your voice in my head. emma forrest. (282)

after reading namedropper, i googled about emma forrest to discover if she really dated a famous uk rockstar when she was younger (i didn't discover anything).  i did discover that emma watson was set to portray her in her memoir, your voice inside my head.  so i decided to check it out.  and i have to say that i am glad i did.

to start, i have noticed that i have started to read a lot of female narratives that fall into this like hbo girls kind of vein of life, white privilege with some kind of trauma that results in messy life, oh and they are writers which is why i am reading them.  i don't know what this genre would be called but it includes emma forrest, lena dunham, sloane crosley, sheila heti, emily gould, and caitlin moran.  i enjoy the works, though they started to resemble each other, for example, when forrest talked about her mother's previous marriage, i confused it with crosley's story about discovering her mom's previous marriage.  they are all great works, but they all seem to be a similar type of girl that wrote this; white, privileged, well-educated, artistic, and some kind of sexual trauma.  i have no issues with their white privilege, just something i observed, and though i am of color, i can still identify with them.

your voice in my head discussed forrest's depression along with her lost of her psychiatrist, he passed away, and also her lover, GH (short for gypsy husband), he ran away from commitment.  though at times it reads like a gossip column since GH was famous,  the work is more of a tribute to her psychiatrist, dr. r.

several chapters close with a testimonal from his patients or friends of patients, about how he saved their lives or the loved ones' lives.  he sounded like an amazing person, caring, non-judgmental and truly worked towards his patients improving.  reading forrest's descriptions of him, made me wish, he was my psychiatrist. forrest went to dr. r during a very dark period in her life, she was depressed and damaging her body through sex and cutting. before, i go on, i have to say i admire forrest for her honesty in this work.  she shared very intimate and painful details.  though, forrest had started seeing him, she attempted suicide.  we then see her road to better mental health and a long a way a lot is revealed.  she was raped as a teen, something she denied for a while.  we also see what a great and caring (and musical loving) dr. r was.

forrest's live seemed to up on the up, when she got involved with GH.  while googling to see if the author that dr. r hated was salman rushdie, i discovered that GH was colin farrell! which kind of ruined the book because i kept on picturing him which i guess was the case.  i also felt bad cos i was like really? her which is what forrest had to constantly read about on gossip blogs. but yeah colin farrell, and can i just add i want to be wooed by someone with money! i mean random trips around the world! must be nice!  so farrell is a we-man (remember in satc when samantha falls for that guy who is always saying we this, we that), talking about the future and even going so far has saying he wants a child and naming her pearl and buying pearl a rabbit fur coat!  but like the we-man of satc, they constantly use we because they are trying to convince themselves that they are not afraid of commitment, but they are.  farrell broke up with her and cold-heartedly moved on with his life.

forrest again at rock bottom, but this time had no one to turn to because dr. r had passed away from lung cancer, something he didn't share with his parents.  forrest became depressed and tried to find closure with his death and with GH leaving her.  in the end, she starts to listen to dr. r's voice in her head and moved on.

quick sidenote, forrest met with dr. r's wife in an attempt to come to turns with his death. it seemed horrible and selfish to be considering that yes she lost her doctor but his wife lost her husband.  but i guess the wife knew her husband's line of practice and was surprisingly as kind and sweet as her husband for helping forrest though she had the larger burden to bear.

this was a great work, kind of like a modern day the bell jar.  again, i admire forrest for her honesty and doctors like dr. r for helping those in need.  this book easily could have annoyed me like eat,

pray, love, gilbert did have a blurb in the back, but forrest wasn't self-righteous in her need to share her story.

speaking of blurbs, i loved that florence from florence and the machine had a blurb on the back about the book!

last but not least, if you read this, which i recommend before the film comes out, i would go for the book with the ophelia cover.  i love the anecdote that opened the book, though it was sad.  i have to add i see viv from namedropper salt and vinegar crisps eating came from forrest herself.

eat pray love. the movie version.

as part of our first official meeting of the "pdc dance moms book club", we decided to watch the film "eat pray love" becauser we read the book.  i don't know if it's hollywood or just the way life goes but most of my book club meetings are viewings of movie versions of the books we read.  so i checked it out from the library for us to watch.

if you read my post on the book, you know that i avoided the movie when it was in theaters because it knew it would give me the traveling bug.  i also avoided it because i absolutely love "dog days are over" by florence and the machine and was worried the movie would ruin my love for it because it was in the trailer.  (surprisingly it was not in the film.)

if you read, you would also know that i didn't care for the book.  and not surprisingly, i didn't really care for the movie.  i mean i will always love julia roberts (but i mean she was a little too old for this role, gilbert was supposed to be in her early thirties) and all the men in the movie were hot (more on this later), but it was still kinda whatever.  the only thing that i did enjoy was the forgiveness/wedding flashback scene with julia and billy crudup (by the way when did he get so gross?  he is not the golden god from "almost famous".)  i was worried that that scene was going to be melodramatic especially since there was that emotional but i saw as awkward scene about richard from texas' alcoholism.  i loved richard from texas in the book, and in the movie, but that scene was too much.  i mean they could have set up that scene using the book version (and thus real-life version) and it would have been fine.  but i thought it was very tender that they got their "real" first dance.  it was sweet and sentimental.  and not at all cheesy . . . in my opinion.

i also did not agree with some of the actors/actresses picked. i mean all of the men were hot and gorgeous.  james franco, swoon!  i would have been a basketcase in india for him!  and giovanni, double swoon!  and so enjoyed that.  but thought wayan was a little oldish and not as pretty as i imagined her in my head as i read.  also the swedish guy was not drool worthy enough, i mean swedes are hot!

all in all, the film was ho hum.  i mean the india part bored me, just like it did in the book.  she also annoyed me too, just like in the book.  i guess i kinda had high hopes, julia roberts!  plus ryan murphy directed and adapted the screenplay.  i mean everything he makes is amazing.  but his magic was missing from this, maybe it was because of elizabeth gilbert's lameness.  i'm not sure who to blame.  but all in all, if you haven't seen it, don't stress out about life, just wait til tbs starts airing it every weekend.

eat pray love. elizabeth gilbert.

i had no desire to read this book when it first came out. i also had no desire to see the movie. i knew that i wouldn't enjoy it because a) i would be jealous the whole time and b) i would be super sad that i was not traveling. but when two PDC dance moms (cassie and colleen) and i decided to start a dance moms book club, we copied colleen's friend's book club and started with "eat pray love." but i was right, i was jealous but was more inspired than sad when it came to the traveling.

i hate to admit this, especially since her book was inspiring travel-wide, i thought elizabeth gilbert was annoying and a horrible person. at the risk of sounding like a bitch, i understood why she had some many problems, she was neurotic. when i first started reading i couldn't take her seriously, with her bathroom crying and notebook writing to herself. maybe she it was all hyperbole for the book but it was a bit overdramatic. and i know she addressed this but i am always very skeptical of people who turned to god only in a time of need, i mean he is there when good things happen too. (and please know i am guilty of this too and always feel silly due to it.) and i get it, life is hard but deal with it, just don't throw yourself a pity party. i hate to be insensitive and i understand that depression is a disease but gilbert didn't appear to be pro-active about getting herself better but simply wanted to wallow in her self pity. and i know that this book was about her change, kudos to her. but it felt like her prior life was filled with #whitegirlproblems and #firstworldproblems. and again i know that not all people have grandiose and serious challenges in life and that a challenge is a challenge but her complaints of life were not equivalent to her actual challenges. i could not stomach her whining. okay you are getting a divorce, you don't want to have kids like you thought you did and you suffer from depression, these things are survivable. all gilbert was going through was her return of saturn, the point in everyone's life where they re-evaluate their lives and values, it is not the end of the world. in retrospect it had to be hammed up for the book, because anyone good friend would have given her a good swift kick in the ass and told her to get over herself.

i feel like a mean girl for being so judgmental but gilbert was extremely selfish, and the proof is all in the india portion. when she explained that the ashram had an application process my first thought was how the hell did they let you in. seriously thought how did she get in? with a history of mental illness and just going though a divorce? i knew she was going to be a negative energy and i was right. and i understand that the point of the ashram is to challenge yourself to center yourself but she didn't seem ready for that challenge. the girl was still mopping over david (don't get me started on that relationship) and had not come to terms with her divorce. and i understand about personal growth but i was scared that her negative energy would interfere with the growth of others. thought it seemed that her neediness presented opportunities for other to aid which helped with their personal growth but even then it felt like people were stating the obvious to her. i took a history of religion course in college so i was familiar with most of the concepts she explained. and so when richard (who i adored) explained things to her i thought to myself, seriously this is like hinduism 101 and how did they let you (gilbert) in?!?!?

i think the incident that epitomized her selfishness was the gurugita. i was appalled by her writings about it. she is in india and the whole point of her trip is personal growth and change and she is going to bitch about a prayer?!?!? being righteous in any religion is a challenge. god didn't make things easy for humans, he wants them to work for their salvation. his demands are simple which leads many to think they are easy but that is not the case. and her inability to see this still left me questioning how the hell do you get in?!?! again hope it was hyperbole for the book, she could not have been that clueless.

sorry that was a really a mean rant but but i could not handle her. but that aside, i did love reading about the people that she met on her journey. i sincerely enjoyed them and enjoyed her tales with them. she met some amazing people.

i was also seriously inspired to travel. ask my sister she received a number of texts asking her to go places. i want to go to italy and eat! and of course to rome to see the foundations. and my bucket list now includes getting pizza from that place in naples. i was also inspired to learn italian, so i requested a book from the library.

i also want to go to bail to have ketut liyer read my palm. (i googled it and you can get a session with him for $28!) this is a possibility because my family is looking to go to singapore next year and if it happens i am going to fly over to bali too. so in the end this book was inspiration and may ultimately lead me on a new path if i get my palm read. lol

and i will say that i did value this book for all of its theological thought. i was raised mormon but after taking that college course, i had a fondness of eastern religion due to the emphasis on balance versus goodness. and i have always had this theory that in christianity, god and satan are one, for if god is all knowing and all powerful that means he must also know all that in terms of "evil" which would therefore make him satan. god is like a beast with two heads. and so when ketut shared his beliefs of heaven and hell it made sense. and this made sound odd but i am not one for religion personally, however i have always had a deep appreciation of the rituals and theories of religions. i love learning about religions but from an anthropological or historical viewpoint. i am also tolerant of all religions (except for fundamentalists) and have take on a viewpoint from the novel "what dreams may come" by richard matheson which accepts all religions as true. in the novel, it is realized that your faith calls into existence the afterlife you end up with, so the christian gets heaven, the buddhist gets nirvana, even the viking get valhalla. at the end of the day, what's important in life is one's faith and not what is true. as seen in "eat pray love" it's about finding what works best for you personally so that you can be the best version of you.

so in the end, this book did inspire me so i guess i would recommend it. just don't hold it against me when elizabeth gilbert annoys you.