean life is horrible and sometimes bad things just happen.

overall, i really enjoyed this memoir.  for those of you curious, the title fun home, came from alison's family for the funeral home that they ran.  speaking of the fun home, i, like the kids, loved the story of their grandmother about their father wandering out of into a field.  i also delighted in their delight of the oven part!  but that being said, i want to revisit this work, after i read the literary works that alison referenced.  i have never read ulysses so that went over my head.  i also need to read the importance of being earnest.  

on the topic of literary works, i absolutely loved alison's dad's love of the fitzgeralds.  just like him, after reading both of their works, i became obsessed with them.  there is something so glamorous about their wild times.  i need to read this side of paradise, but loved that we had both loved nancy milford's zelda biography.  i will also look into reading some colette.

this was an interesting read and i look forward to reading it after i visit the above works, to hopefully get a different take on the memoir.

your voice in my head. emma forrest. (282)

after reading namedropper, i googled about emma forrest to discover if she really dated a famous uk rockstar when she was younger (i didn't discover anything).  i did discover that emma watson was set to portray her in her memoir, your voice inside my head.  so i decided to check it out.  and i have to say that i am glad i did.

to start, i have noticed that i have started to read a lot of female narratives that fall into this like hbo girls kind of vein of life, white privilege with some kind of trauma that results in messy life, oh and they are writers which is why i am reading them.  i don't know what this genre would be called but it includes emma forrest, lena dunham, sloane crosley, sheila heti, emily gould, and caitlin moran.  i enjoy the works, though they started to resemble each other, for example, when forrest talked about her mother's previous marriage, i confused it with crosley's story about discovering her mom's previous marriage.  they are all great works, but they all seem to be a similar type of girl that wrote this; white, privileged, well-educated, artistic, and some kind of sexual trauma.  i have no issues with their white privilege, just something i observed, and though i am of color, i can still identify with them.

your voice in my head discussed forrest's depression along with her lost of her psychiatrist, he passed away, and also her lover, GH (short for gypsy husband), he ran away from commitment.  though at times it reads like a gossip column since GH was famous,  the work is more of a tribute to her psychiatrist, dr. r.

several chapters close with a testimonal from his patients or friends of patients, about how he saved their lives or the loved ones' lives.  he sounded like an amazing person, caring, non-judgmental and truly worked towards his patients improving.  reading forrest's descriptions of him, made me wish, he was my psychiatrist. forrest went to dr. r during a very dark period in her life, she was depressed and damaging her body through sex and cutting. before, i go on, i have to say i admire forrest for her honesty in this work.  she shared very intimate and painful details.  though, forrest had started seeing him, she attempted suicide.  we then see her road to better mental health and a long a way a lot is revealed.  she was raped as a teen, something she denied for a while.  we also see what a great and caring (and musical loving) dr. r was.

forrest's live seemed to up on the up, when she got involved with GH.  while googling to see if the author that dr. r hated was salman rushdie, i discovered that GH was colin farrell! which kind of ruined the book because i kept on picturing him which i guess was the case.  i also felt bad cos i was like really? her which is what forrest had to constantly read about on gossip blogs. but yeah colin farrell, and can i just add i want to be wooed by someone with money! i mean random trips around the world! must be nice!  so farrell is a we-man (remember in satc when samantha falls for that guy who is always saying we this, we that), talking about the future and even going so far has saying he wants a child and naming her pearl and buying pearl a rabbit fur coat!  but like the we-man of satc, they constantly use we because they are trying to convince themselves that they are not afraid of commitment, but they are.  farrell broke up with her and cold-heartedly moved on with his life.

forrest again at rock bottom, but this time had no one to turn to because dr. r had passed away from lung cancer, something he didn't share with his parents.  forrest became depressed and tried to find closure with his death and with GH leaving her.  in the end, she starts to listen to dr. r's voice in her head and moved on.

quick sidenote, forrest met with dr. r's wife in an attempt to come to turns with his death. it seemed horrible and selfish to be considering that yes she lost her doctor but his wife lost her husband.  but i guess the wife knew her husband's line of practice and was surprisingly as kind and sweet as her husband for helping forrest though she had the larger burden to bear.

this was a great work, kind of like a modern day the bell jar.  again, i admire forrest for her honesty and doctors like dr. r for helping those in need.  this book easily could have annoyed me like eat,

pray, love, gilbert did have a blurb in the back, but forrest wasn't self-righteous in her need to share her story.

speaking of blurbs, i loved that florence from florence and the machine had a blurb on the back about the book!

last but not least, if you read this, which i recommend before the film comes out, i would go for the book with the ophelia cover.  i love the anecdote that opened the book, though it was sad.  i have to add i see viv from namedropper salt and vinegar crisps eating came from forrest herself.

harold and maude.

"harold and maude" has been on my to watch list for at least 10 years. i first heard about it from my friend leslie, it is her favorite movie. so when bill had charlie watch it in "the perks of being a wallflower", i decided i should finally watch it.

"harold and maude" is a love story but what makes it unique is that harold is in his early twenties and maude is a seventy-nine year old woman. the idea of them together grossed me out but it's only because i think of the sex involved. oddly the priest in the film shared my opinion. though i hope to be in my seventies and still getting my kicks, the idea of being a twentysomething and sleeping with some that old is gross. but i mean people love this film so i needed to get my mind out of the gutter.

due to its status as a cult classic, i wasn't sure what to expect and then seeing the drawing of harold hanging himself on the cover, i was all sorts of confused.

quick endorsement for the criterion collection edition. it comes with a booklet with interviews and the illustrations for it and the disc menu are adorable.

so harold hanging himself is actually how the movie opens. turns out harold is obsessed with suicide. he fakes his own suicides throughout the film. i find most offbeat protagonist quirks attractive however did not find this endearing at all. it was just creepy especially since his mom turned a blind eye to it. it is eventually revealed why he does it and within that context it makes sense so
he becomes less weird. but initially i was like what is wrong with this kid?

and i guess that is why i didn't enjoy this film. i didn't get the appeal of the characters, i wasn't attracted to harold or maude. if a love story is good, you will fall in love with both characters: tom/summer, celeste/jess (though both of these couples do not end up together). think of "sleepless in seattle" you love both hank and ryan's characters so you want them to be together, you root for their love. sadly, this did not happen for me, i did not fall completely in love with harold or maude.

i did think harold was cute, especially in his little 70's outfits, though the suits he wore for dates were horrid. also i dug the sound of voice. i actually found the pranks he played on his dates funny and would not have ran out screaming like the girls did. however the dealbreakers were definitely his mommy issues and his immaturity. at the dinner table he seemed more like a 12 year old than a twentysomething. i often couldn't gage his age which made him unattractive because he seemed like jailbait.

maude was a delightful character. i read the first part of the essay written by film critic, matt zoller seitz in dvd booklet and i got what she was supposed to embody, the counterculture ideals of the sixties but within the older generation versus the youth. i found her interesting with her smell machine, vagina sculpture (that was a vagina he sticks his head in right?), desire to free trees and her lust for life. i also appreciated her philosophies in life, understanding that we are a special individual and not all the same flower or part of a larger group of flowers. however, i hated the fact that she stole cars and her reckless driving. there was nothing cute or spunky about those two things. i mean i'm all for damning the man but you should still have respect for private property. i was disgusted by how she just took cars and this kinda ruined her for me. i mean steal government cars as a form of protest but not your neighbors. also cars can kill people so did not like the reckless driving. i could see how harold would fall for her but she was not my cup of tea.

and let me clairfy, i didn't support their love because of the age gap but rather because i didn't fall in love with them myself. in fact, i was disappointed with myself for being judgey earlier. people should be allowed to be with those that make them happy. it reminded me of the may-december romance in "dandelion wine" and how upset i was that others did not understand it, yet here i was being close-minded. and at the risk of like a lolita (cos that was not the case), i feel like i could have had my own "harold and maude" friendship with my high school english teacher, mr. brice. my senior year we bonded over mullets (i had an "i heart mullet" pin on my backpack and he used to have one, he showed me his id as proof), "a clockwork orange" (i tired to get him to have our class read it), and my civil disobedience (he gave me a pep talk about doing what you believe in, when i called into the office for trying to stage a student protest). he also wore vans. he was totally my maude down to the bohemian-counterculture-free spirit though i prolly wasn't his harold. lol

even with all this, i was not crazy about the film. maybe i need to give it another watch. i know it was a black comedy and i got the humor, but still no sparks. i do understand why bill had charlie watch it. maude does share some very valuable gems about life with harold:

"vice, virtue. it's best not to be too moral. you cheat yourself out of too much life. aim above morality. if you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully."

"harold, everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. you just can't let the world judge you too much."

"a lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. they're just backing away from life. reach out. take a chance. get hurt even. but play as well as you can. go team, go! give me an L. give me an I. give me a V. give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room."

i think these are important life lessons for everyone. but i guess i watched this too late in life. these thoughts aren't new to me though they are important. i should have watched it my first year of college when leslie first mentioned it. i mean i understand why it is great and it is, and it deserve all the praise it received and more, it just didn't blow my mind.

ps also without giving any spoilers. i did love the ending in terms of maude. she did live life to the fullest!!!

pss oh and damn you at&t for ruining the cat steven's song that harold and maude sing in the movie! and way to go cat steven's on the soundtrack!

psss the night that i watched this totally dreamt that i was dating an old man, not just older but old. lol