barbara the slut and other people. lauren holmes. (321)

i decided to read barbara the slut and other people, after seeing it all over instagram. also, i loved that the cover had slut in hot pink sprayed painted across it.  it looked a feminist manifesto!  and since i judge books by a cover, i had high expectations, and sadly this collection of short stories did not meet them.

i hate to be mean because holmes is a published writer and i am just some no name reader, but these stories didn't move me like the blurbs on the books claimed would happen.  i felt as if i was part of some writers workshop (see:  hbo girls season four). in fact, it was as if holmes was hannah, basically just writing her life.  don't get me wrong, i mean i get that all authors use their life as a basis for the life, but at least there seems to be some value other than just the story.  

barbara the slut read like that one co-worker's random life stories, it was interesting to her, but you are wondering as you listen to the recounting, so what is the point of this story?!??  and i know this sounds harsh, but i just felt the stories lacked any real depth.  it really felt like she just took incidents from her life and turned them into stories, which is fine, but just wasn't for me.  i mean i have always thought of doing just that but always figured the stories that no one else would find them interesting. 

i should also say that not all the stories are horrible, i did enjoy two of them.  the title story "barbara the slut" should be required reading for high school girls, though maybe edit out barbara's logic about sleeping with a guy only once to have to not deal with trust issues.  i should add that was a huge issue i had with the story, barbara was intelligent and a compassionate kid (she was helpful with her autistic brother), yet her logic about sex was horrible.  anyway, i did appreciate its lesson on slut shaming, mean girls need to read this and realize they need to stop hating on other girls.  and why can't they get that boys lie?!?! anyway, i felt bad for barbara, but luckily she was heading to college, so wouldn't have to deal with any of the pettiness of high school, though i hope she learned that sex with trust is a real thing.

another story, i was surprised that i really enjoyed was "my humans".  i was surprised, because i do not like dogs, but i loved reading a story from the perspective of a dog.  i thought that was very clever.  way to go, holmes.  i also loved that the dog discovered the cheating first, when jenna came home smelling different.  i have to add once a cheater, always a cheater.

a couple of other thoughts, that kid in "jerks" was a real jerk.  i also hate parents that are in denial about their kids being horrible.  though the mother in that story was a jerk, so its only logical that she was raising one.  i can add another horrible parent was the mom in  "i will crawl to raleigh if i have to", trying to blame her child's stealing on another kid.  really?  i have to add most of these stories had bad mothers, wonder what holmes is trying to say there?

last but not least, i know i should have been all about "desert hearts", a lawyer that gives up the corporate world to work in a sex shop posing as lesbian.  i mean i guess it could have been cool, but really i think the world has revolved enough that straight people can work in LGBT sex shops without it being an issue.  i mean, this would have been a cool story if it was like the early 90s.

i hate to be a hater, but though enjoyable this book wasn't as exciting as it's front cover claimed it would be.

fun home: a family tragicomic. alison bechdel (298)

so i messed up!  when i went to nyc in may, there was buzz about a new broadway show called fun home.  i didn't research it, but from what i had seen, it seemed like a show about a family, and it didn't seem like something i would be into, so i didn't go.  however, after watching the fun home performance at the tony's, i realized that i made a huge mistake.

i, later, discovered after reading an article about a girl that was trying to get this work plus persepolis banned from her college course (talk about ignorance), that the broadway musical i missed out, was based on a graphic novel/memoir!  double regret.  so i decided to check out the novel, and hopefully catch fun home on my next nyc trip.

so from the tony's performance, i discovered that fun home was about a woman that discovered her father was gay after she came out to her parents.  i have to admit i was very excited when i got to the part of the book that tony's was based on.  it performance stayed trued to the memoir, and really wish i had seen it on broadway.

the story of alison's sexuality was complicated, because after sharing she was a lesbian with her parents, her mother told her the truth about her father.  in addition to this, her father's response was awkward and soon after he died when struck by a car.  alison believed that it may have been a suicide based on what had occurred with her.  i have to add that with no disrespect to alison, i didn't think her father committed suicide.  yes, he was reading that camus work at the time, which made a convincing case.  however, i felt that instead of wanting to commit suicide, he would have sought a new life, as a openly gay man.  kind of like hannah's dad on season 4 of girls.  he had lived so long with his secret, though he did get caught of it a handful of times, and his wife was fully aware that to suddenly end his life didn't make sense.  i feel that if that accident hadn't happened, he would have came out, he did express to alison that now was different for gays and lesbian now, that they were able to experience a freedom, he could not.  i feel he would have been hopeful about being there for his daughter versus wanting to end it all.  he did give her colette, which helped her realized she was a lesbian.  he wanted to help his daughter.  i think the reason why he was so distant initially, was to allow her to understand her sexuality in her own terms versus being forced upon by her dad.  being a gay father, he didn't want people to think that perhaps she made him gay.  again i feel bad for typing this, because alison seemed to think it was a suicide.  but i mean life is horrible and sometimes bad things just happen.

overall, i really enjoyed this memoir.  for those of you curious, the title fun home, came from alison's family for the funeral home that they ran.  speaking of the fun home, i, like the kids, loved the story of their grandmother about their father wandering out of into a field.  i also delighted in their delight of the oven part!  but that being said, i want to revisit this work, after i read the literary works that alison referenced.  i have never read ulysses so that went over my head.  i also need to read the importance of being earnest.  

on the topic of literary works, i absolutely loved alison's dad's love of the fitzgeralds.  just like him, after reading both of their works, i became obsessed with them.  there is something so glamorous about their wild times.  i need to read this side of paradise, but loved that we had both loved nancy milford's zelda biography.  i will also look into reading some colette.

this was an interesting read and i look forward to reading it after i visit the above works, to hopefully get a different take on the memoir.

bad feminist. roxane gay. (234)

i, first came across roxane gay's collection of essays, bad feminist, via flavorpill.  i didn't give it much thought but after she was all over my instagram feed (i follow a lot of bookish accounts), i decided i needed to check it out.  and i am glad i did!  this is a must read for every woman  . . . and man too.

i consider myself a feminist, i believe that women are not the weaker sex and should be treated the same as men.  women should not be restricted by the boundaries that society had deemed appropriate and acceptable for them.  i took a women studies course at ucla and did very well in it (i should have minored in women studies.) i have made it a point to read more women authors this year.  it's not a title, most people associated me with, but feminist is one that i would proud about if labeled it.  (and this is prior to bey making it cool to be a feminist.)

however, i do realize that like gay, i am a bad feminist.  and like gay, i embrace that title.  as gay shared,

i embrace the label of bad feminist because i am human.  i'm messy.  i'm not trying to be an example.  i am not trying to be perfect.  i am not trying to say i have all the answers.  i am not trying to say i'm right.  i am just trying--trying to support what i believe in, trying to do some good in the world, trying to make some noise with my writing while being myself:  a woman who loves pink and likes to get freaky and sometimes dances her ass off to music, she "knows" is terrible for women and who sometimes plays dumb with repairmen because it's easier to let them feel macho than it is to stand on the moral high ground.

this felt spot on.  i do believe in equality between sexes but love it when men open doors for me and if on a date, i do expect them to pay for dinner.  if i am carrying something heavy and with a male, i expected him to carry it for me.  it doesn't make me less of a feminist, just human.

the term bad feminist allows for these inconsistencies not only with us as humans but also feminism as a movement.   feminism, like all movements, covers a variety of concerns and issues, gay's point is that in order to be a feminist you don't need to be true to everything, but simply believe in the progression of women's rights.  she does point out that feminism is flawed with its lack of concern for women of color and homosexuals.  however, though it is flawed, gay is hopefully that her voice along with others will help create room for everyone within feminism.

before i go, i must add that as i read the intro, i felt bad about my judging of beyonce.  my dislike of beyonce came with an anthem that i should have loved, "run the world (girls)."  i felt like she was stealing other artists' thunder, the cool funky part of this song was actually major lazer and then she performed that billboard awards she totally copied another artist.  all this left a bad taste in my mouth.  then, the whole feminist thing seemed more like a marketing ploy than anything else.  i mean it was great that she sampled chimamanda nogzi adichie, because the world needed to hear that ted talk and read her novels.  i read americanah because of "flawless". however, i felt like adichie's words were being bastardized by the context beyonce put them in.  how does "my man made me feel so god damn fine, i'm flawless!" align with the discussion women not fighting for or finding worth in the attention from men.  and as my cousin kristel pointed out, doesn't "bow down bitches" go against adichie's words that women should not be in competition with one a other.  for these reasons, my dislike began to grow.  also the music video for "pretty hurts" was so self-righteous, yes i am sure beyonce struggled with her body and it not finding into the model mold, but lets get serious, she now has designers creating for her, so can she not preach about the world putting pressure on women to be pretty in her couture.  the fashion industry she shows off via her dazzling outfits is the beast that feeds these high standards of beauty.  however, gay made me realize that i was being a bad feminist for critiquing bey like this.  it is ignorant of me to expect her to be perfect, so bey, i am sorry.  also, i should be grateful that she has made it so that girls and women today are not afraid to be labelled a feminist.

just like i don't always agree with beyonce, it was the same with gay.  for the most part, i agreed with points she made however, i did reach some points where i lost interest in what she had to say.  but regardless of how i felt, i was engaged, i loved her writing style and her witty little quips made me feel like we could be friends.

the essays are divided into the following sections:  [me], [gender & sexuality], [race & entertainment], [politics, gender & race].

[me] as expected discussed gay, her work and her hobby, competitive scrabble.  yes, competitive scrabble, that essay was a hoot and gay is good!

the first essay in this section discussed her work as a professor and what she encountered as an advisor for a black students association.  she also explained how a co-workers remark about affirmative action drove her to work hard, ultimately gaining her ph.d but still worried she isn't good enough.  

the second essay, "peculiar beliefs" made the interesting point of everyone neglecting to recognize their privilege and only wanting to focus on their oppression.  though i am a person of color, a female and came from a single parent home and lived in a rural area, i was aware that i was privileged growing up.  this knowledge came via kids pointing out the material goods (aka nike shoes and guess jeans) that i had in elementary school.  we weren't rich but i was privileged for the area.  i also had a family that was very involved and cared about my education.  now i am not saying that i life the high life, but just demonstrating the fact that i never saw myself as disadvantaged.  as gay called out her readers at the end, "if you are reading this essay, you have some kind of privilege . . . if you cannot recognize your privilege, you have a lot of work to do; get started."

[gender & sexuality] cover just that.  the first essay, "how to be friends with a another woman" is a definite must read!  i wanted to copy it and share it with all of my friends, primarily to thank them for being just great friends!  just great sound advice.  i even instagramed my favorite:

the second essay "girls, girls, girls", as i was anticipating, discussed hbo's "girls" and i understand all of gay's critiques, but still think "girls" is the best,  gay's brings up the color issue which i have discussed before, but just add some food for thought because gay also discussed how women need a television show that shows women with their act together.  to which i say but that is not the point of "girls".  dunham created the show to demonstrate what life is like for twentysomethings now and i think she is spot on.  i am a thirtysomething but see my past messy self in the girls of "girls".  secondly, it's unfortunate because the lack of diversity on show is not due to dunham's racism but probably from the lack of diversity in her action life.  and i don't hate her for it, it's just a reality of life.  i have always had very diverse group of friends, but not everyone is like that.  people tend to stick to their own race, it's unfortunate but it happens.  also growing up, i never new any jewish people so a depiction of my life would exclude jewish people but it shouldn't make that work anti-semitic, it is simply a reflection of the reality that i knew.  gay recognized that it is unfair to expect "girls" to be everything to everyone and that we have put an unjust demand for it to be inclusive.  and that the real issue is that programming as a whole needs to change.  i have to add that gay mentioned "girlfriends" in his article, and how it showed women of color being responsible and having jobs.  i really need to start watching it, i hope netflix or hulu pick it up to show.

in "i was once miss america", gay plays tribute to the girls of "sweet valley high". i read part of that series but was not into like gay was into it.  and though reading the novel as a haitian girl, she was able to identify with the twins of sweet valley.  as she explained, "some experiences are universal.  a girl is a girl whether she lives in omaha or sweet valley."

in "garnish, glorious spectacles", i recognized how bad my television guilty pleasures, bravo's housewives and all of the celebreality vh1 shows, truly were, not due to it being bad television, but the horrible, female stereotypes it upheld.  gay loved these shows too, so i don't feel as bad.  but it is horrible how we watch these shows to feel better about herself and be thankful that we aren't such train wrecks.  and in the end, gay points out that perhaps we watch it because its actual a reflection of ourselves.  

in "the careless language of sexual violence", i was appalled to learn about how the new york times framed the gang-raping of an 11 year old girl as the victim's fault and sympathized with the rapist.  i'm not always up to date on current events, so this was not on my radar when it happened.  however, i did google and read the article and other posts about it.  i still can not believe that the nyt allowed for this story to be ran.  i will add that i am thankful to life in an each in which i can google a story and also see all of the critiques of it as well in a search.

another thing that i did not agree with gay, her love of the hunger games trilogy.  though her love for these works, kind of makes me want to actual finish all three books.  i read the hunger games on the advice of friends before the movies and all the hoopla around it.  i, for one, did not enjoy it.  there was a lot of living going on for something that was suppose to be a fight to the death.  i mean i get it, its a young adult novel, but i was still disappointed that it turned into some kind of weird love story.  so i saw the first movie, and actually enjoyed it more.  then just stopped caring about the hunger games.  however, now i feel like i should read it, because katniss is a good role model for girls, as gay pointed out.  so i feel like i should read them in the name of girls that rock!

i am so thankful that gay wrote "dear young ladies who love chris brown so much that they would let him beat them".  i, for one, do not understand how chris brown is still famous and how women still love him.  this article addresses my confusion.

"blurred lines, indeed" made me feel so bad.  i absolutely loved "blurred lines" when it came out.  it was my jam, i once had a dj play it for me twice in one night.  i loved the beat and it was catchy and the lyrics were funny.  however, i did not realize just how misogynistic it was, okay, maybe i did, but i still loved to dance to it.  i like the music but i i hate the message.  i know i can solve this problem by not listening to it, at the same time its just music.  though gay points out that this "lighten up" mentality does not alleviate these problems.  i guess i can just hope for a future in which misogynistic undertones in pop culture will go away because it has gone away in our culture.

gay discussed the 50 shades of gray trilogy, and all i can say, is how did women read that crap?  i mean i am glad that women were reading, but seriously there was nothing sexy about a controlling man.  controlling in the bedroom, if you are into bdsm life style yes.  but controlling as in buying the company you work for and wanting to know where you are all the time, is just frightening and women should not tolerate it just because the sex is good.  i have never read it, and now i never will.   i will add, this essay discussed how prince charming is just an illusion and that women need to understand that they can not change men and if a man is not treating you as he should be, you need to get out of that relationship.

on last note about this section, in it gay discussed in pieces, how she was a victim of sexual violence as a young girl.  at the risk of sounding insensitive or using the wrong words, just wanted to share that i appreciate her allowing the reader into such a private matter.  her writing on it felt therapeutic though i can't speak for her.  i will add that she did create an environment in which her readers that are victims of sexual violence can feel comfort in knowing that they are not alone. 

[race & entertainment], this collection of essays, is where i disagreed with gay the most.  primarily, because i see movies as entertainment and though it is insensitive of me, just felt like sometimes you have to take movies just as an escape then rather analyze everything.  and i know that movies influence how we frame the world and also reflect how we frame the world, but i felt she was being too critical in this section,

[politics, gender & race].  her article "when twitter does what journalism can't" gay demonstrated the power of twitter.  again i am bad with the current events, but so i learned about senator wendy davis' filibuster the next day.  however, gay learned of it via twitter thanks to one activist that live tweeted the filibuster.  gay also explained that the larger networks did not cover it, but there was a livefeed via youtube, where she was able to watch it.  it is shocking how much of our news gets shared via twitter and facebook.  i have mentioned before in post that i always get my celebrity death news via twitter.  oh and just wanted to add kudos to senator davis for being an amazing woman!!!

"the inalienable rights of women" is another must read for women.  it was one that got my blood boiling because of the little control, we women have over our bodies.  and i think what is even more frustrating that there is so much discussion about birth control, yet men can just walk down to the corner store and pick up condoms whenever they want.  where is the regulation of that?!?!?  it was so upsetting to read about some states requiring women to get ultrasounds before receiving an abortion.  virginia went so far as to require transvaginal ultrasounds.  i have discussed it before, i have never been in a position in which i needed to decide whether or not i wanted an abortion.  however, i can not imagine being in that position and not only having to struggle with my making the right decision for myself but then having the government add in their ignorant two cents.  at the end of the day, it is my body and i need to make the decision that is best for me.  women need to be allowed to chose for themselves without the government interfering.  furthermore, i do agree with gay that if the government does continue to limit women's right in regards to abortions, women will go underground to take care of the situation as they have throughout history.

these are just some highlights from the essays.  gay covered a variety of issues and gave me a lot of food for thought.  this was an excellent read not only for giving voice to issues that are often ignored but for simply encouraging the reader to question the world we live in.  this novel doesn't have all the answers or solve the problems we face as society, instead it adds dialogue to ongoing discussions of gender, race, sexuality, politics, in hopes that the world will improve.     

the group. mary mccarthy. (213)

mary mccarthy's the group was listed as one of the books to fill the girls-shaped void in your life.  the cover (different from the one i read) had a blurb from sex and the city author candace bushnell, which i found a little silly since the group was written back in the 1950s.  however, i learned via wikipedia that an editior had suggested that bushnell write an updated version of the group which became sex and the city.

sex and the city is very reminiscent of the group.  unfortunately, with all the progress that women have made, we are still fighting the same battles as the generations before us.  one likes to think that our mothers can not understand what we face today but in fact they faced the exact same issues (this was demonstrated in the novel with dottie and her mother.)

the group is set in the 30's and follows the lives of a group of women, kay, dottie, helena, norine, libby, priss, polly, pokey and lakey, who became friends while at vassar college.  the novel spans 10 years of their lives, opening with their attendance of kay's wedding and sadly ending with her funeral.  throughout the ten years, they encounter all sorts of issues related to love, family, career, and sex, and as mentioned before the issues are not outdated and are still relevant today.

before i go on, i want to clarify that the group is #richwhitepeopleproblems, which is it is clearly aware of.  the characters are aware that they have money which results in very different experiences from most people. there is an attempt to have a poor character, polly, her being on scholarship was always mentioned, but her family used to be wealthy, so she doesn't really count.  she did donate blood for money but the fact that she was able to get a line of credit, demonstrated that she wasn't that badly off.  this critique can also be made of sex and the city and it was made about girls.  however, as i have defended girls in the past, some female issues transcend class and i, as a women, have always been able to identify though i am a women of color and poor.

the first issue that made me laugh due to it's relevance to today was dick's talk with dottie about sex and love.  dottie, a virgin, was warned by dick brown, the man who she lost her virginity to not fall in love with him, because women always do.  it made me laugh to read it because times have not changed because this myth is still around today.  i was virgin when i entered college and it seemed like every guy i ever hooked up and that i considered losing my virginity to, always seemed hesitant because they didn't want me to fall in love with them.  looking back there are two of them i am glad i didn't lose my virginity to either one of them. one of those two i did eventually sleep with and for the record there was nothing he did that would result in my loving him forever.  lol.  and for the record, i did not fall in love with the man that i lose my virginity to.  he is a swell guy (all of a sudden i'm from the 30's too) and interesting, and am glad i lost my virginity to him but i did not fall madly in love with him because of this act.  so there goes that.  we, women need to put an end to this myth!  i mean in the end, dottie did reveal that she loved dick, but she wasn't in love with dick brown but the idea of dick brown and that is something i am guilty of doing.  i spent the greater part of my twenties in love with someone but realizing now that i wasn't in love with the true him but this ideal him i had created in my head.  women turning men into myth is not a myth but we, women, always falling in love with our virginity takers is a bunch of bs.

the other thing that i found interesting from dottie and dick's relationship was how birth control was capable of implying so much about a relationship.  it was shocking to see how kay's husband, harald, explained how dick's requesting and keeping her diaphragm at his home could define their relationship status.  it is ridiculous that dottie was fitted and everything yet she couldn't store her diaphragm in her own home for fear of it being found by a roommate.  it was also crazy to consider how when people were infidel, their lover usually stored the diaphgram at his home.  imagine having a man in control of something so personal.  thank god today women can hold onto their own birth control, i can't imagine living in an era in which a man would be responsible for something that i use to regulate my body, oh wait, i take that back, because birth control is still an issue for women today.  (see:  hobby lobby)  but it is nice that we can keep our birth control in our homes, bathrooms and purses.  and it is progress that we women can hold condoms in our purse, no need relying on the man to ensure safe sex, we can do it ourselves!

another issue that the group covered was breastfeeding. when priss was in the hospital with her son, she had to deal with the her husband who wanted her to breastfeed and the hospital that wanted to give the baby formula.  priss' husband, a pediatrician, explained the reasons for the baby being breastfeed and he was right, the baby was putting weight on at a good rate.  also it would be good for his immune system.  however, the hospital wanted to put the baby on formula because he wasn't sleeping through the night and waking up hungry and thus disrupting the maternity ward.  poor, yet weak, priss feeling pressure from the doctor and nurses ended up giving her son formula.  i found myself frustrated for priss not having a backbone, but i mean hospitals are intimidating.  i'm always lost with hospital jargon and usually just go with what the doctor says because it's less confusing that way.  so i can sympathize with priss there.  however,  i for one plan on breastfeeding my child, i don't know if its the generation i am apart of it but i can't imagine giving my child, formula.  i don't have children so i'm not sure what the world's stance is on breastfeeding, i mean it should be widely accepted right?  though formula companies are still in business.  the current issue we have is people being upset about women breastfeeding in public.  this is the current hot item when it comes to breastfeeding, but i think most people agree it should be done, just in private.  i also want to add that i will allow my child to cry because as my grandma always told us, it's good for their lungs.  grandma bea would have agreed with priss' husband on that one!

last but not least it was great to see a lesbian in the story and of all people, lakey!  the most glamorous of them all.  and kudos to her for finding herself a lover and staying abroad so that she could live the life that she wanted without judgement.  i was not expecting her to be a lesbian but it was a nice surprise.  it was also nice to see the group not being too judgmental and treating lakey and her partner like any other couple.

aside the women issues that were covered, it was a interesting read just in terms of drama.  we, women, like to fill our life with drama, that is not a myth!  though it isn't gender exclusive, my friend peter, is a shining example of a male that loves drama.  lol  (i doubt he reads my blog but if he does, sorry.)  but there was drama in this book.  i for one, could not stand nordine!  i can not believe that she slept with kay's husband?!?!? and her justification for it was ridiculous!  i also couldn't believe the psychiatrist's explanation that her husband's impotency was because he could only get it up for "fallen women".  and as much as i was upset with nordine for sleeping with harald, i can't believe that helen didn't say anything.  what a bad friend!  if someone was cheating on me, i would want my friend to tell me!

also before i go on, i have to address the psychoanalysis mentioned in the novel.  i am all for people seeing a psychologist because mental health is important. however, it was a different beast back then.  it was disgusting to see how nordine used it to justify her affair.  and polly's lover's estranged wife used it to manipulate him back into a relationship.  also it was shocking to read how the girls stopped polly from marrying a boy because his family had a history of mental illness since her father was bipolar and they were worried due to that.  i mean its nice that they were so considerate but it seems odd for that to be an issue.  sex and the city did touch on this when carrie dated her high school sweetheart (played by david duchvony) while he was in a psych ward, but i feel back then you were considered ill for the lost ridiculous reasons (see:  girl, interrupted.)  though i will add i know someone that was dating someone who had an episode with mental illness and i advised against them dating unless he got help.  so yeah i guess i don't know, maybe the girls were right.

back to the novel, the group is timeless and a must read for women of all ages, though probably best to be read in your twenties.  however, it is filled with experience and lessons that are relevant at any age.

and as for filling my girls' void i couldn't imagine hannah in this world because she is too neruotic, maybe she would be nordine. lol  but marnie and shosh would definitely be comfortable in this world.  oh and jessa would definitely be lakey.  

how should a person be? sheila heti. (187)

i can't recall how i came across how should a person be? by sheila heti.  i thought it was via lena dunham's instagram but when i went to look for it, i did not see it there.  however, i know that i read this because of lena just not sure where i read her endorsement.  i did google "lena dunham how should a person be?" and articles about lena and sheila being friends came up, so i didn't make up this connection. (correction made 5.7.14:  ha!  just saw that i found out about this book because it was on flavorpill's 10 books that will fill

the girls-shaped hole in your life article for season 1.  so yeah this is now i discovered this novel.)

i will admit that i was also excited because of the miranda july blurb on the front.  i had high expectations for this book, especially with its description as "a novel from life".  life is one of my favorite nouns, i'm always "sorting out life", "figuring out life", "getting life" together, so "a novel from life" had to be interesting.

and interesting it was, amazing, not so much.  i am not familiar with heti or her life, but this book read just as though it was her life.  i mean from the viewpoint of the writer, it is quite daring, to just record your life via a tape player and then let the world read about the personal lives of you and your friends. as an expression of the self, i find it quite beautiful and artistic.  however, from the viewpoint of the reader, i can't help but feel cheated.  its quite narcissistic and lazy of heti to just use your life so blatantly.  i know, i know, author's use their lives as the basis for their works, which makes sense, however, this was too direct.  i like to be able to read between the lines instead of having it all put out in the open like this.  but again i have to say kudos to heti for her honesty.

the novel as the title suggest is about how should a person be? though specifically it's about how heti should be.  its hard to apply this work to yourself, unless you are a) a writer or another form of artist or b) hang out with a bunch of artists.  this is why miranda july's blurb is true for her, but random person on goodreads who bitched about july's blurb couldn't relate.  i am neither though i do appreciate art and go to museums and galleries, i never have to question who am i and what am i trying to project into the world via my art.  i mean as general question of life, yes i do ask myself (minus via my art), but in the specific way that heti was addressing these questions in her book, i became bored.  i am sure that i could have taken the discussion between margaux and heti about their expressions of their selves in their art and applied it to my life but that required too much thinking.  i mean i am sure the struggle is real for artist, but i felt like just create your art and who gives a damn about how it is perceived.  i am not an artist so this might just sound mean but i was tired of the bitching especially when heti did all she could to avoid writing her play.  then she created this novel based on margaux's encouragement and allowance to use her words in a work, which kind of felt like a cop-out.  really heti couldn't put a play together?

heti is a great writer, i just wasn't interested in her life so directly.  i mean there were some hilarious parts.  for example, "we live in an age of some really great blow-job artists.  every era has its arts form." i also enjoyed the eavesdropping of the girls as at the deli, "what is american cheese anyway? i heard of them say.  her friend replied, 'i think it means there is a chemical in it." and "he was in the tech industry, and she once told me that the had asperger's syndrome.  then she reassured me that silicon valley boys aren't so bad to sleep with because they've read all the manuals." i am now tempted to sleep with some silicon valley boys. and "we tried not to smile, for smiling only encourages men to bore you and waste your time." we have all been there when at bars.

and i must admit there was some beauty:

in their quest for a life without failure, suffering, or doubt, that is what they achieve:  a life empty of all those things that make a human life meaningful.

but for the most part, it was just about heti's insecurities.  to a certain extend it was just girls season 3.  heti and hannah are pretty much on in the same.  in girls, adam plays the part of margaux.  they are both writers struggling with their art from while in a relationship with an successful artist which results in issues in their relationship.  but whereas i could enjoyed this season of girls because there were other characters distract me from hannah's narcissism, there wasn't anyone interesting in heti's novel.  the friend suffering from depression after the ugly painting contest (really?), the hair salon (seriously she felt that deep of a calling there?!?!),  and the asshole she hooked up with (i know sex can be amazing but was his really worth the verbal abuse?!?!?!).  okay i can admit i was a bit intrigued by the asshole, not because of the sex, but because i was in disbelief of the way he talked to her.  i will also add the dinner party discussion about the men going to africa was great.  that is how i feel about bono being in africa and all of his projects.  it's like really bono you have millions and millions of dollars and you are asking me to donate money for a cause so you can feel better about yourself?

maybe i just wasn't in the right head space for this, though i am just as lost as heti is about how a person should be.  in the end though i feel like the she did watching the handball match.  here i though this novel was going to stand for something like the match, but in the end, just like they didn't know what they were playing, heti didn't really know what she was writing.   (that sounds so harsh but really, this book should have just been a blog, one more time, the honesty of it was beautiful, but in the end, i really wasn't that interested in her life.)

the interestings. meg wolitzer. (182)

*this contains some spoilers, so if this is on your to-read list, i will tell you where to stop reading. you can read my beginning if you like.

i picked up the interestings because buzzfeed recommended it based on my love of bridge of terabithia.  buzzfeed shared

At its core, Bridge to Terabithia is about friendship, especially the kind that is strengthened by shared creativity and imagination. In The Interestings, Meg Wolitzer explores that bond — focusing on six teens who meet at a summer camp for the arts — and looks at what happens when it extends into adulthood.

sounds interesting right?  no, the book title is a bit of a misnomer.    

to be honest, i should have judge a book by its cover.  when i saw that the book title played second fiddle to the author's name, i should have known something was up.  seriously who puts their name that large on their book?  it actually does give the reader a peak into the self-righteousness they will encounter with the protagonist, jules jacobson.  (ps don't let the jeffery eugenides' blurb fool you!)

the interestings is the story of a girl named jules jacobson, she is a middle (maybe lower-middle) class girl from new jersey that befriended a group of rich kids from new york at an artsy summer camp, spirit-in-the-woods, which she attended on scholarship.  the title comes from the name the kids, ash, goodman, ethan, jonah, and cathy gave their cliqué, the interestings.  the book opens with the group as adolescents at camp in the 70's and follows through their fucked up (seriously this is the best adjective) lives as adults.

*spoilers from here on out.

the only storyline i truly found interesting belong to jonah bay.  jonah was the son of a folk singer, who sadly lost his love of music when another folk singer fed him drugs and stole his songs.  seriously i hated barry for what he did to jonah.  i also enjoyed reading about his relationship with a HIV positive partner, something the naive 90s kid in me does not imagine possible.  i even enjoyed the cult story line though i was appalled that woltizer had jonah's mother stayed with the cult, but i guess she was happy.  

i could have done without the goodman storyline.  wolitzer actually should have killed him off (i was waiting for this to happen especially since i had bridge to terabithia in my head as a point of reference, thanks to the buzzfeed article.)  regardless of cathy's neediness, i believe he raped her.  i also could not believe that the wolf family supported goodman, when he obviously had issues.  they sent him money which just fueled his drug habit.  i also can not believe that after goodman made his parents go bankrupt, they turned to ash to send him cash.  he was such a horrible character and such a drain on the book, he should have been killed off early on.  though i guess wolitzer would not have had her crazy turn of events at the end.

and though i was happy for ethan and the success of figland, i did get tried of reading about the beginning of figland so many times.  actually before i can go on, i have to complain about how this book was so repetitive.  i know it spanned like 30 years, but it was like wolitzer assumed her reader was dumb and forgot what they had read and so she repeated things but instead of jogging the reader's memory, her statements were just annoyingly redundant.  the book was 468 pages, but i am sure if you cut out all the reminders that ash was beautiful and a feminist, jonah was beautiful and his mother was a folk singer, ethan didn't love his autistic son, larkin and rory were polar opposites, or all of jules' issues, it would have been a much shorter book.  there were so many times that i read something and was like okay!  i get it!

but what made this book the most uninteresting was jules' bitching.  i could not sympathize with jacobson because she was a sad shallow individual.  i was disgusted by her jealousy of ash and ethan's life.  sure ethan was in love with her first, when they were 15, but jules didn't love him and was fine with it until he turned into a millionaire.  i also think wolitzer did herself a disservice by having ethan in love with jules his whole life, it didn't help justify jules' envy.  i was literally disgusted as i read about jules' jealousy of her friends' wealth.  ash and ethan had not even made their money and here was jules assuming they would change.  i mean money does change a person but if their "friendship" was a strong as they all thought it to be, they could handle it.  i mean money has never been an issue with any of my friends, and i am in jules' position where my friends have more than me.  my friends aren't millionaires but i can't imagine that effecting anything.  i am not friends with people based on their income.  when jules' rant came in the middle of the book, i almost stopped reading at that point.  i couldn't image having to read from her self-centered point-of-view.  instead of being happy for ethan's success, all she could focus on was how she was inferior to them because of it.  i honestly do not know how her husband, dennis didn't leave her at that point.  her rant was a red flag that the bitch was going to be unhappy with everything in life, and dennis was suppose to be the one suffering from depression.  oh and after all of her complaining, jules ended up taking the money ethan offered (as a good friend) to help pay for an apartment for them because jules and her husband had outgrown their old apartment.  i mean if jules was worried about money changing their friendship she should have not accepted that money or started to allow them to pay for all of their meals.  and don't even get me started on the kids, i can not believe how much she contrasted larkin and rory, so unfair to rory.  seriously, jules was such a disgusting person, she made reading this book quite tedious.

i was glad when dennis finally put jules in her place, after the spirit-in-the-woods fiasco.  i loved how he finally told her that all of friends are "not that interesting."  he went on to tell her that there was nothing special about the camp nor was there anything special about them:

[spirit-in-the-woods] made you feel special.  what do i know--maybe its actually made you special.  and specialness--everyone wants it.  but jesus, is it the most essential thing there is?  most people aren't talented. so what are they supposed to do--kill themselves?

the later part seems extreme, but it is true.  the issue with jules was that she wanted to be "special", she couldn't be happy with what she had.

after i was done cheering on dennis for calling jules out, i realized that maybe the interestings is wolitzer's critique of the "everyone's a winner" rending of generations.  that by telling kids (myself included, i was/am totally part of this generation) that they are special, we are just setting them for a lifetime of self-righteousness and unhappiness.  we will always be unhappy with what we have because the "specialness" of our youth has brainwashed us into believing we are predestined for greatness, but that is not how life works.  kids that are told they are winners minus the work, grow up to be adults that expect greatness without the willingness to strive for it.  this is was jules' problem, she wanted to be an actress but didn't want to work for it so she dropped it the first time she was harshly criticized.  furthermore, i think reality tv has augmented this "specialness" issue because we see talentless people become rich and famous.  again people not willing to work but ending up success. (see:  any of the kardashians).

in retrospect, i realize that jules has the same problem as one of my favorite tv characters, hannah, from hbo's "girls".  hannah is a talented writer but when she took a "corporate" job from gq magazine, she worried that it will prevent her from becoming a successful writer.  her paranoia about never being "great" led to her not only creating a unnecessary drama in her relationship but her workplace.  instead of confronting her anxiety and focusing on not, she projected upon her co-workers critiquing them for having put their careers on hold.  none of them appeared to be suffering from this decision yet hannah was brutally harsh when calling them out.  the disgust i felt when reading about jules' bitching was the same disgust i felt when watching hannah attack her coworkers.  hannah's relationship with adam even mirrored jules' relationship with ethan.  as opposed to being happy for adam's first broadway show, hannah of course has to put the focus on her.  she stressed about how being broadway would change him and their relationship, she put all of these preconceived notion about how he cheat or she would have to end her career for him into her head and ended up pushing him away.  she was the one that pushed adam away not broadway.  it was the same for jules with ethan and his money as i mentioned before.  so why do i love hannah and loathe jules?  it comes down to the fact that i have seen hannah doing coke off of a toliet and dance all night to andrew andrew, i mean the girl is fun.  i can't say the same for jules.  i also enjoy hannah's self-depreciating humor, i mean jules was kind of sad with her desperation for cheap laughs.   i will also add, hannah is still a twentysomething, and i imagine her growing out of it, however jules was in her fifties still dealing with the same issues she had as a fifteen year old.  jules lacked personal growth which is why i couldn't handle her as a character.

but back to this critique of "specialness", if that was wolitzer's goal of writing this book, then i commend her.  this generation needs to read her book and get their shit together.  however, looking back at the title, i can't help but think that maybe she is jules jacobson and the anxiety of her life came spewing out via jules.

i also have to add, boo to buzzfeed for saying that if you like bridge to terabithia, you would enjoy the interestings.  the friendship in terabithia was so much greater than the ones in interestings and it is an insult to jess and leslie.   there are better books about friendship out there, though they are young adult novels maybe john green's "the fault in our stars" or markus zusak's "the book thief", even steinbeck's "of mice and men" would be a better choice.  i haven't come across a good friendship book in a while but once i do, i will recommend it!  well if it is worthy of jess and leslie.

super sad true love story. gary shteyngart. (173)

gary shteyngart's super sad true love story was supposed to be my anti-valentine's day read.  title alone is perfection.  also adore the cover, kate spade should make it a book clutch. back to my reading, i sadly did not finish it on time, even though i had the time  valentine's day weekend thanks to shia labeouf's #iamsorry exhibit.  the plan was also to read it before reading shteyngart's memoir little failure, but since i had return that book to the library first, this was placed on the back burner.

however, reading the memoir, i picked up on some things that i won't have if i hadn't.  as i mentioned in my little failure post, i learned that lenny's parents are essentially shteyngart's parents and that the korean girls from shteyngart's high school was the inspiration for eunice. but as i read more, i discovered that shteyngart's mentor/father figure john was the inspiration for lenny's mentor/father figure joshie, since both are obsessed with youth.  also lenny's mother was named after his grandmother. 

the setting is the distant future, a future i would be alive for and a future i could definitely imagine happening.  shteyngart's future is hilarious and clever but to take two adjectives from the title, super sad.  in the future we are ruled by an äppärät, an iphoneesque device that one wears around their neck.  äppärät just like an iphone is the future's means of staying connected to the world.  in the future, the world communicates via globalteens which i assuming is based on facebook.  facebook start off as a college kids site but now as turned into the most important form of online communication.  given the teens in its name, i imagine globalteens had a similar start. it can also shares and receives the scores and rankings of the individuals around you for the follow criteria:  credit, fuckability, hotness, personality, anal/oral/vaginal preference, sustainability.  as you can see the future is also driven by sex, a fuckability score demonstrates that fact.  more proof, girls wear onionskin jeans which are sheer jeans that show everything, bras that show your nipples and underwear called totallysurrender that are removed with the touch of one button, and there is clothing brand called juicypussy and a store called assluxury.  its all so clever but when you think about it honestly, its the exact direction the world is headed.  based on this sex-driven society, youth is super important in the future.  lenny works for a company that helps high net worth individuals live forever.  his boss, john, that i mentioned before, is a 70 something but looks like he is in early 40's (maybe younger i don't remember exactly) and his also obsessed with youth culture, aka hip on all the lingo (which i will explain later).  everyone stays youthful and healthy by being los angeles on crack.  everyone eats organic, fat-free, antibiotic-free food in order to stay young.   in shteyngart's future, los angeles would be mecca (the setting for this story is new york) or maybe los angeles is the future, but regardless, los angeles would thrive because sex, youth, and health are important.  oh and shopping is super important too, and of course the media, the main jobs everyone wants are in retail and media.  seriously, shteyngart's future is simply an mutant variation of current los angeles.  (btw i absolutely love los angeles, is this not an insult, but an observation.)

and in the future, america is no longer the powerhouse it once was.  (are we still a powerhouse?)  china is the big country in charge.  even korea is more stabled then america, we learn this from eunice's (i will introduce her later) parents who realized it would have safer for them to keep their daughters in korea than coming to america.  since retail and media are such important aspects of american society, america is ruled by big conglomerates like "alliedwastecvscitigroupcredit" (hilarious but so true).  however, america is facing the same problems , it is/was experiencing with occupy wall street.  the lower classes are fed up with the class divide but this time they set up their protest in central park.  in all honesty, this part was bit over my head (aka i was bored) just like politics is in real life for me.  so i didn't pay too much attention to this storyline.   i did find it interesting how the us was invading venezuela and venezuela was in our current news due to the protest about their economy.  and i am sorry, i know it makes me sound like a ignorant american (or like eunice park), but i always feel like even if you know about politics, you don't know exactly what is going on within the political realm.  

but back to the story.  super sad true love story is the story of two unlikely lovers, lenny abramov, the 39 year old son of russian immigrants, an old, and eunice park, the 23 (i think) year old daughter of korean immigrants.  it seems awkward to note their ethnic background but it is an element that adds to their unlikely love.  they love is unlikely because lenny is "old", gross (he looks like a rhesus monkey), fat, and unhip while eunice is the exact opposite, young, hot, thin and hip.  i hate to be so shallow but i couldn't get pass how awkward lenny was and didn't believe in their love for one bit.  (i also rarely believe in love in general.)   they met in rome at a party, for lenny it was true love, for eunice it was a gross random hook up with an old dude.  it seemed as though they would never met again, but when eunice comes back to the states, she doesn't want to stay with her family, so she stays with lenny.  with the world in turmoil,  and of course their love starts to blossom.  the love that i am skeptical of (and rightfully so), i mean the title kind of sets you up for their failure.

and though i was skeptical of their love, i did enjoy the book.  the book was divided between lenny's perspective via his journal and eunice's via her globalteens entires.  the book is also supposed to be a book within a book since lenny's journal and eunice's entries are later published and become a bestseller.  i hate to admit it but i found lenny's portion a bit boring but absolutely loved reading eunice's part.  it's funny because shteyngart realized this as well because he has lenny write how "the stateside critics have unanimously agreed, the gems of the text are eunice park's globalteens entries.  they 'present a welcome relief from lenny's relentness navel-gazing.'"  i couldn't have said it better myself.  eunice's entries were the gems and i could have read a book of just her entries  as i had mentioned before youth have their own lingo, made up primarily of acronyms, which is the way we are headed with our current use of lol, wtf, omg, etc.   since shteyngart's future is so sex driven, the lingo is as well, for example, "JBF" or "just butt fucking" is used alot by eunice.  but eunice's entries are hilarious and entertaining, like reading a friend's email or texts.  to start eunice's username on globalteens "euni-tard abroad", how great is that?  also the dialogue between eunice and her friend is pretty rauchy but i guess if you go on a random person's fb, you would see similar talk now.  and even though it's raunchy, it's still funny.  they seriously write the craziest stuff to each other:  

from eunice:

what up twat?  missing you 'tard?  wanna dump a little sugar on me? JBF 

i can never reveal who i really am to him because we would just vomit.

sup, my bus bee-oitch?

from her friend:

wak-waka, ass-sucka!  whut-a-happenin?

oh, shit. i gotta subtract.  why does alcohol make you go so much? is that a sciene thing?

panda, i'm off to juicy for a vag rejuv . . . 

from eunice's entries, we learn that she is troubled young woman trying to figure out life.  eunice is so messed up that lena dunham could add her to the cast of girls and do away with all those #whitegirlproblems critiques.  she has a trouble past, her father is abusive, beating her mother, her sister and eunice.  she is caught between this desire to protect and provide for her family while also wanting to live her own life.  at the beginning of the novel is a self-centered mess, but she becomes involved with the movement in central park, and begins to think beyond just herself.  though she is no perfect person, she still has her faults.  also her love for lenny still didn't make sense, even as she grew as a person.  

in the end, lenny and eunice do not stay together forever, but then again not all love lasts forever.  their relationship is an example of the kind of love that may not be true or forever but still allows an individual to grow and become a better person.  that relationship that helps one conquer a fear (as lenny overcame his fear of death) or help one see life a new way (as lenny showed eunice that there is more to life than media and retail).  and in reality we have more of these types of relationships than we do have of the true love forever kind, since there is only one of those.  due to this, the title is then perfect for their story, it was super sad and true because not all love stories end happily ever after.  

i really enjoyed this book.  shteyngart was so clever when it came to creating a future.  i recommend reading this novel for the setting alone and of course' eunice's gems.

p.s. i have to add that this library book smelled!  it stunk!!!  not like that sweet book smell but sour like someone puked in it.  i was able to read past it, but i just thought it was funny that in the book, people are grossed out by the books that lenny reads.  one guy on an airport complains that his book smells.  and when eunice moves into lenny's she is grossed out by his books, she even tries to spray them to make them smell better.  so the gross smell of this book only enhanced the story!

bad behavior: stories. mary gaitskill. (164)

bad behavior was originally on my to-read list because flavorpill told me that it would fill the girls-hole in my heart after season 1 was over.  but something else caused me to add it to my library list.  as i read i thought it was the short story, secretary, i loved the movie so thought maybe i had read on flavorpill it was based on it.  but it turns out after googling it was on flavorpill's list of "50 incredibly tough books for extreme readers".  according to flavorpill:

i think i am pretty tough girl and now i have read a book that proves so.

to start this was an excellent fill for my girls void.  i saw adam in a romantic weekend and an affair, edited.  connection could be written by future marnie about hannah, while other factors would be future hannah on marnie.  maybe shosh would become the prostitute in trying to be, now that she is "deflowered but not devalued".  and jessa's free spirit was in both magdalen and lily in heaven.

the story, secretary, which the movie of the same name was based on was disappointing.  i loved the film with maggie gyllenhaal, and james spader, especially since this movie proved my theory that spader is sinister sexy.  spader is capable of giving you the best sex of your life then kill you once he was done!  what i disliked about the story was the ending.  for once in my life i preferred the hollywood ending, how the secretary and her boss found love in a hopeless place.  it was great how the character in the short story found the strength to stop the abuse but i preferred how her film counterpart found strength in being dominated.  she was a better character in the movie versus the book.

the stories as a whole were interesting.  it made me secretly wish that i had been a prostitute at some point in my life (see: diablo cody's book about her year as a stripper.)  i also recognized my life in her characters.  i sadly fell in love with the asshole in an affair, edited, my asshole was an attorney as well.  he also did not recognize my love for him as anything more than puppy love.  all of her characters that looked back on friendships lost reminded me of my life and how many times i was a bad friend.  i i found connection honest and on pointe about how we perceive friendships.  i had one friendship though fun was filled with arguments in which the dialogue in connection reminded me of, accusations of who used who and who was more selfish.  last but not least the final story heaven left me regretful for my future, worried about how my life will turned out and whether my parents will be disappointed in how i turn out.  i also realized what a great teen i was, i didn't do any drugs or stay out like lily and magdalen.

overall, an excellent read especially for women.  it reminds me of girls on its portrayal of the worse parts of her lives.  i will add that i did discover it on a list from flavorpill of the 20 books every woman should read in her twenties, i was late for that list but still was able to identify with bad behavior. (and yes this last list is part of my reading goal for 2014.)

hello i must be going.

i forgot what i was watching but when i saw a preview for "hello i must be going" i had to see it. i've been a fan of melanie lynsky ever since she played the adopted mother of those "sound of music" singing kids in "away we go". there is something sweet and likable about her. but what i was most excited was that charlie from "girls" was in it! (random "girls" note but amy's (lynsky) brother looked oddly familiar, i imdb-ed him . . . and it was jessa ex! the one she sexed with shosh still in the room!) since i didn't see it in theater, i checked it out.

the film is about amy, a thirtysomething divorcee. her world has fallen apart due to mentioned divorce. she moved back home and when we mert her, hasn't left the house in 3 months (ridiculous and sad). but things change when she meets jeremy (aka charlie!). he's nineteen and her dad's potential business partner's stepson. they hang out and have sex and eventually fall in love. and from
their secret relationship, amy learns a valuable lesson about love and jeremy learns how to live for himself and do what he wants in life. it's sweet.

the film has a great supporting cast. my favorite was jeremy's mom, who is a psychologist so is open to everything. she believes that her son is gay, though he isnt. and when she finds amy and jeremy skinny dipping buys the story that is a firm of therapy. it's silly but would be nice to have such a support parent though at time she is naive.

there was also a great analogy about love. amy's old high school friend tells her “love isn’t a prize you get at the carnival for squirting water in a clown’s face the longest. if someone loves you, they just love you. love just happen." at the time it seem profound as a future thirtysomething looking for love it's comforting to think love not as a reward for your hard work. but more as something that will just happen. but love is work so i kinda don't agree with it though i think love at first is random but love in a relationship requires work. oh and i love when amy drunkenly butchers this analogy by telling her mother, "it’s not like coming in the clowns face at a carnival.” lol

also the soundtrack was amazing. it was all music by laura veir and the saltbreakers. check her out.

and check out the movie, it was a grand jury selection at sundanese. and also hot sex scenes with charlie! who can say no??!?!

ps the title comes for a groucho marx song. amy and her dad used to watch his films late at night when she was a kid.

palo alto. james franco. (127)

i read online that james franco was doing a fundraiser, kinda like kickstarter but not, to turn his collection of short stories, "palo alto" into a movie.  

before i go on, quick rant about celebrities doing kickstarters.  seriously?!?! doesn't the general public give you enough money by watching your movies and tv shows?  i mean don't you already get paid a ridiculous amount of money for acting yet you are begging common folk for money?  fund your own projects, you can afford it!

back to "palo alto", though i didn't agree with his fundraising, i was excited about reading his work.  i admire his acting and he seems to be pretty intelligent and cultured.  he did go to UCLA and he sat with marina abramovic during her piece "the artist is present" (he was featured in the doc).  so i had pretty high expectations for his writing, but his fundraiser should have been a red flag.

i mean it did seem odd that james franco would have to do a kickstarter with all of his hollywood success but this collection of stories was horrible.  so bad that its no wonder he couldn't find anyone in hollywood to back it, you would have to be an idiot to.  it was bad.  it was like a sad attempt to be "jesus' son" but whereas denis johnson has talent and a way with words, franco has nothing.

i mean i knew it was going to be horrible after reading the first line of the first story, "halloween":

ten years ago, my sophomore year in high school, i killed a woman on halloween.

i swear to god, i am not making this up.  that was the first line.  it reminded me of that "girls" episode when hannah goes to the reading for her old professor and she reads that poorly-written and forced story about her online boyfriend dying.  and her first line is about him dying and she doesn't get a reaction so she repeats the line about him dying assuming people didn't catch it the first time.  so embarrassing.  in my head, i imagined franco repeating "killed" for a reaction and for effect.  

so that line set the tone for the rest of the stories and after that i couldn't take anything seriously.  everything felt forced.  i know what franco was trying to write, he wanted to create some great beat manifesto for generation y but sadly didn't come close.  i mean franco did capture the pretentious ignorance of gen y hipsters.  it was shocking yet lacked any real depth or edge.  it was all self-righteous intensity, kinda like hipsters.  franco's characters were soulless druggies yet would namecheck kerouac, faulkner, and hemingway.  it was as if the mention of their names would result in literary greatness, instead franco just came off like a wannabe beat.

his characters were  bad people, i was disgusted by everything i had read in  the story.  they were bad just for the shock value versus finding a deeper truth.  it was full of lines that i am sure franco wanted his readers' minds to explode as they read but everything was overdone and cliché.

franco's stories were filled with bad stereotypes as well.  the second story is the tale of girl who is . . . good at math!  what girls can't be good at math?!?!  or the slutty asian girl who will love you long time.  there was also a lot of half breeds and even a mormon.  but a mormon who knows nothing about scriptures (mormons, even the bad ones can discuss scriptures).  and just way too many bat shitty crazy boys with too much time and drugs on their hands.

and i mean i get wayward youth, i enjoyed "a clockwork orange" and "trainspotting".  i revered sal paradise.  but there was nothing enjoyable or enlightening about the reckless youth of "palo alto".  it was so bad that i now have a better appreciation for "jesus' son".

but i will add i did enjoy one thing.  i genuinely enjoyed franco's mention of the children books author bill peet.  i actually checked out a handful of his books because they are alluded to in a story.  though i did not believe anyone would let a druggie do service hours at a library.  

but in the end, i am glad i read "palo alto" because now i won't waste my money to help fund a film version or pay for a movie ticket to see it.

tiny furniture.

if you know anything about me or have been around me, you know that i've been on a "girls" kick.  and so in desire to be up-to-date on all things lena dunham, i decided to check out "tiny furniture". also will be attending a "girls" party and don't want to be embarrassed by the fact that i haven't seen it.

"tiny furniture" is a look at the life of aura, who just graduated from college, broke up with her bf and moved back home. btw aura's mom and sister are played by lena's actual mom and sister! her sister has some crazy long legs(i wonder if she has the same complex as me about a skinner younger sister?). also found out that her mom is an artist just like her "character".

due to this art imitating real life element, and of course the similarities of this film to "girls", i wonder how much of lena's productions are really just her life.

things that are for sure her life:
-bathing with company. she is always having deep talks about life with someone while she is bathing
-a fear of aids though not necessarily but probably due to "forrest gump"
-she really does have a tattoo on her bum that jemima kirke gave her
-she's a big fan of woody allen
-she's a masochist when it comes to sex and relationships.

i also came to realize that not only is lena just hannah but jemima kirke is really just jessa because her character charlotte was just jessa. i saw in an interview that lena has to beg jemima to be in the tv series and after watching this i have to assume that she didn't want to turn her actual personality into a tv persona. i also now kinda hate her because who could be that fabulous in life. yes jessa is a bit of a mess but she is the bohemian i could never be. if i get a second chance at life i want to come back with her spirit.

[ps just found this article online at vanityfair.com with jemima kirke. looks like i was wrong:

Did you have a hand in shaping your characters in Girls and Tiny Furniture?

Yes, I think there’s a reason why she gave me these roles. Not necessarily because our behaviors are the same, but because perhaps there was a similarity historically between the characters and me. I definitely don’t act like those characters, but there is a lot that I can understand. I think there is also a reason why she gave me such a similar character in the show to the movie. And that reason is that I don’t know that my range in acting is that big. I think that I can do just a few different things. I’m not trained.]

also alex karpovsky also finally grew on me. not that i didn't appreciate his doucheness in "girls", his mickey d's rant, genius! but finally found him attractive. or maybe it was just the fact that he dressed up like a cowboy on a toy horse with these really cool cactus balloons in the background. (i am going to look for said cactus balloons for a future photo session and maybe coachella).

so "tiny furniture" is a very honest look at how it is to be back from home after college. it sucks cos you don't really fit into your home life anymore because though it is your home, it really isn't. i thought aura's freakout was great because that is how you feel sometimes that your family doesn't get you anymore.

the film also shows how much it sucks having to get some random job because let's face college does not give you any real work experience. ability to write last minute paper or takes detailed notes can never be listed on a resume. and the pay is never what you need to survive aura works as a daytime hostess at a restaurant and meets the man of my dreams though he turns out to be a dick! which sadly still makes him the man of dreams but a sous chef that reads! why can't i find that on okcupid. but he turns out to be a male slut and they end up hooking up in a pipe which sounds gross but is also kind of amazing.

also realized just like i have on the series that as much as i love lena's characters they are also so damn selfish. aura screwed over her college friend who moved out to new york. aura was supposed to her roommate but bailed on her the day before she heads out to nyc. which is really messed up. but i get the selfishness, as a gemini it's in my zodiac coding.

there is a lot of praise for it and it won a lot of rewards. but i wasn't mad for it like i am mad for "girls" but still worth a watch.

i has the criterion copy but sadly didn't watch special features because our DVD remote is broken. but may watch them on the criterion's youtube channel.

last but not least do not like lena with long hair. and actually love it super super short. so cute!

you don't love me yet. jonathan lethem. (60)

this was one of the books flavorpill recommended to fill the girls' void. flavorpill admitted that it isn't totally "girls" cos it takes place in LA instead of nyc, but the LA was its selling point for me!

i love movies, shows, and books with an LA setting cos i love pointing out landmarks that i have been too. (btw: i give some legit "entourage" and "(500) days of summer" tours around LA). and joanthan lethem did not disappoint.

LA landmarks mentioned:

right of the back, i knew i would enjoy this book because the book opens in a museum and in my head it was the lacma. jeff koons' three ball 50/50 tank is alluded to which can be found in the bcam at lacma. though this is not a direct reference because the book was published in 2007 and the bcam did not open until 2008 but talk about a good prediction!

the happy/sad foot clinic sign on sunset is mentioned as well. it its an oracle for lucinda, she consulted it for directions with life's pressing questions (apparently beck believes in it's power to according to the sign's facebook. yes the sign has a facebook! when i told my friend danny about the mention in the book he told me about the facebook. check it out: www.facebook.com/happyfoot.sadfoot)

restaurants were also mentioned. hugo's restaurant in weho was a destination for its oatmeal fritters. i have been to hugo's for it's pasta mama (as recommended by susan feinger on the best thing i ever ate) but did not know about it's oatmeal fritters and googled and yea the book gave the exact description of that dish. neptune's net in malibu is where the book ends. and a great fish tacos place is mentioned and since this is pre-ricky's fish tacos, i am assuming it is "the best fish tacos in ensenada" on sunset. lastly lucinda has a cuban sandwich at cafe tropical and i've gotten a quick bite from there cos my friend karen lived down the street, they put abuelita in their mochas!  so being a true angelano at heart, i will say lethem did LA well.

the novel is the story of a girl, lucinda, her band and an odd affair she has with this older guy, in the late 90s. i assumed it took place today but one character is using this "new" thing called email and at one party (which i will detail later) people use walkman's instead of ipods.  but i mean life hasn't changed too much in LA so this book was pretty contemporary.

as odd as this may sound, i liked the "art" in the book more than anything else about it. lucinda works at a gallery for her ex, falmouth and he made some great art. he did an installation involving a complaint line. he put up flyers around LA with a hotline number and set up a gallery space where people took calls and accepted complaints.  i was hoping that the number would be real, the back cover had a flyer with a number, which i called but sadly nothing. but still a cool concept, i imagined an exhibit of the complaints.  complaints written up on cards and placed side by side on a museum wall.   the compliant that stood out to me was "nobody told me about aging/moisturizer/death". the complaint line is how lucinda meets carl but we will get to that later.

falmouth's second installation was a silent party called Aparty. so there are parties known as silent discos where attendees wear wireless headphones that are linked to the deejay so everyone is dancing to the same music but an outsider can not hear anything. cool, huh? falmouth's silent party was similar. but since it was back in the 90's, everyone brought walkmans and danced to their own music. i liked this idea more because then you get all kinds of dancing to all kinds of music. and considering this was pre-ipod days in which we can make playlists with a couple of drags and clicks, so that meant people had to make mixed tapes or CDs specifically for the party or could have cheated and used the radio. i like the idea of people moving to their own groove at a party.

the description of the party also captured the essence of hipster/silverlake/echo park parties. how you hear about some thing from a friend of a friend (or an email list) about a gallery opening or a free show and everyone shows up for the free booze. and then it turns into this huge thing with a long line and just chaos.  (i will say i have a pretty good track record in which i somehow magically get into places sans being on a list or standing in line for hours.) so that was a good description of LA-hipster life (not that i'm a hipster.)

the story in a nutshell is that lucinda meets a this older guy (who is really good and giving orgasms) via the compliant line and their conversations and his words become the songs for the band.  there are a bunch of other little side stories like lucinda's most recent ex kidnaps a kangaroo from a zoo, and the band is on the verge of "making it" after playing the silent party.  i think carl the complainer had some interesting theories on love which will be quoted below.  but did it fill my void?  not really, i didn't identify with lucinda like i did with the girls from girls.  but if you love LA and a music geek, i think you would dig this book.  so check it out.  

ps another LA-esque aspect was a radio deejay, Autumnbreast, who is an LA legend who plays all the "it" bands and used to hang with all the great bands of the 70s.  i think he is based upon kroq's rodney on the roq (the studio in the book was in culver city which is where kroq is).

quotations:

i will say that i was gross out by the older guy cos he seemed sloppy and fat versus hot old like dermont mulroney in new girl.  but he did have some great thoughts on love:

"I have this condition called monster eyes.  I find something not to like and it becomes enormous, it becomes the whole world." (how he finds fault with the ones he loves)

"Nostalgia, except it's not just regular nostalgia.  More like nostalgia vu. Longing for longing, instead of for the thing in question."

"'I don't think it counted for that much one way or the other.  We were only one another's astronaunt food.'
'What's astronaut food?'
' You know, stuff in little packets that you keep lying on the shelf.  Everyone has some lying around.  The people you imagine you might be with but you know you never will be.  The people who if you're in a couple but you're a little bored or restless you meet them for  a coffee alot and the other half of your couple isn't thrilled about it.  Or if you're single, they're the people you're keeping on a mental list just so you don't feel like there aren't possibilities.  Friends who are almost more than friends but really, they're just friends.  Astronaut food, bomb shelter provisions.  If you were ever going to have anything with them it would have happened already. Sometimes you even fall in bed with them but it doesn't count for much.  It's always a mistake to try to get any nourishment out of that stuff.  But not a big mistakes.  That's the beautiful part, the stakes are low.'"

"Only as a friend of mine use to say, you can't be deep without a surface."

"All thinking is wishful."

"Pour love on the broken places."

"'I'm not drunk.'
'Your eyes are X's.'"