don't fail me now. una lamarche.

as part of penguin's first to read program, i was able to read don't fail me now by una lamarche.  here is my review for the first to know website:

Having read LaMarche's "Like No Other", I decided to spend the points to guarantee my reading of "Don't Fail Me Now."

Again, LaMarche has taken teens with different backgrounds and thrown them together to learn that you can always find common ground regardless of your differences.  "Don't Fail Me Now" told the story of Michelle Devereaux and her struggle to keep her family together.  Michelle was 17 years old, but did not enjoy the carefree life that most teens do.  Her days were not filled with parties or hanging out with friends, instead Michelle worked part-time at Taco Bell and took care of her younger siblings, Cass and Denny.  Unfortunately, their mother was a drug user and in jail and their father had left years before, thus leaving Michelle as the responsible one in their home, making sure her siblings attended school and were fed.   When we first met Michelle, she was tying to keep her siblings out of foster care and living with an aunt that was more concern with money then helping take care of her family.

As Michelle struggled to keep it together, she was thrown a curveball.  Michelle's half sister, Leah showed up with the help of her stepbrother, Tim to inform her that their estranged father, Buck, was dying.  prior to this Michelle had never met Leah, and only knew of her because of her parents arguments, when she was younger.  Though Michelle had always dreamt of meeting her sister, once she did, she wished she hadn't.  Michelle's regret at meeting her half sister was due to the fact that Leah's life was not as complicated and Michelle and her siblings' lives.  Leah's mother remarried a wealthy man and Leah did not have to the same money issues as Michelle.  There was also a difference due to race, Buck their father was White, and so was Leah's mother, but Michelle's mother was Black.  Leah lived a very privileged life in contrast to the ones of her siblings.  As much as Michelle wanted to have a relationship with her half sister, she was upset that Leah was sheltered from the issues Michelle faced.

When Tim and Leah first met Michelle, they mentioned that Buck had something of value for her. Hoping that this gift would provide her money to get her mother out of jail and pay her aunt, Michelle decided to drive cross country to California to visit Buck on his deathbed.  In an act of goodwill, she invited Leah so that she could get closure as well.  Leah's stepbrother, Tim, joined the road trip to help Leah.

The trip got off to a rocky start.  Leah and Tim were used to traveling a certain way while Michelle was on a budget, caused a division between the siblings.  However, as they travel, they work together to survive their trip.  In addition to that they learn, that tough they may differ based on race and class, they have had to face similar struggles in life.  They learn more about each other and begin to relate not only as friends, but also as sisters.  There is even a romance that blossoms between Tim and Michelle.  I have to add I had a total book crush on Tim, he was so sweet and the boy could sing.

Without giving too much away, they do make it to california, and though they lost their father, they became a family.  "Don't Fail Me Now' was an enjoyable read, demonstrating that we can't always pick our relatives, but at the end of the day, they are the ones that care and love us the most.

re jane. patricia park. (301)

i picked up re jane after seeing it in a post on book riot.  a retelling of jane eyre with a half-korean, half-white/american protagonist!  i was in!

oh and if you read my previous post, and wondering why i was am okay with this retelling and not the last novel i read, was because park did take all of her storylines directly from bronte, instead, she took the overall structure, but wrote her own book.

before i start, if you ever read my post on jane eyre, you know that i loved it, but i did have issue with rochester being the only person ever talked with so i felt bad that she had no other experiences other than him.  though i mean their love was true, i still always wondered you know.  i didn't have this issue with re jane though i was shocked at times by how sheltered jane was but while during bronte's time all women were that sheltered, park made sure her jane was aware that she was.

just like jane eyre, re jane, started off with an orphan named jane that lived with family members that treated her poorly.  jane hoping to escape her uncle, sang, went to to work as au pair for a family.  the rochester of this work was ed farley, the father of the adopted girl, jane was in charge of.  and just like jane eyre there was a wife, but while rochester's was locked away in the attic, this wife, beth, was not crazy (well not in the same way as rochester's first wife) that worked in the attic.  i have to say the fact that ed and beth were married, made me very wary of jane falling in love with ed.  whereas i gushed over rochester and jane's budding romance in jane eyre, i was really uncomfortable about ed and jane's, though it did make me hungry for heroes.  even though park set up beth as an insensitive and overbearing wife and mother, i still was upset with jane for trying to be a homewrecker.  i was grateful that park stopped ed and jane from having sex (the tip doesn't count for me), because i would not have been able to go on with the book.  as you know from other books, i don't like cheaters.  anyway, that is really where the parallels between the two books stop.

i will add that park did include nods to jane eyre, having jane address the reader as a reader and jane's first job was to be at a company named lowood.  i thought these little details were cute.

back to the story, the climax of the novel, is when jane and ed decide to finally have sex, as i mentioned before it didn't happen.  on the night that they were to meet and try it again, jane decided to go to korea to see her grandfather on his deathbed.  the day she decided to leave . . . 9/11.  so as i read, i couldn't really gage the era, i figured it was now.  however, after a mention of the twin towers and the backstreets boys and of course this, i knew.  i have to add, i feel like a lot of books have been alluding to this, which is fine, it must be mentioned especially if a work is set in new york.  however, i feel like it shouldn't be used as a device to cause a drastic change, i think jane could have left on any day and the novel would not have lost anything.

okay, so jane went to korean.  she learned more about who she is, which she needed.  she even became engaged to a guy, but thanks to her aunt and this soap opera realized that she still loved ed.  so she came clean to everyone, ed about her love, beth about their affair, and returned to nyc.  however, once back, she realized just how different she and ed really were, and yes, dear reader, they broke up.  which i actually appreciated, i mean they were at different stages in their lives and also there was so much more she needed to experience.  i mean i was fine with jane eyre ending up rochester, because i mean what else was there for a single girl to do, then to be an old maid.  luckily, though nowadays, we have so many options.  it was great to see jane end up as an independent woman!

a greater part of the novel, aside from this kind of love story and self-discovery, was race, culture and identity.  to start jane was mixed, her mother was korean and her father was america, due to this she felt like an outcast.  people spoke and thought poorly of her mother.  in addition to this, she never felt like she fully identified as a korean.  it was the same situation for the child she was in charge of, devon.  devon was a chinese girl adopted by two american parents.  at school, she felt like an outcast due to her mixed cultured background.  her mother, beth, tried to keep her immerse in chinese culture but she still was not accepted by her fellow chinese students. being mixed and being americanized culturally, i understood how both of them felt uncomfortable among people with the same racial identity as them.  there was a scene in which jane and devon got moon cakes and devon became uncomfortable because although she looked chinese, she wasn't culturally chinese and couldn't speak the language.  i used to feel the same way as a kid, i look filipino but was not raised culturally filipino and did not learn the language, so when i am around alot of filipinos i do not know, i feel uncomfortable.  like jane and hopefully devon, you reach a point where, it doesn't really matter if your own people judge you, you have to learn to be happy with who you are.

in addition to this, i have to add that at the beginning i had mentioned how jane's family was mean towards her.  in jane eyre, her family was outright abusive.  however, in re jane, it was more of a cultural difference which made the reader and jane initially believe that her uncle hated and took her for granted.  its tough because as an outsider, we tend to judge without really knowing, this is what occurred when beth and ed tried to tell jane that she didn't have to obey her uncle (ironically, ed was doing the very thing he critiqued jane's uncle of doing, being controlling).  however, we gradually begin to see that jane's uncle is not a bad guy at all, he made sacrifices for her and he always made sure that she was taken care of even when she tried to push him away.  and in the end, the reader realizes when jane does that some things were lost in translation that maybe what she took as an insult was actually him trying to help her improve or actually meant as a compliment.  in the end, it was great to see her make peace with her uncle and culture.

iggie's house. judy blume. (284)

after seeing judy blume last tuesday for her book, in the unlikely event, i decided to reread all of our books.  and since june 17, is blumes day (though i might be the only one keeping it going), i decided to check out whatever was at the library that i didn't recall reading as a kid or needed to reread because i forgot what it was about.  i decided to read them in chronological order based on publishing date.

the first then was iggie's house.  i remember owning a copy of the book as a kid but i never finished it.  i remember the cover had a white girl with a family if black kids sitting on a porch.  on this cover, in front of a home, is the sign stating "go back where you belong! we don't want your kind around here"!this cover, let me know from the beginning that it would be about racism specifically based on housing policies.  

iggie's house was told from the perspective of winnie.  her best friend, iggie just moved to tokyo, and though she was sad about this, she was excited to meet the new family that moved in.  to everyone's surprise, the new family is negro or as winnie points out they call themselves black.  i did appreciate how blume took the time to explain via winnie that people should be defined as seen fit.  when making up her petition, she noted how her teacher used "negro", mrs. landon "colored", but the garbers, called themselves black.  due to their skin tone, one neighbor, mrs. landon, tried to get them to move out.  winnie knows this is not right and as the novel unfolds winne learns that the world is not always black and white when it comes to race.

winnie was a great character in they she doesn't discriminate, and tried to make friends with the gerber regardless of their skin color.  for kids growing up in the seventies, this is an important lesson considering that the decade before blacks and whites were still segregated.  however, it was disheartening to see her parents not stand up out right for the garbers.  her father was a little more forward thinking then her mom, but no one out right said racism was wrong.  the same went for her teacher, though it is true, we shouldn't like a specific race because we pity them it just as bad as  discrimination, but i wish he would have given a less PC answer.  but i guess it just goes to show that that is how it was then, people knew racism was wrong but no one really did anything to truly stop it. so, i shouldn't be that harsh on blume for not writing a more progressive adult character.  she was probably being true to her experience.  these people grew up in segregated america, so it would be hard to teach them new tricks.

furthermore, winnie demonstrated that any social change does come via the new generation.  and had we need to

make sure to teach her children to be accepting and tolerant of everyone.

the sellout. paul beatty. (269)

i came across paul beatty's the sellout on flavorpill's list of must read books for march.  the description stated:  

One of the best books of the year so far, and one of the funniest in decades (in a laughing-to-keep-from-crying kind of way — the sharpest, most lasting humor), The Sellout is a major work from the wildly talented Beatty, the author of two books of poetry and three previous novels, including the cult classic The White Boy Shuffle. The biting satire on race in America that we need in these times, it follows a gentleman farmer nicknamed “Bonbon” with the last name of Me as he, well, reinstates slavery (with the help of the last living Little Rascal) and brings back segregation. The result gets him in front of the Supreme Court, in a case called “Me vs. The United States of America.” This is a difficult and dazzling book that, if we’re lucky, we’ll be talking about for a long time to come. 

i could just make this post that blurb and say read the book.  but i will also share my thoughts on it.  however, i really think you should read the book first, and then come back to this post.

the book also had a blurb on it's backcover from sarah silverman that was spot on as well, "the sellout is brilliant.  amazing. like demented angels wrote it."

yes, this novel is something demented angels wrote.  this book speaks honestly and truthfully about race, but in the most absurd way.  as shared in the flavorpill post, the protagonist, bonbon, brings back slavery and segregation.  bonbon was a farmer that sold pot and delicious fruit (i have to admit his watermelon sounded good!) south los angeles, in the tiny town of dickens that had been erased from the maps.   in an attempt to bring dickens back, he also brought slavery and segregation but instead of regress, dickens progressed.

when we are first introduced to bonbon he was in dc for his supreme court trial. he didn't share with us his crimes but the fact that arresting him for getting high at the lincoln memorial was pointless.  bonbon appeared to not give any fucks about what is going on, but as we will see later on, it was because he didn't really do anything wrong.  bonbon's actions were misconstrued and he is a hero instead of criminal.

bonbon had an odd childhood.  his father, though gifted with the art of n*gger whispering (calming down suicidal n*ggers), was cray.  he made bonbon the subject of numerous replications of social science experiments but with a racial twist.  for example, to test out the bystander effect", he decked out bonbon with expensive chains and electronics and then mugged him.  however, instead of people helping bonbon, they helped his father beat him.  bonbon's unorthodox upbringing made him a little off as a person but that ended up helping him change the dickens.  ultimately, bonbon's father was shot by police while trying to help a suicidal person.  this resulted in bonbon becoming the new n*gger whisperer and motivated him to reclaim dickens.

bonbon did not purposely reinstate slavery, it actually just showed up one day on his doorstep, well his front yard, in the form of hominy jenkins.  hominy was a member of the "little rascal", his role was akin to buckwheat but more racist from the description.  he was a celebrity around dickens but when the town went so did his fame, because people couldn't find him.  due to this, hominy attempted suicide but bonbon saved him and as a thank you, hominy became his slave.

however, hominy was only a slave in name.  he didn't really do any work and demanded that he be whipped on wednesday.  not wanting to whip

an old man, bonbon took him to a dominatrix!

through hominy, different race issues are examined.  for one is the tradition minstrelsy, as we all now know and recognize it is racist.  however, it is demonstrated through hominy that he was very serious and proud of his acting. and i felt that actors who played racist roles in history should not be scorn for the roles they played but celebrated for working in such a racist industry like entertainment.  i also related this to current shows like fresh off the boat and blackish, which have both received backlash for being racist.  however, i enjoy both shows and yes they do portray stereotypes but isn't television about generalizations and stereotypes?  plus the actors are asian and black and they don't have an issue with the roles they are portraying so i am not sure how this backlash happen.  also, i think to certain point these characters are relatable regardless of ethnicity.  and for the record i am not saying minstrelsy is okay but i do not think it exist in the modern world or post racial america.

another thing that hominy was the direct cause of was the segregated bus.  for his birthday, hominy wanted to give up his seat to a white person the the bus.  ironically, no white people were on the bus, so bonbon hired an actress.  in addition to that a plaque was put up that read:  

priority seating for seniors, disabled, and whites 

instead of causing an uproar, the sign actually resulted in the bus being one of the safest ones. people became

more respectful because they were reminded of how much progress needs to be made.  i can actually see this working in real life.  i never really considered myself a feminist however after reading literature on how oppressed women really are, i have become

more of a feminist.  and this is the issue with race right now in a post racial

america.  by ignoring race and racism because supposedly things are better now, america will continue to have inqualities among the races.  you can't solve a problem if most of society does not think it exists.

the segregating of the schools stemmed from the bus.  bonbon put up signs for a fake academy that catered toward white students.  this fake academy became motivation for the students of dickens to start working more since they were excluded from the academy.  students were achieving and due to this white students wanted to attend school with the blacks and latinos.  in the end, this need to desegregate the schools resulted in bonbon going on trial in front of the supreme court.

at his trial, bonbon's attorney recoded the question "what is blackness, your honor?" he explained that based on bonbon's father's theory there were different stages of blackness:

neophyte negro:  "here the black lesson exists in a state of preconsciousness. . . the neophyte is scared of his own black was." examples given:  michael jordan, colin powell, and condoleezza rice.

stage II is "capital b black":  "a heightened awareness of race." examples given:  jesse jackson, sojourner truth, and kim kardashian. (lol.  i am serious!)

stage III is "race transcendentalism", "a collective consciousness that fights oppression and seeks serenity".  examples given: rosa parks, harriet Tubman, sitting bull, cesar chavez, and ichiro suzuki

bonbon believed there needsd to be a stage IV called "unmitigated blackness" which would be "simply not giving a fuck".  examples given: clarence cooper, charlie parker, richard pryor, maya deren, sun ra, mizoguchi, frida kahlo, black-and-white godard, celine, gong li, david hammons, björk, and wu-tang clan.  (yes, i loved that my girls frida and björk got an a shout out!!)

as bonbon explained, "unmitigated blackness is coming to the realization that as fucked up and meaningless it all is, sometimes it's the nihilism that makes life worth willing."  that was deep to me.  i have often explained how faith in nothing can be actually cause one to embrace it all.  beatty summed it up perfectly.  i can't say more.  this is the lesson of this amazing work.

i would end it here on this high note, but have to do some gushing.

i have to add that in addition to having great commentary on race, it also raised interesting points about los angeles as a city, ie the trend of neighborhoods labeling themselves and how the city is segregated based on race and class.  he made the excellent point of how "you can  find korean taco trucks only in white neighborhoods." something that slapped me in the face with how true that is. god i am such white hipster trash though i am mixed race! i have to also ass that i did love that one of my favorite la landmarks, tito's tacos!!!, got a shout out.

first of all, i loved beatty's pop references.  bebe's kids, turtle from entourage, coral from the real world all got hilarious mentions.  also it's my theory that adam y____ from the trial is adam yauch from the beastie boys but i can be reading into his free tibet shirt too much.

also there was a character, foy chesire who read like he would be the love child of oprah and al sharpton.  he was rewrote classics and other beloved books for young black readers.  i felt bonbon's regret for not saving them because they were quite clever, as a book lover i loved the puns:

the perjorative-free adventures and intellectual spiritual journeys of african-american jom and his protege,

white brother huckleberry fun as they go in search of the lost black family unit 

the great blacksby

uncle tom's condo

the point guard in the rye

the dopeman cometh

me talk white one day

as you can see this book is hilarious but deep, and a definite must read!!!

  

the misadventures of awkward black girl. issa rae. (267)

my best friend, tiffany, introduced me to the webseries, the misadventures of awkward black girl.  whenever i stayed at her apt, there was always a mini marathon until we finished this season.  since there was never a follow up to the second season, awkward black girl

feel off my radar until i saw that issa rae came out with a book.  and of course, i had to check it out from the library!!! (i am hoping to purchase a copy to get signed at the festival of books.)

about 8 pages in, i texted tiffany to tell her that if issa rae went to school with us, we would totally have been BFFs with her.  the first chapter, "a/s/l", took me back to our aol days.  tiffany was the first of our friends to have a computer and internet and so she introduced christy may and i to instant messenger.  i remember going over to her house after school and chatting with random people.  there was one program that allowed you to use avatar and i remember we spent one afternoon trying to convince people we were trapped in a penguin's body (we had chosen the penguin avatar.) and like issa rae, i would go out trolling for guys to talk to.  of course, i knew the dangers of online predators and when older guys would ask about my age, i would be honest and then tell them how inappropriate it was for them to talk to

me like how when i was born there in the 5th grade or that when they graduated from high school, i was still in elementary school.  but like rae, i also did my fair share of sexting though it was online and i never masturbated while i did it, just typed back inappropriate.  though i did never catfish (or as rae explained back then we just called it lying) but did fall in love with boy once only to discover that his photo was really damon albarn from blur! i was too young to notice how professional the photos were.  but yeah, i am sure most people our age have similar stories but totally bonded with rae over this chapter.

in "fat", i totally identified with rae's body issues.  i have the same problem with food though i was never vegetarian.  i am also tempted to do that beyoncé cleanse though i know it's not healthy!  

in "leading lady", i realized just how much better we had it i. the 90s.  rae explained how television was so much more diverse with shows like the fresh prince of bel-air, living single, all-american girl, moesha, and family matters (to name a few that she listed, also i wish that netflix will bring back all-american girl.) and how reality tv ruined it all.  and how it's important for everyone to have an authentic reflection of themselves in media.  she also shared this great junot diaz quote to demonstrate her points:

seriously, the realest shit ever.

another chapter i enjoyed was "when you can't dance", in which rae had bragged about how she could dance but actually couldn't.  she studied videos (sean paul was big at the time) and then got crazy freaky at the party which covered the fact that she couldn't dance! lol.  i have good rhythm but would crazy on the dance floor for a good laugh! 

race is the focus of a handful of chapters. the topics include: how to identify different types of blacks, how to connect with blacks, and one on how to deal with hair.  i also loved reading about her decision to go bad.

rae also discussed her family.  her dad not being open and forthcoming as she would like.  she also shared about her parents divorce, how initially she blamed her mother only to discover that her father had cheated.  this caused a rife between her and her father which she and he worked through.  she also discussed family trips back to senegal, which sounded like a blast!

there was also an interesting chapter on black women and asian men dating!!  which totally reminded me of my friend tiffy.

but what makes this book great are all the little funny side comments she adds as she writes.  the same said to self comments that made awkward black girl so funny to watch.  

this book was a hilarious read and i look forward to reading and watching more from issa rae.  she has an HBO show in the works!!

bad feminist. roxane gay. (234)

i, first came across roxane gay's collection of essays, bad feminist, via flavorpill.  i didn't give it much thought but after she was all over my instagram feed (i follow a lot of bookish accounts), i decided i needed to check it out.  and i am glad i did!  this is a must read for every woman  . . . and man too.

i consider myself a feminist, i believe that women are not the weaker sex and should be treated the same as men.  women should not be restricted by the boundaries that society had deemed appropriate and acceptable for them.  i took a women studies course at ucla and did very well in it (i should have minored in women studies.) i have made it a point to read more women authors this year.  it's not a title, most people associated me with, but feminist is one that i would proud about if labeled it.  (and this is prior to bey making it cool to be a feminist.)

however, i do realize that like gay, i am a bad feminist.  and like gay, i embrace that title.  as gay shared,

i embrace the label of bad feminist because i am human.  i'm messy.  i'm not trying to be an example.  i am not trying to be perfect.  i am not trying to say i have all the answers.  i am not trying to say i'm right.  i am just trying--trying to support what i believe in, trying to do some good in the world, trying to make some noise with my writing while being myself:  a woman who loves pink and likes to get freaky and sometimes dances her ass off to music, she "knows" is terrible for women and who sometimes plays dumb with repairmen because it's easier to let them feel macho than it is to stand on the moral high ground.

this felt spot on.  i do believe in equality between sexes but love it when men open doors for me and if on a date, i do expect them to pay for dinner.  if i am carrying something heavy and with a male, i expected him to carry it for me.  it doesn't make me less of a feminist, just human.

the term bad feminist allows for these inconsistencies not only with us as humans but also feminism as a movement.   feminism, like all movements, covers a variety of concerns and issues, gay's point is that in order to be a feminist you don't need to be true to everything, but simply believe in the progression of women's rights.  she does point out that feminism is flawed with its lack of concern for women of color and homosexuals.  however, though it is flawed, gay is hopefully that her voice along with others will help create room for everyone within feminism.

before i go, i must add that as i read the intro, i felt bad about my judging of beyonce.  my dislike of beyonce came with an anthem that i should have loved, "run the world (girls)."  i felt like she was stealing other artists' thunder, the cool funky part of this song was actually major lazer and then she performed that billboard awards she totally copied another artist.  all this left a bad taste in my mouth.  then, the whole feminist thing seemed more like a marketing ploy than anything else.  i mean it was great that she sampled chimamanda nogzi adichie, because the world needed to hear that ted talk and read her novels.  i read americanah because of "flawless". however, i felt like adichie's words were being bastardized by the context beyonce put them in.  how does "my man made me feel so god damn fine, i'm flawless!" align with the discussion women not fighting for or finding worth in the attention from men.  and as my cousin kristel pointed out, doesn't "bow down bitches" go against adichie's words that women should not be in competition with one a other.  for these reasons, my dislike began to grow.  also the music video for "pretty hurts" was so self-righteous, yes i am sure beyonce struggled with her body and it not finding into the model mold, but lets get serious, she now has designers creating for her, so can she not preach about the world putting pressure on women to be pretty in her couture.  the fashion industry she shows off via her dazzling outfits is the beast that feeds these high standards of beauty.  however, gay made me realize that i was being a bad feminist for critiquing bey like this.  it is ignorant of me to expect her to be perfect, so bey, i am sorry.  also, i should be grateful that she has made it so that girls and women today are not afraid to be labelled a feminist.

just like i don't always agree with beyonce, it was the same with gay.  for the most part, i agreed with points she made however, i did reach some points where i lost interest in what she had to say.  but regardless of how i felt, i was engaged, i loved her writing style and her witty little quips made me feel like we could be friends.

the essays are divided into the following sections:  [me], [gender & sexuality], [race & entertainment], [politics, gender & race].

[me] as expected discussed gay, her work and her hobby, competitive scrabble.  yes, competitive scrabble, that essay was a hoot and gay is good!

the first essay in this section discussed her work as a professor and what she encountered as an advisor for a black students association.  she also explained how a co-workers remark about affirmative action drove her to work hard, ultimately gaining her ph.d but still worried she isn't good enough.  

the second essay, "peculiar beliefs" made the interesting point of everyone neglecting to recognize their privilege and only wanting to focus on their oppression.  though i am a person of color, a female and came from a single parent home and lived in a rural area, i was aware that i was privileged growing up.  this knowledge came via kids pointing out the material goods (aka nike shoes and guess jeans) that i had in elementary school.  we weren't rich but i was privileged for the area.  i also had a family that was very involved and cared about my education.  now i am not saying that i life the high life, but just demonstrating the fact that i never saw myself as disadvantaged.  as gay called out her readers at the end, "if you are reading this essay, you have some kind of privilege . . . if you cannot recognize your privilege, you have a lot of work to do; get started."

[gender & sexuality] cover just that.  the first essay, "how to be friends with a another woman" is a definite must read!  i wanted to copy it and share it with all of my friends, primarily to thank them for being just great friends!  just great sound advice.  i even instagramed my favorite:

the second essay "girls, girls, girls", as i was anticipating, discussed hbo's "girls" and i understand all of gay's critiques, but still think "girls" is the best,  gay's brings up the color issue which i have discussed before, but just add some food for thought because gay also discussed how women need a television show that shows women with their act together.  to which i say but that is not the point of "girls".  dunham created the show to demonstrate what life is like for twentysomethings now and i think she is spot on.  i am a thirtysomething but see my past messy self in the girls of "girls".  secondly, it's unfortunate because the lack of diversity on show is not due to dunham's racism but probably from the lack of diversity in her action life.  and i don't hate her for it, it's just a reality of life.  i have always had very diverse group of friends, but not everyone is like that.  people tend to stick to their own race, it's unfortunate but it happens.  also growing up, i never new any jewish people so a depiction of my life would exclude jewish people but it shouldn't make that work anti-semitic, it is simply a reflection of the reality that i knew.  gay recognized that it is unfair to expect "girls" to be everything to everyone and that we have put an unjust demand for it to be inclusive.  and that the real issue is that programming as a whole needs to change.  i have to add that gay mentioned "girlfriends" in his article, and how it showed women of color being responsible and having jobs.  i really need to start watching it, i hope netflix or hulu pick it up to show.

in "i was once miss america", gay plays tribute to the girls of "sweet valley high". i read part of that series but was not into like gay was into it.  and though reading the novel as a haitian girl, she was able to identify with the twins of sweet valley.  as she explained, "some experiences are universal.  a girl is a girl whether she lives in omaha or sweet valley."

in "garnish, glorious spectacles", i recognized how bad my television guilty pleasures, bravo's housewives and all of the celebreality vh1 shows, truly were, not due to it being bad television, but the horrible, female stereotypes it upheld.  gay loved these shows too, so i don't feel as bad.  but it is horrible how we watch these shows to feel better about herself and be thankful that we aren't such train wrecks.  and in the end, gay points out that perhaps we watch it because its actual a reflection of ourselves.  

in "the careless language of sexual violence", i was appalled to learn about how the new york times framed the gang-raping of an 11 year old girl as the victim's fault and sympathized with the rapist.  i'm not always up to date on current events, so this was not on my radar when it happened.  however, i did google and read the article and other posts about it.  i still can not believe that the nyt allowed for this story to be ran.  i will add that i am thankful to life in an each in which i can google a story and also see all of the critiques of it as well in a search.

another thing that i did not agree with gay, her love of the hunger games trilogy.  though her love for these works, kind of makes me want to actual finish all three books.  i read the hunger games on the advice of friends before the movies and all the hoopla around it.  i, for one, did not enjoy it.  there was a lot of living going on for something that was suppose to be a fight to the death.  i mean i get it, its a young adult novel, but i was still disappointed that it turned into some kind of weird love story.  so i saw the first movie, and actually enjoyed it more.  then just stopped caring about the hunger games.  however, now i feel like i should read it, because katniss is a good role model for girls, as gay pointed out.  so i feel like i should read them in the name of girls that rock!

i am so thankful that gay wrote "dear young ladies who love chris brown so much that they would let him beat them".  i, for one, do not understand how chris brown is still famous and how women still love him.  this article addresses my confusion.

"blurred lines, indeed" made me feel so bad.  i absolutely loved "blurred lines" when it came out.  it was my jam, i once had a dj play it for me twice in one night.  i loved the beat and it was catchy and the lyrics were funny.  however, i did not realize just how misogynistic it was, okay, maybe i did, but i still loved to dance to it.  i like the music but i i hate the message.  i know i can solve this problem by not listening to it, at the same time its just music.  though gay points out that this "lighten up" mentality does not alleviate these problems.  i guess i can just hope for a future in which misogynistic undertones in pop culture will go away because it has gone away in our culture.

gay discussed the 50 shades of gray trilogy, and all i can say, is how did women read that crap?  i mean i am glad that women were reading, but seriously there was nothing sexy about a controlling man.  controlling in the bedroom, if you are into bdsm life style yes.  but controlling as in buying the company you work for and wanting to know where you are all the time, is just frightening and women should not tolerate it just because the sex is good.  i have never read it, and now i never will.   i will add, this essay discussed how prince charming is just an illusion and that women need to understand that they can not change men and if a man is not treating you as he should be, you need to get out of that relationship.

on last note about this section, in it gay discussed in pieces, how she was a victim of sexual violence as a young girl.  at the risk of sounding insensitive or using the wrong words, just wanted to share that i appreciate her allowing the reader into such a private matter.  her writing on it felt therapeutic though i can't speak for her.  i will add that she did create an environment in which her readers that are victims of sexual violence can feel comfort in knowing that they are not alone. 

[race & entertainment], this collection of essays, is where i disagreed with gay the most.  primarily, because i see movies as entertainment and though it is insensitive of me, just felt like sometimes you have to take movies just as an escape then rather analyze everything.  and i know that movies influence how we frame the world and also reflect how we frame the world, but i felt she was being too critical in this section,

[politics, gender & race].  her article "when twitter does what journalism can't" gay demonstrated the power of twitter.  again i am bad with the current events, but so i learned about senator wendy davis' filibuster the next day.  however, gay learned of it via twitter thanks to one activist that live tweeted the filibuster.  gay also explained that the larger networks did not cover it, but there was a livefeed via youtube, where she was able to watch it.  it is shocking how much of our news gets shared via twitter and facebook.  i have mentioned before in post that i always get my celebrity death news via twitter.  oh and just wanted to add kudos to senator davis for being an amazing woman!!!

"the inalienable rights of women" is another must read for women.  it was one that got my blood boiling because of the little control, we women have over our bodies.  and i think what is even more frustrating that there is so much discussion about birth control, yet men can just walk down to the corner store and pick up condoms whenever they want.  where is the regulation of that?!?!?  it was so upsetting to read about some states requiring women to get ultrasounds before receiving an abortion.  virginia went so far as to require transvaginal ultrasounds.  i have discussed it before, i have never been in a position in which i needed to decide whether or not i wanted an abortion.  however, i can not imagine being in that position and not only having to struggle with my making the right decision for myself but then having the government add in their ignorant two cents.  at the end of the day, it is my body and i need to make the decision that is best for me.  women need to be allowed to chose for themselves without the government interfering.  furthermore, i do agree with gay that if the government does continue to limit women's right in regards to abortions, women will go underground to take care of the situation as they have throughout history.

these are just some highlights from the essays.  gay covered a variety of issues and gave me a lot of food for thought.  this was an excellent read not only for giving voice to issues that are often ignored but for simply encouraging the reader to question the world we live in.  this novel doesn't have all the answers or solve the problems we face as society, instead it adds dialogue to ongoing discussions of gender, race, sexuality, politics, in hopes that the world will improve.     

fresh off the boat. eddie huang. (196)

i remember seeing fresh off the boat at barnes and noble when it first came out, but didn't considered reading it.  with that cover it seemed like something i should look into but i didn't give it much thought after that initial sighting.  

i then saw a trailer for the new abc series based on it.  here, watch it on youtube.

after seeing his mom's hair struggles,  i decided to check it out.

if you thought that trailer was hilarious, you have no idea what you are in with this book.  fresh off the boat is beyond amazing and definitely in my top 3 books i have read this year.  if i hadn't read americanah this year fresh off the boat would probably be number 1.  eddie huang is also my new celebrity chef obsession.  i could kick myself for not picking this book up when i first saw it.  if i had, i would have gone to baohaus on my last nyc trip, boo to me!

i feel like a loser and am not as hip as i think i am because i hadn't heard of eddie huang or baohaus prior to my reading of this book.  i have no idea how he was not on my radar.  he also has a shown on vice, fresh off the boat, (which the book and now abc series evolved from) which are his random, food-related adventures around cities.  eddie is like a younger, chinese, hip hop version of bourdain.  my facebook friend, che, told my friend danny about the vice show.  i looked it up and of course watched the episode with roy choi.  it was hilarious yet deep, i will definitely play catch up on that series.

back to the memoir.  to start fresh off the boat made me hungry.  the memoir opened with a story about soup dumplings and eddie's ability at a young age to recognize that the ones he and his family had were bad because of the cheap soy sauce the restaurants used.  and of course, all i could think about was how i wanted soup dumplings (but some legit ones, i need to have my friend joann take me!!)  the memoir covered chinese/tawianese  food; what is mother makes and from a trip to taipei he took when he was in high school.  he discussed staples like minced pork, tomato and eggs, and beef noodle, all of which made me hungry!!!!  to the point where i googled minced pork to see where i could get some (sadly i was in delano and the closest was bakersfield, i had to settle for the chinese food place we have in town, thankfully i didn't have to go with panda express.)  but yeah minced pork is on my to-eat list, if anyone has a place to recommend, let me know. 

the book has some great food-related stories.  i especially enjoyed the story, eddie shared of returning to a dan-dan mian cart with his father.  his father was part of a gang in taiwan.  he learned from the owner that though his father was a hoodlum, he was very moral (this was exemplified when eddie was punished for stealing).  eddie discovered that his father looked out for this cart owner and the owner did the same for him, and one day saved his father's life.  

another story, i enjoyed was the story of eddie on the food network's ultimate recipe showdown.  i need to look for it online.  he sadly didn't win because reality tv is a joke, but he was the best, everyone off set agreed so.  i loved how he came up with his recipe while stoned. actually the meat he cooked reminded me of something my grandpa used to make called red meat. and i love the irony of guy fieri encouraging eddie to not give up cooking.

it was great to read about how baohaus got started up.  again i could have kicked myself for not being in the know.  i mean i should have been more serious about moving to nyc back in 09, i could have found one of his craiglist listing.  oh well.  but definitely happy he found success and i can't wait to try baohaus on my next trip.

the book wasn't all food.  with a title like fresh off the boat, culture and race were discussed.  i enjoyed learning about his family history, especially his parents backstory.  his mother being the loudmouth and always speaking her mind and his dad's gang background.  though it was cruel, i have to admit that i thought his parents' put-downs of eddie and his brothers were hilarious.  it's wrong to laugh and their comments were borderline verbal abuse but they were funny and honest.  i mean i admired his parents for keeping it real but the physical abuse did go to far.  i understand why people spank their kids but his dad did border abuse, and like eddie i am glad that the police went to their home to at least lessen the beatings they got.  though eddie was bad and deserved some of them (i know its horrible to say a kid deserved an ass-whooping but sometimes they do.)

what shocked me the most about this memoir was eddie's compete honesty about all the trouble he got into growing up.  he put everything out there.  i mean i was a nerdy kid and so i was shocked to read about all he did.  he reminded me of my friend larry, i always said if we knew each other in high school we wouldn't have been friends, i was too much of a goodie two shoes.  but like eddie, my friend larry, got his shit together and became a better adult as should happen in life.  your younger years are for fucking around.

i was also shocked by how intelligent eddie is.  the guy went to law school!  his intelligence is demonstrated best when he discussed the racism he encountered in life.  from the kids in elementary school making fun of his lunches, up until his boss at the newspaper making a comment about his face.  i especially enjoyed learning about his teachers and professors gave him the tools he needed to be able to question the society and  recognize the racism that he was encountering.   his theories on race and stereotypes were well-written, articulate and revealed many truths.  it was refreshing because it was not something i was expecting.

fresh off the boat, not only schooled me on race but pop culture as well.  eddie is very much into hip-hop, and his memoir is filled with lyrics and thankfully footnotes for the unhip like me.  he is also into

sports, so i enjoyed those analogies as well.  it was also an eye opener for me in terms of sneakerheads and street culture.  i had to google to see what shoes he was talking about but they were very cool.  i also enjoyed the lesson on polo, i looked up the sweatshirt that he referenced.  it was a great lesson that subculture for me.  oh and it was definitely cool that he made those obama shirts!  i wish i knew about them cos i would have copped one.

as you can see this book covered a variety of topics:  food, race, culture, hip hop, sports, etc.  i mean it was highly entertaining and informative.  eddie huang is an amazing person, he is more than just a chef or fun tv personality.  he has a depth that i would not have expected.  i admire him immensely and can't wait until i get to eat baohaus!  and if you are going to read a book this year, make it this one.  you will laugh, you might cry, you'll have an ah-ha moment about racism in america and learn some hip hop lyrics as well.  oh and you will definitely get hungry!  lol

when you reach me. rebecca stead. (190)

*sorry this picture is blurry.  i didn't realize how blurry it was until i return it.  but it makes it feel alittle otherwordly which is perfect for this novel, so it works.

i picked up when you reach me because it is a newbery medal winner.  i also enjoyed the cover art.  i had no idea what the book was about, but that made for a better read.  (so if you haven't read it, stop here, seriously everything will spoil this book for you!)

when you reach me is the story of a girl, miranda, and the letters about her life she had to write due to secret notes she has received.  the letters are from a stranger and are suppose to help save her friend.  a series of random things happen to her prior to the notes appearing. first, her best friend sal stopped talking to her.  this happened after an even stranger event, a boy just randomly walked up to sal, as he and miranda were walking home, and punched him in the stomach.  a crazy homeless man appeared on her street corner, talking to himself, and doing high kicks. the kids are kept in at lunchtime at school, because a naked man is seen running around down the street.  all of these things seemed really odd, but they all come together in the end.  (i have to admit i missed the foreshadowing of the naked man, i just assumed it was random little anecdote.)

in the end it is discovered that all of these weird events and the notes have to do with time travel!

before i go on, i have to share that what i loved most about this book was the inclusion of madeline l'engle 's a wrinkle in time.  a wrinkle in time is miranda's favorite book in the story.  she carried it around and is constantly rereading it.  it is due to this book that marcus and miranda first discuss time travel.  marcus pointed out that there was an error in the book.  if meg and charles wallace had returned 5 minutes before everything had occured wouldn't they have seen themselves land in the garden before they left?  this is true.  marcus was right.  and future marcus was right because he time-traveled back to safe sal!

i won't go into detail about what occurred but in short, future marcus saved sal.  and stead did an excellent job of tying everything together. as i mentioned before, i had no idea the naked man in the street was due to the time travelling.  i loved how everything came full circle, though i was sadden by future marcus' fate but he was an old man and ready for it.

when you reach me had additional storylines.  miranda's mom was picked to go on $20,000 pyramid and part of the novel was her preparation for the show.  since miranda and sal are no longer friends, she became friends with colin and annamarie.  the three of them get jobs at a sandwich shop.  and of course, like any adolescent story, there is always some kind of drama between friends, which occurs between miranda, annamaire and annamarie's ex-best friend, julia.  these additional stories not only added to the story but also distracted from the time travel plot as well.  well played, stead.

the thing that i found interesting, was the issue of race and class and the prejudices that a reader reads with.  i am not sure if this was stead's intent or if i am just super racist.  i mean the latter is true, so that is probably the case.  i was confronted with my racism when jimmy called julia swiss miss, in reference to the hot chocolate, though miranda meant it about her trips to switzerland.  up until then i had not realized that julia was black.  i had assumed since she was rich that she was white.  here is where class became an issue as well.  (class was addressed directly with miranda comparing her home and life to that of annamarie's who is wealthier).  i know how horrible of me, but i mean the girl talked about going to switzerland, isn't that where white people go on a vacay (okay, i am racist, sorry). i then realized i was being extremely racist as i read.  i believe miranda or her mom was described as white, though now i am second guessing everything.  since she was white, i assumed that sal was white.  i also assumed that the boys that caused trouble on the corner was black as was the crazy man on the corner.  also i assumed marcus was black too since he punched sal.  however, race was not mentioned for anyone else except julia, oh and richard (miranda's mom's boyfriend being german).  well explicitly anyway, i just read on a website that it was implied that jimmy was asian but that went over my head. i am embarrassed that i could be so horrible with stereotypes but i am.  again well played, stead for having the read confront the prejudices they have about race so directly though it was presented subtlety.  

overall, when you reach me was a great book and very worthy of it's newbery medal.  if you haven't read it you should.  it has also inspired me to reread a wrinkle in time, which is perfect because the graphic novel version has been sitting on my bookshelf since january.    

native speaker. chang-rae lee. (177)

i picked up native son because gary shteyngart praised it i. his memoir, little failure.  chang-rae lee was shteyngart mentor and helped shteyngart get his book deal.  i also decided to check it out because lee's latest book, on such a full sea, has been receiving a lot of press and good reviews.  i figured i should read his first novel before reading his latest.

i must admit, i was a little bit weary at first.  there is no denying that lee is a great writer.  i read the book with such ease, yet the book covered very complex issues about culture, language, love, family.  the ease with which i read is a testament to lee's skillfulness as a writer.  it was deep without being too heavy.  this novel was well-written, but given it's emphasis on language and communication, it had to be.

what made weary was henry's occupation in the book; henry was a spy.  i understand henry's occupation was a device to help is examine his korean upbringing.  his culture provided him with the tools to be an ideal spy, but a spy story was not something i was expecting or could see myself invested in.  i did enjoy reading about henry's experience with dr. luzan because we were allowed an intimate view of henry.  however, i was not up for all of the double talk that came with his interactions with his co-workers and having to be suspicious of everyone.  furthermore, i was not interested in henry's assignment being politician, john kwang.  i am not one for politics, everyone involved is always corrupt, right?  in the end, i did become invested in this story line, i mean, there was a bombing, those korean clubs were you can rent women to be your companion (which i have been told of but never experienced), an affair and a drunk driving accident.  utilizing kwang as a mirror by which henry was able to reevaulate his father was interesting and allowed for henry and the reader a better understanding of henry's father and the korean culture.  it also allowed us to examine how immigrants struggle to maintain their culture while trying to manage in a new country.

what made this novel for me was the story of henry's marriage.  i think native speaker would have been a better novel if this story line was the main focus.  i think lee could have utilized lelia's upbringing and "americaness" more as a foil to henry's father, resulting in the downplay of kwang and that storyline.

the novel opened with a list of labels and descriptions created by lelia, about and for henry.  it was malicious but allowed for henry to reflect on how cold and distant a person he had became in his marriage.  from henry, we learn how they met and fell in love.  we also discovered the great tragedy they suffered which caused the distance between them.   their son mitt died in a freak accident, he suffocated being at the bottom of a dog pile of boys at his birthday party.  henry being the silent type does not seem to the suffer the same as lelia.  communication of their feelings is what lelia needed for comfort but due to his culture, henry was unable to provide her with that.  i must admit that i was sadden by the story he shared after mitt's death in which lelia created a little house out of sticks and rocks which he destroyed.  henry destroying the house seemed like a show he put on for lelia to prove he was suffering, as opposed to being able to have an open conversation with his wife.  thankfully, they were able to work through their communication problems and get back together.

before i go on i must say that i, like lelia, was disappointed by henry never knowing the woman that raised him.  i understand that both were acting in accordance with the standards set by korean culture but i can not imagine being raised by someone and not even knowing his/her name.  henry was not to blame in this situation because he went by the rules established in his home and by korean society.  also the woman did not want to be known.  this was demonstrated by the woman's resistance to lelia's attempts to get to know that her that she did not want to be none.  i, just like lelia (i am assuming this was cause for her reaction to the situation), imagined myself in her situation, to be alone in a strange country, not knowing the language or anyone, and having to raise someone's else child.  i don't know if i could survive it, but then again i do not have the same sense of duty that she did.

native speaker is an excellent account of the experience of second generation immigrants in america.  though i am fourth generation on my mother's side, lee's work allowed me a look into a different aspect of the american experience.   i was able to see the alienation of being second generation, not wanting to live according to the culture of your parents in attempt to become "american" yet not being full accepted by american society.  as edward james olmos' character "abraham" in "selena" (so maybe it was actually selena's dad) summed up this paradox best with his line "we have to be more mexican than the mexicans and more american than the americans, all that the same time!  it's exhausting!"  i am sure lee would agree with his sentiment since we saw henry struggle with this problem.  for example, henry explained how he was placed in a class to help him learn english as a child yet as an adult he is embarrassed when he mispronounced korean words.  being an immigrant to america is a challenge due to this but being second generation is even more challenging because you of the duality that comes with it, you have to be able to both your ethnic identity and american.  i guess in that sense using the hyphenation as idenfication ie korean-american, really is the best label because individuals truly are both.

another issue that is brought up within this book is multiculturalism.  race relations was a major issue for kwang's political agenda.  in the novel, korean stores are the center of the race issue, korean owners and black customers not getting along, peruvian and latino employees wanting better working conditions, jewish customers feeling entitled.  with so much diversity, how can a city like new york every be an all encompassing community especially since each ethnic group has their own set of demands for the city.  furthermore, each group blamed the other for the issues that existed.  the hate crimes in the novel (though lee never employed this term) demonstrated that perhaps the best solution was for each ethnic group to remain their own separate community.  in the end, it is demonstrated that celebrating cultural diversity is a means to a better future.  henry started to help lelia with her work as a speech therapist, she taught english as second language classes.  in these classes, henry recognized the beauty of diversity by observing the students.  he saw that by celebrating our difference instead of ignoring them, there could be peace and better race relations.

 native speaker is important novel in terms of sharing the experience of second generation immigrants, i just wish that a spy story was utilized to share it.  a good book and i look forward to reading on such a full sea.

jazz age josephine. jonah winter. illustrations: marjorie priceman.

josephine baker's autobiography has been on my to read list ever since i i read about her in sandra cisneros' caramelo.  introduced her into my life.  i wikipedia'd her and discovered she was more than just a songbird in a banana skirt!  baker was a civil rights activist, worked as a spy, and she was the original angelina jolie adopting kids from all over the world!  (i know so exciting!  i need to pick up her autobiography!)

so when i saw jazz age josephine in the scholastic book order form from my friend jess' class, i had to order it!  i mean it was only $4!  and what a wonderful investment.

this is a great children's book about a great woman!  to start its written like a jazz song with repetition and rhyme.  which makes it an entertaining read.  but what makes it special is how honest it depicts the life of josephine baker.

this story isn't sugarcoated.  josephine's life started out rough.  she grew up poor (the rhymes about her poverty could be lyrics for the supremes' love child) but her granny inspired her with dreams of a better life and being a princess.  the book presents her desire to avoid being depressed by her improverish life, she would act silly and dance.

it is then explained that josephine ran away to escape whites that burned down the black section of new orleans and joined a travelin' show.  josephine ended up in nyc, sleeping on a park bench.  a show director took pity on her and casted her in a show.  however, josephine was doing blackface and she decided "it was an insult to her race".  i thought it was great that the book mentioned how the racism of minstrel show, minstrels are a big part of america's social history and is often neglected when discussing racism in america.

josephine then escapes to paris and becomes famous and successful.  of course her cheetah, "chiquita" as mentioned too.

the story ended a bittersweet note, josephine wished that racism didn't drive her away from her home but happy that she became a jazz princess!

and of course their illustrations were spectacular as well.  here were some of my favorites:

this is a great book and if you have kids check it out for them because she is a great heroine not only for women but for black-americans.  this book ended up being my first black history month book, though as my friend juliana said, we should read books about important black-americans all year around just not in february.  but what an amazing woman, i can't wait to read her bio!

americanah. chimamanda ngozi adichie. (166)

i know its only 13 days into the new year but this might be my favorite read of 2014!

so i came across chimamanda ngozi adichie's americanah on flavorwire's list of best books of 2013

i am not a fan of beyoncé but decided to check it out.  i mean it is interesting that an author was sampled even if the artist sampling was beyoncé.  plus i like to be informed on pop culture matters though i may not always be a fan of who is making the news.   

i have to add i hadn't seen adichie's TED talk prior to reading the novel (i actually just watched it right now in the middle of writing this post.  it is amazing, and you should watch it too.  well after you finish reading my post, i will add a link at the end.)

so i can not stop singing the praises of this book!!!  since i have finished it, i have told at least 5 people to read americanah.  heck 40 pages into it, i was trying to convince people to

pick it up!   and its a pretty thick book, 477 but i fell easily into it and the story moves quickly.  

i enjoyed this book immensely because it worked on so many levels.  on the surface, it is a love story.  ifemelu and obinze fell in love as teens at school.  ifemelu moved to america for school, had a dramatizing incident and stopped all contact with obinze.  meanwhile, obinze moved to england to start his own life.  in the end, they both end up back in lagos, but you have to read to find out what happens.

but on another level is a discussion on race in america.  and flavorpill was on pointe when it explained how race and politics are addressed "without feeling too weighty."  race is addressed via ifemelu's blog called Raceteenth or Various Observations About American Blacks (Those Formerly Known as Negroes) by a Non-American Black.  in her blog ifemelu discussed things she encountered in life while exposing the existence of race and discrimination in america that believes it is colorblind and equal.  her posted discussed topics like natural hair, having a white partner, and classism being a cover for actual racism. the book also addressed obama and his run for presidency, ifemelu not only volunteers to help his campaign but also blogs about the obamas, michelle being a role model for dark-skinned black women and barack's mixed ethnicity. 

through her characters, adichie exposed the gray matter that dwells within all of us when it comes to race.  for example, i don't know how it happen, maybe it's because i am a mutt but i forget that i am not a white american.  there is a quiz that ifemelu posted on her blog that identified

me as a privilege white but i am not.  i recognize that my family is very americanized and maybe that is the cause for my lack of cultural identity.  my grandparents and parents grew up in the era which immigrants wanted to assimilated. they denied their heritage in an attempt to be accepted by american society.  this denial is exemplified by the fact that my mom, aunts and uncles speak only english.  and though i did grow up during the push for multiculturalism, i think it more of an learning of different cultures versus being empowered by your own.  though i can not pinpoint how exactly it has come to be but i do identify more with the white american experience than with that of filipinos or mexicans.

in addition to this, though i may be accepting of all races and cultures, i am still racism.  i do stereotypes individuals based on their race and make racist comments as jokes.  my racism may not be overt but it does exist.  

i don't have the answer to the race problem in america.  i am not sure if anyone does but it is important to at least talk about race.  and that is what i enjoyed most about americanah, adichie wrote a beautiful love story between two individuals while adding a discussion of races that was thought-provoking without being too preachy.

anyway, pick up this book!  seriously a great read!!!  oh and check out adichie's

TED talk too!

ps i have to add i did not like beyoncé's sampling of adichie's talk.  i mean it seemed like a cool concept but then i heard "flawless" and was like really b?  you took adichie's beautiful talk about being a feminist and empowering you girls and juxtaposition with lyrics that contradict what was being said.  the talk addresses the fact that women should not be in competition yet the following part is all about about her posting aroubd being flawless.  also the bow down bitches part seemed too aggressive?  i mean it seemed to reinforce this idea of the angry and aggressive feminist which the talk was trying to dispel as a myth.  i don't know it seemed like a misusing of the talk to me. 

the bluest eye. toni morrison. (143)

in honor of banned books week, i decided to read "the bluest eye" by toni morrison.  it has been in the news recently because an alabama senator wanted it banned from schools because of its content, rape and incest.  some

claim the ban is a protest against common core, the new system schools are adapting to standardized education in the US.  regardless of the reason, i decided to read "the bluest eye" and see for myself.

and yes, there is rape and incest in the book.  there is also sex.  but if that is all one takes from the novel, then s/he completely missed the message and point of "the bluest eye".  in fact, by focusing only upon the rape and incest of pecola, s/he commits the same transgression that all the characters of "the bluest eye" are guilty of, making pecola a scapegoat by projecting their insecurities and self-hate upon her.

there was the physical act of pecola being raped by her father in the novel but to label it pornographic as school districts do (which i think says a lot more about administrations then students if they are aroused by it) is wrong.  the rape, and i am by no means justifying pecola's father's actions, was not one of lust but rather an extreme example of how individuals disenfranchised based on race often abuse their own race to feel empowered.  pecola's father, cholly, was "raped" by white men as a young man.  during his first time having sex, cholly and his partner were discovered by two men who had him finish while they watched. his raping of pecola was revenge for what those men did to him versus wanting to be with his daughter.  again, i am not trying to pardon on cholly, just giving the context for which the incestual rape occurred.  i want to illustrated that if the rape is contextualized for students, which it should be since it is a school lesson, then students would not see it as pornography.  furthermore, it is allows a honest discussion about sex for young adults, sex is not just an act of love or lust, it can also be abused as an exertion of control and power.  and to not go completely off based but high school kids are at the age of having sex, so reading this should not come as a complete shock to them.  they also see worse in movies or hear worse in hip hop and pop songs.  as i mentioned in my persepolis post, the topic of sex for education purposes should be find, the real issue is the topic of sex as entertainment, that is what the senator should be concerned with.

back to the novel, the bluest eye was a truly sad story.  i felt bad for pecola because all she wanted was to be love and yet the world just caused her suffering.  but as toni morrison wrote in the afterward, she did not want to "lead readers into the comfort of pitying her [but] rather than into an interrogation of themselves for the smashing."  as readers, of course we will sympathize with pecola, but morrison wanted us to stop being the forces that destroyed pecola.  as i mentioned before, pecola, being poor, black, and a female, inferior in terms of class, race and sex, she was labelled "ugly" and became a scapegoat for the characters.  instead of dealing with their own insecurities, the characters projected everything they hated about themselves upon this little girl.  but where does this self hate come from?  in the afterward, morrison explained that this was the reason for her writing the bluest eye.

its difficult because it is so ingrained into american culture but the standard of beauty is based on whiteness.  to be white is to be beautiful.  i would considered myself an intelligent and self confident woman, proud of my ethnicity but i still am ruled by this standard of white beauty because it was installed before i was so self-aware.  growing up i played with white barbies and white dolls, i watched white characters on tv and read about what characters in books, as a kid you don't really thing much of it but subconciously it has its effects.  i mean those we know me, know i hate getting too dark of a tan, it happens to me every summer, and goes away every winter, but i still try to prevent myself from becoming too dark.  i know its silly but am ruled by this need to stay light.

i think the best example of this subconscious need to be white is that as a person of mixed race often forget that i am not white.  for example, when i am out with my friends, i am always extremely critical of asian hipsters, especially foodie asian hipsters, and guess what . . . if you asked the average person to described me, s/he would say a foodie asian hipsters.  i mean my friends would too but never to my face. (hipster in my opinion is a misnomer.)   where does this hate for foodie asian hipsters come from?  i think it had to do with my thinking i am a unique individual and then having to be confronted with the fact that i actually am a stereotype, i do fit into the box that society wants to label me.  but i do take pictures of what i eat, and shop at urban outfitters and hold up peace signs in pictures.  it horrible to realize that you are stereotypical but better to accept yourself then trying to avoid a label.  

this denial of nature to avoid labeling was best exemplified by geraldine, the mother of the demonic little boy who blamed pecola for killing the cat.  in the section about geraldine, there is a discussion about colored folks versus n****** (prior to reading this always thought chris rock was clever for his blacks versus n*****, but looks like morrison beat him to the punch(line)). geraldine is so determined to not be labelled a n*****, that she denied the essence that makes her black, she denies who she is.  her denial and self-loathing, is then exploded upon pecola, someone she wrongly viewed by her eyes as a n*****.  if geraldine accepted herself and not tried to live up to society's standards, she would not have wasted so negative energy on hating her own race.

another example of this race on race hate  stemmed by a white standard of beauty was the children making fun of pecola for being black.  the irony is that all of the kids were black and yet they singled her out as being the "blackest".  as morrison explained that it was the worse insult because one does not have control over their skin color.  she went on to explain, "it was their own contempt for their blackness that gave the first insult its teeth."  to be told you are worthless or ugly because of your skin color, something you have no control over, fills a person with self-hate.  since you have no control over the matter and you are denial about yourself loathing, you focus on someone like you and project your feelings on them.  unfortunately, it results in you hating your own race/ethnicity.

i wish i could say that we have professed in terms of accepting all races and ethnicities as beauty however we haven't.  we see beautiful people of all ethnicities and races in our media today but they are still treated as an exception versus the rule.  i wish i could say that hopefully times will change but i am pretty sure it won't.  i mean i am aware of the unacceptance of racial beauty yet i still promote it.  it is going to take alot to change the definition of beauty.  so it's important that we don't banned books like the the bluest eye to based on its mislabeling as pornographic and connection to unpopular educational systems.