bad feminist. roxane gay. (234)

i, first came across roxane gay's collection of essays, bad feminist, via flavorpill.  i didn't give it much thought but after she was all over my instagram feed (i follow a lot of bookish accounts), i decided i needed to check it out.  and i am glad i did!  this is a must read for every woman  . . . and man too.

i consider myself a feminist, i believe that women are not the weaker sex and should be treated the same as men.  women should not be restricted by the boundaries that society had deemed appropriate and acceptable for them.  i took a women studies course at ucla and did very well in it (i should have minored in women studies.) i have made it a point to read more women authors this year.  it's not a title, most people associated me with, but feminist is one that i would proud about if labeled it.  (and this is prior to bey making it cool to be a feminist.)

however, i do realize that like gay, i am a bad feminist.  and like gay, i embrace that title.  as gay shared,

i embrace the label of bad feminist because i am human.  i'm messy.  i'm not trying to be an example.  i am not trying to be perfect.  i am not trying to say i have all the answers.  i am not trying to say i'm right.  i am just trying--trying to support what i believe in, trying to do some good in the world, trying to make some noise with my writing while being myself:  a woman who loves pink and likes to get freaky and sometimes dances her ass off to music, she "knows" is terrible for women and who sometimes plays dumb with repairmen because it's easier to let them feel macho than it is to stand on the moral high ground.

this felt spot on.  i do believe in equality between sexes but love it when men open doors for me and if on a date, i do expect them to pay for dinner.  if i am carrying something heavy and with a male, i expected him to carry it for me.  it doesn't make me less of a feminist, just human.

the term bad feminist allows for these inconsistencies not only with us as humans but also feminism as a movement.   feminism, like all movements, covers a variety of concerns and issues, gay's point is that in order to be a feminist you don't need to be true to everything, but simply believe in the progression of women's rights.  she does point out that feminism is flawed with its lack of concern for women of color and homosexuals.  however, though it is flawed, gay is hopefully that her voice along with others will help create room for everyone within feminism.

before i go, i must add that as i read the intro, i felt bad about my judging of beyonce.  my dislike of beyonce came with an anthem that i should have loved, "run the world (girls)."  i felt like she was stealing other artists' thunder, the cool funky part of this song was actually major lazer and then she performed that billboard awards she totally copied another artist.  all this left a bad taste in my mouth.  then, the whole feminist thing seemed more like a marketing ploy than anything else.  i mean it was great that she sampled chimamanda nogzi adichie, because the world needed to hear that ted talk and read her novels.  i read americanah because of "flawless". however, i felt like adichie's words were being bastardized by the context beyonce put them in.  how does "my man made me feel so god damn fine, i'm flawless!" align with the discussion women not fighting for or finding worth in the attention from men.  and as my cousin kristel pointed out, doesn't "bow down bitches" go against adichie's words that women should not be in competition with one a other.  for these reasons, my dislike began to grow.  also the music video for "pretty hurts" was so self-righteous, yes i am sure beyonce struggled with her body and it not finding into the model mold, but lets get serious, she now has designers creating for her, so can she not preach about the world putting pressure on women to be pretty in her couture.  the fashion industry she shows off via her dazzling outfits is the beast that feeds these high standards of beauty.  however, gay made me realize that i was being a bad feminist for critiquing bey like this.  it is ignorant of me to expect her to be perfect, so bey, i am sorry.  also, i should be grateful that she has made it so that girls and women today are not afraid to be labelled a feminist.

just like i don't always agree with beyonce, it was the same with gay.  for the most part, i agreed with points she made however, i did reach some points where i lost interest in what she had to say.  but regardless of how i felt, i was engaged, i loved her writing style and her witty little quips made me feel like we could be friends.

the essays are divided into the following sections:  [me], [gender & sexuality], [race & entertainment], [politics, gender & race].

[me] as expected discussed gay, her work and her hobby, competitive scrabble.  yes, competitive scrabble, that essay was a hoot and gay is good!

the first essay in this section discussed her work as a professor and what she encountered as an advisor for a black students association.  she also explained how a co-workers remark about affirmative action drove her to work hard, ultimately gaining her ph.d but still worried she isn't good enough.  

the second essay, "peculiar beliefs" made the interesting point of everyone neglecting to recognize their privilege and only wanting to focus on their oppression.  though i am a person of color, a female and came from a single parent home and lived in a rural area, i was aware that i was privileged growing up.  this knowledge came via kids pointing out the material goods (aka nike shoes and guess jeans) that i had in elementary school.  we weren't rich but i was privileged for the area.  i also had a family that was very involved and cared about my education.  now i am not saying that i life the high life, but just demonstrating the fact that i never saw myself as disadvantaged.  as gay called out her readers at the end, "if you are reading this essay, you have some kind of privilege . . . if you cannot recognize your privilege, you have a lot of work to do; get started."

[gender & sexuality] cover just that.  the first essay, "how to be friends with a another woman" is a definite must read!  i wanted to copy it and share it with all of my friends, primarily to thank them for being just great friends!  just great sound advice.  i even instagramed my favorite:

the second essay "girls, girls, girls", as i was anticipating, discussed hbo's "girls" and i understand all of gay's critiques, but still think "girls" is the best,  gay's brings up the color issue which i have discussed before, but just add some food for thought because gay also discussed how women need a television show that shows women with their act together.  to which i say but that is not the point of "girls".  dunham created the show to demonstrate what life is like for twentysomethings now and i think she is spot on.  i am a thirtysomething but see my past messy self in the girls of "girls".  secondly, it's unfortunate because the lack of diversity on show is not due to dunham's racism but probably from the lack of diversity in her action life.  and i don't hate her for it, it's just a reality of life.  i have always had very diverse group of friends, but not everyone is like that.  people tend to stick to their own race, it's unfortunate but it happens.  also growing up, i never new any jewish people so a depiction of my life would exclude jewish people but it shouldn't make that work anti-semitic, it is simply a reflection of the reality that i knew.  gay recognized that it is unfair to expect "girls" to be everything to everyone and that we have put an unjust demand for it to be inclusive.  and that the real issue is that programming as a whole needs to change.  i have to add that gay mentioned "girlfriends" in his article, and how it showed women of color being responsible and having jobs.  i really need to start watching it, i hope netflix or hulu pick it up to show.

in "i was once miss america", gay plays tribute to the girls of "sweet valley high". i read part of that series but was not into like gay was into it.  and though reading the novel as a haitian girl, she was able to identify with the twins of sweet valley.  as she explained, "some experiences are universal.  a girl is a girl whether she lives in omaha or sweet valley."

in "garnish, glorious spectacles", i recognized how bad my television guilty pleasures, bravo's housewives and all of the celebreality vh1 shows, truly were, not due to it being bad television, but the horrible, female stereotypes it upheld.  gay loved these shows too, so i don't feel as bad.  but it is horrible how we watch these shows to feel better about herself and be thankful that we aren't such train wrecks.  and in the end, gay points out that perhaps we watch it because its actual a reflection of ourselves.  

in "the careless language of sexual violence", i was appalled to learn about how the new york times framed the gang-raping of an 11 year old girl as the victim's fault and sympathized with the rapist.  i'm not always up to date on current events, so this was not on my radar when it happened.  however, i did google and read the article and other posts about it.  i still can not believe that the nyt allowed for this story to be ran.  i will add that i am thankful to life in an each in which i can google a story and also see all of the critiques of it as well in a search.

another thing that i did not agree with gay, her love of the hunger games trilogy.  though her love for these works, kind of makes me want to actual finish all three books.  i read the hunger games on the advice of friends before the movies and all the hoopla around it.  i, for one, did not enjoy it.  there was a lot of living going on for something that was suppose to be a fight to the death.  i mean i get it, its a young adult novel, but i was still disappointed that it turned into some kind of weird love story.  so i saw the first movie, and actually enjoyed it more.  then just stopped caring about the hunger games.  however, now i feel like i should read it, because katniss is a good role model for girls, as gay pointed out.  so i feel like i should read them in the name of girls that rock!

i am so thankful that gay wrote "dear young ladies who love chris brown so much that they would let him beat them".  i, for one, do not understand how chris brown is still famous and how women still love him.  this article addresses my confusion.

"blurred lines, indeed" made me feel so bad.  i absolutely loved "blurred lines" when it came out.  it was my jam, i once had a dj play it for me twice in one night.  i loved the beat and it was catchy and the lyrics were funny.  however, i did not realize just how misogynistic it was, okay, maybe i did, but i still loved to dance to it.  i like the music but i i hate the message.  i know i can solve this problem by not listening to it, at the same time its just music.  though gay points out that this "lighten up" mentality does not alleviate these problems.  i guess i can just hope for a future in which misogynistic undertones in pop culture will go away because it has gone away in our culture.

gay discussed the 50 shades of gray trilogy, and all i can say, is how did women read that crap?  i mean i am glad that women were reading, but seriously there was nothing sexy about a controlling man.  controlling in the bedroom, if you are into bdsm life style yes.  but controlling as in buying the company you work for and wanting to know where you are all the time, is just frightening and women should not tolerate it just because the sex is good.  i have never read it, and now i never will.   i will add, this essay discussed how prince charming is just an illusion and that women need to understand that they can not change men and if a man is not treating you as he should be, you need to get out of that relationship.

on last note about this section, in it gay discussed in pieces, how she was a victim of sexual violence as a young girl.  at the risk of sounding insensitive or using the wrong words, just wanted to share that i appreciate her allowing the reader into such a private matter.  her writing on it felt therapeutic though i can't speak for her.  i will add that she did create an environment in which her readers that are victims of sexual violence can feel comfort in knowing that they are not alone. 

[race & entertainment], this collection of essays, is where i disagreed with gay the most.  primarily, because i see movies as entertainment and though it is insensitive of me, just felt like sometimes you have to take movies just as an escape then rather analyze everything.  and i know that movies influence how we frame the world and also reflect how we frame the world, but i felt she was being too critical in this section,

[politics, gender & race].  her article "when twitter does what journalism can't" gay demonstrated the power of twitter.  again i am bad with the current events, but so i learned about senator wendy davis' filibuster the next day.  however, gay learned of it via twitter thanks to one activist that live tweeted the filibuster.  gay also explained that the larger networks did not cover it, but there was a livefeed via youtube, where she was able to watch it.  it is shocking how much of our news gets shared via twitter and facebook.  i have mentioned before in post that i always get my celebrity death news via twitter.  oh and just wanted to add kudos to senator davis for being an amazing woman!!!

"the inalienable rights of women" is another must read for women.  it was one that got my blood boiling because of the little control, we women have over our bodies.  and i think what is even more frustrating that there is so much discussion about birth control, yet men can just walk down to the corner store and pick up condoms whenever they want.  where is the regulation of that?!?!?  it was so upsetting to read about some states requiring women to get ultrasounds before receiving an abortion.  virginia went so far as to require transvaginal ultrasounds.  i have discussed it before, i have never been in a position in which i needed to decide whether or not i wanted an abortion.  however, i can not imagine being in that position and not only having to struggle with my making the right decision for myself but then having the government add in their ignorant two cents.  at the end of the day, it is my body and i need to make the decision that is best for me.  women need to be allowed to chose for themselves without the government interfering.  furthermore, i do agree with gay that if the government does continue to limit women's right in regards to abortions, women will go underground to take care of the situation as they have throughout history.

these are just some highlights from the essays.  gay covered a variety of issues and gave me a lot of food for thought.  this was an excellent read not only for giving voice to issues that are often ignored but for simply encouraging the reader to question the world we live in.  this novel doesn't have all the answers or solve the problems we face as society, instead it adds dialogue to ongoing discussions of gender, race, sexuality, politics, in hopes that the world will improve.     

the lottery and other stories. shirley jackson. (216)

after reading we always lived in the castle, i decided to check out shirley jackson's other works.  i am too chicken shit to read the house on haunting hill, so instead decided to check out her short story, "the lottery".  wikipedia claimed it as "one of the most famous short stories in American literature", so i decided to give it a read.  it did take me a while to build up the courage to read it.  though we always lived in the castle was more creepy and demented then outright scary, i was still weary of reading "the lottery". i wasn't sure what to expect.

if you have never read "the lottery", stop right here and go read it.  it won't take you long.  also stop here if you plan on reading it because a there are spoilers.

***spoilers****

turns out, i was worried for nothing.  "the lottery" though demented did not scare me like i had anticipated.  in fact, it was a little lackluster, though i blame the hunger games for my lack of shock, i knew someone was going to die.  "the lottery" is the story of a lottery; every year, in order to reap a good harvest of corn, the village, as all villages do, gather for the lottery.  there was talk among the villagers that some villages had stopped it, but their talk disapproved of the breaking of tradition.  the whole village gathered and all the heads of the family, picked a piece of paper from a black box (sounds like the katniss and her story, right?).  the family with the black dot must then picked again.  then the family member with the black dot is  . . . stoned to death.  shocking and demented, but not that surprising since in the hunger games someone is elected to die to benefit the collective.  i wonder if collins was inspired by "the lottery", i mean as i read, i felt like i was reading the hunger games.  but jackson, the better writer, had the guts to kill the person, sending home the message of how dangerous outdated traditions can be.  i feel like every analysis that i read about jackson's "the lottery" and her a handful of other short stories, mentioned her call against conformity, and that is clearly seen in this story.  a great story, and i think i would have found it absolutely brilliant, if my mind had not been tainted by the hunger games first.

i ended up reading the rest of the stories in this collection (it is the year of the short story).  i was expecting them to be dark and scary like ghost stories, but they really weren't.  i mean they were dark, jackson is american gothic (though i am not truly sure of what is meant by the term because i never finished flannery o'connor's collection of short stories).  they were enjoyable reads and many contained very important morals.

one of the darker ones i enjoyed was "the daemon lover", which i discovered takes its name from scottish ballad about a man james harris (the name harris also appears in alot of stories, i am not sure why, i almost felt like jackson's stories came from the same universe, think pixar universe, and so harris' mentioned were all the same person!) who lures a lover away from her family and husband.  in the short story, a woman, was waiting for her lover, jamie or james harris.  they are to be married that day but he never shows up.  she then went on a wild goose chase after him.  at first, you feel bad for her because she can not find him, but then you start to question if she is sane.  she ended up outside of an apartment where she hears voices.  it is then shared that she returns to the apartment every day trying to find him.  so yes in fact, she was crazy.

another i loved was "charles". i knew the ending before i read it, simply from having to deal with kids all the time.  the story is told from the perspective of a mother, whose son has just started kindergarten.  the son came home every day with outrageous stories of a little boy, charles.  charles was constantly in trouble.  in the end, the mother learned from the teacher that there is no charles!!  i really wish that this short story could be included in parent handbooks for every school year! so many times parents do not realize that their kids are the troublemakers.

"the seven types of ambiguity" broke my heart, since i am a book lover.  the setting of a story is a bookstore.  there was a very well-educated and well-read young man that wanted to purchase a beautiful copy of "the seven types of ambiguity."  on this visit, a man, who was less educated but rich came into the store to purchase books to start reading since he never had a chance to before.  the young man recommended books to him.  the young man left the store, and at the register, the rich man inquires about the book he was looking at.  i hoped he was purchasing it for the young man but he purchased it for himself!  i was so upset at the owner for allowing him to buy it, it was obvious the young man loved the book and the rich man was buying it for vanity purposes.  it broke my heart.  demonstrating how some seek knowledge for personal betterment and others for vanity sake's.  another story that shared this same lesson was "afternoon in linen", in which a grandmother attempted to brag about how well rounded and educated her granddaughter, was embarrassed when her granddaughter confessed to copying a poem out of a book.

the other two stories that i enjoyed touched upon racial prejudice.  the first, "after you, my dear alphonse",  was the story of a little boy johnny that brought home his friend boyd for lunch.  boyd was black and johnny's mother though trying to be kind, was extremely ignorant and racist.  she inquired about boyd's family but all of her questions are based on black stereotypes.  she asked if his father worked, he did.  she assumed he was a factory worker, but he was a foreman.  she questioned his mother not working, but then her son johnny pointed out that she didn't either!  her questions continued in this vein, she assumed he had many brothers and sister and that his family was poor.  she went so far as to try to send used clothes home with him.  boyd politely explained that he did not need them, johnny's mother then became upset for her refusing his charity.  thankfully, the boys saw her actions as being a bit "screwy".  there are two lesson in this story, one that we should believe stereotypes and secondly, our charity should be for the benefit of the individual, it should not be a means for the giver to the feel superior for helping others.

the other story "flower garden", was the story of a woman, mrs. winnings and the neighbor that moved into a house she loved.  mrs. winnings came from a well-to-do family that i would describe as uppity but a better term would be traditional.  at first, she was desperate to be the new neighbors' friend.  but after an incident in which winning's and the neighbor's son harassed a half-black child, their friendship diminishes.  the neighbor apologized for the her son's behavior and asked the boy to help her in his garden.  the boy's father did not allow him but he began to work in the garden.  since he was black, the neighbors began to shun the new neighbor when at first they were so kind to her.  the most disappointing was mrs. winnings, who completely abandoned the new neighbor due to tradition and the community's discrimination against blacks.  the story ended sadly with the new neighbor wanting to move.  though i guess to really understand how racism can destroy lives, lives must be destroyed.  again in this story, we see the destructive nature of conformity, especially in relation to upholding traditions of racism and discrimination.

these are the stories that i enjoyed the most.  not all of them are winners, for example, i was bored with "elizabeth"(though i know how it is to wake up one day and wonder how you ended up where you are in life, see: mid-life crisis), "the renegade", and "pillar of salt" (though i think this was to demonstrate how destructive new york can be.)

a good collection, i would pick it up for the stories that i mentioned and pass over the rest.