fun home: a family tragicomic. alison bechdel (298)

so i messed up!  when i went to nyc in may, there was buzz about a new broadway show called fun home.  i didn't research it, but from what i had seen, it seemed like a show about a family, and it didn't seem like something i would be into, so i didn't go.  however, after watching the fun home performance at the tony's, i realized that i made a huge mistake.

i, later, discovered after reading an article about a girl that was trying to get this work plus persepolis banned from her college course (talk about ignorance), that the broadway musical i missed out, was based on a graphic novel/memoir!  double regret.  so i decided to check out the novel, and hopefully catch fun home on my next nyc trip.

so from the tony's performance, i discovered that fun home was about a woman that discovered her father was gay after she came out to her parents.  i have to admit i was very excited when i got to the part of the book that tony's was based on.  it performance stayed trued to the memoir, and really wish i had seen it on broadway.

the story of alison's sexuality was complicated, because after sharing she was a lesbian with her parents, her mother told her the truth about her father.  in addition to this, her father's response was awkward and soon after he died when struck by a car.  alison believed that it may have been a suicide based on what had occurred with her.  i have to add that with no disrespect to alison, i didn't think her father committed suicide.  yes, he was reading that camus work at the time, which made a convincing case.  however, i felt that instead of wanting to commit suicide, he would have sought a new life, as a openly gay man.  kind of like hannah's dad on season 4 of girls.  he had lived so long with his secret, though he did get caught of it a handful of times, and his wife was fully aware that to suddenly end his life didn't make sense.  i feel that if that accident hadn't happened, he would have came out, he did express to alison that now was different for gays and lesbian now, that they were able to experience a freedom, he could not.  i feel he would have been hopeful about being there for his daughter versus wanting to end it all.  he did give her colette, which helped her realized she was a lesbian.  he wanted to help his daughter.  i think the reason why he was so distant initially, was to allow her to understand her sexuality in her own terms versus being forced upon by her dad.  being a gay father, he didn't want people to think that perhaps she made him gay.  again i feel bad for typing this, because alison seemed to think it was a suicide.  but i mean life is horrible and sometimes bad things just happen.

overall, i really enjoyed this memoir.  for those of you curious, the title fun home, came from alison's family for the funeral home that they ran.  speaking of the fun home, i, like the kids, loved the story of their grandmother about their father wandering out of into a field.  i also delighted in their delight of the oven part!  but that being said, i want to revisit this work, after i read the literary works that alison referenced.  i have never read ulysses so that went over my head.  i also need to read the importance of being earnest.  

on the topic of literary works, i absolutely loved alison's dad's love of the fitzgeralds.  just like him, after reading both of their works, i became obsessed with them.  there is something so glamorous about their wild times.  i need to read this side of paradise, but loved that we had both loved nancy milford's zelda biography.  i will also look into reading some colette.

this was an interesting read and i look forward to reading it after i visit the above works, to hopefully get a different take on the memoir.

the group. mary mccarthy. (213)

mary mccarthy's the group was listed as one of the books to fill the girls-shaped void in your life.  the cover (different from the one i read) had a blurb from sex and the city author candace bushnell, which i found a little silly since the group was written back in the 1950s.  however, i learned via wikipedia that an editior had suggested that bushnell write an updated version of the group which became sex and the city.

sex and the city is very reminiscent of the group.  unfortunately, with all the progress that women have made, we are still fighting the same battles as the generations before us.  one likes to think that our mothers can not understand what we face today but in fact they faced the exact same issues (this was demonstrated in the novel with dottie and her mother.)

the group is set in the 30's and follows the lives of a group of women, kay, dottie, helena, norine, libby, priss, polly, pokey and lakey, who became friends while at vassar college.  the novel spans 10 years of their lives, opening with their attendance of kay's wedding and sadly ending with her funeral.  throughout the ten years, they encounter all sorts of issues related to love, family, career, and sex, and as mentioned before the issues are not outdated and are still relevant today.

before i go on, i want to clarify that the group is #richwhitepeopleproblems, which is it is clearly aware of.  the characters are aware that they have money which results in very different experiences from most people. there is an attempt to have a poor character, polly, her being on scholarship was always mentioned, but her family used to be wealthy, so she doesn't really count.  she did donate blood for money but the fact that she was able to get a line of credit, demonstrated that she wasn't that badly off.  this critique can also be made of sex and the city and it was made about girls.  however, as i have defended girls in the past, some female issues transcend class and i, as a women, have always been able to identify though i am a women of color and poor.

the first issue that made me laugh due to it's relevance to today was dick's talk with dottie about sex and love.  dottie, a virgin, was warned by dick brown, the man who she lost her virginity to not fall in love with him, because women always do.  it made me laugh to read it because times have not changed because this myth is still around today.  i was virgin when i entered college and it seemed like every guy i ever hooked up and that i considered losing my virginity to, always seemed hesitant because they didn't want me to fall in love with them.  looking back there are two of them i am glad i didn't lose my virginity to either one of them. one of those two i did eventually sleep with and for the record there was nothing he did that would result in my loving him forever.  lol.  and for the record, i did not fall in love with the man that i lose my virginity to.  he is a swell guy (all of a sudden i'm from the 30's too) and interesting, and am glad i lost my virginity to him but i did not fall madly in love with him because of this act.  so there goes that.  we, women need to put an end to this myth!  i mean in the end, dottie did reveal that she loved dick, but she wasn't in love with dick brown but the idea of dick brown and that is something i am guilty of doing.  i spent the greater part of my twenties in love with someone but realizing now that i wasn't in love with the true him but this ideal him i had created in my head.  women turning men into myth is not a myth but we, women, always falling in love with our virginity takers is a bunch of bs.

the other thing that i found interesting from dottie and dick's relationship was how birth control was capable of implying so much about a relationship.  it was shocking to see how kay's husband, harald, explained how dick's requesting and keeping her diaphragm at his home could define their relationship status.  it is ridiculous that dottie was fitted and everything yet she couldn't store her diaphragm in her own home for fear of it being found by a roommate.  it was also crazy to consider how when people were infidel, their lover usually stored the diaphgram at his home.  imagine having a man in control of something so personal.  thank god today women can hold onto their own birth control, i can't imagine living in an era in which a man would be responsible for something that i use to regulate my body, oh wait, i take that back, because birth control is still an issue for women today.  (see:  hobby lobby)  but it is nice that we can keep our birth control in our homes, bathrooms and purses.  and it is progress that we women can hold condoms in our purse, no need relying on the man to ensure safe sex, we can do it ourselves!

another issue that the group covered was breastfeeding. when priss was in the hospital with her son, she had to deal with the her husband who wanted her to breastfeed and the hospital that wanted to give the baby formula.  priss' husband, a pediatrician, explained the reasons for the baby being breastfeed and he was right, the baby was putting weight on at a good rate.  also it would be good for his immune system.  however, the hospital wanted to put the baby on formula because he wasn't sleeping through the night and waking up hungry and thus disrupting the maternity ward.  poor, yet weak, priss feeling pressure from the doctor and nurses ended up giving her son formula.  i found myself frustrated for priss not having a backbone, but i mean hospitals are intimidating.  i'm always lost with hospital jargon and usually just go with what the doctor says because it's less confusing that way.  so i can sympathize with priss there.  however,  i for one plan on breastfeeding my child, i don't know if its the generation i am apart of it but i can't imagine giving my child, formula.  i don't have children so i'm not sure what the world's stance is on breastfeeding, i mean it should be widely accepted right?  though formula companies are still in business.  the current issue we have is people being upset about women breastfeeding in public.  this is the current hot item when it comes to breastfeeding, but i think most people agree it should be done, just in private.  i also want to add that i will allow my child to cry because as my grandma always told us, it's good for their lungs.  grandma bea would have agreed with priss' husband on that one!

last but not least it was great to see a lesbian in the story and of all people, lakey!  the most glamorous of them all.  and kudos to her for finding herself a lover and staying abroad so that she could live the life that she wanted without judgement.  i was not expecting her to be a lesbian but it was a nice surprise.  it was also nice to see the group not being too judgmental and treating lakey and her partner like any other couple.

aside the women issues that were covered, it was a interesting read just in terms of drama.  we, women, like to fill our life with drama, that is not a myth!  though it isn't gender exclusive, my friend peter, is a shining example of a male that loves drama.  lol  (i doubt he reads my blog but if he does, sorry.)  but there was drama in this book.  i for one, could not stand nordine!  i can not believe that she slept with kay's husband?!?!? and her justification for it was ridiculous!  i also couldn't believe the psychiatrist's explanation that her husband's impotency was because he could only get it up for "fallen women".  and as much as i was upset with nordine for sleeping with harald, i can't believe that helen didn't say anything.  what a bad friend!  if someone was cheating on me, i would want my friend to tell me!

also before i go on, i have to address the psychoanalysis mentioned in the novel.  i am all for people seeing a psychologist because mental health is important. however, it was a different beast back then.  it was disgusting to see how nordine used it to justify her affair.  and polly's lover's estranged wife used it to manipulate him back into a relationship.  also it was shocking to read how the girls stopped polly from marrying a boy because his family had a history of mental illness since her father was bipolar and they were worried due to that.  i mean its nice that they were so considerate but it seems odd for that to be an issue.  sex and the city did touch on this when carrie dated her high school sweetheart (played by david duchvony) while he was in a psych ward, but i feel back then you were considered ill for the lost ridiculous reasons (see:  girl, interrupted.)  though i will add i know someone that was dating someone who had an episode with mental illness and i advised against them dating unless he got help.  so yeah i guess i don't know, maybe the girls were right.

back to the novel, the group is timeless and a must read for women of all ages, though probably best to be read in your twenties.  however, it is filled with experience and lessons that are relevant at any age.

and as for filling my girls' void i couldn't imagine hannah in this world because she is too neruotic, maybe she would be nordine. lol  but marnie and shosh would definitely be comfortable in this world.  oh and jessa would definitely be lakey.