your voice in my head. emma forrest. (282)

after reading namedropper, i googled about emma forrest to discover if she really dated a famous uk rockstar when she was younger (i didn't discover anything).  i did discover that emma watson was set to portray her in her memoir, your voice inside my head.  so i decided to check it out.  and i have to say that i am glad i did.

to start, i have noticed that i have started to read a lot of female narratives that fall into this like hbo girls kind of vein of life, white privilege with some kind of trauma that results in messy life, oh and they are writers which is why i am reading them.  i don't know what this genre would be called but it includes emma forrest, lena dunham, sloane crosley, sheila heti, emily gould, and caitlin moran.  i enjoy the works, though they started to resemble each other, for example, when forrest talked about her mother's previous marriage, i confused it with crosley's story about discovering her mom's previous marriage.  they are all great works, but they all seem to be a similar type of girl that wrote this; white, privileged, well-educated, artistic, and some kind of sexual trauma.  i have no issues with their white privilege, just something i observed, and though i am of color, i can still identify with them.

your voice in my head discussed forrest's depression along with her lost of her psychiatrist, he passed away, and also her lover, GH (short for gypsy husband), he ran away from commitment.  though at times it reads like a gossip column since GH was famous,  the work is more of a tribute to her psychiatrist, dr. r.

several chapters close with a testimonal from his patients or friends of patients, about how he saved their lives or the loved ones' lives.  he sounded like an amazing person, caring, non-judgmental and truly worked towards his patients improving.  reading forrest's descriptions of him, made me wish, he was my psychiatrist. forrest went to dr. r during a very dark period in her life, she was depressed and damaging her body through sex and cutting. before, i go on, i have to say i admire forrest for her honesty in this work.  she shared very intimate and painful details.  though, forrest had started seeing him, she attempted suicide.  we then see her road to better mental health and a long a way a lot is revealed.  she was raped as a teen, something she denied for a while.  we also see what a great and caring (and musical loving) dr. r was.

forrest's live seemed to up on the up, when she got involved with GH.  while googling to see if the author that dr. r hated was salman rushdie, i discovered that GH was colin farrell! which kind of ruined the book because i kept on picturing him which i guess was the case.  i also felt bad cos i was like really? her which is what forrest had to constantly read about on gossip blogs. but yeah colin farrell, and can i just add i want to be wooed by someone with money! i mean random trips around the world! must be nice!  so farrell is a we-man (remember in satc when samantha falls for that guy who is always saying we this, we that), talking about the future and even going so far has saying he wants a child and naming her pearl and buying pearl a rabbit fur coat!  but like the we-man of satc, they constantly use we because they are trying to convince themselves that they are not afraid of commitment, but they are.  farrell broke up with her and cold-heartedly moved on with his life.

forrest again at rock bottom, but this time had no one to turn to because dr. r had passed away from lung cancer, something he didn't share with his parents.  forrest became depressed and tried to find closure with his death and with GH leaving her.  in the end, she starts to listen to dr. r's voice in her head and moved on.

quick sidenote, forrest met with dr. r's wife in an attempt to come to turns with his death. it seemed horrible and selfish to be considering that yes she lost her doctor but his wife lost her husband.  but i guess the wife knew her husband's line of practice and was surprisingly as kind and sweet as her husband for helping forrest though she had the larger burden to bear.

this was a great work, kind of like a modern day the bell jar.  again, i admire forrest for her honesty and doctors like dr. r for helping those in need.  this book easily could have annoyed me like eat,

pray, love, gilbert did have a blurb in the back, but forrest wasn't self-righteous in her need to share her story.

speaking of blurbs, i loved that florence from florence and the machine had a blurb on the back about the book!

last but not least, if you read this, which i recommend before the film comes out, i would go for the book with the ophelia cover.  i love the anecdote that opened the book, though it was sad.  i have to add i see viv from namedropper salt and vinegar crisps eating came from forrest herself.

the perks of being a wallflower. stephen chbosky. movie version.

before i start, i haven't blogged in a while because i haven't read anything new. "war and peace" is taking forever to read and i have been working a lot so lo siento but will be better in the future.

second, this isn't a movie i checked out but saw in theaters and it isn't based on a book i checked out, but it is a book that i absolutely loved in high school. and so i decided to blog because it is one of my all-time favorite books (and sadly not one of my all-time favorite movie.)

i remember finding in at the bookstore and since it was an MTV book, decided to give it a go. plus the title sounded interested. i read it my sophomore or junior year, my friend stephen warren ruined my copy by highlighting a line about masturbation in it, and i think that happen in our sophomore english class. but regardless i love it, i love it so much that at the mention of it, my heart gushes with love for it.

it was my favorite book in high school. i read it a handful of times throughout high school. i made a mixed cd of the mixed tape that charlie gave patrick for secret santa and listened to it constantly. i also recited the poem that he wrote for a 4H speech competition. (it was pretty heavy but i won a medal). and i started picking up pennies and sharing the luck just like stoner bob said, i would also tell people "stoner bob says . . .". i was kinda obsessed with it.

so when i first saw a trailer for the film i was not excited but scared. i was scared that they would a) ruin something near and dear to me and b) take something that i felt like was my own little secret book and turn into this huge public fad. (the book deserves success but not the trendy let's read it cos emma watson is in it but more of the word of mouth (which trust me in high school i tried to get everyone to read it). so i was not planning on seeing it. but then i talked to people about it and discovered that chbosky wrote (well, adapted his own novel, that sounds very charlie kaufmanesque) and directed it, so decided it would be true to the book and decide to watch it.

i was expecting to be in tears over it. but i wasn't. i was kinda disappointed and the only reason i can think of is that my love for the book is so great that any movie would have failed. i mean the author made the freakin movie, it was his vision i initially loved and eventually saw. but i wasn't filled with warm fuzzies like i expected. and i'm not sure why. i mean the casting was great, everyone seemed like their character, i mean patrick was amazing and charlie was charlie. and who
doesn't love emma watson and "anne"?!? also i love the actress that plays his aunt though i don't know her name. and i wanted to hug paul rudd as his english teacher. i loved that the tunnel song was bowie's "heroes". the rocky horror scenes were great. but i still didn't connect like i thought i would. i got tear-eyed during some moments but no crying. and oddly one of the most emotional scenes for me was the dance with the "living room" routine because it was straight up my best friend miguel and i at our 8th grade graduation dance.

i will add that i was disappointed that chbosky edited out the poem that charlie gives to all of them at christmas. its sad but one of my favorite things about the book. i also did not like how he tried to tie in "something" to the aunt verses it being sam's favorite song.** i would have also like to have seen stoner bob share his penny wisdom.

and i'm not saying its a bad film. it's a great film and if you are reading this, go see it! i might go again. everyone did a great job. it just wasn't for me. but it did inspire me to dig up my old copy and re-read. i last read it probably my senior year though it did travel with me to college. but didn't re-read it recently because i figured that the story not so fresh in my head would be better for movie watching. but not the case.

i would also like to add that the douchebag sitting behind me, annoyed the hell out of me which could have caused my un-enjoyment of the film. he was not the brightest bulb in the pack and kept on asking his girlfriend questions. he also ruined a scene between patrick and charlie because of his homophobia to which i gave him a dirty look in the dark and debated lecturing him out of the film. also his girlfriend laughed inappropriately during a scene with charlie and sam. i hate how immature/ignorant people can be. it was at the landmark, i expect more from their audience.

but go see it and fall in love with the movie and then read the book and fall into deeper love with it.

**blogger note: i just finished rereading "the perks" and realized that i was wrong about this. in my head, sam had played "something" for him as her friend song. but not the case. sorry. (12.12.12)